Not quite ready

[Ahiru]

When they got to his room, his mother pulled him to her chest and sat on the bed.  She tenderly rubbed his back, while speaking to him.  As far as she was concerned, she knew what was best for her son.  "I know it will be hard at first to adjust, I will be here to support you every step of the way.  This is what's best.  You're not ready to be a big boy.  Mummy will have to put locks on the bathroom door and kitchen cupboards, we can't have you getting into mischief.  And I will make sure you're getting a proper diet.  Goodness, I'll have to buy formula from the supermarket for your bottles.  At school, you will have a nanny who will make sure your needs are met there.  Oh, and you will start taking an afternoon nap every day.  Little boys can't get through the day without them.  We will have to get you some clothes, I have enough to get us started, but certainly not a full wardrobe."

This information was all very overwhelming to Jeremy.  He couldn't quite believe it was happening.  He pulled himself away from her arms and stammered, "N-n-no...this isn't right Mum.  Please don't do this.  I'd rather go to the cops than this."

“Oh sweety, the police care about your well being as much as I do.  You are listed with the authorities as needing special care.  If found, you’ll be returned to your loving Mummy.  I’m only doing what is best for you, nothing more.”

“Wouldn’t they have needed a medical certificate or something?”  Perhaps that would poke a hole in her plan, Jeremy was desperately grasping at straws.  If what she said was true, running away wouldn’t work.

“Your Aunt Tilly was so worried about your care that she provided the necessary paperwork.”  Aunt Tilly is a doctor.  She is usually the first person Jeremy sees, when sick.  This news caused him to deflate.  There was nothing he could do to stop this.  He felt like he was in a daze, when she continued, “You won’t have a chance to get lost, Mummy will make sure.  You’ll have your playpen, your cot, a darling set of baby reins, I even got a stroller with a safety catch on the buckle.”

“But...what about my friends?  They’ll mock me and tease me.  I’m sorry I keep wetting myself but please don’t do this.”

“Shhhhh.  Mummy knows best.  Mummy cares about you.  Mummy loves you.”  She stood and held out her hand, “Mummy will take care of everything, starting with your wet nappies.”

He wanted to run, he wanted to shout, he wanted to live a normal life, but the soggy cloth around his hips only served to confirm her verdict.  He knew she loved her.  It was with a sense of trepidation that he reached out to grasp her hand.  Maybe Mum did know best, maybe he needed this.

[Ahiru]

Mrs Waking lead her son, by the hand, out of his room and down the hallway.  He was nervous.  Although she had given him some frankly scary hints at his future, he didn’t know exactly what she planned on doing right at this moment.  She didn’t stop until they reached the door to the store room...what he thought was the store room.

Her hand closed just that little bit tighter around his, as they stood before the mysterious door.  Her hand reached out to wordlessly turn the handle and open the door.  His jaw dropped when the room was revealed.  It looked like a nursery, decorated in pink and white.  There was a large, white, painted cot with pink satin bedding, a changing table, toys.  The entire room was decorated with infantile wallpaper, frothy lacy curtains and there was even a canopy above the cot that covered it.  Worryingly, he noticed a paddle hanging on a wall next to a wooden chair.  He could barely hear his mother cheerfully state,  “Welcome to your new nursery, my cute little boy.”

She guided him over to the changing table, her first thought was to get his nappies changed.  While climbing up, he stammered, “M-m-mum...this looks like a girl’s room.  And it’s a baby’s room!”

“You’re a baby silly, and I think your new room is utterly adorable.  It suits my sensitive baby right down to a T!”  She unbuttons his pyjama jacket, while chattering to him, intending to strip him, “We’re going to have such a lovely time together.  You’ll feel loved and cherished and you’ll never have to worry about growing up in that mean old world.  You’ll stay safe and protected in your nappies.”  She gently pushed  him onto his back, so she could pull off his pants, plastic panties and nappies.  The panties and nappies fell into a waiting bucket with a squelch, “You really wet a lot last night, baby.”

Jeremy blushed and mumbled, “It’s not my fault…”

“That’s right, sweetheart, it’s not your fault.  You can’t help it.  You’re just not ready to be potty trained.”

