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Author Topic: Promises, Obligations and Consequences  (Read 152666 times)

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teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #98 on: May 01, 2008, 02:59:51 PM »
As she pushed past Mrs. Agap...a quick glance was cast...eyes meeting...but for a moment...the silent exchange of concerns...between mothers...didn't go unnoticed by my sister.  Mom never said a word...her eyes said it all.



The sound of her two inch heels...on hardwood floors...could be heard...growing fainter as they left her room...growing louder as they approached mine.  They're hollow echoes bounced through the hallway...flat sandaled Christina followed close behind...leaving Mrs. Agap standing motionless with a dreadfully worried look on her face.



Mom stopped short of entering my room ...hell...I knew she wasn't gonna ask permission...no...no rhetorical questions....not this time...and no...I wouldn't blame her for just barging in...honestly...I wouldn't.



The pink bath towel clenched in my mouth and draped back over my head can't hide the side of my face...my profile...shrieked girl.  Not only figuratively but literally!  I grasp it tighter...two pink fingernailed colored fists clenching and pressing it as hard as I can to my lips...it only serves to soften my crying to her ears.  All other concerns are set aside:  hers as well as my own.



The three within me vie for my attention.



They are unrelenting....noisy....stridently...and ear splittingly adamant that I listen to them.  I half joke to them..."Take a number...wait in line...don't butt it!"  For a moment they are silent.  I hear  them giggle together...and gleefully their chorus taunts me.



"We know some things that you don't know.  We know some things that you don't know"



I pull the towel from between my teeth and   try to pull it closer to my eyes and sob as I whimper my reply.



"What....what some things...don't I know?"....while at the same moment...Mrs. Agap comes to stand between Mom and Christina....she's got a box seat.  The party dress has pulled up and is now at my knees.  Christina watches and thinks "my" dress is up too high.



"Christine...I don't care if the dress has hiked up my legs.  Why should I???  I'm already made as a girl by Mrs. Agap.  I've proved my point.  Geez...some victory - huh?"  All appear to listen closely.



"I know what your all looking at.  Here I am...on my knees...rocking forward...and...back...forward and back."  No one speaks...it's still my turn onstage.



The bright shaft of sunlight which daily visits my room now peaks thru my window.  Tiny particles of suspended matter dance throughout its length.  At its journeys end, lands, to me.



I murmer..."Look...I'm in the spotlight."  Reflections from the rhinestones on "my" two inch sandals are now moving dots of opaque colors; which are thrown out to dance upon the walls of my room.



I lower my head and turn it to the doorway...towel still clutched to my eyes.  I begin again.  "I have the newest built in surround sound system going....the newest?...hell...it's the only one as far as I know that comes with complete "sensor - round" screen....but no controls...no personal vision required...courtesy of Christina.  Gotta give credit where credit is due.



"And yes Mom, to answer the other question you asked of Christina...she only has to touch me...sometimes...to...to... do whatever she wants.  "With but a touch of your hand!" they're your words!  I can see whatever she does, feel the same as she does, and even smell what she does.  And again....yes... she can even make me do stuff.  And...and...you know what stuff?



"Now YOU remember.  When I was still a little boy...what a joke...I'm still called "little one"...crap...even Andromache called me that!  And so did my...sorry Christine...our Angel.



"Remember?  You'd see me running around the house in Christine's panties.  You'd ask me why?  I'd always tell you the truth...that I really didn't know why or how but that I thought Christine made me...remember?...all you ever did was to wash my mouth out with soap "for telling lies."  When that wouldn't work you'd spank my butt and have me stand in the corner for an hour with the panties down to my ankles.  The last time.. the last time I did it...you took Dad's belt and raised some wicked blisters on my ass.   That was the very last time...Christine promised me she wouldn't do that to me anymore.



"Tell her Christina...you promised that I could tell on you...and that you wouldn't get angry with me.  I caught the crap that she dished out cause you thought I looked "cute."  And yea I know you felt bad, no actually, really...dreadful...about watching her go to town on me...but I never tattled on you.  That was part of our promises to each other.



Christine looks to Mom and nods ...just mouthing the words "Yes. Mom...its true...I..."



I won' let her finish, "No Christine...please don't...as far as you and me...I'm over that shit now.  Don't dig up any more bad memories...please...I couldn't stand to feel you cry again...no...especially not right now.


teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #99 on: May 05, 2008, 01:58:14 PM »
I pull  the towel from my eyes...as Mrs. Agap places a hand upon my sisters shoulder;  she's talking on her phone.  To her...we're "perceived"...we are "indeed identical twins...but  where is the little boy?"



Just great...she's missed my one good line...I'm not "made" at all...not yet.  I know it's gonna get a lot more embarrassing.



Aside:  "I must be a glutton for punishment...or maybe as Christina said "a little too noble?"  Whatever the hell that means."  I keep chatting.



"The show must go on."



"But now...now it's grown to be more...a lot more...'cause now all she has to do is touch someone...and then...and then.... I know what they're thinking or had just thought about.



"It's more than just stopping the world and taking a walk around and b.s'n with all the living statues.



"Damn it...now I can even pick up smells...you know...aromas...don't make much of a difference:  from her I get the fragrances...flowers, perfumes, powders, and even smoke - stuff like that.  But now...even my nightmares have become more...more...ohh crap!...what's the word..."



Aside:  "OH...thanks Elias."



