I Won't Take Off My Dress!

[Alana]

"I'm helping you."

"Helping me what?"

"Helping you change your dress.”

"Joey, just because I wear dresses, that doesn't mean I'm completely helpless. I got into this dress without your help, and I can certainly take it off without your help."

"It'll be more fun my way."

We went into my bedroom together. He was carrying his little gift for me, and he put it down on the bed. He took out his iPhone. I stood facing him.

"I won't take off my dress," I said. "Not with you in the room. You need to wait outside."

[Alana]

I thought he'd give me an argument, but he left reluctantly, smiling at me all the way.

Dancing in a pretty dress was definitely something I'd fantasized about, and of course there was only one dress I'd imagined myself in, dancing the night away in a ballroom. My purple floral dress with the full skirt. Too bad he'd already seen me in it, but that couldn't be helped.

As I wriggled out of my tight dress, I had time to wonder, what in the world was I getting myself into here, besides my purple dress. What would happen if people found out? Was I really doing anything seriously wrong?

I had no time to come up with an answer. Maybe it was excessive modesty, but I didn't want Joey to see me in just my bra and pants, and he wouldn't wait outside much longer. I got into my dress and put on some different jewelry. Then I called him in.

He came in, smiling. He walked right up to me.

"I was hoping it was that dress. Kiss me."

"Don't say that, Joey. I'm not gay."

"Me neither. Give us a snog."

I stepped back.

"If you're not going to behave, I'm taking this dress off right now. I mean, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, if you can't behave you can just leave."

He had me all flustered.

"I'll behave." He set up his iPhone on the bedside table, and touched the screen. It started playing some romantic dance music.

He took me into his arms. He didn't need any lessons. That was just a ruse. He danced perfectly, just like he did everything else. He swept me around the room, my full skirt flowing and swirling about my legs. I was the one who needed lessons. Trying to dance backwards, I tripped several times. It wasn't exactly as good as my fantasies, but it was still wonderful to be held so close as we moved about the room. I felt like a waif in his muscular arms. Another little shiver of excitement went through me.

When the music ended, he had to spoil it by trying to kiss me. He lunged in for a kiss, I backed out of his reach, tripped and fell on the floor.

I looked up at him, embarrassed.

"Ouch," I said, holding my leg.

[Alana]

"Are you OK?"

"Only my pride. Oh, sorry, that's supposed to be, are you hurt? Only my pride. I guess I can't do anything right today. Help me up."

"I thought you weren't helpless."

"I'm not. I'm just afraid if I get up by myself I might ruin my tights."

"Do you know what they call those in America? Pantyhose. Saw it on the telly."

"Well, we're not in America just now, so help me up before I ladder my tights."

"I can't. You're too cute sitting there. Let me give you your gift."

I should've been angry, but he looked so sweet, standing there, looking at me with a big smile on his face.

He gave me the gift, and it was what I'd guessed. A single long-stemmed rose.

I can't tell you how touched I was by this lovely sentimental little gift. It felt so wonderful to be the prize for a change instead of the contestant. To be the treasure to be sought instead of being the one seeking it. I took the rose from him, and I hoped he saw how happy it made me. And I hoped he couldn't see up my skirt as I sat there awkwardly on the floor.

"Thank you," I said.

[Alana]

Joey took his iPhone and held it up to take a picture.

"Don't---don't take my picture," I said. But I didn't say it very forcefully.

[Alana]

"Nick called me a wanker. He was absolutely bang on. And this photo should help me out tonight. With that.”

"Joey, that is just way too much information. If you're not going to help me, I'll get up on my own."

Joey held out one hand, and pulled me to my feet.

"Joey, this has really been fun, but I've got a lot of work to do."

"Do you want me to go?"

"I don't know if I do want you to go. But I think you probably should. You shouldn't have tried to kiss me."

"Are you going to put your other dress back on?"

"I don't know. Do you think I should?"

"Yes, and I think you should let me help you. Why bother unzipping yourself when I'm here to do it? And don’t tell me any more about not being gay. What’s so gay about helping a beautiful woman take off her dress?”

I smiled, and he smiled even more.

"You are so sweet," I said, "and so sleazy! I think you'd better go."

I didn't walk him all the way out, but I watched him leave from the bottom of the staircase.

He smiled at me and said, "Tuesdays and Thursdays?"

"Tuesdays and Thursdays."

So he'd be back. I should buy a new dress. Something short and tight and sexy. Something he'd like to see me in.