The experience of being cleaned and nappied was just as tender and loving as before, it felt familiar.  Only...he was surrounded by all this baby stuff!  But then she opened the wardrobe.  Hanging in it were several outfits.  She took a moment to look at them all, before settling on one.  A boy’s sailor suit.  The shorts had snaps along the crotch to allow for easy changes and the leg holes were large so people could see his nappies and check them.  The shirt only just covered the waistband of the shorts and it buttoned up the back.  It was a smart blue and white suit, decorated with ribbon and lace.  White ankle socks and black mary jane shoes completed the look.

Mrs Wakeling looked at her son with a critical eye, checking that nothing was out of place.  He’d never felt so stupid or so small.  He’d always felt self-conscious about his size before, but now it seemed even more obvious.  He tried to tug his shorts down, but they refused to go anywhere, unless he dragged the waistband down with it and that would be just as embarrassing!  He had to sigh and resign himself to this sissy set, he didn’t realise that he could have it much worse.  His mother’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, “You look like a perfect angel, Jeremy.  Just right for our little trip to town.”

Did she say trip to town?!

[Ahiru]

She held onto his hand tightly, as they made their way out of the house, only stopping to get her purse, keys and hat.  After locking the door, she looks up at the sky and smiles, “It’s such a nice day today, I think we should walk to town.”

Walk?  This idea horrified Jeremy more than going in the car.  People would be able to see him properly and he would have nowhere to hide!  At least in a car he would be able to shrink down below the bottom of the windows.  But, alas, Mummy decided they were going to walk and she was far too strong for him to pull away.  Kicking up a fuss would only attract more attention.

As they walked, Mrs Wakeling chattered cheerfully about this and that.  Jeremy wasn’t really paying attention, he was too glum.  His nappies forced him to waddle noticeably.  If he swayed too far to one side, some of his skin would peek out between his shorts and shirt.  The brand new shoes clicked and squeaked on the footpath.  He was certain that people were staring at him, but he didn’t want to risk looking and seeing their reactions, he wasn’t sure if he could bear that.

They walked for several blocks, the effort of it made Jeremy quite worn out.  Mrs Wakeling said, with a knowing smile, that they would have to look into getting him a stroller.  Too much exercise wasn’t good for her baby.

When they turned a corner, their destination came into view.  It was a special store.  Publically, it was advertised as a store for people with disabilities, but it had an extensive range of items for overgrown babies.  The store had decided to cash in on the demand, creating a safe environment for people to buy their wares.  Buying things online is so impersonal!

Jeremy didn’t know about this, so he was confused as to why he was being taken to a store for disabled people.  It didn’t make sense until one of the shop assistants led them through a door to the part of the store that his mother had clearly come for.  Looking around, he could see a wide range of nappies, clothes, furniture, all sorts of overgrown baby paraphernalia.  A motherly looking woman, wearing a bibbed apron, was sitting in an armchair in a small sitting area.

She stood, when the door closed behind them, to welcome her customers.  Her attention was largely focussed on Mrs Wakeling, only looking at Jeremy in the manner of a baby, not a teenage boy!  “Mrs Wakeling, how delightful it is to see you again!  And I finally get to meet your baby boy.  My, he is adorable in that outfit, he must love that his Mummy dresses him so well!”

Mrs Wakeling chuckles, “He doesn’t think so yet, but Mummy knows best.  I was hoping we could look at strollers today, and he needs to choose his dummy.  You know what they say about letting babies choose their first.”

The woman clucked happily and bent down to tweak Jeremy’s nose, before leading them to the aisle that had the dummies, “Oh yes, they always know just the right dummy to choose.”  The dummies were all babyish, embarrassing and feminine in some way, sized for adults.  Most of them were pink.

Jeremy looked up at the selection and started to shake his head.  He tried to step back and away from both women, but Mummy held his hand tightly.  “Oh no, not those Mum, I’m not using one of those!  I’ve let you have your fun, but I’ve had enough!”

Mrs Wakeling watched her son try to free himself from her grasp, it was an utterly pathetic attempt, “This is for your own good, Jeremy.  You’re not ready to be a big boy, your wet nappies are proof enough.  Calm down and choose your dummy, or else Mummy will choose one for you.”  He didn’t calm down.  In fact, he grew more and more agitated.  This only served to annoy Mrs Wakeling.

In that moment, she did something she had never done to her boy.  While he struggled, she wordlessly pulled him over to a chair.  She sat down and tugged his hand, causing him to neatly fall, face first, over her lap.  He was struggling to escape, all the while, shouting to be let go.  He was careful not to use any swear words, he didn’t want another mouth full of soap.