I resume..."Enhanced."  Not only do I see 'em...it's more like...like...well I know I'm really there...but with all the more real details of sight, impressions, more sounds, the real smells...and...all of my...I mean...their feelings...all of it...nothing left out....it's all there...and...and it's a lot scarier than when they all first started."



I snicker, "Ha..."Real time daylight videos and aroma's furnished at no extra charge:  Christina A. Markison...Director of Personnel.  Special nighttime effects, illustrations and graphics:  by C. H. M....An In House Production.  All rights reserved."



Mrs. Agap is wondering "what the hell is going on?"  I look directly at Melinda's mom..."Get Smart," Mrs. Agap....missed it by that much!"  (my left hand points towards my crotch as I hold thumb to first finger of my right)..."if you weren't talking on the damn phone you'd have a clue!"  



Elias whispers to me..."That's a bit cheeky."



I voice my reply.  "I don't care Elias.  She should have turned the damned thing off!"



I twist my head to Mother.



"Damn it all Mom....Christine honestly thought I looked good enough to "fit in"...and I knew she wasn't yanking me on...I could tell...and you...even you Mom....said....and I quote..."I had no idea"...and you even thought I looked...no....that's not right...you didn't  think it...you said so...out loud...I was  "no sarcasm...genuinely pretty!"



"But I need to know...if you said I was "pretty"....with "no sarcasm"....why the f'k did you blister my tail before?  What's so different now?  God Mom....look at me.  This is more than just some stupid ass panties.  I'm still me...ain't I.  Well, O.K....maybe not....they're more of me right now than meets the eye."



Aside:  "I....but...but...shouldn't I know....wh...why...if...if I ...can read their thoughts...why in hell can't I know the answer...when you held my knee...just a couple of minutes ago?



Mrs. Agap is just beginning to realize she's missed some important crap...really hasn't a clue of how much...she's still listening to someone else on her phone.  Missed the opening scene.



Christina watches as she (Agap) turns her head to see my Dad, her daughter Melinda and some other lady walking up the stairs.  The right hand on my sister's shoulder tightens to a grip...her slightly accented thoughts are louder....oh crap...I read her full name and...and...why she is really here!



Christine at the same time can't  help but look at Mom.  Moms pretty well ripped.  Yet composed enough to move ever so cautiously to stand beside me... off to my left...she shakes her head...side to side...I see the tears falling from her cheeks...her lips tighten and curl inward...as she wrings her hands.  Her image strikes me not only as strange but somehow as...no...not her....I turn my head back to where Mom stands...I need to see her myself...as the puzzlement on my face grows...her lips relax...and a wry smile crosses her face.  I've seen that look before.



My head is spinning...too many thoughts to keep track of...way to many ...and now the pain in my crotch begins to throb in my mind as well.



There are no heads in the way to block the view.  The three latecomers stand behind the front row.  Melinda takes her place behind my sister to the right...but immediately turns her head away...there's something different about her.



The raven haired woman...who calls herself "Aeron D." ... greets her mother with both a shake of hands and a brief kiss to the right cheek...whispers her "thanks for the calls" to Mrs. Agap.  As she does her eyes  first move to me ... then to Thor's feather which rests upon my pillow.  She takes her mark to the right of Melinda and directly behind her mom.  Dad is to the far left..his face is flushed, eyes are red and trickle slowly with tears.



I understand what Mrs. Agap has been going on about...the phone calls were to this woman...who calls herself the "Sachem of the Northern Tribes."  Melinda's mom breaks her thoughts continously in another language as she whispers to the one called Aeron.  



"Such a sweet thing...poor child..."koritsaki mu" (my cute little girl)" least that's what I'm getting out of it).  "Gia ti kles? (why do you cry?)"  I feel her pity me and my tears as she continues.  "Looks just like her sister.  "Duo polli ormorphi koritstakia (two very beautiful little girls).   I must congratulate Julie.  "Alla then skevro"...(but I don't know) where the little boy is.



Aside:  "Damn Elias...now?  "Nobilis?"  I shake my head.  O.K.  but it's in Latin...sure...you translate......"Nobilis...a transitive verb."  I interrupt..."what the hell does some kind of  trany something have to do with this?  O.K.  so I'm not as smart about some things like you are...K..so go ahead...talk.  



Elias:  "Nobilis...a transitive verb.  it means to perceive directly the importance of knowing oneself or to recognize as being the same as previously known...that's us...but a lot more."



"Are you finished?"



"For now."



"I'm gonna need to get an interpreter pretty soon."



Mrs. Agap finally lifts her hand from my sister's shoulder.  I figure before she can get another word in...I'm gonna cut her off...and I'm not gonna be nice...figure..." if I'm dressed like a bitch ... may as well act like one!"    



The chorus is not pleased.  "NO" three times they refrain.



I guess they're tight....I agree to remain silent on this and "yeild the moment to Mother.  She shall address your puzzlement"...the chorus of three again refrains...We know things that you don't know."  But add..."And so does she."


teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #100 on: May 06, 2008, 04:32:48 PM »
I look to Mom..."So?...can you give me one good reason?  Why?  Why did you do what you did to me?  Was it something I said?...or did or didn't do?  Just don't stand there!  Please.  Just tell me...did you stop loving me because of me wearing 'em?"



Mother stands and commands the stage with her silence.  All at the procenium arch, "thanks Astyanax," now wait in silence.  A slight shake of her head and a faint whisper of a reply is made.  All lean forward to hear, as she speaks, "No."



She gently entreats my silence.  The fingers of her left hand softly move to cover my mouth and gently pat my lips.  She begins her sililoguy.



