George, by Amy Lynn

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From our 2001 archives



George, by Amy Lynn



Part 1: The Argument



I had just walked in the door, it was getting late and I could already hear the arguing. My mommy, daddy and my twin brother were at it again. Mommy needs help with something while daddy and Sam want to go do something else.



Mommy said, please I need to prepare for the wedding. I have a lot to do and very little time to do it in. I can't do it all my myself. I need my son here with me helping out. Momammmm, he stretched out the word whining. We've been planning this fishing trip for months. It's not my fault that your sister decided to get married, and it isn't my fault that she wants you to do all the cooking and sewing and stuff. I shouldn't have to be punished just because she fell in love, and I don't see why I need to go to the wedding.



Susan, you know I seldom have the time off, Sam and I are going fishing. Besides, this is the last time Sam has free before soccer starts. We go this week or we don't go, so we're going.



Please give sis our congratulations and tell her we had previous plans. If you really want help ask George, I bet the only plans he has is sitting around reading.



Yea, ask the sissy. I wish he were born a girl. If he we're, you'd have a friend that could help you with these things and you could stop bugging me. Dads a doctor, can't he fix your mistake mother!



Sam is the original "man". We were twelve year old identical twins but you'd never know it. He lifts weights and eats everything. He's not fat but he's at least six inches taller than I and weighs over a hundred and ten pounds. I know this for a fact because he teases me about it all the time. Just yesterday morning he grabbed me up and lifted me in the air way over his head as he stepped onto the scale. One hundred and seventy eight pounds, what a wimp he said, you only weigh sixty seven pounds.



You really need to work out. He sat me down but I couldn't go anywhere as he had his hand in my hair. I tried to pry his hand loose but he was too strong. He flipped me over and swatted my bottom several times then let me go.



I suppose that mornings trauma pushed me close to the breaking point but this last remark pushed me over the edge and I lost it. I ran into the room, went right up to him and slapped him as hard as I could. It's not my mommy's fault that you such a big bully! You leave my mommy alone! The whole room was quite. I realized what I had just done and remembered how strong Sam is and fear struck my heart. I started crying and ran from the room just knowing he was going to kill me. I heard only one remark when I ran out.



Sam said, I rest my case. I was hiding in my closet but no one showed up. I finally decided that they were to busy to notice me so I came out. I picked up the book on sewing that I had to sneak out of mommy's sewing room. I wanted to make her something pretty for Christmas and I needed to learn how to put it together.



George part 2: Sam Makes a Point



A few hours latter Sam came in, he never knocks. I scrambled trying to get away but he never came near me. He picked up my book and read the cover then smiled. Surprisingly he gently put it back down and didn't even loose my place. Don't tell mom, she'll be mad I took it. He looked around and asked you wouldn't have any camping or fishing equipment would you? You're not going to pound me are you?



He sat down on my bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. No I'm never going to hurt you again little sister, ever. He seemed so sincere so I sat down next to him. I thought to my self, oh no, they talked mommy into letting me go with them. I hated fishing, worms, major yuck.



No, I answered except maybe one thing. I think it's for fishing or hunting or something. I don't have to go with you do I. No little sister, what's the item and I'll tell you if I can use it for camping? I can't tell you, it's for your birthday this Tuesday. I could give it to daddy and he could give it to you on Tuesday? I asked that as a question as daddy had just come to the door and was standing there. Daddy and Sam weren't much on remembering birthdays and stuff.



Daddy said, if it's something your brother can use on the trip it would be best that you give it to him now so we won't need to buy one tonight. I said OK, while I was under the bed getting it Sam apologized for not getting me anything but promised to bring me back something. NOT A FISH I YELLED! While I was still under my bed.



They laughed and said not to worry. Sam pointed out the book I was reading to daddy and then pointed out that my room was all books and fun stuff like a rope for skipping, a holo-hoop, a nice jewelry box for my coins and things. I had a big bird stool that I sat on to read and my choice of bedspread was teddy bears. It's a cool room. The only picture that I had on the walls was one I found in the attic. It was a ballerina dancing.



As I was climbing out daddy asked, this is a nice picture, what do you like about it? I was out now and said she's so happy. Don't you wish you were that happy? Daddy took my hand and said yes I do sweetheart. I held the box and said, you can have this if you promise you will never use it to hurt me. He laughed and said I won't ever hurt you, I promise. In fact, you know those kids that always pick on you down the street. I pouted and said yes. If you do me a favor this week, I'll make sure they never pick on you again.



I looked up to him with big eyes and said oh thank you with a shy look. I gently handed the box to him. Well, it's to skinny for a book on art like I got last year, he said that like he was reminding daddy of something. And it's too big to be tickets to the opera like at Christmas, he said that to daddy also.



I had given tickets to daddy for Christmas and he wanted to let me and mommy go but mommy insisted that he use the present that his little boy got him. He got me and mommy tickets and the two of us went several times. It was great fun.



He unwrapped the box and opened it. I think it's the first time I've ever seen him choke up. Not a word was said as he gently took the long knife out of the box and removed it from the fancy leather sleeve. He examined it very closely and then slowly put it away. You did good little sister, you did very good and he hugged me. That was a first.



I don't see what you like about this kind of thing, but a friend at school that's in Boy Scouts told me it was the kind of present you'd like. Would you stop calling me that please? What? Little sister.



He smiled and said, for now. He held up the knife and said thanks, it's the best present I've ever gotten. I'll make sure I remember to get you something. I looked at him in the way I always see mommy look when she is not really upset but teasingly chastises them. I know you're always forgetting these things, just like daddy, it's a man thing.



My God said daddy. That sounded just like your mother. I told you, need any more proof said Sam? I don't think so, I think I've seen plenty. Daddy sat down next to me and said, you always remember just like your mother don't you? I smiled, just like mom I said proudly. Speaking of your mom, she is really upset and not feeling to good. She will need your help a lot this week. Would you please help her as much as possible? Of course, I love doing things with mommy. I kind of guessed so. Great, she loves doing things with you also. She's really sad that she don't have a daughter to help her. She may ask you to do some fairly girlish things. She needs to be handled gently while she's like this or she may decide to leave us.



I started crying, mommy would never leave me. Son, you know she wants a little girl real bad and I can't give her anymore children because of the mumps you gave me six years ago. I started crying. Don't worry, know one blames you, but she needs a little helper and she may want to make you look more girlish to help satisfy her deep, deep need. If she don't get it then she could decide to leave and it's all up to you. I'll be her little helper. I hope she don't go overboard with this needing a girl thing, but I'll keep her happy until you get back to help, OK.



That's great, thanks. I feel much better now. I gave him a big hug. For some reason he wanted to know if I could hug harder. I told him I was hugging as hard as I could. He sighed. We talked for a while then he went down stairs, Sam went back to packing and making a list of what he needed.  



George Part 3: Telling Mommy



Down stairs daddy was sitting in the front room talking to mommy. Sam's right. She looked at him, what do you mean? George is not male. What?! Don't kid around about this kind of thing. He looked at her a little upset, I would never kid around about one of my sons being effeminate. The boy, god bless him, is more girl than most girls I've ever seen. Do you know what he's reading right now? No.