He didn’t stop his awful din, until Mrs Wakeling started to yank his shorts down to his ankles.  This was when he realised what she was doing.  He renewed his efforts to get off her lap, but to no avail.  She started tutting disapprovingly, as she pulled down his plastic panties to reveal his already soaked nappies.  He hadn’t even realised he’d wet that much!  She says, while unpinning his nappies and revealing his pale bottom, “Honestly, Jeremy, I should have done this a long time ago.  But it’s too late for regrets now.  Baby boys who don’t listen to their Mummies get a spanking.”

With that, her hand flew down harshly onto his damp and tender flesh, causing him to jerk forward both in pain and surprise.  He howled in pain and squirmed, but this was only the beginning of his first ever spanking.

[Ahiru]

It was a red-faced and sobbing Jeremy who was finally set on his wobbling feet after his spanking.  He barely even noticed the other woman, he was so distraught at this turn of events.  Mrs Wakeling pulled him to her chest in a nurturing hug.  As she gently rubbed his back, she spoke soothingly, “There there, baby, Mummy’s here.  It’s all over now and you can go back to being Mummy’s good little baby.  Mummy is going to put your nappies back on and then you can pick your dummy.  That will make you feel better, hmm?”

She looked down at him and smiled expectantly.  He didn’t want to risk the consequences of another tantrum, so sullenly nodded his head, while wiping his eyes with his fist, “Yes, M-mummy.”

Mrs Wakeling tried to be gentle in renappying him.  The shop assistant, Maggie, kindly let her use some samples to clean him up.  His damp nappies had to be repinned as Mrs Wakeling hadn’t expected to need to change him during this outing.  Finally, it was a tender feeling boy who was standing in front of the shelves to choose his first dummy.

Most of them were pink, all of them had some girly feature.  He didn’t realise until after it’s large rubber teat had been pushed into his mouth that even the blue dummy he’d found had pink embellishments.  Even worse, suc-kling on the dummy really did make him feel better.

While Mummy tightly held onto his little hand, she and Maggie got to talking, while browsing the shelves for clothes.  Maggie thought Jeremy a very cute baby and didn’t hesitate to voice this view, “I can see why you made this decision, he’s such a little darling.  I assume you have him enrolled at Joyful Cherubs?”

“Joyful Cherubs?  What’s that?  I was going to send him back to school with a nanny.”

This suggestion seemed to shock Maggie a great deal.  She shook her head rapidly, “Oh no, dear, you mustn’t do that!  Young Jeremy is far too tender and vulnerable for something like that.  I read somewhere that people in schools often violate poor little boys in such distressing ways.  No, you must send him to the Joyful Cherubs Nursery School.  It was formed by a mother and ex-teacher for babies just like Jeremy.  It’s near St Helen’s School for Girls and the girls taking home economics often go to the nursery for work experience.  We sell the uniforms here.”

Mrs Wakeling pondered this option for several moments.  In the silence, Jeremy’s dummy bobbed in and out with an uncertain fear.  He didn’t want to go to a nursery but nor did he want to be mocked by his friends.  He pulled his dummy out to implore his Mummy to change her mind and let him be a big boy, but she pressed a hand to his lips before he could get a word out, “Shhhh Baby, the grown ups are talking.”

Jeremy started to pout and Mummy pushed his new dummy back in, before replying to Maggie, “Is it terribly expensive?  Are there any limitations I should know about?”

“It’s quite reasonable, my dear.  Most mothers start to save money once their precious cherubs are no longer wanting to go to expensive activities.  He can remain enrolled as long as you need him to be.  The only stipulation is that you adhere to the routine they lay out for him.  Come with me, I’ll show you the uniform.”

[Ahiru]

Mrs Wakeling spent much of the remainder of that morning enrolling Jeremy in his new nursery school, with Maggie’s help.  They had a great deal of fun gathering the supplies he needed for his first day, starting next week.  Mrs Wakeling felt it was important to give Jeremy a few days at home to adjust to his new life and schedule.