"Please...listen...and do not be so quick to judge me.  I have never stopped loving you.  I cannot give one good reason but I can give you three.  And after I have explained...I trust you to be fair and understand...honest and truly...I hope you will understand.  And, yes, while you've had ample reason to mistrust me through my actions...all were necessary...otherwise my beautiful child...you and the others would be no more.



"I have gaurded you as no other mother has in your lives past.  Truthfully, many could do little but watch their most precious of charges fall away from them:  as did Joachems' mother:  Freida.  Others met cruel fates:  as did Edwina, mother of Elias; while others perished through circ-umstance, acts of nature or war as did Hectors Andromache ... Astyanaxs' mother.  You think I would not know her name?



Sadly, it is also true that many other's had too little concern for what they brought forth; and while they wept, their tears were but a pretence to gain pity; while neither true remorse or critical self-recrimination were honestly applied.  Theirs was the undemanding path; which gained them all too little.  What price to sell one's soul?  But to gamble and lose the soul of the innocent to who are entrusted to you; the cost is too high a price.



Yes, for you and your sister, I have been many times too distant, seemingly too uncaring, arrogant, haughty and...and...seemingly....un...unloving."  Her lips tremble and her speech becomes labored.  "Dear God...what...what both of you have...have thought of me...I am ... at a loss to explain...the emptiness that consumes me."



Christina enters the promenade and sits on my bed...lightly with  her left hand pats where she nods for me to sit.  I comply, but I'm soaked to the skin.  The pain in my crotch begins to ease...I inhale deeply... and try to catch my breathe.  As she takes my right hand into her left...the three within make known that they are in awe of Mother.  As we sit together, I know what is so obvious to the casual glance, or perhaps even to closer study.  We are indistinguishable.



The front row seat remains vacant.  The gods stand and watch.  Melinda does not move to take the mark.  She remains...distant...and seemingly unwilling to..to...take sight of the performance.  Both Elias and Joachem give me some grief over the split infinitive...but they giggle...its done in love.



Mother continues.  "Before the two of you were born....."  she pauses momentarily then resumes, "excuse me..."  Mom points to Christina with her right hand...as she cheats to the proscenium arch.  "To the left is my lovely daughter, Christina...though sometime we do call her Christine."  With but a twist of the wrist her finger moves to point at...me!   "To her right, is my most precious son, Christopher: and up until today that has been his name."



In shocked silence I sit.  "WHAT THE HELL?!"  Yea, O.K. I do say it out loud...but...wouldn't you?  I know its really not loud enough for anyone else to hear. Or is it?  "Oh...sorry guys."



Mother explains.  I did not mean to humiliate or demean my son.  No.  In all honesty , those are not the reasons.  To those who have not lived...I'm sorry...a very poor choice of words...the conundrum...the riddle if it pleases you...lies in the mystery of what or who we once were as to who we are now.  The past two days have been; and I use the word with all sincerity "revealing."



Christopher aptly descibed it as being a "plate of sphaghetti."  You may take notice of one strand before it is prepared; but once served all the individual strands are intermeshed.  Where one begins or ends can only be determined by plucking it...a solitary entity.



Christopher, my "little one," also has had other names...which he once was known to answer to:  Astyanax, Elias and Joachem."



Mother pauses as Aeron pushes past Mrs. Agapp.  I steal a glance.  Her eyes glisten..the beginning of tears. The soft features of her face tighten...the space between her slight eyebrows narrows.  Cheeks are now drawn in and her lips pull back and in as well...there to meet her tongues attempts to moisten them and a now drying mouth.



"Anticipation?"...yes...we agree.



Mother knows she want to take part...after all...audience participation is the key...for now.  Mom refuses to yeild the stage...she shakes her head "No."  Melinda's furtive one eyed glance is spied.  "at least there is some interest."  All the guys laugh.



Mom continues.  "I'm sorry, but, you will wait."  Mom looks back to me...after all...she's cheated to within three feet of the arch.  I understand her look.



"Mom...her name is Aeron...Aeron D.  But the D is short for Deryn.  Mrs. Agapp phoned her...she calls herself "Sachem of the Northern Tribes.  Algonguian...mostly."



Aeron's eyes widen.  Mrs. Agapp's jaw drops...I think she looks like she's had a pie thrown in her face...mouth is kinda open...she's blinking a lot and trying to wipe her face with both hands...I think she's finally got a clue.  Dad looks on...he's got a smile on his face...looks like he's enjoying this part at least...well...until its his turn.  And Melinda...she takes another peek.

teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #101 on: May 08, 2008, 05:13:40 PM »
Mom's twists her head to look at us,  a growing smile now crosses her face.  I whisper...but all may hear..."Elation?"  "No" chimes the chorus..."we are of the same mind."



Aside:  "Damn it...now I'm talking like "em."



Aside:  "Then?...Jubilation?...Yes...we all agree."



Mother can hardly contain herself.  She resumes the cold reading.  "My apologies, Aeron, If I appeared abrupt, but you will shortly understand why, and as you are our most esteemed guest dramaturge; I understand your presence here.  And thank you, Mrs. Agapp, for phoning her.  From what Christine has alluded to, your initial intent was to assure your daughter's integrity, I assue you there is no reason to fear.  Be patient."



Mrs. Agapp just stands with her mouth open...looks to her daughter...takes the phone from her ear and tosses it to the hardwood floor behind her.



Aside:  "Again...we are in accord...she's really gonna pay attention...now."