A book on sewing he took from your sewing room. He's worried that you'll find out and be mad. Why is he interested in sewing? Why is he interested in dancing, ballet, art, music, helping you, and has teddy bears, a picture of a girl that he admires, and dozens of books on things that girl's do? He has a jump rope and who does he play with around home? The girls. I just talked with our youngest boy and though he won't say it, he's hurting.



She stood up quickly and looked up toward my room. Dad knew he had her then so he pushed it a little further. While I was up there he was crying because he thinks that you don't love him. I tried to tell him that you do but he'd have none of it. She started heading my direction, her little boy was in pain. Daddy put a hand on her arm and stopped her saying, we need to talk first. She turned to him.



Why would he think I don't love him, she was crying. Daddy was thinking, perfect. Because he loves doing things that are girlish and you never let him. In fact you insist on making Sam do them and you leave him out. Remember when you had Sam wear that apron? Remember that George got all mad over nothing? Did you ever think that he was jealous? You know how he loves to play with his cousin's. They always wear frilly dresses and he spends as much time with the girls there as he possibly can even though there are plenty of boys around his own size. Think back on all the Halloweens, what does he always talk you into?



A double costume, a girls costume. Exactly, After looking at it with a different perspective thanks to Sam, I think our son wants to be a girl. I think he's dying to be a girl and I'm worried about him. I going to get him help. As soon as I get back I am going to try to get him professional help. I don't think theirs much hope. I've seen this a thousand times and I've never heard of a case that was turned around. Some children are just born in the wrong body. I just hope he doesn't do anything rash while I'm gone.



What do you mean rash? Most boys end up either real bad and impossible to control, or what I expect in his case, being the quite and shy type that he may attempt to take his life. No, in second thought, I think I'll be staying home. Sam and I can wait for another year. The boy needs a lot of attention right now, I'm just afraid that teasing from Sam may push him over the end at this point. What we really need is someplace to send him where they can guide him slowly into seeing what being a girl is all about. Some place understanding yet firm as he will pretend that he don't like it out of fear. He could see the wheels turning in her head. He reached for the phone. I'm calling my buddies to cancel the trip.



Hang up! The angry tone she used was not what he was expecting. What dear? Hang up. I'll take care of this, nothings going to harm my daughter. You two get out tomorrow morning and stay gone for two weeks. Call work and extend that vacation. Dear, you don't understand. With tears in her eyes she got right in his face. I understand perfectly fine! I have a daughter not a son. My mistake and I'll correct it. I understand that it's going to take gentleness and a lot of understanding, I'm not going to let my daughter go through life as a boy and be miserable. This is something I can fix. Dear, please, he's a boy not a girl. You can fix that can't you? Yes but.



No buts. I won't have my precious child in pain. If you two don't leave tomorrow morning I'll throw you out myself. Yes dear. Please be very kind to him, it's not his fault. I know about these things, he was born this way. She smiled and softly said yes, she's always been my daughter hasn't she and I've neglected her. I won't any more. She picked up the phone and called her mother. They talked about George for hours. Daddy continued packing. He wanted to whistle he was so happy, but knew he needed to stay acting concerned. So what if he sacrificed one wimpy son to get time with the other. Susan won't hurt him and he can straighten everything out later.



Mommy came up to my room and gently knocked on the door. I said come in mommy.



How do you know it's me sweetheart. You knock like I do, not like those guys. She smiled at the way I included myself in with her. I was hiding something behind my back. What is that you have there sweetheart? Where? Behind you. I blushed and pulled it out, it was her sewing book. I'll put it back please can I read it?



She came over to me and picked me up out of my big bird chair and said, of course you can. You can read any of my books. Really? Sure, I have lots of books just like you. Will you help me tomorrow, I could really use your help? I'd be glad to mommy, thank you and I gave her a big hug and said I love you. She hugged me back and said I love you more than anyone dear. I looked at her and for some reason I started crying. We just sat there on the bed with her holding me for a long time. I fell asleep and she put me to bed.



When she went into her and daddy's bedroom they made love passionately for the first time in over a year.  



George Part 4: Breakfast.



Daddy and Sam left very early the next morning. As soon as they were gone mommy came in and laid down next to me and petted my hair. It had grown long over the winter and last summer. I had taken to tying it back with a black rubber band. Even when tied back it was down passed my shoulders by three inches. I woke up at one point and saw her. Is it time to get up now? No not yet sweetheart.



I put my arms around her and snuggled in real close, she was warm and I went back to sleep. I didn't know it but she started crying. She wasn't sad, she had a smile, she was just so happy she thought her heart was going to burst.



She got up at some point and went down stairs. When I got up I dressed in a tee shirt and shorts. I had my sneakers on with out socks. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair and just left it dangling all over. Then I went down stairs. Mommy was in the kitchen so that's where I went. What's Ya doing?



What are you doing sweetheart. Ya is not a word. With a big smile I said OK, what are you doing sweetheart? She smiled and said I'm making French Toast for breakfast. I jumped up as that was my favorite. Can I help please? She smiled and said sure, but there are a couple of things I have to change first. She took out a white pinafore from the drawer.



I started to panic and she saw this, so she quickly made up an excuse. This is just to keep your cloths from getting flower on them. You don't mind do you? I thought about what daddy said and told her no it's OK. It was silly but I wasn't going to tell her that, not in her condition. After all I was supposed to be taking care of her. She placed it over my head and adjusted it to fit me. It was very big and went below my knees.



She went up stairs and came back down with a white ribbon and a comb. When I saw this I cringed. She saw and said, look silly, we can't have your hair falling into the food can we. Of course not. She combed my long, thick, blond hair back off my face and neck and tied the ribbon into place. The pony tail was very high, near the top back of my head.



She stood back and looked at me. She nearly fainted, here was her daughter, the one she could never see before. The pinafore wrapped all the way around me so that it looked like I had a dress on, and my hair was just like a little girls, the same wonderful blond. She got a stool for me and showed me how to dip the bread in the mix and them in the flour and powered sugar mix.



Then she talked to me about how to fry them. We really had a good time and I forgot all about being dressed funny. I have this great memory especially for things I enjoy, and so I remembered everything. When she quizzed me at the table during breakfast I told her exactly how to make French Toast, except the amounts for the mixtures as she had already did that part before I came down. My but you soaked that knowledge up real fast. I figured this was a great time to make mommy happier. I really want to learn to cook mommy. I said this with my eyes turned down because I thought she would see I was lying.



Mommy on the other hand saw my eyes turned down and thought I was worried that she would disapprove and stop loving me. She came over to me and hugged me saying that she'd teach me all I could ever want to know about cooking and that she was happy to have someone to teach.



We both cleaned up and I was standing at the sink on a stool doing the last dishes when the door bell rang. Mommy went to the door and I could hear Grandma giving her greetings. I finished the last dish and dried my hands. Then I ran to the front and right up to Grandma giving her the biggest hug. I was really happy to see her. She could help me keep mommy cheered up, and maybe I wouldn't have to do so much.



