Another day he felt a little unwell before his nap. He drifted off anyway. After a while, he half woke. He could hear Mrs. Edgar. “I’m afraid a bad bang on the head did it.” He could just about make out a strange lady standing beside her with a clip-board. He desperately tried to wake up properly. He clutched his teddy tighter and suc-ked hard on his soother. “Ah the poor thing”, the woman said.
Then Frank realised that he had soiled himself badly. The stink was terrible. He shifted in the cot and realised that it was a terribly liquid poo. “Poor dear can’t help it”, Mrs. Edgar said.
“Mmmnnnnggg” Frank said. Unable to summon up enough co-ordination to even spit out his soother. “Fair enough”, the lady said, retreating from the smell. “I’ll come back in a month to see if there’s any improvement.”
Frank tried to sit up but the woman was leaving the room. “Mmmnnngggg” he protested as the strap prevented him from reaching the end corner of the cot.
Mrs. Edgar came back in. Frank gave a thoroughly puzzled look from his cot. “Sorry honey but we had to give you a little something to make it look convincing. Otherwise they might make you go back to school.”
Frank thought going back to school must be preferable to sitting in a cot in a dirty nappy. But he didn’t seem to have any say in it anymore.
A few days later he was sitting strapped into the high-chair being spoon-fed his boiled vegetables. Mrs Edgar told him “some of the other ladies on the street have heard about you”. Frank frowned. “It’s not possible to buy lots of rusks and bottles of nappy rash cream around here without someone noticing. I had to explain to them.”
Frank looked very troubled. Just what did she explain? “I explained to them that you are a fourteen-year-old boy who loves to wear frilly dresses.” His heart sank. “I told them how you ended up as our little baby”, she continued as she scooped up some dribbled parsnip from his chin.
“So there’s a few of them coming over this afternoon to see you!” she said brightly. “Mmmpppfff!” Frank complained. “It’s ok. They’re very understanding” she assured him. This didn’t make a bit of difference to Frank. He didn’t want these women seeing him in nappies and baby dresses. “Mmmnnnnggg!” “That’s right, it’ll be fun. There won’t be more than a dozen of them.” Frank slumped in the high-chair as she went to clean his bowl.
That afternoon he was strapped into his high-chair in pride of place in the middle of the lounge wearing his lemon baby dress, matching bonnet and bloomers, white tights, frilly ankle socks and with his hair freshly pressed into ringlets. Lisa added a little blush to his cheeks. She pressed a large doll under his arm. They stood back and admired him. He frowned from behind his soother.
The doorbell rang making him jump. He heard the chatter of women outside the door. He wriggled in the high-chair in one final vain attempt to escape. But then he wet himself as the chatter entered the hallway. That was his third wetting, he reckoned, and even his thick towelling square was going to feel uncomfortable now. But he didn’t think that this was the best time to ask to be changed.
The women were delighted to see the fourteen-year-old boy in a pretty baby dress. They chattered excitedly about his cute bloomers, pretty bonnet and white tights. They just loved his ringlets. Suddenly cameras started flashing. “Mmmpppfff!” This wasn’t part of the deal. Then Frank realised again that there was no deal here.
So now that it wasn’t a secret anymore and every Tam, Trish and Harriet seemed to feel free about dropping in. Four women were now making him new baby dresses from the patterns in the book.
Frank was now well used to his baby status. He waited patiently all the time to be let out of his high-chair, cot or play-pen. He suc-ked on his soother when he wasn’t being bottle or spoon-fed. He frequently found himself wet or soiled without remembering when he had done it.
On the anniversary of his first day in a skirt, his mother arranged a “birthday” party. He sat strapped into his high-chair in his brand new baby pink dress with the powder blue puffed sleeves and delicate taffeta pinafore. His pink frilly pantaloons were covered in rows of lace all the way down to his ankles. The six-inch brim on his bonnet meant he had to turn his head to be able to see anything outside the funnel view it accorded him.
About twenty women and former school-mates gathered round as the birthday cake was placed on the tray in front of him with one candle lit. His mother pulled the soother out of his mouth. He blew hard and the candle went out. His mother replaced the soother while everyone cheered.
A slice of the ice-cream cake was cut for him and Lisa proceeded to spoon-feed it to him. His mother opened all his presents for him which mostly consisted of dolls or rattles but included other bits and pieces. Someone bought him a new harness with “Baby Frank” written across the breast.
After all the guests were gone his mother spoon-fed him the last piece of cake. “All gone now”, she sang to him, “… until next year.” So not much sign of an end to this, he concluded.
[The End.]