Never Marry a Hypnotist

[Alana]

But then he came to those idiots having their barbecue. They hooted and laughed, calling him names. But instead of going right up to them and curtseying, he just ignored them! Wouldn't even look in their direction!
   

[Alana]

My naughty little husband! My contrary husband in his cute little blue gingham dress wouldn't do what I told him to! I nearly put him over my knee right then and there, but I had a better punishment in store.

"You stop right there!"

We were past the guys having their barbecue, but we could still hear them.

"Please, Mommy! I just couldn't! They were so mean to me!"

"Be quiet, Peter."

He blinked a few times, then looked at me quizzically. He looked down at his pretty blue dress, then all around him.

"What am I doing outside in a dress?" he asked.

"Why not? It's a nice day. We have to turn around and go back now."

In a panic, he looked in the direction of the barbecue. He could still hear them. He looked all around. There was no other way out of the trailer park than the way we came.

"You can't make me walk past them looking like this! Please, Estella! They might even attack me!"

"You should've thought of that before you married a hypnotist. And then cheated on her."

"I promise I'll never cheat on you again! Please, turn me back into a little girl!"

"You want to be a little girl?"

"I don't want to remember this."

"Tough. Turn around and start walking, Peter. They'll love you in your pretty little dress."

He walked as fast as he could in his high heels, which wasn't very fast. Walking much more like a man this time, he went past the barbecue as they laughed and jeered and called him names. I laughed harder than any of them to see it!

He shot an annoyed look in my direction.
   

[Alana]

The jeering got worse as he got closer. He looked down at his pretty dress, as though just realizing for the first time he was wearing it. Oh, the delicious, exquisite look of humiliation in his eyes!
   

[Alana]

As soon as we got back home I turned him back into Prissy. We had some dinner, and I said he could watch TV before bedtime.

Sunday morning we got up and had breakfast. Prissy kept bothering me about wanting to wear his pretty pink satin dress, but I told him no. He was naughty on Saturday, when he wouldn't curtsey to those men at the barbecue, so I told him he couldn't wear pink today. I made him put on his blue gingham Swiss Miss dress. We did some more housework and had lunch, and I told him he could watch TV in the afternoon.

I just loved watching him sitting there in his girly dress, his pretty legs in white stockings. He caught my eye and smiled at me. Having a daughter was so much fun!
   

[Alana]

In the evening we had dinner. He was looking worried and disturbed about something.

"Mommy, can I ask you a question? Are you really my Mommy? Am I really a little girl?"

I just about spat out my milk when he said that!

"Prissy, how can you ask a question like that! Of course you're a little girl! Look at yourself, honey! You have long hair, and you wear dresses! How could you be anything but Mommy's little girl?"

"But I'm bigger than you are! And I'm so much bigger than all the little girls I see on television. They all go to school! Why don't I go to school, Mommy?"

"There are good answers to all these questions, Prissy, and I'll explain it to you when you're older. Help me clear the table, and we're going to go say hello to those men having their barbecue."

"Not again, Mommy!"

"Yes, again, and you're going to do what I say this time. You're going to smile at them and you're going to curtsey. And you're going to skip, this time. I want you to skip up to them. If you don't I'll take that brand new dress you love so much and throw it in the trash!"

"No! Mommy!"

"Don't cry and carry on so. I'm your Mommy and you have to do what I say. Help me with the dishes and let's get going."

We loaded up the dish washer and turned it on. I took a last look at pretty Prissy to make sure he looked perfect, and we left.

They always have their barbecue until late in the evening on a Sunday. I made Prissy skip right up to them, which wasn't easy for him to do in high heels. They all started laughing as soon as they saw him, but he presented himself to them and smiled and dropped them the sweetest little curtsey I've ever seen him do. It was darling!
   

[Alana]

He looked back at me to see if he was doing it right, but I was laughing too hard to pay attention.
   

[Alana]

Oddly enough, the guys stopped laughing. They smiled appreciatively, and one of them even applauded and cheered. I wasn't sure I liked this new tolerant attitude of theirs. I wanted them to go back to jeering and name-calling, but it seems my husband looked so sweet in his pretty little dress, he won them over.

"Let's go home."

"Did you see that, Mommy. They liked me!"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Let's go home."

I dragged my husband home by the elbow. I was in a bad mood.

Monday evening my husband got home late, about 8:30. No gun this time. I had already eaten, and I figured if he was so intent on arriving home late, he could just go without supper.

I turned him into Prissy immediately, and as usual he started bothering me about wearing his adorable pink satin dress. I was mad at him for getting home late, but he had been a good girl the day before, and I suppose it wasn't fair to blame Prissy for what Peter had done. So I let him put on his favorite pink dress.

Seeing how happy he was in that pretty dress put me in a better mood. He can really be the most darling little girl when he wants to be!