My First Story Road to Regresion (Prostrate Problems)

[mommasboy]

I do love the direction of this story. Complete subjugation and humiliation. One bit of minor constructive criticism. You have a tendency to repeat certain phrases and lines, often close together. You could use an editor. And Avril's reactions are confusing. She is described as sometimes feeling fear or similar emotions, without any explanation for why she would be feeling that way. But otherwise this story is quite enjoyable. Thanks for writing it

[sissyboy1212]

I'm always hesitant to comment too much on others' writing because I don't want to discourage anyone from contributing here. I also understand, however, that it's nice to get feedback so I'll make some brief notes that I hope you find useful. These are intended to be constructive and positive, so please disregard anything you find unhelpful!

First, thanks for contributing. It's a creative storyline. Although there are aspects of it I don't personally care for, that's strictly a matter of different tastes and not a reflection on the writing. I won't comment on that.

I echo mommasboy's comment that some of the emotional reactions seem to be a bit "unearned" in my opinion. It might be helpful to think more about what led up to a particular emotional reaction so that readers can understand where the character's head is at.

As far as the repetitive language, I think that's something we all have to work at. I know there are certain words I overuse in my own writing, but I try to use my computer software to help find when I'm being overly repetitive. Also always make use of whatever spelling and grammar software you may have available. I haven't picked up many spelling problems in your writing, but there are some occasional grammar slips.

Lastly, I would recommend you use the "preview" button before posting. I often find that the line spacing and line breaks I had in my offline file get messed up when I paste it into a post here. I always have to go back and add spaces, etc. to make it look right on the screen.

I hope these are helpful and encouraging. That's certainly how they are intended. Thanks again for your efforts.

 

 

[mommasboy]

More, please?

[Baby Samantha]

I’m really enjoying this story. In hope you are able to write more soon. x

[babybunting]

Please carry on with this lovely story, i am enjoying it very much

[mommasboy]

It looks like this story has been abandoned, sadly