Grandma was talking to her daughter when she saw this darling little girl come around the corner and grab her and hug her. It took a minute but it sunk in. This was her grandson George. She pilled him off saying, well I'm glad to see you too. I smiled and said, hi, I get to go dry the dishes, your staying aren't you, please, please. Then I ran back into the kitchen before she could answer.



She was shocked to silence for a second, then she said Susan, I've never seen him so happy. That's in just less than one hour. A simple excuse to put a pinafore on her and to put her hair up, then letting her know that she can help me all she wants and she's happier than I think I can ever remember.



Do you think it's healthy to be calling him, her? Mother, that was my daughter. The longer you're around her the more you'll see that what I told you last night is true. It certainly seems that he, I mean she's happy dear. I don't know what you need me here for, you seem to have everything in hand. Don't get me wrong, any excuse to stay with my daughter while her husband is not around, but things seem to be all right here.



Mother, I think the problems that Jeff and I have been having are mostly my fault. Every sense I found out that George is really a girl at heart I've been very happy and now Jeff and I get along great.



She looked at her daughter and could begin to piece together just how important this was to her. Are you sure your son really wants this and it's not just wishful thinking? That's why you're here, I need you to ascertain if this is correct or not. I can't, I'm far too emotional about it.  



George Part 5: Telling Grandma.



The phone rang. Mommy picked it up and daddy was on the other side. I just thought I'd check in and find out how things are going. Were doing great dear, thank you. Is mom there yet? Yes. Let me talk to her please. Jeff wants to talk to you. Hello Jeff, seems you have a problem. More than you know. Don't say anything out loud, just lesson please. Susan's been getting depressed more and more lately. Have you noticed that except last night she don't even call you, and when you do talk it's short and to the point. Yes.



That's not like her, she's always been the kindest and nicest person on the face of the planet right. Yes. I had a friend over the other night, a shrink friend from the hospital. He watched her very closely. She's getting worse mom and I can't do anything about it. I was so frustrated, I wanted to help her so badly and I couldn't. The whole problem stems around her not having a daughter. Do you understand? Yes, I could have told you that.



I got to give daddy credit here, he sounded like he was almost in tears. Last night the solution just popped up out of the blue. It seems my son is hiding a deep seeded need to be a girl. Are you sure?



I talked with him for hours, everything he does he does like a girl. Everything he likes is girlish, everything he hates is boyish. Haven't you noticed how quite and reserved he is except when he gets to play with his cousins and then only when he's with his female cousins. He enjoys playing their games and doing things with them and only them. Yes, I noticed. I know you women have mentioned this before and I'm sure that one of you has said that he makes a better girl than boy. Haven't you? Yes, several times. Is Susan happy?



Grandma looked over at Susan and saw the smile and contented look she had while watching her son drying the dishes. Yes, for the first time in years. What do you think will happen if she finds out that George doesn't want to be a girl? Grandma stiffened and whispered, she would die, literally. I thought you said he wants to be a girl? I said it's latent, in his subconscious but not in his conscious. He may fight everything you do but I bet he'll enjoy it afterward. He's not going to just consciously let someone change him into a girl no mater what he really wants or needs. That's not good.



That's why I need your help. You want my help, that's a change. Daddy got a little hot at that.



Look, this is my wife and son were talking about. I don't care what differences we have, but for Gods sake lets put them aside. I love them and if I can't get you to help I may have to hospitalize the both of them. She asked what was needed.



I need you to stay there for a while and help her change him slowly into a girl. He's going to fuss and complain and pretend he hates it and this could crush her and make her give up. If that is allowed to happen there both lost. She has to be stronger than he is. I think with you there the issues that come up will be easier for both of them. You've always known what to say and do when there's a problem. I see what you're asking. Why aren't you here? She kicked me out. She doesn't want Sam or my teasing ways to make this harder. Smart girl. Ok I'll help. Great, I'm leaving my life in your hands mom, please take care of it. I will, goodbye. Goodbye. When the phone hung up daddy was laughing his head off but not Sam. Sam was thinking, if this turns out I loose a wimp of a brother and gain a very cute little sister. He wondered what that would be like. Grandma sat down. This was a lot to put on her, but it was her grandchild and daughter. She had to ensure that George did not ruin things.  



George Part 6: The Plan. - Amy Lynn, Apr/4/2001 22:02:53Grandma and mommy came into the kitchen. Mommy said she needs to plan the reception dinner and then start on the wedding dress, but first it's cleanup time.



I looked over at her thinking, how can I get her to spend time with Grandma and out of the kitchen. Got it. With my best and happiest smile I said mommy, why don't you and Grandma go make plans. I'll finish cleaning the kitchen. Mommy asked are you sure dear? Grandma was thinking "he looks so happy." Oh yes mommy, I can do it you'll see, please let me try. OK dear.



She and Grandma sat down at the kitchen table. Darn, I was hopping they'd go into the living room or something. Now I have to look like I'm enjoying this. Grandma watched him as he skipped over and cleaned the tabletop for them. He offered them coffee and poured for them. Then he started cleaning. He was so happy he actually started singing. He constantly looked over at his mom for approval just as if he needed to be reassured that his mom loved him and wanted him to help her. She started getting the feeling that her son-in-law was correct for a change, and her daughter looked so happy. I was doing everything I could to impress mommy. I was even quietly singing her favorite church songs. I really poured it on and I kept looking at her to ensure she knew. She looked so happy. I did a great job and you know what, I enjoyed myself. Go figure.



She was watching me but worked with Grandma on the reception dinner. So the plan was working but I was quickly running out of kitchen to clean. I needed another plan. It came to me as I was tossing stuff down the laundry shoot. I wasn't to sure if she'd go with this plan so I forgot my smile. I concentrated on how to ask this. Slowly it came to me and I went to her and waited. I almost had a tear in my eyes because I was sure she'd turn me down and I'd be right back in the front of her mind. You did a wonderful job on the kitchen dear. She was looking at me concerned. I pushed some hair that got loose and into my eyes and asked, mommy don't we do laundry on Saturdays? If I gather it all up and take it down stairs will you show me how to do the laundry? Then you could have more time to make plans with Grandma. She said that's a wonderful idea sweetheart, thank you.



I was so happy that she accepted the idea, I jumped up and down for joy and ran upstairs to gather the cloths before she could change her mind. They both watched me go and then turned to each other and smiled. While I was upstairs they continued planning, but it wasn't about the wedding. I happily gathered up everything I could find and tossed them down the shoot. Just about the time I was done mommy came upstairs and took off her apron. She tossed it down the shoot and told me to do the same. After I did she looked at my hair and said, we need to do something more with your hair so it's not in your eyes sweetheart. I looked at her skeptically and said I need to go to the barber shop and get it cut mommy, it's way to long.



Grandma was right behind her and said, but until then let us have a little fun with it. It would sure make us happy. I looked into mommy's eyes and thought about what daddy had said and I started tearing up, aren't you happy mommy? I don't want you to feel bad and I hugged her. Grandma could not help but think that this was the sweetest little girl she had ever seen. Oh sweetheart, mommy hugged me back and Grandma patted my head saying I think your mommy is happier right now than she has ever been before and it's because you're being so good to her. Everyone smiled and Grandma said let's go fix her hair. If the "her" had registered I would be running for my life while I had the chance, but I was so happy that things were working out I missed it.  