They were so utterly taken up by the task of buying uniforms, dummies and such that she had completely forgotten to buy other outfits and the promised stroller!  As they strolled home for lunch, Mrs Wakeling commented on this realisation, not expecting a grown up conversation from her baby boy.  Her musings were finished with, “No matter, your Aunt will be coming to visit next week.  I’m sure she will love to go shopping with me and we’ll be able to surprise you with the goodies when we pick you up.”

Jeremy only suc-ked on his dummy more at this, the already forming knot in his stomach felt like it was getting bigger.  Not only was he dreading going to some dumb nursery, he was also having to worry about what silly clothes his Mummy might buy in his absence!  He foolishly felt that if he were there, he would have some control over what he wore...only...the pain in his delicate little tush made him doubt that idea, just a little bit.

As they approached their home, they paused at the gate.  Behind the gate was a cheerful path that led to their front door.  The path had pansies bordering it.  It all looked very pretty.  Although she could have done it once they reached the door, Mrs Wakeling insisted they stop at the gate so she could fish the key out of her purse.  This involved her putting the bags down, being sure they wouldn’t fall over and cause his nice new clothes to tumble into the gutter.  All the time she spent mucking about with bags, clothes, purses and keys, it left Jeremy feeling very exposed and visible to the neighbours!

He stood there, praying to anyone who might have been listening, that he would get into the house safely and he wouldn’t have to endure further humiliations.  Every moment his Mummy wasted in dithering with her keys, was more risk that someone would see!  His soggy nappies were starting to sag and peek through the leg holes of his shorts, there would be no doubt of what he’d become.  He started to sniffle and as Mummy was chiding him for his impatience, a voice was heard.

“Hello, Olivia!”

Jeremy groaned.  It was their next door neighbour, Mrs Thornton.  Mrs Thornton was a stay at home mother with two children and a husband who worked long hours as a police officer.  He was an imposing man who always scared Jeremy a little.  Her younger child, Missy, was in his year group at school.  She always seemed such a sweet girl, she never lowered herself to the catty and juvenile behaviour the other girls seemed afflicted with.  She was nice and that was why Jeremy had a little crush on her.

Thinking about it made him feel he would die if she were to see him like this!  He didn’t have a chance to do anything, though.  Mummy closed her purse, held her keys in one hand and took hold of Jeremy’s hand with the other.  She smiled to Mrs Thornton and stepped closer to chat with her, “Judith, good afternoon.  How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m doing well.  I managed to do a spot of spring cleaning and went through Harold’s clothes.  It’s always better to do that sort of thing when he isn’t home to reclaim his favourite jerseys.”  The two ladies tittered at this, before Mrs Thornton smiled down at Jeremy in the most patronising of manners, “Jeremy, you’re looking very smart in your outfit today, though...why is he in nappies and dressed that way, Olivia?”

“Jeremy had started having trouble controlling himself.  He’s not ready to be a big boy, he doesn’t have the ability to be a big boy, so I made the difficult decision and let him return to what he should be.  Jeremy has gone back to babyhood and starts at his new nursery school next week.”

“There’s a nursery school that would take him?”  Mrs Thornton is somewhat surprised by this.

“Oh yes, it’s a special school just for boys like him.  He’s a baby stuck in a slightly too big body, that’s not his fault.  His Mummy knows what’s best for him.  Tilly signed all the paperwork, your husband has likely seen his file at work.”  Mrs Wakeling settled the hand holding her keys on Mrs Thornton’s arm, “I know you’ll treat him just as he is meant to be.  His mental health would be at risk if you didn’t.”

Mrs Thornton didn’t reply immediately, but came to the conclusion that if there was official paperwork involved then it must be true, “Of course.  I think little Jeremy needs a change, dear.  He is starting to sag quite a bit and it’s making him quite anxious.  I can see his dummy bobbing in and out, that’s a boy who’s eager for dry nappies, no mistake about it.  So I’ll let you go.  If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.  I’m sure Missy would love to babysit for you.”

Jeremy blushed deep red at this.  He was trying to hold back the ever-present tears and Mummy had to wave his hand bye bye for him.  Finally, they were walking up the path to their home.

[Ahiru]

They had spent quite a bit longer out than Jeremy had realised.  Glancing up at the clock, he could see that it was midday!  He felt very different to how he had felt at the start of the day.  Life seemed to lack hope, he knew his Mummy loved him dearly, but he couldn’t understand why she thought this was what was best for him.  With the taste of soap still lingering in his mouth and a very sore botty, he didn’t have the energy to argue.