As Mom backs from the apron, and stands to face us:  she continues.  "Now the remainder.  I will take you back to when I was in college.  I was a sophomore at the State University in Florida.  I was also in a sorority:  Delta - Delta - Delta.  At the time, the sorority house was located on Park Avenue.  Also at this time, a small establishment called the "Mecca" was doing business as a restaurant to the students.



"It was located but one hundred yards or so from the sorority house.  It was there that who I supposed to be a "new freshman" caught my eye.  Obviously, I thought, here for orientation.  He wore his hair, a most beautiful burgundy red, to collar length; much longer than most boys I had seen on campus.  He had a wondrously slender build.   And he wore, of all things, the deepest blue bell-bottom cords I'd ever seen; and his  wide buckled belt was but a shade lighter; and was accentuated with what appeared to be a variety of raised one eighth inch studs, which were arraigned insome type of pattern.



"His shirt, was the purest white.  I had never seen a boy wear one like it and for a fact I'd not seen a girl wear one like that either. It had no buttons, just three simple string ties, each spaced two inches from the other; beginning where both left and right rounded collars met.  Neither the sleeves or body of the shirt were tapered; and the cuffs appeared to be gathered.  All appeared to, for a lack of a better description:  to billow.



"Yet, it suited him:  a perfect fit.  The loafers he wore were a soft off white...close to matching his shirt....but different enough to be uncharacteristically unique.  He wore no socks.  And yes, I took every bit of him in.



"As he took his place in the serving line, I noticed him looking at me.  His strides appeared to make him as quite agile.  Yet, he looked so out of place and apprehensive.  I decided to strike a conversation and perhaps put him at ease; and maybe, to know him better.  Yes, I did have an ulterior motive.  I was just a growing girl.  I liked what I saw and..."



Mom pauses.  Her cheecks turn a faint red color.  She's embarrassed.



She resumes.  "And I do remember distinctly, how ill at ease he was.  To be honest, he appeared anxious, hesitant and most out of place; even for a freshman.  Yet, his eyes moved with a certainty to take in not only everything around him, but would always return to me.



"He had made it through the line with a simple tray of food:  no meat, just some vegetables and bread.  I chuckled to myself, "Oh no, he's even has a glass of milk,"  Nevertheless, he took a booth seat, which was adjacent to and overlooking Copeland Street; leading up to the fountain at Wescott.



"I thought, what the hell, he looked so lost, yet ever so intriguing.  Why not, why not just be nice and maybe it will lead to something.  I excused myself from my sorority sisters and walked to where he sat.  I introduced myself and asked "May I join you?"  He nodded that I could but looked away as I asked.



"I sat to face him.  I looked at his face.  I could tell he hadn't started to shave and I almost reached to feel his cheek.  I found him curiously attractive.  Yet at the same time reflected that.. that he appeared to be on the verge of tears.  I tried to strike a conversation, but he seemed most reluctant to speak.



"Hi, my name is Julia...but you can call be Julie or just Jewels.  And yours?"  He merely nodded and tried to force a smile.  He didn't reply.  



"I inquired of him.  Are you a freshman?  Just scoping the campus?  Know what your going to major in?"  A shrug of his shoulders and a shake of his head "No," was his silent reply to the three questions.



"You seem kind of...nervous?"  He nodded "Yes."  I pressed the issue.  "Just college or I guess your just homesick.  Right?"  He did not reply.  



I went on.  "Uhh..look, I know I'm a bit forward but I won't bite you, honest.  But, you act like, like your afraid.  Your not afraid of girls are you?  Because if you are I really apologize for making you feel unconfortable."  With but a slight smile he replied:  "No, I am not afraid of girls."



"Good.... I thought....  That's a relief."  I pressed the issue further.  "So if your not afraid of girls, then are you afraid of me? "   Without hesitations he replied, "In a manner of fashion...yes."



Incredulously I asked "afraid...of me?"  A nod of yes was coupled with his soft reply.  "I am Daniel.  Daniel...Mathew...Quillon."



I thought to swing his fear of me with appreciation over hearing his name, maybe he wouldn't take me as, well, maybe he's into the shy and appreciative girls; couldn't hurt to try.  So I went on.  "Hey, that' a great sounding name.  It has a lot of personality.  Might seem a bit odd for me to say but somehow you sort of look like a Daniel.  You know, I dont want to insult you, but it seemed like you needed to have somebody to talk to. You look like you've been tripping, lost...no...actually really "misplaced?"  You know I saw you looking at me so I just thought I'd come over and...well...get to know you better...but if your afraid to talk to me, that's cool.  I'll just excuse myself...Maybe I'll C'ya round.  O.K.?"



"He nodded once, as his face broke into one of the most beautiful smiles I'd seen.  No...it was actually the best one I'd ever seen.  He looked into my eyes then turned away as he spoke again."



"I'm sorry.  You misunderstood my intent.  It was not for you to know me.  Rather, it was for I to know you.  And while the names I told you are indeed mine; they can be at a time quite distinct, seperable and interchangeable:  and for most whom I view, most disconcerting.



"Daniel, my first name, means:  judge.  It is what I must do.  My second name, Mathew, I use all too infrequently.  I may tender its meaning as:  Gods gift.  Unfortunately for many, the latter:  Quillon, is the most frequently established by Authority.  It means:  Fearsome.



"My fear is not you as a girl.  My fear is that as a woman you may fail; and therby lose the souls of the innocents to whom are entrusted to you.  And yes Julia, I am on the verge of tears, for if I judge wrongly it would be most terrible.  I judge you Julie Athena.