George Part 7: Hair Today, Worse Tomorrow. - Amy Lynn, Apr/5/2001 22:43:48Grandma took me back to the kitchen as mommy was retrieving things from her bathroom. Grandma had me standing on a chair with my head in the sink getting wet. She explained that it needed washing first. Mommy came down and gave Grandma the shampoo. Grandma and mommy were both saying how they had hair just like this when they were young and the pride in their voices was enough to make me very happy.



After the wash and rinse Grandma had me sit at the table facing the living room. Mommy sat down right behind me and started humming. She really had a wonderful voice and I sang with her. She was putting something in my hair on each side then adding something real smelly. She combed my hair forward then cut it across my nose. Then she put rollers in my hair above my eyes and added the same smelly stuff. She did the same around the back and at the bottom. When she was done there was a row of curlers running completely around my head. She put a plastic cap on my head and then plugged it in. It blew up like a balloon. I thought this was neat but my head started getting really hot. I was going to complain but Grandma would have none of it and told me I'd be fine. Grandma and mommy sat down and continued planning the wedding. Mommy would reach under the plastic cap and check my hair every few minutes. Finally, just before I was going to complain that I was well done and going on crispy, she pronounced that I was dry and turned it on cool. What a relief. The cool air encircled my head making things much nicer. Mommy removed the cap and started removing rollers. When all were removed she fluffed my hair with her hands checking to ensure everything was dry. She picked up a round brush and started combing. Both Grandma and mommy were delighted in how well my hair took a curl. I was getting a little nervous with all the "She and Her" that they were using. At first I thought they were taking about doing my cousins hair but when mommy, as she was running her fingers through my hair said, "My daughter has beautiful hair doesn't she? I wish mine were still like this. I started to panic and I stiffened up. Both noticed and changed the subject quickly. They were talking about the dinner reception when mother came around front and had me stand. Turn around slowly sweetheart.



I did as asked and when I got back around the smile on mommy's face was laced with love. I shook my head quickly to see if any hair would get into my eyes, none did. Thank you for the hair cut mommy. I looked at the floor and said you didn't cut much, may I have a look now? Grandma and mommy both got extremely guilty looks and said yes dear. I looked from one to the other and realized that I may not want to see it. I put my hands on my hips just like when mommy is getting ready to chew out daddy and asked, what did you do? Grandma asked with an innocent voice what do you mean dear? I looked at her in surprise and smiled saying you did that really well Grandma. Remember latter that you're the one who just taught me that act. Besides you know full well what I mean. You both look like you did something bad and have just got caught. I smiled to relieve some of the tension. Grandma was thinking, she does that just like her mother and I. Theirs no boy here, this child is all girl. If she's forced to live life as a boy then she'll never be happy.



Mommy took my hand and led me to the bathroom. She turned on the light and there, in the mirror, was a very, very pretty little girl. Her hair was exquisite. She had large hoops for bangs, her hair was straight, parted down the center, and there was a tunnel of under curl going all around her head. She had two loose ringlets, one at each side just in front of the ears. It was me and I was in shock. I couldn't move or think, just stare at the little girl. Mommy was right behind me and she went from a smile, to a pout, to a worried look, and finally tears. She put her hands on my shoulders asking are you all right sweetheart? I came out of my trance and all I could manage to whisper was "it's wonderful, I never knew you could do something like this." Then it hit me and I shook my head, both Grandma and mommy could see the change and Grandma said UT. OH. Mother! What did you do! TAKE IT OUT, CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU, ARE YOU! I was just about to blow-up but dads words hit me like an anvil. I stopped and smiled. Are you playing some kind of a silly game with me, like house or something? Mommy was stunned to silence but Grandma quickly stepped in with yes dear, we're playing house. We didn't think you'd mind.



Cool, I looked at mommy and gave her a hug asking her what roll I was playing that I needed a hair cut like this? She smiled and said we're having a girls only week and I was hopping you'd be my daughter for the game. You don't really mind do you? We thought it would be a lot of fun.



My thoughts were going a mile a minute. Mind, mind, are you both nuts? Of course I mind. That is what I was thinking but instead I said, can I be named after Grandma and you? Can I be Lisa Ann from you're middle names, please? Grandma got down on one knee to be face to face with me and asked, why Lisa Ann dear? She was trembling and a tear was starting. I looked at her and said, I love you and mommy more than anyone. If I'm going to be a pretend girl I want to be just like you. I reached over and touched her tear then hugged her saying if you don't want me named after you it's OK. She held me at arms length and then pulled me in kissing me over and over saying, I love you too Lisa Ann. Grandma. Mommy, and I were all hugging and it was great. Everyone was happy. I'd thought I'd messed things up for a minute but I pulled it out. This was not easy, very time I messed up things mommy got sad. Every time mommy got sad it cost me a bit of my manliness. This time a big bit. Grandma was thinking, "she loved her hair that way but the boy broke out and had to protest, then the female subconscious came through and made it a game so the boy could except it. The boy child is so confused he has developed a split personality. He wants to be a girl so badly that the boy gladly excepted the first excuse. The girl side is winning and it's because that's what he really wants and needs. If we don't make this child a girl then she will never be right. She could go insane. My name sake could go insane. My baby's baby." The tears were rolling down her cheek and she hugged me even harder.



Finally she let me go saying Lisa Ann please go down to the basement and start getting all the cloths into one big pile, then separate all the colors from the whites so there are two piles, then we'll come down and show you the rest. I jumped up and said "Oh yes Grandma." And I ran from the room. My mind saying "No dress, no apron and no hair ribbons, this is much better, hairdo or not. Mommy looked at Grandma and asked, what do you think now? That exchange, loving the hair, hating it, and then making it into a game. His subconscious or female side loves it, his conscious or male side is still rebelling, so his female side made it tolerable by making it into a game. Look how easily the female side persuaded the male side and how happy she and he is with the decision. This child is being torn into two distinct personalities because she wants to be a girl and can't because she's a boy. Also just as important, the name she picked. She brought it up, she picked it, she didn't even need to think about it, and the boy side excepted it right away as if it was expected. You think she's thought about this before?



Not consciously but in her deepest dreams. I bet she's played this game with us before in her dreams and that's why she jumped on it so quickly and why the boy was OK with it. He's played it before in his dreams. Why didn't he tell me?



Oh sure, a boy is going to tell his mommy that he dreams of being a girl. She tells his daddy, he tells his bigger son and the teasing starts. If she was consciously aware of the dreams at all, theirs no way she'd say anything. I bet, it would come up during the game, say in casual conversation over tea and cakes, he may just have his guard down enough to let her open up to us. Child, that's a great idea. Also we need cloths. You think your sister could loan us some? Not only that, but watch this. She headed toward the stairs leading down to the basement, Grandma telling her not to push too hard. Don't worry mom, I have a great idea.



When they got to me they showed me how to separate everything, then had me complete it. Then they showed me how to run the washer and dryer including what settings for each type of load. When they were done telling me I repeated everything back. Very good dear. Um sweetheart.