Mummy still held his hand tightly, leading him to the dreaded nursery room.  She babbled the entire way in that cheerful infantile babble mothers tended to use.  As they entered the room, he sighed, it was as bad as he remembered with it’s frilly baby girlish frivolity.

Mummy effortlessly lifted him up on the padded changing table and started undoing the snaps on his shorts.  They had lunch to get to and there was no sense in wasting time pulling them down.  Then the plastic panties were peeled off and the smell of urine permeated the air around them.  Jeremy found himself suc-king harder on his dummy with embarrassment.

“Don’t be embarrassed Sweetie, this is just what little babies do.  But Mummy is here to make sure your clean and fresh.  You never have to worry about accidents ever again.  You belong here in your thick nappies surrounded by lace and ribbons.”

This was clearly meant to be encouragement, but it only made Jeremy feel worse.  The nappies fell into the bucket with a heavy wet squish and he had the added embarrassment of her wiping him with baby wipes, even around his boy parts!  These motions now had new meaning with his new and degrading status.

And then the scent of baby powder filled the air!  Oh how he wished this were all a horrid dream.  He’d read that it was possible to lucid dream, but after checking nearby pictures multiple times, they always looked the same.  This was no dream.

Mrs Wakeling was a practised hand at nappying and in very little time, Jeremy’s shorts were back in place and she was leading him down to the dining room for lunch...only....a large high chair had appeared.  That wasn’t there at breakfast, how did it get there?  Jeremy tried to resist it, but as the tray clicked into place, he only came off as a grizzly toddler.

“Don’t be fussy, baby.  Mummy will get you fed and then you can go for your afternoon nap.  And don’t give me that look, all babies need naps.”  She tweaked his nose, then walked off to the kitchen.  In her absence, he tried to undo the tray, but found he couldn’t reach his arms under it to get to the locks.  He rattled the tray to test its strength, but it wouldn’t budge!  He started to consider his options, surely the police would believe him if he told them everything...right?  But then...did he want to send his mother to prison?  He loved her.

In the midst of this uncertainty, he looked up and saw his lunch.  Mummy was bringing a plastic sectioned plate for him, in it was...baby food!  Pureed liver, carrot and spinach.  Ugh!  A bib was tied around his neck and his mother set the plate down on the tray in front of him.  The dummy fell from his mouth and he screwed his nose up, “Eww, Mummy!  I can’t eat baby food!”

Mrs Wakeling looked at him as if he had said the most peculiar thing.  Her baby couldn’t eat baby food?  She shook her head and tutted, “Nonsense, you’re Mummy’s little baby and babies eat baby food.  Now, let’s get your bib put on and then Mummy will feed you.”  Oh, how helpless Jeremy felt!  The ridiculous plastic-backed bib covered much of his chest and would do a very good job of protecting his pretty clothes, not that he felt he needed it.

Famous last words.  When Mrs Wakeling brought the first spoonful of liver up to his mouth, he found that the spoon was slightly too wide!  Though he could fit it all in, if he opened his mouth wide enough, most times it would bump into his lips on the way.  The result was that splashes of food would get on his lips, his chin and some even fell on his bib!  Jeremy didn’t know how this was possible, this morning he was eating his own breakfast perfectly fine!  Mrs Wakeling didn’t give him much time to contemplate this, she filled every moment of the meal with incessant babble about trains and aeroplanes coming into land.  Eugh!

When it was finally over, Jeremy slumped back in the high chair.  Perhaps Mummy was right, perhaps he wasn’t ready to be anything more than a baby.  He wasn’t entirely ready to give in to this conclusion, it was like the chores children tend to avoid that simply must be done.  Perhaps if he ignored this...his life would eventually return to normal.

[Ahiru]

Words cannot describe how embarrassed Jeremy felt being picked up for nursery school, the following day.  His new uniform felt even more frilly and silly than yesterday and his embroidered baby reins tinkled in time with his nervous fidgeting.  Mummy had made him stand in front of the house to wait for his ride, with his leash looped around her wrist and his mittened hand held by hers.  A nappy bag with several changes sat on the footpath next to them.

