Ask Harriet: Hypnotized!

[Alana]

"Darling!" said Ron in surprise.

"I really think it's time we rethought the whole 'just friends' thing."

And Sylvia gave Ron a smile so luscious and beautiful that Ron could've kissed him right there, if only Sylvia was an actual woman.
   

[Alana]

"Sylvia, please---"

"I am angry about what you said to me, but I realize now it was just your own strange way of flirting. And I really do think there's a chance I might feel the same way you do."
   

[Alana]

"Sylvia, let's not talk about this now."

Sylvia gave Ron a seriously romantic look, and said, "One kiss? Just to see?"
   

[Alana]

Ron was so shocked he couldn't say anything. Sylvia puckered up and came closer.
   

[Alana]

"Sylvia, we are friends! Just friends! That's it! I'm not interested in you that way!"

Dumbfounded, Sylvia stared at Ron and said, "Ron, women who look like me don't get rejected by men who look like you. And men who look like you don't get to reject women who look like me. That's not how the world works! What did I ever do to you, for you to treat me this way? It makes no sense!"
   

[Alana]

"Please don't get hysterical, Sylvia."

"Oh, leave me alone! If you don't want me, I don't want you!"

He strode away as fast as his high heels could take him. Ron followed him out of the building.

"Where are you going?" asked Ron.

"Back to the Dispatch. I have some work to do. Leave me alone."

Ron grabbed him by the arm, and almost lost his grip because of the silky dress Sylvia was wearing.

"Let me go!"

"I just want to tell you, tonight, when you take off your girdle you might see something you weren't expecting to see. I want you to promise you'll call me if that happens. Me and no one else."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Now let me go!"

Sylvia shook him off and headed into the New York Dispatch building. Ron treated himself to the sight of him walking into the lobby. Ron knew he should be a gentleman and help Sylvia with the door, but he enjoyed seeing Sylvia struggle with the door in his sexy, tight dress. Ron didn't know which was more attractive, his pretty legs in nylons or his cute little butt in that clingy dress. It was one of those times, and there were many, when Ron just couldn't believe there was a man in that dress.
   

[Alana]

"Well, the rest of the world thinks he's a woman, and now he does, too. Maybe I'm the one who's crazy."

If Sylvia were to make the discovery tonight that he's a man, hopefully it would all be over then. If not, Ron would just have to make sure that Sylvia's secret wasn't discovered. Sylvia had had electrolysis a long time ago, so shaving wouldn't be a problem, but Ron would have to be sure that Sylvia didn't take off his dress and lingerie and pantyhose in front of anyone else. It would be the end of Sylvia Coco's lucrative career if it got out that he's a man. Perhaps his readers might forgive him, though that was doubtful, but Old Man Russell would not be happy about being so attracted to someone who turned out to be a man. He would fire Sylvia, and probably sue him as well.

Ron took out his cell phone and called up Valerie, Jack Cody's ex-wife, to ask if she'd take custody of Blair, Jack's daughter, for the next two days. Valerie knew all about Jack's secret identity.

"Jack just has something he needs to do for the next two days."

"And I take it he'll be wearing pantyhose when he does it."

"Watch what you're saying, Valerie! Blair might hear you."

"Oh, don't worry about Blair. She's spending the night at a friend's place. Can't you talk Jack out of wearing dresses, Ron? You're the one who talked him into it. This not a healthy lifestyle."

"But he looks so beautiful as a woman!"

"Not healthy, Ron. Not healthy. I can't believe this is the same guy who wouldn't hold on to my purse for five minutes at the mall. And now he has one of his own. What the hell happened to him?"

"He's making too much money to quit, Valerie. Successful women don't quit."

"Even if they're men?"

"You can think of it as having an ex-husband who's secretly a superhero!"

"Swell. Except instead of fighting crime he's fighting to keep his slip from showing. Yeah, that's exactly the same."

"Please just tell me you'll take custody of Blair for two days."

"Why can't he ask me himself? What's he doing?"

"He'll tell you later."

"Oh come on, Ron! What possible secrets could he still have from me at this point? I know he wears dresses, for crying out loud!"

"Please. It's only two days, Valerie. He might even be done early."

"Oh, all right, but I'm stretched pretty thin right now, Ron. A friend is getting married, and we've just had a bridesmaid cancel at the last minute. But I guess Blair can stay with me, if it's only a few days. I don't know why I ever thought Jack would become more reliable, just because he wears lipstick and pantyhose now. I swear, I don't know why I ever married that woman!"

Valerie rang off, and Ron went home to his apartment.

When Sylvia got home that evening, he took off his dress and stepped out of his high heels, and when he took off his girdle, pantyhose, and panties he didn't see anything male. He saw only what his mind told him to see.

The next day Sylvia showed up in his tight little black coc-ktail dress for the print ad. It was on a set meant to look like a living room. Melissa was there, and Johnny the photographer was just setting up. The ad was supposed to be for a restaurant somewhere in Midtown.

Sylvia asked, "So what's the name of this joint we're plugging?"

"The Joint," said Melissa.

"Yeah, what's the name of the joint we're plugging in this ad?"

"The joint is called 'The Joint'," said Melissa, handing a prop menu to Sylvia.

"Oh, 'The Joint'! I see. Sorry for being dense. I can be such a silly girl, sometimes!"