Ask Harriet: Hypnotized!

[Alana]

"Don't worry about it, Sylvia."

"Listen, if Ron shows up I don't want him here. He's banned from the set. Understand? I don't want him around. He's dead to me."

"Oh, Sylvia! Are you and Ron still fighting? I hate to see that. No one is ever so rich they can afford to throw away a friend. The one thing you can't get is new old friends."

"Well, you are my newest friend, Melissa, and I treasure your friendship more than any other, and that includes my friendship with Ron."

"Oh, thank you, Sylvia! I'm so glad I met you! I bless the day you first came in my office looking for work. You've really been an inspiration to me, and to all women."

"Oh, come here, Melissa!" He took Melissa into his arms for a hug.

The hypnotized Sylvia had no idea that he was hugging the woman who had fired him, and that he'd only ever started wearing dresses and high heels in the first place to get back at her.

"OK now, break it up you two," said Johnny the photographer. "Much as I like to see a little girl on girl action, we have an ad to shoot. Sylvia, I need you over here on the couch. Take the newspaper and pose on the couch, and try and find a really sexy pose."

"What did you have in mind?" asked Sylvia in a flirty way.

"Oh, I would never think of trying to tell you what's sexy," he said. "Surprise me."

So Sylvia posed with his legs in the air, displaying the newspaper with the ad.

Melissa said, "If that doesn't get their attention, their attention can't be had."
   

[Alana]

After the photographer had enough photos, he approached Sylvia, who was sitting on the couch adjusting his skirt.

"There are some days I like my job more than others," he said. "Today was a very good day. You're a knockout, Sylvia, you know that? You're beautiful."

"Why thank you!" said Sylvia. "You're not so bad yourself!"
   

[Alana]

"Listen, I know you've probably got a boyfriend and there's no point in asking you this, but all this talk of restaurants has made me hungry. I don't suppose---"

"Don't say another word, Johnny! I'd love to go out with you! You're a dreamboat!"
   

[Alana]

"Wow! That was easy. Thanks for making it so easy, Sylvia. I was nervous, there."

"Well, I always feel so sorry for you men, having to make to make the first move and ask for the date, AND having to pay! When it comes to romance it seems like you men just have to do everything. I always try to make it easy for you if I can."

"Does that mean you're going to pay, too?"

"I'm not making it THAT easy."

"Can if pick you up tonight at seven?"

"Better make it tomorrow night. Tonight is girl's game night. I'm not missing that."

After exchanging information they said goodbye at the door, with a little more flirting involved, and as soon as Johnny was gone, Melissa said in a little sing-song voice, "Sylvia got a boyfriend! Sylvia's got a boyfriend!"

"Oh, Melissa! You!"
   

[Alana]

"I'm glad to see you're finally not being so choosy. At last you're saying yes to a date. You know, I think it was having the fight with Ron that made you actually open up to some of the romantic possibilities out there. You just had all these unresolved feelings for Ron, you didn't know if you two were friends or lovers. Finally you're getting it straightened out. Listen, we wouldn't mind if you'd cancelled on us tonight."

"Cancel girl's game night just for a date! I would never do that to my girlfriends. Besides, you don't want to look too desperate. Listen, if there some place around here I can change? I don't want to wear a coc-ktail dress during the day."

Melissa directed him to a dressing room, where he changed into a grey skirt and velvet top he'd brought.

The rest of the day at the office Ron kept trying to get his attention, and Sylvia very disdainfully ignored him. Ron would call out Sylvia's name, and Sylvia didn't respond and walked away with his nose in the air. But it always seemed to Ron that it was always a very sexy walk, just to taunt Ron with what he couldn't have.

That evening he arrived at Melissa's apartment for game night wearing his velvet top and grey skirt. Along with Melissa, there was Janet and Joplin from work.

Melissa said, "Sylvia, I keep telling you, you don't have to wear a tight skirt and heels for game night! Wear something comfortable, like we are."

"I'm more comfortable in a skirt," said Sylvia. "There are already enough things that men get to do that we don't. Why should we give up one of the few things we get to do that men don't?"

