I Won't Take Off My Dress!

[Alana]

I was wearing my blue dress with the white polka dots, staring at myself in the mirror and crying my eyes out. It wasn't fair.

Not just that I'm not a woman and I can't go to work in a dress like women do every day, but that I had to pack up all my dresses in boxes and put them away in storage for the whole summer. My son was coming to visit. I had custody of him for the summer. But he'd never seen me in a dress. Not even once. He didn't even know I loved to wear dresses.

That was the deal. That was what my ex-wife insisted on. If he ever found out, she'd take away custody.

"I should do it," I sobbed. "I should do it."

[Alana]

But was I really willing to give up custody altogether, if it came to that? Nick was seventeen. This was our last summer before he went off to University. Mostly we just argued all summer. He's my son and I love him, but I can love him much better at a distance.

In a few years he'd be an adult, and custody wouldn't be an issue any more.

"I won't take off my dress," I said.

I was startled by my own voice. It was one of those life-altering decisions, and I'd like to imagine I could hear an audience cheering somewhere. I said it again, just to make sure I meant it.

"I won't take off my dress."

What's more, I wasn't going to pack them up in boxes and hide them away, even if it meant I'd lose custody of my son.

So on Saturday, there I was in my purple dress, the first dress my son would ever see me in. I was upstairs in my bedroom, touching up my make-up, when I heard the doorbell. It was them.

And somewhere on the stairs I lost my nerve completely. By the time I got to the door I was so scared, I locked it and ran back upstairs. I knew my ex-wife had a key. I started unzipping my dress as I heard her letting herself in.

"Chris? What the hell's with locking the door?" she asked.

I heard them both coming upstairs. No escape. Maybe if I'd locked myself in the bathroom, but it was too late, now. So I zipped up my dress and prepared to meet my fate.

"Hello, son," I said.

[Alana]

He stared at me open-mouthed. His eyes narrowed.

My ex-wife said, "Chris! We had an agreement!"

"Crissy. Please."

"What the hell is this?" asked my son.

"Just your dad's stupid little hobby. OK, Chris, you've made your point, you've done the big bloody revelation, now take that off."

"I won't take off my dress."

"Look, you can't just dress like a woman every second your son is at home."

"This is my house. I'm an adult, I work for a living, and I'll wear whatever dress I want whether Nick's here or not."

"Wait a minute," said Nick. "I always knew there was more to the divorce, but no one would tell me anything. I thought dad was messing around with some other woman."

"He is the other woman."

I sat down, tucking my skirt under my bum, and crossed my legs.

"Dad, you're not going around in a dress all the time, I don't care what you say. How am I supposed to have anyone over with you looking like that?�

"I'm not stopping you from having anyone over."

"I can't have everyone finding out my dad's a poof!"

"I'm not a poof."

"That's what they're going to think! You take off that dress or I'm running away from home!"

"You'll starve to death. I won't take off my dress."

"Mum, don't leave me here with him! With that!"

"You know I already booked my trip."

"Cancel it!"

"I can't. Chris, I'll be back next Saturday, and I'm taking Nick with me. Don't try to stop me."

"If that's what he wants, fine."

"Son, I was going to stay and help you unpack, but I can't stay here another minute. Get your dad to help you, if he's not too busy doing his nails."

"My nails are done," I said, showing her.

[Alana]

"I'll do it myself!" he said, storming off to his room.

My son barely spoke to me the rest of the day. The next day we were getting ready for church. I wore a dark blue business suit with a red tie. We always went to Church of England.

"So, I guess you can stand to dress like a bloke when you're going to church, then?"

"Yes," I said.

"And I guess you don't wear a dress to work."

"No. I don't."

"Maybe I should email everyone at work pictures of you in all your pretty dresses. I'm sure you've got pictures here somewhere."

"You do what you want, son, but don't think you can blackmail me."

At church I was constantly afraid he was telling someone about me. Every time I saw him talking to someone his own age I was sure it was about me. But as far as I know, he didn't tell anyone.

Once we got home, he asked for the car keys and said he'd eat dinner someplace in town. I turned them over and gave him some money.

"So I suppose when I get back, you'll be Crissy, huh?"

I nodded.

I stripped out of my business suit as fast as I could and put on my adorable little blue dress, all covered in butterflies. I transformed myself into Crissy.

I like to go out in my backyard as Crissy sometimes, which was my pathetic way of being bold. I'd never been off my property in a dress in my entire life.

It was raining, so I took an umbrella. I hadn't been out there very long when I heard Nick coming back.

"Dad!" he called. I ran up the steps, just to keep in practice running in high heels, in case I ever needed to.

[Alana]

I was a little shocked and frightened to see that he had his friend Joey with him, whom I'd met before. I tried to cover myself up, as though such a thing was possible. For a second I contemplated running upstairs.

Well, this was what you wanted, Crissy. The big reveal. So how are you going to handle it?

Trying to be mature and casual about it, I stood in the kitchen as though I wasn't so nervous I could've had a stroke.

[Alana]

"Hello, Joey. I'm sure you're a little bit confused, seeing me in this dress. You see, some men---"

"Wow," he said.

That was unexpected.

"What do you mean, wow?"

"You're incredibly beautiful. You're stunning."

I waited. I didn't know if he was making fun of me or not.

"Thank you."

"What's the matter with you!" said my son.

I went into the next room and sat down. I thought they were done with me, but Joey followed.

I modestly tugged at my skirt.

[Alana]

"Mrs. M., you have the most beautiful legs I've ever seen in my life."

He smiled. He had a beautiful smile. Joey was muscular and good looking. He could've had any girl he wanted. I couldn't believe he was serious, but there was a look in his eyes that just could not be ignored. An intense look of desire.

"Crissy, please. Call me Crissy."

"Will you come on!" said Nick. He pulled him into the bedroom to play Xbox.

I couldn't help eavesdropping on their conversation a little.

"What's the idea! You were supposed to be making fun of him!"

"Who said that? You never said anything about that."

"Why were you saying all that stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"About legs and all that."

"What are you, blind? She's gorgeous! You know how I love sexy legs."

"She? There's no 'she', you wazzock! That's my dad!"

I left them alone. I don't know what they said after that.

Several hours later, Joey took his leave. His way of saying goodbye was to take my hand in both of his, and say, "Crissy, you look so adorable and sexy in that cute little dress!"

"Thank you, Joey. I love wearing it. It's one of my favourite dresses."

"With legs like that I can see why."

"Thanks. You are so sweet!"

From Nick I heard a strange little snort of exasperation. Strange in that it didn't sound like anything I'd ever heard before. From anyone.

The next day I came home from work, taking off my tie and stripping out of my business suit as soon as I came through the door. I could hear Nick and Joey in his bedroom, playing Xbox.

I went right to my bedroom and undressed. I transformed myself into Crissy and looked in my closet for a cute dress to wear.

Joey said he was a legman. Maybe I should slip into another of my short and sexy dresses for him. He'd like that. But no, I was drawn to one of my favourite pretty, girly dresses, a purple floral dress with a full skirt, not so great for showing off my legs but lovely for twirling. I always felt wonderful in it.

As I was putting on my dress, I thought, what am I doing? I'm not gay. Why am I getting all excited picking out a dress, dressing up for a man, not even a man, a boy? Wondering how he'll like me in this dress? Imagining that look in his eyes when he sees me?

It was just a little innocent flirting. It didn't have to lead to anything. I wasn't playing with fire. And there was the bonus of pissing off my son, which I really felt like doing right at the moment.

I made my entrance in my pretty dress and said, "Do you boys need anything? Is there anything I can do for you?"