Yes mommy, did I get something wrong? I had paid extra special attention to every detail as I did not want her staying down here to watch me and start getting weird ideas. No dear you did great. We do have a problem. Your Aunt was to bring your two cousins over so that they can try on their dresses. They're the flower girls you know. I thought to myself, here's another chance to get away from mommy. I clapped my hands several times in excited anticipation while beaming and jumping around. Can they stay and play mommy please? What's the problem? Of course dear, they can stay and play, but the problem is your hair. Grandma added, remember we're playing a game right now.



"NO THEY CAN"T COME OVER! YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY HAIR BACK TO NORMAL AND RIGHT NOW!" Then it hit me and I stopped my tantrum and said to myself, wait a minute. I've been worrying about having to go out and get a dress, expecting mommy to find a way into talking me into going to the stores with her. How embarrassing that was going to be, but here is a way out. I mean, my goodness it's only the first day and it's not even lunch time yet and my hair is fixed like a girls already. I figure that today or tomorrow it's off to the stores and with this hairdo I'm doomed. On the other hand, Debbie and Sally love playing house. They would never tease me and would keep it our secret. Plus, we would not have to go outside at all until my hair was cut. They have the most fancy cloths, but which is worse. Grandma and mommy watched me struggle back and forth with the idea, both were praying that the little girl would take over. Grandma was upset with mommy. She was hoping mommy hadn't stepped over the line with this, but in all honesty the girls did need to come over. Mommy I'm sorry about what I said, I wasn't thinking. That's alright sweetheart. It seems to me that the hair is not the problem mommy. It's not? Grandma asked.



No Grandma, we have two problems really. First Aunt Carrol, Debbie, and Sally are not part of the game and second I'm suppose to be a girl, I have this great, wonderful new hairdo and nothing to ware with it. I started pouting and the cool thing was I even forced some tears and said Debbie and Sally will be all mad at me if I'm not wearing the right cloths for the game. Then it hit me that I was asking mommy to get me a dress, I started crying and couldn't stop. Mommy held me while looking at Grandma with a forlorn look and mouthed, she's crying because she has no dress. I would never have believed it. Grandma stepped in to save the day. She gently took my chin and held my head up so she could look into my eyes. It seems to me that my daughters both loved to play house when they were growing up, and if I'm not mistaken so do my granddaughters. I'll talk to them and pull them into the game, they'll love it. I bet I can talk Carrol into loaning you some of the girls cloths so Debbie and Sally won't be mad at you. They get to help you play the game instead. Won't they enjoy that? Really? I asked with hope in my voice that the cloths are only on loan for one week. Mommy and Grandma heard the hope and smiled. Grandma said we'll get on it right away. You finish the laundry. She put her hand out and asked Deal? I smiled and said Deal! And shook her hand big one shake. When mommy and Grandma got upstairs and the door was shut Grandma turned to mommy and said, "if you ever do something like that again to my namesake, I'll turn you over my knees. They both smiled and hugged each other.

[archives]

George Part 8: My Aunt and Cousins. - Amy Lynn



When Grandma called Aunt Carrol and told her everything, she did so on the speaker phone so that mommy and my cousins could hear. Grandma and mommy decided that Debbie and Sally should know what was going on so that they could help. Ok, so does everyone understand what's happened?



Debbie said, Grandma we've always known that George was a girl. That's why we let him play with us. He always sides with us when we get in arguments with the boys, he loves to play our games, and he thinks like we do. What do you want us to do to help him become Lisa Ann? Sally said this is going to be fun and started giggling which caused Debbie to start also. Aunt Carol put a stop to that right away, girls if you giggle and tease George you're going to ruin everything. The boy in him will come out swinging. Debbie said, mother if we don't act natural George is smart enough to see right through us. If we don't giggle and get him to laugh with us then it will strain our relationship with him. Us girls know what we're doing and giggling is part of it. Grandma broke in and said Carrol, I think they're right. They need to act like this is a game and that means a little teasing and giggling, but you're right they can't over do it. Sally said no teasing! Giggling with him, making him laugh with us about this, but no teasing, that's mean. We will not be mean to our friend. Debbie said that's right no teasing. The three of us stay together on this always. We never tease each other, we're friends. Friends don't tease each other, that's one of the reasons he gets along with us so well. We never tease him and he never teases us. Back to my question, what do you want us to do? Well, he seems to think the two of you would be mad if you caught him not dressing properly for the part he's playing in the game. He's right we would. We've played house with him several times and though he never played the girls part, he often played the fathers part and we made him dress in daddy's cloths. He only refused once and we did get upset and refused to play the game. I bet he's worried about that right now. What age girl is he playing? Grandma and mommy looked at each other, they had not thought about that. He doesn't look his age. He looks about seven or eight. Mommy decided and said she's eight years old. Sally giggled again and said he looks more like five or six to me. I'm six and I'm taller than him. OK, five it is said mommy. Is he potty trained asked Debbie? Yes said mommy.



Then he needs to be dressed like a five year old little girl. Mother kept us in dresses with petticoats and stuff at age five. Do you have anything that will fit him? No, that's one of the reasons we called. The two of you need to come over for fittings, your dresses are almost ready, and he needs to barrow enough clothes to get him through two weeks of playing the game. I thought you told him one week? I did dear but when his daddy calls to say their staying another week then I'm planning on talking him into extending the game. Devious said Aunt Carol, I suppose that Fred already extended the trip. Yes he did.



So we have work to do girls. We'll be over in about two hours, is that alright? Yes, it will give us time to have lunch with him. We have some questions we want to ask him. After lunch then said Aunt Carol, and Susan, I'll help all I can, so will the girls. Thanks sis. I love you. Love you too, bye. Bye. Grandma said, that went well. Aunt Carol just stared at the phone for a second then turned to her daughters. Debbie I want you to watch George as much as possible. Ask him some questions when it's appropriate and find out if he really wants this. I'm worried about my sister having wishful thinking. Don't go by just his words, go by any mistakes he makes that show his true feelings. I've been teaching you how to read body language for years now, use your knowledge. Same goes for you Sally, I want the opinion of someone that can get close to him and get the truth. Yes Mother, will do.



Right now we need to go up to the attic and get out any items that may fit him and sort through them. Sally, you start making lunch, Debbie and I will bring down all the stuff we've saved over the years. Sally got up and headed to the kitchen, Debbie and Aunt Carrol went to the attic and pulled down dozens of boxes. They brought them to the spare bedroom and started sorting through them for size first. After lunch they went back through the right size pile for the proper styles and two weeks plus of outfits. Debbie said that two a day should be enough. Sally said, why don't we start off simple and work our way up to fancy? Aunt Carol thought that was a great idea and sorted everything to go along with it. She made sure they were folded nicely and then bagged them, labeled them with style like play or dress up, and numbered them in order. She also picked out several outfits for special occasions. When they were done they packed everything up and put the extra away, back in the attic. Then they loaded the car and headed across town to Aunt Susan's place.  



George Part 9: Dreams, we all have them. - Amy Lynn, Apr/7/2001 22:46:42



I was down in the cellar, almost finished folding the third load when mommy called for me to come up for lunch. Lisa Ann, it's time for tea, please come up and join us. Be right up mommy, I just need to finish folding this load. OK sweetheart, hurry up though.



