Some Guys Like It!
Author: Mary Beth Sanford, Jun/14/2004 01:51:09 [-04]
Ms. Pennyworth sat at the head of her corporate table fuming. Her marketing department, for want of a better word at the moment, just wasn't getting it! She didn't want a few good men she wanted sissies. Out and about sissies she said slamming the table for emphases at the start of the meeting. The room went silent, but she had their attention as she began to speak:
"Damn it! I want those girly boys! I want the guy that steps into panties when he steps from a bath. A bubble bath. I want men that don't huff and puff when a woman walks by but sigh. I want that men that will sigh, not over her, but over what she is wearing!
I want men that are able to curtsey as easily as a little girl in front of the Queen Mother herself!
Are you hearing any of this?
Look at these labels again for heavens sake, and think about what I'm proposing here! Here, take this one first! Sissy Intimates? Does that spark an image of a guy standing by a motorcycle or hot rod or for that matter some guy holding a fishing pole? NO! And this one, Daisy Duds. What guy is going to step into something with a label that reads: Daisy Duds? Not someone macho that's for sure.
This stuff is for sissies and I want sissies buying it. I don't want men that can't get past their macho hang-ups. The last thing we need is a campaign teaching men how to be sissies. I want men that already know! That's the guy I want. Are you hearing me?
Look, ask yourself, how many men do you know, and you can count yourselves in this, wear skirts? OK, except for the Irish or Scottish and they call them kilts! How many? Come on answer me? No answers? Of course not. You can't answer can you, or you don't dare do you! To do so puts you at risk.
You are hung up and your advertising suggestions are hung up as well. I don't want to promote this stuff to men who can't be anything else, I want sissies! And what really makes me mad is not one of you knows how many that might be.
In your minds, it's none right? Well, you're wrong! It's thousands, maybe millions! Maybe every one in this room if you believe some of the experts. Look at these numbers! These numbers didn't come out of thin air! They are real. Give me a few percent of these guys and we'll easily show a healthy dividend on sales for next quarter.
Look at these numbers! One in ten men have worn or are wearing women's panties. Now what if we market those women's panties to men? One in ten? At least that's the ones who admitted it! That means at least one of you in here is wearing women's panties right now. Which of you is it?
You know why I'm asking? Because you're the one I want. I want someone who understands how it feels and guys, it feels the same to us. I want the guy that knows that, and I want those other men as well! I want that market.
I want the man that love skirts! I want the guy that doesn't own a pair of Jockey Brand Underwear! I want the guy that dares to be a sissy. You're giving me ads of a guy that picks his teeth in front of a mirror when I'm looking for a guy that moves a waxy pink tube of lipstick around them!
Come on people! What am I paying you for? Our sales are flat! We're stuck. But we don't have to be. Look, it's Marketing 101! If you've saturated the market find a new market! So the only people not buying our intimates is men! Or women buying for those men! Since that is the case then the way we get more market is for us to gain their share! We need those men!
They're out there people, but not if we don't go after them. And we can't go after them with a bunch of dumb ads showing a macho guy in hiking boots and just a skirt. I want an ad that shoes a guy in a pair of Mary Jane shoes with maybe a little heel on it and some lace under that skirt.
People! I WANT THE SISSIES!
Got that? Good!
OK, let me give it to you so you will finally get it! It's like I said at the start of this meeting, I want ten percent more market share by the end of this year or this table, come time for our next planning session, is going to have a whole lot of new faces sitting around it.
So yes to your question Jack! I'm being serious about this! You guys need to get focused and get back to the basics! You can't know a market unless you KNOW that market! You can't UNDERSTAND a market unless you UNDERSTAND! UNDERSTAND?
So, I'll say this again, if any of you guys think you're above this or too macho for this exercise I've proposed, get up and march that cotton covered butt out of here right now. As for the rest of you, I want to see you first thing Monday, and it better not be cotton covering those butts.
That's here fellows! Dressed! Dressed and that's promptly at eight, and I'm warning you, if I see a shred of male in any of you when I walk in, you're out! Is that understood?" Ms. Pennyworth said to the stunned silence as she allowed her gaze to fall over each one the guys in her marketing department.
There was a flurry of yeses and a couple with ma'am on them, and a quiet but desperate race for the conference room door.
"You hear that crap?" Jack said to Martin as they reached their own offices.
"Loud and clear!" Martin said.
"Well she can kiss my cotton covered butt! There is no way I'm coming into this place dressed as a woman and that's for damn sure!" Jack said.
"Girl!" Martin said.
"Girl?" Jack asked looking oddly at Martin.
"She said girl I think. She wants us to dress as girls not as women?" Martin said as he added: "She made that pretty clear."
"Are you nuts! Girl? Woman? You think it matters? I'm not dressing as a woman, girl sissy or whatever else she calls it. I'm not!
"You walking?" Martin asked shocked.
"Are you kidding? Don't tell me you're going to do what she says? Did you hear her?" Jack said.
"Yes? OK, it's weird I'll admit that, but in an odd sort of way she's right? How can we know who these guys are that like this stuff, without trying to discovery why they like this stuff? Martin said.
"So you're going to come to work Monday in a dress?" Jack asked as shocked as Martin was when Jack said he was leaving.
"I don't see that I've got a choice. I'm an intern here! I need this job and frankly it's a pretty good place to work and like I said, she makes good sense... a little." Martin said.
"Well I've got a choice, and before I clad this butt in lace or ruffles I'm going to haul it out of here. You want to be a little sissy for that woman that's your business, but not me!" Jack said as he slid his name plate from the door.
Martin watched for a time then he too left, but his name remained on that door.
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