Wednesday evening I went shopping for a new dress on the way home from work. Some men my age can shop for women's clothes without embarrassment, maybe because they're buying them for a wife or a mistress who's a size six. But when you're buying a size fourteen, the salesgirl looks at you and smirks. People have said to me, "Nobody cares!" Well, maybe they don't care, but they smirk and they make jokes, and sometimes the jokes can hurt.

I bought a cute little fuchsia lace dress that I was sure Joey would love to see me in. I wished I could've tried it on before I bought it. I wished I had the courage to just slip on a pretty dress and transform myself into Crissy, and come to a dress store and shop like any other woman.

When I got home, I thought Joey might be there, and I was terribly anxious that he might see me dressed as a man. I would be more embarrassed for him to see me dressed as a man than for someone else to see me dressed as a woman. But when I went inside, Joey wasn't there.

I thought I'd save my cute little lace dress for the next day. I'm usually a dress gal, but I do have a sexy little miniskirt that I thought Joey would love. I put it on, and wore a light blue top. I transformed myself into Crissy.

Nick was outside, calling for me.

"Let me have the car keys, you bloody pervert," he said.

I went outside and leaned against the front of the car.

"You talk to me like that one more time, you can forget about driving this car ever again!”

[Alana]

"Get back inside! Someone's going to see you!"

"I don't care if they do."

"Oh, well then, why not go for a walk around the block in your little miniskirt?"

I'd never been off my property in a dress or a skirt, and he was calling my bluff. I didn't respond. He reached in his pocket and took out a note.

"Oh, before I forget, Joey gave me this to give to you. Why he couldn't just call you I don't know. Suddenly we're a Jane Austen novel."

The note read:

Dear Crissy,

Sorry I can't see you today. Wednesday nights are time for a regular slap up feast at the house, followed by family game night. I'll try to get out of it, in fact I've been trying to get out of it for most of my life, but I don't say much for my chances.

I'll miss you, but I'll see you tomorrow.

Joey

Nick said, “Dad, I know I’m just a kid and you’re a grown-up woman and all that, but you’ve got to able to see what a bad idea this thing is. It’s bad enough you can’t keep out of a dress, but flirting with Joey is just crazy. Maybe you think you’re just kidding around, but Joey isn’t.”

“I thought you said he wasn’t serious.”

“I was wrong. Please, stop leading him on. Where do you think this can possibly go, anyway?”

“Don’t teach your grandmother how to suc-k eggs, young man. I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re insane. They should lock you up.”

I gave my son the car keys, just to get rid of him. I was sad the rest of the night. Every time I looked at my legs in that skimpy little skirt, I imagined Joey touching them.

I thought of notes I might write to Joey. First was the responsible one.

Dear Joey,

You should stop coming over to see me. This is absurd. I'm not gay and you're not gay. I'm not a woman, and even if I were, you're underage. I've enjoyed our time together, but this has to end.

I'm sorry.

Crissy.

Then there was the other note.

Dear Joey,

When you take me into your arms you make me feel like the woman I know I am inside. Please come take me into your arms again. I'll do anything you want me to do, because I love you and I know you love me. Life's too short to worry what others think.

I'll be waiting.

Crissy.

I threw myself on my bed, grabbing my pillow like a teenage girl. Would it really be that big a deal to kiss him? No, I couldn't. I wasn't gay, and there have to be some lines you just won't cross.

The next day I was so nervous I could barely get any work done. I had unlocked the door, and when I heard the knock, I called, "It's open."

I ran to the couch and threw myself on it and posed. I acted like I was just waking up from a nap.

"Oh, hello," I said.

[Alana]

He saw me and smiled.

"Wow," he said. "You are so sexy."

"Just taking a little nap."

I reached out a hand to him, and he pulled me to my feet. He took me into his arms and tried to kiss me. I wriggled out of his grasp and straightened my dress.

He said, "Don't be that way. You can't wear that dress and be so beautiful and not let me kiss you. You can't torture me that way."

"Now, you know I'm a man, Joey."

"Really? You don't look like a man."

"That's true."

"You don't dress like a man."

"That's also true."

He came closer and said, "You don't smell like a man."

"Brand new perfume. Would you like a glass of wine? I'm sure it would be all right."

"I only drink lager."

"Of course. A big macho boy like you would only drink lager."

I poured myself some wine and sat on the couch.

"The best thing about this dress, if I spill wine on it, no one could ever tell."

"Your legs are so beautiful," he said.

“You say that a lot.”

“And you love it!”

“Well, I would like to think I have other assets.”

“I might praise your lips,” he said, “only I haven’t sampled them, yet.”

“And you won’t! I’m not letting you ruin my lipstick! This stuff is expensive!”