I quickly finished and placed the folded load in the lift. When I came up Grandma and mommy were out on the porch. Everything was set up for a tea party. I thought to myself, at least it's in the back where we have some privacy. Grandma motioned for me to come out so I did and cheerfully stood by the seat she pointed to Grandma and mommy sat down then I did, as was polite. The child in me took over when I saw what we were having. Finger sandwiches with cheese and mayonnaise. My favorite. Mommy also made some lemonade, she knew that I didn't like tea. I was in heaven and my smile must have shown from ear to ear. I kept my hands in my lap waiting for Grandma to start. She smiled and asked if I'd say prayer. I nodded OK.



Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this nice food, please bless it. Thank you for this tea party, it's my first and I'm so happy. Thank you for our family, including the guys. Bless them that they can be as happy as we are and that they come back to us safe from harm. Life has been so much fun today, please bless us that we can hold on to life a little longer. I beg this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Grandma and mommy looked shocked but recovered quickly. Both had tears. Didn't I pray correctly? I've been practicing a lot lately. Mommy got up, came over, and hugged me. That was a very good prayer sweetheart.



While she was hugging me I went over what I had said to God. The last thing I needed was to say something that would upset mommy. Lets see, I blessed the food, tried to make mommy happy by saying thank you for the tea party, asked that Sam and daddy come back safe, and thanked God for my life. Everything said so that mommy would feel good about her life also. Nothing said wrong, they must have liked the prayer a lot. Cool. Grandma and mommy's thoughts about my prayer were totally different. Both were thinking: he said "including the guys" as if he wasn't one of them, "happy as we are" she includes herself in with us girls. How nice that she's happy about this morning so far, "Life's been fun." Oh God no! "hold on to life a little longer." She's been thinking of ending her life! Both started crying at the same time. Grandma said her own little prayer: Oh please God, help us correct this, guide him not to fuss to much, help his female side take over. Mommy sat back down after a very long hug. Grandma took some sandwiches and put them on her plate and so did mommy and I. Grandma said in a questioning voice tea any one? Mommy said yes please and then she asked lemonade dear. I said, in my best little girl voice, oh yes please. Thank you mommy. When everything was ready Grandma started asking questions about the wedding preparations. Then she started some small talk. I lessened very carefully but I wasn't really interested until Grandma said that she'd been having dreams lately about silly things. Mommy said she was having strange dreams also. I said it must be that time of month. I had no idea what that meant but I heard them say it many times. I added. I've been having strange dreams too. It was true, last night I had a nightmare that mommy was taking me shopping dressed as a little girl and Sam was laughing his head off. Grandma told us about her dreams and she was right, they were silly. Then Mommy told us about her dreams and they were about me being her favorite child, her little girl. Her smile was so nice and wishful that my heart just fell and I went over to her and hugged her. I loved her so much and she was dreaming about keeping me, that's the important thing. Of course Grandma and mommy saw this as approval for her dreams. I told them about my nightmare. Mommy was so upset about Sam laughing at me that she actually cussed. I had never heard mommy cuss ever. Grandma and I were shocked. She apologized looking very embarrassed.



In my best imitation of what mommy said to me once I said, don't worry mommy, it's understandable. You spend a lot of time around daddy and Sam and we all know that the guys cuss sometimes. It's bound to rub off. The good thing is, I can see by your face you know you did wrong so I don't think your mommy will need to wash your mouth out with soap this time. Isn't that right Grandma? Grandma smiled and said, that's right dear, not this time. Mommy, looking very sincerely at me, said when we go shopping, if Sam laughs at you, I'll ground him forever. She was hot about it and I started crying. I couldn't let her know I was crying because she said she was actually going to take me shopping so I said, mommy, I don't think he'd really do it. I'm just so afraid. Grandma said don't be afraid dear, we all love you and will protect you.



I smiled, I had to change the subject soon as I was digging my own grave. Grandma are we going to have tea, I'm hungry. Grandma said of curse dear and she took a bite. So I quickly took a small bite. I wanted to make the food last so I wouldn't have to talk. Best idea I could come up with, keep my mouth shut by keeping it full. It didn't work, but it did give me time to think before giving any answers to the questions that mommy asked. Lisa Ann, do you have these dreams very often?



I thought, can't tell her it was only once, but I could help Sam out so he wouldn't kill me. Yes mommy. I dream every night (that was true) but that was the first time it was a nightmare. I'm sure Sam would be nicer. Then she asked, do you ever think that you need to die? That was easy to answer as Sam is always telling me I deserve to die very painfully. I looked at her with a little panic as I didn't want Sam punished and me placed on his hit list. So I answered meekly. Yes. Then I quickly took a bite showing that I didn't want to talk about this. Grandma changed the subject to happier things. Near the end she let me know that my cousins were coming over and that they are looking forward to helping me play the game. I started drifting with a smile. Of course they're looking forward to it. I can just see it now.



Grandma woke me up saying, this makes you happy doesn't it dear? Oh yes Grandma, very. I was thinking maybe now I won't have to take that shopping trip. So yes I was extremely happy. The rest of the tea party was light and full of smiles and mommy brought out real little cakes for desert. I asked her if she'd please show me how to make them sometime. She smiled and said of course dear. Well, back to our tasks said Grandma. I started to help clean up but Grandma said the next load should be finished. You pull it out and fold it, don't forget to start another load. Your mom and I will clean this up. OK Grandma and I gave her a hug and then I gave mommy a hug and went downstairs.  



George Part 10: My Cousins. - Amy Lynn, Apr/10/2001 22:40:11



Once I was out of earshot Grandma took mommy in her arms and they both cried. Grandma said it's a good thing we found out about this now. I'm not sure how long she's been thinking about suicide but going by her guilty looks and the way she scurried around the issue I'd say she was close. I want so much to just throw out all her boys stuff and buy her a complete new wardrobe and toys and books and Hold on dear. Did you see her face? She's scarred to death to go out side let alone to the mall where everyone will recognize her. We don't want to scare her so much that the boy takes over and we can't get the girl out at all. No that would be a bad thing. I've waited this long and I can hold off a little longer. Good things come to those that wait. He doesn't have a chance with you helping me mom. Thanks. She's my namesake dear. I'm not about to let anything happen that will jeopardize our little baby from becoming the perfect little girl. She smiled, did you see how she treated you when you cussed. I can just see you saying that to her. She mimics you. Most boys would mimic their fathers. Have you ever seen her mimic anyone else? No, but now that you mention it, that's not the first time she's mimicked me. In fact, she's been doing it for years. That's so sweet.



They smiled and talked while cleaning up. They had just finished when the door bell rang and in walked Aunt Carol and my cousins. Everyone said hellos and Debbie asked, where's George? Her new name is Lisa sweetheart, please call her that OK, Both girls shook their heads yes, he's down in the basement folding cloths said Mommy, please don't scare her OK. OK, they took off toward the basement. Don't believe us do you Sis? Said Mommy.



You know that I want to but I need to see this for myself. At this time let's just say I'm a little bit skeptical. That's fair said Grandma, I was also. I'm not now. She told Aunt Carol what they found out during the "Tea."