The long wait had given him time to reflect on the previous day, specifically his confusion over his afternoon nap.  Mummy had changed him into a frilly silky baby nightie, it felt so funny rubbing against his bare legs.  Then she had tugged on matching bootees, mittens and even a sleep bonnet.  She held him in her lap and made him drink from a large bottle of lukewarm formula...he hated the taste.  She made him drink every last drop, even when he said he was full.  But her smiling gaze down at him looked so happy and heavenly...it left him feeling torn.  Then when she laid him in his cot, surrounded by gauze, satin and silk, and assaulted by the sound of crinkling plastic and the smell of baby powder, he fell asleep!

Why did he fall asleep?  The day was only barely halfway done.  And then when he awoke in soaked nappies, in a strange girly bed, it felt like such a shock.  He tried to climb out, but his satin padded bootees couldn’t get any traction and he fell back into bed with a padded thud.

The arrival of the bus, painted in the nursery colours and boldly branded with ‘Joyful Cherubs Nursery School’, broke him out of his recent troublesome memories.  Even that looked horribly babyish, announcing to the world that pathetic sissy boys existed.  None of the windows were tinted and any passersby could see the occupants.  Jeremy was the last stop and when his Mummy tugged him up the steps, he was faced with the sight of nineteen other boys, all dressed just like him!  They all suc-ked on their dummies of their own free will and he could smell that at least a couple had already wet their ample nappies.  He peered at them in shock, wondering if his looked that big too.  They all stared back at him, curious as to who this new boy was, would he be nice or mean?  Mean boys were typically seen to fairly quickly.  Many of them had been attending the nursery school long enough to even enjoy their day now, the oldest charge had been attending for six years!

Each sissy baby was securely harnessed into a car seat, Jeremy would be no different.  His Mummy seemed to lift him up into the seat with no problem at all, his feet couldn’t touch the ground and dangled helplessly from over the front.  The harness she buckled into place was a five point harness, with a sturdy smooth plastic hub in the centre.  The hub had the nursery school’s logo on it and Jeremy found he couldn’t undo any of the clips.  Jeremy started to tear up, he couldn’t help it, and his Mummy tenderly pushed his dummy into his mouth and kissed his forehead, “Be a good boy at nursery school.  Mummy will be waiting here for when they bring you home.”  She slid his nappy bag under his seat and, far sooner than he would ever have liked, she was walking off the bus again and leaving him with these people!

The bus spluttered to life and he was sure he could hear the strains of nursery rhymes coming out from somewhere.  Baa Baa Black Sheep.  He looked around anxiously, even suc-kling on his dummy unconsciously.  The boy next to him laid a mittened hand on his knee and spoke, without removing his dummy, “It’th okay, they’re really nithe.  I’m thure you’ll make lotth of good friendth...I’m one of them.”  Jeremy looked at the boy, with a bewildered expression.  The boy looked older than Jeremy, though that was difficult to pinpoint.  The boy had such a pretty, feminine and angelic face that Jeremy would have assumed he was a girl, had he not been in the same situation.  The boy had sprigs of little brown ringlets sprouting out from under his bonnet, around his face.  Jeremy couldn’t help but think that the boy looked like he belonged in his current life.  Poor Jeremy had no clue that he was even prettier.

He realised he had to reply, the boy stared expectantly at him.  Jeremy had started to pull out his dummy, but the boy stopped him, “Don’t do that.  Nanny will punith you.  Only grown upth can take our dummieth out.  It’th tho we don’t lothe them.”

Jeremy inwardly shuddered, on hearing his own lisp force it’s way out around his dummy, “My name ith Jeremy.  What’th yourth?”

“My name ith Malcolm.”

Malcolm didn’t sound like a particularly girly name, Jeremy wondered what had brought him to this life.  He asked hesitantly, “How long have you been...you know…”

“Coming to Nurthery Thcool?  Three yearth...I think.  I kind of lotht track of time.  But it’th really fun and they give uth lotth of cuddleth.”

Jeremy glumly turned his gaze towards the window, at this revelation  He didn’t know if he could manage three or more years like this.  He was certain he would go insane first.  Every time they would come past other cars or people, Jeremy would try to shrink down in his seat, but the harness wouldn’t allow him to budge even a millimetre.  He was on display and he had to put up with it.  Even worse, his white woolen bonnet had a stiff wide brim, limiting his vision and forcing him to turn his gaze to the window just to see if they were still there.  Tears pricked his eyes and his hairless legs swayed back and forth in the air.  Today would be a very hard day.