"The gateway to one's soul is through their eyes, and I have judged.  On this He and I are in harmony.  For the moment I am to you Mathew Daniel.  Pray you never know me as the latter.



"You must take the trip which is planned.  For now, the time being, you are worthy."



"With that he up and left his seat. He said not another word and walked out the door.  I turned to see where this...boy...this Mathew Daniel...was going to walk.  I wanted to catch up to him.  As you would suppose, I had many questions.  



"My view of Copeland was unblocked and I knew he had to exit down the stairs and away from the Mecca.  But, I never saw him walk down the stairs.  I thought that maybe he had lingered to take a campus paper.  I went to the entry, but he was not there either.  Looking up and down the sidewalk, he was nowhere to be seen.



"I looked to where we sat ... the tray he had placed before him was gone; as was the glass of milk.  I was quite shaken, in fact, numbed.  I returned to the table to join the girls I had been with before.



 "But a few moments passed when Gina nudged my right arm and asked, "Whad'ya say Jewels, you up for it?"



"Up for what?" I replied.



She smiled as she said, "The trip dumb ass.  What we've been talking about for the past ten minutes.  Where've you been girl?"



I numbly responded:"The trip?"



"Yea, to Cassadaga.  Margie's had a couple of readings there, says it's a hoot.  Besides, we've got no classes on Friday and the readings are free.  The letter she showed us said it was for the "Preferred Customer"   "Bring two guests."  Your in...aren't you?"



I nodded and whispered, "Yes...I'm in."

teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #102 on: May 13, 2008, 03:03:08 PM »
"I never finished my soda.  As Gina, Margie and I walked out the front doors, I again tried to spy where, this Mathew Daniel had gone.  He was nowhere in sight.  As we passed "Bills Bookstore" to make straight way to the house, I looked up and down the legnth of Park Avenue...hoping...perhaps to spy him.  My head reeled with what I thought had just occurred.  Moreover, as I walked through the entry, over which the golden Tri-Delt letters were placed, I tried to recollect not only his exact words but also his manner of dress.



"For a fact, I had never spoken my middle name.  For all whom I'd met before, including him, I was content for it to remain an undisclosed initial.  For a fact, I had never mentioned any future desires that I might have when I had graduated, made a career reference to myself; or even my future dreams of being married.  Lastly, and all the more strange, I found this Mathew Daniel becoming more intriguing than ever; while at the same time becoming increasingly apprehensive.



"Pray you never know me as the latter."  



"It was a simple statement and was presented to me as matter of fact.  The more I considered it, the more I realized, I never wanted to meet him as "Quillon."



"Moreover, it was so strange, that being as fashion conscious as I presumed myself to be that I had never seen the styles of clothes he wore:  for either male or female.  Nor could I identify the type of clothe used.



"Even the colors:  of his shirt, pants, belt and shoes, for a lack of a better word appeared...unadulterated.  Likewise, the color of his hair, so pure in luster and color was not only a growing distraction, at least for me, but also struck in me a sense of wonderment.



"The hairs on my arms raised in chilling response to the one word, which somehow described him, at least for me:  Uncorrupted.



The remainder of that afternoon passed quickly.  I even tried to go to sleep earlier than normal.  I tossed and turned for most the night.



"Thursday morning came round and I busied myself for the last day of classes for the week.  Thankfully, the three, three-hour classes for the most part occupied my thoughts.  Yet as I walked from the History Bldg. across Landis Green to the Meteorology Bldg. and finally made my way back to the Social Studies Bldg. adjacent to Strozier Library; I became increasingly apprehensive.  Tomorrow, Friday, was the day scheduled for this trip.



"As the last class ended, I made my way back to the house; and bypassed my normal stop at the "Keg," off Tennessee St. for happy hour.  I was now neither happy nor at ease with the thought of drinking: and once more, my nights sleep was restless.



Morning came too slowly.  We loaded ourselves into Margie's car and set out for Cassadagga.  The trip was every bit of four and one-half hours long;  for a total of two hundred and seventy five miles.  We spoke little.  For three college girls I believed it significant in and of itself.  In due course, we found ourselves at the town's limits.



"Not bad time,"  Margie mused.



"As we turned onto Cassadaga Road, an agreement was made:  Margie and Gina would go together for their readings.  They had a thing for each other...and that was fine with me.



"Margie then apologized and simply said, "You can get a reading just about anywhere, just take the free offer coupon and give it to whoever you wind up with.  I already cleared our reading with my regular.  Called him last night.   He's expecting us, but said the three of us would be too much to handle.  I'm really sorry Jewels, But, he did give me a couple of hints of whom he thought you might go to.  The first one is just a short walk as you turn right off of Marion, and up a block and turn left onto Seneca; or, if you really want to get into coincidence, take my car, turn right on Marion, cross over the main drag and cut a left onto, now get this:  Seminole Ave.  Of the two, he strongly suggests you take the second.  Said if you took the first one on Seneca you might wind up losing your way...whatever that means."



"I felt I was dumped on.  She knew all along that we weren't going to go in as a threesome.  No sooner as I finished my ticked off thought, she tossed me the car keys, stating, "Here, you decide."



"I inhaled, held my breath, and my mouth, then decided.



 "Coincidence?" Maybe so. But the other, Seneca, just its name made my blood run cold.  No.  For some reason I didn't want to talk to whoever was there.  Three minutes later, I made the left onto Seminole Ave.  It was a very short road:  no more than two hundred feet long.