While they were cleaning up and greeting everyone I was down in the basement folding the laundry and thinking to myself. If I let my cousins know that I hate this then they'll tell Aunt Carol and she will tell Grandma and she'll tell Mommy and Mommy will get sad and leave me. I was crying for a while but I got my reserves up to play a trick on my two cousins, I would not lie to them, I loved them to much for that. I would play the game and act sad when they knew I saw them, but very happy when they thought I thought they weren't looking. I would say that I was afraid, that was true, I would keep saying that I hope the game will be over soon, that would be very true. But I would act like I really enjoyed this, that would get them to report that I liked being Mommy's little girl for a week even if I was pretending not to, and Mommy would be happy and keep me. That's the perfect plan, act natural verbally, but not physically. I started thinking up ways to make my two cousins to think I was happy. Actually, this wasn't going to be all that hard as I was happy. I was happier than I think I've ever been. I couldn't figure that one out, maybe it was because I didn't have to go fishing. I was singing one of my favorite songs when Debbie and Sally came sneaking down the stairs. When they hurd me singing they stopped just within sight of me and sat down on the steps. I was singing a song called Families can be together forever and I was just finishing up the first verse. I only want to be, with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can, the Lord, has shown me how I can.



At the pause between verses I heard a noise so I went over to the sink and pretended to clean something off my hands. While there I glanced in the mirror and played with my new hairdo acting like I really loved it. Then I went back to folding. I saw them. They ducked but their shoes were visible. When I was almost done folding I curtsied to the dryer just like I'd seen then do to Grandma and I said thank you. I pretended I was in a dress and I held out the sides and everything just like they do. I did a good job as I had practiced this hundreds of times on my own before, just incase you understand. Sally giggled and that gave them away so I turned toward them. Debbie and Sally came down the rest of the way and started to say hi. I ducked behind the shelves and said reactively get out, go away or I'll hit you. Then I looked around one shelve and asked, is that you Debbie and Sally? Debbie answered and said it's us you silly. Come on out and we'll help you finish folding the cloths. I'm not, there's something, I can't, I mean, you got to go away. Please! Lisa Ann, we know all about your hairdo and the game. Don't you want to play with us? We brought you a dress. I started to step out and said a dress is it a nice one? Then I ducked back in and said I don't want to play anymore. They looked at each other and Debbie said if you don't come out of there right now I'm going to come in there and pull you out. You don't want me to do that do you. We're playing house and I'm the Mommy, Sally is the big sister, and you're the little sister. That gives me the right to spank you.



I stepped out holding my bottom and said you wouldn't. She smiled and said, oh yes I would. Now you get out here and play nice. OK and I happily came out. I gave them both big hugs saying hi Mommy and big Sister. Sally giggled and that started the three us giggling and laughing. The three parents on the first floor had moved to the top of the stairs and was listening at about the time we started giggling. It sounds just like three girls at a sleep over said Aunt Carol. Debbie and Sally help me fold the last two items and we put them in the lift and sent them to the second floor. I knew Mommy was watching us as I could see the shadows change when the door opened so I said, before we go up can we talk please. Sure little Lisa said Sally.



I giggled and said I like that name. I don't want you to get the wrong opinion when we go up stairs. Debbie looked serious at me and asked what are do you mean? Don't tell Mommy or Grandma about this, but I'm having a problem. I seem to loose my temper over the silliest of things and I can't control it. I forced a tear. Debbie and Sally put their arms around me to comfort me. I'm so confused. I have been so for some time now. I don't know what's going on and it's killing me to think that I may do something that will cause Mommy to get mad at me and hate me. I love her so much. I was really crying now and said between sobs, I've never in my life had as much fun as I've had today, but I keep loosing control. When I lost it earlier today I almost hit Mommy and It made me wont to just end. If you see me do this please stop me. It scares me to death. OK Both girls agreed. We talked about the cloths that I could ware for a few minutes then we went up stairs.  



George Part 11: Cousin's report. - Amy Lynn, Apr/13/2001 22:44:11



It was Aunt Carol that shut the door. She said that's interesting. Did you catch that exchange? It's just like we told you said Grandma.



We'll see but he definitely likes what you've done so far and he is being torn apart just like you described. Did you catch the "It made me wont to just end?" I can't believe that he has already confided in my girls. He's asked them to help him not fuss so much. The door opened and we came out. I saw Aunt Carol and gave her a big hug saying hi. Hi George.



I looked at her, putting my hands on my hips and said, you're suppose to be playing the game. My name is Lisa Ann. Debbie took my hand and said, not until you get dressed, and she gave her Mother a sad look. She looked at Sally and said please take your little sister up stairs and get her properly cleaned up. Sally jumped up and said bubble bath, took my hand and started pulling me toward the stairs. I started to complain but Debbie said Lisa, play nice.



When Sally had me out of the way Aunt Carol sat down and asked, what's you first opinion dear? When we first got to the top of the stairs she was singing "Families Can Be Together Forever," I've never seen her do this before. At church, in Primary, she refuses to sing just like most the boys. She has a wonderful voice. I watched her go to the sink and wash her hands and check her hairdo in the mirror. The smile on her face said, "I'm so happy." Can you believe it? And to top that off she curtsied to the dryer Mother, thanking it for helping her. Mom, she curtsies better that Sally or I do. She must have practiced for hours and hours. She didn't learn that just today. Grandma and Mommy said we never taught her that. She's been pretending to be a girl behind our backs. Aunt Carol said I suggest you don't tell her that you've found out. That could cause the "Him" side to blow up and deny everything. Mom, I'm not finished. When he curtsied we giggled and he turned quickly around. When he saw that someone was coming he hid. He got real mad and told us to leave and even threatened us. There is a big difference between his voice and hers. When he found out it was us, "she" came out and she was easy to control. Mother, I think George is two people. Also he confided in us that he is having a hard time keeping "George" under control and "Lisa" in charge. He also said something, not just his words, but the way his eyes pleaded with me. Mom, George wants to die and Lisa is keeping him from doing it.



That's a lot of information in just a few minutes dear said Grandma. Are you sure? Aunt Carol stepped in saying Mom, Debbie has been studying under me for years now. She's better at reading body language than most psychiatrists will ever dream of being. She turned to my Mommy and added. If Debbie says the child is suicidal then I need to see him now. Not latter, not after the change, but right now. Debbie, finish getting his bath completed and put him in something of his own. Then bring him down here. Yes Mom. She went up stairs and entered the bathroom. Sally and I both said hi. Sally was gently helping me wash up and then soak. Debbie said, let's get him out and dried off. Mom wants to see him. I got out and dry then to my surprise I had to put my own cloths back on. I was disappointed and for some reason I started crying. Sally went down and told them I was on my way, but Debbie had to calm him down first as he got really sad and couldn't stop crying when he found out he was to put pants on.  



George Part 12: Hypnosis is unfair. - Amy Lynn, Apr/14/2001 19:33:51



When I came down I did so slowly. Aunt Carol saw me and said come here George. I did as asked. Sit here and look at this shinny new dollar. She how it spends, see how shinny it is, see how deep the shine goes. It makes your eyes tired. It's been a long day and your tired too. I remember everything that was said. This is what happened. He's asleep now. Let's see if he really is two people. George can you hear me. Yes. Do you like being treated as a girl?