"Sylvia, there aren't men here for you to impress," said Melissa. "This is a man-free zone. Just us girls."

"Oh, please! Like any man is going to be turned on by this outfit just because I wear a skirt! There are all these levels of sexiness, you know, and if most of my dresses are up here, this outfit is way down here."
   

[Alana]

Melissa said, "OK, fine, you've convinced us, Sylvia. You're ugly. You're hideously ugly and no man would ever be turned on by you."

He said to Joplin, "I'm lucky to have a friend like her. Let's sit down, girls. I'm wearing heels."

They sat on the couch, but Sylvia never took his heels off. The games were on the coffee table in front of them.

"Speaking of picking out an outfit," said Melissa, "Sylvia's got a boyfriend! Sylvia's got a boyfriend!"

"Melissa, I have one date! We're not picking out curtains just yet!"

"You'd better call and tell me all about it, Sylvia, no matter how late it is! If you don't call as soon as you get home, you're not much of a friend!"

"IF I get home!" said Sylvia with a little bit of mischief in his eyes.
   

[Alana]

Joplin asked who the guy was, and Sylvia said it was Johnny, the photographer who shot the print ad.

Joplin said, "Oh, I've seen him. He's cute! What are you wearing on your date, Sylvia?"

"Oh, I thought I'd go shopping tomorrow, if that's OK with you, boss. I need something girly to wear. I don't have enough girly dresses. I saw a beautiful floral chiffon dress in the window that I'm dying to try on."

Melissa said, "Oh come on, you don't want to wear something girly your first date. Wear something sexy. Wear that black leather miniskirt of yours."

"Are you sure? I don't want to scare him away on the first date."

"He fell in love with you when you were in that sexy black coc-ktail dress. If that doesn't scare him, nothing will."

Joplin said, "She should wear that blue silk dress she wore to the charity do. I love that dress!"

"But I just wore it yesterday!"

"So? He doesn't know. He didn't see you."

"But what if I run into someone I know? Oh, poor Sylvia, she only has one dress."

Melissa said, "You should wear that black lace top you have, Sylvia. That'll knock his eyes out."

Sylvia, not having any idea that he was a man, happily spent over an hour talking about his tops, skirt, and dresses, not only the ones he wore but the ones he had his eye on, and the ones he looking all over for, and what looked good on him and what didn't, and whether blue was his color or red was his color. Then one of them mentioned make-up, so they started talking about that. Then they started talking about their cycles. Then they started talking about guys.

Sylvia said, "Listen, if you ever want to date Ron, it's OK with me, Melissa. He'd dead to me."

"Oh, Sylvia, I hate to hear you talk that way! You should patch things up with Ron. If he wants to be just friends with you, you should respect that! You're so beautiful, I know you're used to getting any man you want, but sometimes even you have to let one get away."

"Oh, Melissa! I'm not---I'm not really that beautiful, you know."

"Yeah, I know you have to say that so we won't hate you. But---come on!"

The girls laughed, and Sylvia laughed, too.

Melissa yawned and asked, "What time is it?"

Joplin looked at a clock and said it was one in the morning.

"Oh crap!" said Melissa. "Pardon my French. I can't believe this happened again! How long have we been talking? And we never got to one game! This is the eighth time in a row! Why do we keep doing this? Don't ever tell anyone about this, girls, especially not a man. This is just the thing men would make fun of me for."

"Oh, the hell with them!" said Sylvia. "Why should we be ashamed of talking, just because men don't do it? Can you imagine four women sitting around watching a football game and none of them saying anything? If we want to get together and talk, we will get together and talk, and screw what any man thinks of it! We will not be defined by them!"

Joplin said, "Maybe we should stop calling it game night."

"We can call it whatever we want," said Sylvia.

So game night broke up and they all went their separate ways. Sylvia went home to his apartment. He sat and crossed his legs, and a contented smile came over his face as he thought of the night. He loved getting together with the girls, without any men around to get in the way.