"A total of six quite charming, in appearance, bungalows comprised the entire street:  three equally spaced to either side.  I parked on the right shoulder of the road; between all six.  As I exited the car a young child, no more than eight, seemingly came up behind me from nowhere and addressed me.  "She's waiting for you.  Next one up to the right...the side your're parked on.  Come on.  I'll take you there myself, but after that, your on your own"  I was stunned.



"This, child, girl or boy, I really had no idea to which sex, had just set me back further.  My anxiety increased and I turned to leave:  but as I did, this, this "little one" took my hand and pulled my palm to his? cheeck.  



"Don't be afraid.  Honest and truly, I promise, you have nothing to fear, especially from me."



"I allowed myself to be led by the hand, the short distance to the last house on the right.



"At the gate, fronting the walkway up to the front deck stairs the child let go of my hand:  smiled, and spoke again.  "I lo...I mean I like you.  If, if we meet, in another time, I hope we will be...closer?"  With that quite odd departing comment, especially the last word, no...it was the whole damned sentence.  



"I knew what he or she wanted to say to start with,  the unspoken four-letter word was never finished.  I watched the child scamper off...laughing in pleasure.



"Bewildered I turned to walk through the gate, I  cast a quick glance up the road, and was again brought up short.  This child was not in sight:  not on the road, not cutting across any lawn, and not on any porch.  The road was empty with but my car parked off to the side.  Truthfully, my legs would have folded and I would have cried right there had I not heard a gleeful voice speaking, "Please, you are invited to come in."



"It was with considerable foreboding that I made my way up the white cobblestone walkway and made directly for the front door.  I looked for the doorbell:  found none.



"I raised my hand to knock but was, before I could even begin, told, "Knocking is but a formality, Julia Athena, I have invited you in, please do so.  Please, be seated at the table and place yourself at ease.  You will come to no harm here:  for you are the "Preferred Customer."



"Her words, yes definitely a female, could do little to help my condition.  My jaw trembled uncontrollably while my eyes brought forth a steady stream of tears.



"From the silhouette cast upon a screening I presumed her to be quite young.  I thought of the early plays where this technique was used.  Would I find the truth from a shadow?



"She lightly laughed  as she spoke again,  "No, it was not a "damned sentence" but your thoughts may be prophetic...but, that is for you to decide.  And yes, the technique, is quite an impressive suggestion for the dramatic.



"Your fear, for now shall pass, but be aware that your reading had already begun.  Not by me but first by the one you met days ago.



"Mathew Daniel.  How wonderful that name.  For if he had spoke Quillon...the one you met moments ago, would never be again.  There will be no need to take a pen in hand, for to your mind my words I shall commend.



"There they will remain, only portions shall you when awaken:  to recollect.  Within your mind all shall slumber.  Awakening in but piecemeal, heralded shall they come:  brought forth through word or deed:  prompted by the second born.  It is then when all shall be spoken again.



"As you sleep, my words to you shall be a constant source, a reminder; for the souls of innocents are entrusted to your life's course.



"Attend.  Closely.  For I must speak in paradigm.  I may not interfere, for yours is the free will, that of choice.  The paradigm is itself a body comprised of three; and all must apply.  It is for you to unravel, arrange and then relay, as if upon a stage, spoken as in a play.



"The child you met is actually the Primality of one.  And in due course, with some success, the "little one" would be first born son.  Yet before he is known the number has increased:  by then becoming two;  and two in all the universe is the perfect prime number:  especially for you.



"The two are identical but distinctly seperate as the flower, which is perceived as one.



"And as the two shall grow, the eldest must, through her own accord, be brought to task.  For if left to her own device the younger shall once more cruelly pass.  Cries must not dissuade, or stay your mothers' hand; cruel chastisement, a distancing of love, must be employed and for a time embraced, for he must not be turned with her fancied desire for him of satin or of lace.



"She must come to know his fears, for to her he must confide, as consequences for all within the two draw near, and through eternity shall abide.



"It is her shame the lesson he would learn, for ony the truth will he speak, it is all he has known.



"The eldest shall hold the key; through which the youngest may clearly see.  The lens of sight to both, through her shall apply.



Take care Julia Athena, for the little one is most precious, for ages past his thoughts I knew and now will hold him dear.  He is the key, the reason I am here.  If you would fail my anger would be great, though  Quillon may indeed be Fearsome, my wrath would have no end:  and it would be but the beginning.



For, if you would fail, not only he but also all the others will be lost to us all forever.



"The pen before you is the last of three, when all are together, from Quillons judgement, shall you be free.



"The pen is yours.  Keep it always close,  its well is without end, unless through your actions all the innocents are condemned.  There in shall hold the key.



"The univited shall reveal more of the innocents second end.  The third shall through the Primal one shall speak as judgement draws near....for through three pairs of eyes all shall be sparkling and clear.  The eldest

though far younger than the previous two, is also within the one:  I had counseled when he was young.  The first visited must be the last to face, console, without regret, acknowledge to the elder living, of the promise kept.



"Neither clothed, nor veiled, no raiment's shall be worn, for as he was lost he must be as he was and yet to be born.  



"When you return to where you dwell, look above the door, a softer sound than commonly used must be applied.  For in the letters another secret may apply.



"I have spoken...all of this I have foreseen.



"My child, all consequences accrue to you, be they bad or good, but then again, success is in your hands.  At this time if you so choose, you may leave not only the pen as it lays upon the table, but also pardon yourself of blame.  I would only add that if you disowned the matter it is a conviction of innocents.



"Please, you must decide.  I promise if you chose the latter, no physical harm shall come to you.  If you succeed, you shall be overjoyed without end.  Yet if you fail I fear for you.



"My reading is at an end.



"Your choice Julie Athena?"

teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #103 on: May 20, 2008, 04:53:20 PM »
"I remained silent for some time; thinking to myself:  "pardon yourself of blame"...no, the parallel drawn and growing within me was all to clear.  I refused it.  I would not become a Roman governor:  a Pontius Pilate...I would not symbolically wash my hands...and besides, the claim of "no physical harm" rushed through my head as well.  It was unsaid, but the other incurrence was well implied:  no childish I am rubber you're glue whatever you say bounces off of me back to stick to you game of words were employed.  Whatever my choice, I would be literally stuck with it.



"I could not in good conscience walk away from this matter.



"No.  This entire incident was more than mere chance.  I wondered even more so; a game of chance?  I remembered a thought by Stephen Hawkins:  "God not only plays dice; he also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen."  Is this the case?



"The silhouette laughed at my thoughts.



"As I reached for the pen, with my left hand, she spoke once more."



Consider well Julie Athena, for once you have but touched its body, the bargain is struck.  No reconsideration shall be afforded."  I quickly withdrew my hand.



"Second thoughts?" she mused aloud.



"Damn it!" I replied.  You, you keep jumping into my head!  Am I supposed to decide or not?!  I was going to take the pen, but you went after me again!  Why?  I mean, I know "you" want me to take it, but then tell me if I do, my fate is all but sealed.  Besides, the "innocent" to which you keep referring, they're condemned if I screw up!?



"That is really a one-sided bargain, isn't it?"



Her reply:  "So it would appear.  Besides you will become acquainted with such in but a short period."



"I shouted back to her:  "Never, I'd never do that to someone else!"



"Even," she said, "if it where to guarantee success?  The means to an end:  success, for you and the others would truly pivot upon it.



"Again I paused and considered her words.



I replied: "Then why, why should I?  After all, how, why am I now mixed up in all of this?  Moreover, still judged and almost condemned at the same time.



"Once more she laughed at me.  Then spoke."



"No, my child, I do not laugh at you.  You consider the whys and wherefores.  Yet, you are not aware of the connotations, to the choices made; not only yours but of the child you met.  I am afforded the leeway of conveyance, prior to your choice.  Additional information may be tendered.



"The "little One" had made his selection.  He has chosen you.  Why?  Because all others have failed him; and of all the selections available:  he believes you will not.



"The wherefores, to him are evident; a nobility of purpose has consumed him.  And of the innocents;  the laughter you heard, through him, is but a portend of the joy all would experience.



"Julie Athena, it is not what I want you to do, but rather; what you will yourself too.  And yes, it is more than sheer circ-umstance.  So, I must again entreat, please decide."



"I did not hesitate; I grabbed the pen with my right hand.  The die were cast.



"I closed my eyes and cried.  For a short while she left me alone.  As I tried to wipe the tears from my face, she again spoke.  But, for now, I cannot reveal the essense of what was spoken.  Only her statement may I relay:  "The parchment, to your left, while appearing blank, is not.  It is for you to secret.  It must be held in abeyance for the first-born son:  yet entrusted to him; for upon it is written..................  When the paradigm is conveyed and completed, it shall be his to look upon, its script bought forth by ambosia.  It is then, when all all shall be righted; it is our laurel to him."



Mother stands in silence, gathers herself and continues.



"Now, Julie Athena, you must leave."



"I did as she asked.  I took the blank parchment and folded it to thirds:  as to fit within an envelope.  I walked from the house but found myself running to the car with both pen and parchment in hand.  I never let either of them go as I drove back to pick up Margie and Gina.  I was always so certain of so many things; now, now, there was no clarity, all was hazed ambiquity.



"I found my way back to Margie and Gina:  it was just in time.  As they walked from the two-story house, they were all smiles.  Me, I was wrecked.  I could not hide it.



I slid over to the passenger seat and tried to hide my face.  It didn't work.  Both shook their heads.  Margie asked:  "You O.K. Jewels?"



My reply was tortuous.  "No.  I'm not...reallly.  I didn't expect...damn it, damn it all and ....and crap on it too!  Margie, I...I...didn't know what to expect and now....I don't really know what I'm in for!  All I know is that, no, I really don't know much of anything any more.  Please, don't ask.  Because I wont tell.  Right now, right now I'm kind'a hungry.  Anywhere you want is fine...but, I...I...don't want anything to drink, y'know?  Just a sandwich and a glass of...milk?



"Gina leaned over the front seat and whispered to Margie.  Both shook their heads.  I saw the look on their faces:  "This girl is afu!!"



I looked up and saw all the clouds in the sky, as an afternoon sun shower made it presence known:  while at the same time listening to the child's voice in my mind.  As she/he spoke to me, I completed the four letter word.  In hushed voice , I sang, to myself, to Gina and Margie, and to...the little one.



Rows and floes of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way



But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

Its clouds illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all.



Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way



But  now its just another show

You leave 'em laughing when you go

And if you care, don't let then know

Don't give yourself away.  



I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, and still somehow

Its loves illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all



Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say I love you right out loud

Dreams an schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way



But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well somethings lost, but somethings gained

In living every day



I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

Its lifes illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now

From up and down and still somehow

Its lifes illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all.



"The rest of the trip back and thoughout the remainder of the school year; I kept to myself."



Mom just covers her eyes with both hands and cries.



Christina turns loose of my hand and edges towards the foot of my bed.  She knows something, but isn't, no, actually she doesn't want me to read her.  I look at her and nod...whispering "K...have it your way"  



Her reply,  "No, it's not like that.  Honest.  Mom needs what I have.  Trust me.  Please?"



Aside:  "We are in agreement.  We trust you."



As my sister and I speak, Mom has withdrawn from her button down shirt pocket what appears to be a pen:  she presents it to me.



Acknowledgment:  "Both Sides, Now." Joni Mitchell

teddi

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Promises, Obligations and Consequences
« Reply #104 on: May 29, 2008, 09:39:11 AM »
"Mom...I won't take it...not until...I get to ask you a couple of questions...K?



"And Christina, all of us trust you, but I kinda know what you're going to look for.   But, please...don't.   Not yet, just let this whole thing play out the way it's supposed too.  Otherwise, what you and Krystal and all the rest of us did...were gonna have to go through this again...and I don't really think it'll be all that close the next time 'round.    I don't want to play this dumb ass game again!  The paradigm has to be right."



Mom gives me a puzzled look and nods just once.   I don't know if she agrees with my statement to Christine or if I should just go ahead and ask my questions.   I figure:  just ask the questions.



Christina nods back to me; she's not as antsy...and for the first time I can read Krystal...she's going to help me again.  At the same time, I realize it was her hand that led me to the napkins; her voice telling me to set my own pace and it was her arm that rested on my shoulder and asked me if I wanted to stop for awhile.  I thought it was my sister.  I was right...just picked the wrong one.



Christine just starts to realize that she can hear Krystal talk to me as well as her.  The look on her face is priceless.  It's also coupled with the fact that she is more ashamed now than ever before; especially of how we're both dressed:  and of what she had in store for me.



Mom...she just kind of holds her breath.  I watch as the pen and her hand fall away from me as she lowers her right hand while at the same time I mutter:  "The die is cast.  In for a penny, in for a pound:  but your not really betting for coin:  its a lot more valuable."



I know Mom's getting a lot more nervous, 'cause of the way she's taken hold of the pen:  looks like she's trying to strangle the living dog squeeze out of it...crap...I hope she's not going to switch over to my neck...'cause nothings going to pry her grip loose.  



Her eyes dart quickly to Christine and me.  Back and forth they go.  I wince and start to shy away.  I never thought it would be like this...and I know...I don't want to see her cry anymore.  I just close my eyes and whisper a one-word prayer:  "Please."



I know, I have to carry on.



"Mom...before I touch it...I gottta know a couple a things:  for one," I think to myself, go soft and don't rush it, and please don't send her over the edge!  Gently I continue, "Mom, how do you think this guy...Stephen Hawkins...knew that God played dice?"



Her eyes come to rest on me.  She's thinking and looks "puzzled."  You can barely notice it, but her head is moving side to side.  It's not an answer but kind of what you do when you really don't know the answer to something.  Me...if I did that right now...I'd hear my brains rattle.  Thankfully, everyone in silence agrees.



"And... how'd you know?...it was more than a game of chance...uhh," I whisper the remainder..."did she ever explain why she laughed at you for even thinking what you did?"



"Please...I really don't want to upset you... honest... but... you know Mom... you said you would give me "three reasons"...why you did...what you did.



"You know...it's O.K....I can buy most of the three reasons part...if you are just talking about...Asty...Elias...and Joachem.  But that's just using them as an excuse...isn't it?  I mean...you never even knew they existed until...just a couple of hours ago.



"So...please...just tell me that there's more to it than that for you.  Because I'm thinking....where do I really fit in with you?



"I thought when I met you the first time, I'd really found someone to love:  just...me.  But Joachem, you really love him.  And you don't really even know him.  I know you love him, and so do you, and when the others show up...what about me?  Did you really think that you'd just get picked at random...just like that...out of a crowd?



Everyone I hear jumps my bones.  Basically it's:  "You can't ask her that dooffuss!!  You're gonna screw the pooch!!!!!"



I turn my head to both of my sisters, but every one can hear me voice:  "No I'm not...now you trust me...just one more time?  Please?"



They agree with a nod and silence.



"And "cruel chastisement," if that means giving out punishment and making it look like you...you...liked what you were doing and not really looking like you lo...I mean...liked me...yea...I really...really believe you there.  You really played the part well.



I rather expected an explosioin from her when I ripped her with the last question.  But, instead, she blew it off.  Like, shrugging off a pitch that came in for a strike...no...more like a high and tight pitch...you saw it coming and just barely made an effort to move out of the way...cause you know...your way better than the clown who threw at your head.  I hoped she isn't the "Mighty Casey."



Mother's green eyes are watery.



Cautiously Mom replies, she chooses to answer the first of the questions.  She still hasn't picked up on some of the stuff I said.  At least...that's what I thought or think anyway.



"Chris, mathematics was one of my majors.  I'd always been fascinated by numbers and somehow I'd just ran across one of the articles he'd written.  I did think it strange, that every time I would research a project, my mind would wander back to this particular quotation.



Mom carefully continues, "But for the life of me, I really don't know.  It was always coupled with a phrase in Latin that kept popping into my head...what was...."



Before she could answer, I finished her sentence, "You mean..."ludus duodecim scriptorium?"



Mom's face tells a lot...she understands.  She doesn't have to say it out loud, anyone could read her lips...even from as far high up as the Gallery of the Gods...in astonishment... she simply mouths:  "You!"

 

The more you give, the more I can give back.

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