No. I wanted to scream yes so I wouldn't hurt Mommy but I couldn't Aunt Carol looked at Mom and Grandma accusingly. George do you want to ware dresses? No.



Do you like doing chores around the house to help you're Mommy? No. Do you want to be a boy always? For some reason I didn't answer. George, do you want to be a boy?



Something snapped inside me and my mind was loose, I was still under control but I could answer anyway I wanted. I thought to myself if you're a boy Mommy will leave you. No! I screamed it in a high pitched voice that caused Aunt Carol to back up a step. She thought for a second then said. Child, she touched me, sleep. I was asleep but I could still think. I knew I was in trouble. Aunt Carol was trying to find out the truth. If I let her she'd ruin everything and dad would be real mad that I didn't help Mommy, but most of all Mommy would leave me. Then it hit me. I'm was having fun. I liked playing the game. I was making Mommy happy, but I was making me happy too. Let's have some more fun. While I was thinking Aunt Carol looked into my eyes with a small flashlight. He's still under. That was not George. Not the nice polite innocent George that I know and love. Something's tearing this child apart alright. Let's find out what it is. Child, talk to me, tell me what you're thinking.



I was so sad that this was going to let Mommy know the truth and what I was going to do now to keep Mommy was going to put me in dresses and shopping and everything that I said I want to die before I realized I'd said it. Everyone started crying at once.



Aunt Carol got them calmed down and asked, why Lisa, why do you want to die? She called me Lisa, she thought I had two personalities. Cool. I thought here's my chance to correct that mistake. I cheered up saying I don't want to die. I want to be Mommies little girl. I said this in the happiest little girl tone I could. I was going to ruin my life for about one week, but it would be worth it if Mommy stayed. Aunt Carol nearly dropped the coin. Lisa, do you enjoy doing things for you're Mommy? Oh yes, I love my Mommy. She teaches me things and helps me and we're not like those men. I said Men with a touch of disgust. I was proud of the perfect tone I got on that disgust.



What do you think of George? He's me. I hate him for being a boy. He's really a nice person but he's a boy and he hates being a boy so much that he wants to stop being a boy forever. He's mean to my Mommy and it's because he's afraid. George, what do you think of Lisa?



This got me to think of Mommy and what it would do if I answered nicely. I was all of a sudden tired. Mommy was going to get her way and there was nothing I could do about it until daddy got home. I answered. She's my best friend. We play house together and everything. She's trying to help me not be so scared. I'm so tired, I can't be a girl and grow up like Mommy so I just want to sleep, please let me sleep. I'll be good and you'll never have to worry about me again. Just let me sleep. Lisa, do you want to sleep also? No silly, I want to play and get hugs, and learn to sew, and cook, and clean house, and do my hair and Lisa, what will happen to George if you get to be a girl all the time? He want's to sleep so I think I'll let him go to bed for as long as he wants. I'm afraid though. What are you afraid of dear?



He gets afraid and then stubborn. Even though he want's to be a girl like Mommy he fights when he gets scared. When he starts to sleep he disappears inside me and it's harder and harder to get him back. I think he'll either go away completely or kick me out and then do what his been planning. I fight back with everything I have but he's so strong when he's scared. We'll be with you sweetheart, your Mommy will always be with you. We'll help you win this battle. Tears started to flow from my eyes and I said that's all we ever wanted. Mommy to be with us always. Aunt Carol put a finger to my head and said sleep sweetheart. She got up and after a good long cry and she washed her face to clear away the tears. Grandma, Mommy, and my cousins did the same and Mommy brought a cool wash rag over to me and wiped my face. Aunt Carol said here comes the hard part. I don't need to ask permission. As her doctor I know this is the best for her. Aunt Carol said to me, George, I want you to go asleep, go into a deep sleep and don't come out. Just go to bed and stay there, Lisa will take care of everything. You have nothing to be afraid of anymore, but Lisa I want to talk to you. Yes Maim.



Lisa is George gone? He's asleep but he's still here. Good, I am going to wake you up, but I don't want George to wake up. OK? OK, but he's going to wake up anyway. Why?



He's part of me. We like playing house and doing the things that we've been doing. We've been so happy today. He'll get mad when he sees the dress and will throw a fit, but now that he has to come out of a good sleep to do so, then I can control him much better. I am female after all. I threw that in just for fun and silently prayed it would only be for a week. Lisa, I'm going to send you up stairs to get dressed in a dress, will George be really upset? Yes but Grandma can stop that, we're more afraid of Grandma's right hand on our backside. If she gets mad and pulls us over her lap I'll hide and leave that up to George to handle. I'll laugh at him afterwards. He loves Grandma very much but he's afraid of spankings more than wearing a dress. Lisa, go to sleep.



I did. She looked into my eyes and said that's strange. Her answers are to candid for a person under hypnotism, yet she's defiantly under. Then again, I've never had a split before. Girls, I'm about to wake her up. Take her to the front room to play for a few minutes and describe the dress in detail and play it down so that she is not afraid when we put it on her. Yes Mom.



She took my face and said Lisa at the count of three you will wake up and remember everything. Grandma said is that a good idea? Aunt Carol said watch this. One, Two, Three.



George Part 13: Getting dressed. - Amy Lynn, Apr/17/2001 01:23:12



I opened my eyes and flew into Mommies arms.



I cried and cried saying, you won't leave me, promise you won't leave me. Oh Mommy please promise. She hugged me and rocked me back and forth. Oh baby, I would never leave my little girl. I promise. We hugged for hours it seemed but it was really only minutes and I really didn't want to let go, but Debbie was pulling me off saying we need to talk about the game Lisa. I said OK and reluctantly got down and went with them into the front room. See, trust me Mom. I know what I'm doing. I should have been over here sooner. I almost lost a nephew. Sadly you two are right. I think all his problems will go away when he's been a little girl for a while. He'll lose that split personality as soon as he gets confortable with it and stops being afraid. Aunt Carol took Mommies hands and said. If you allow his father or brother to turn him back into a boy he's dead. He won't be able to take the shock. Do you understand that? Yes Mommy said with anger, believe me, that won't happen.



We have two weeks to give that boy what he wants and needs. I'm afraid that Fred was right in that he's going to protest, but Lisa just gave us a great clue on how to get around that, without it we could be in deep trouble, but with it, this will be hard but very possible. She turned to Grand Mommy. Mom he loves you but thank goodness he is also totally afraid of getting a spanking from you. I don't blame him, I can still remember why I don't do some things and it has to do with a bright red bottom. I expect it will take a couple of good ones to get him completely under control, and Mom. Yes dear.



Move in here, at least until I can give him a good bill of health. He needs that firm hand around at all times. I will dear.



We need to take things slow, but don't stop with life, go shopping for food, cloths, any excuse to get him out. Take him to church and place him in the girls class and do so with him in the prettiest dress you can find. He'll through a fit but when you take him out dressed in something simpler he'll actually feel relief that he don't have to go fancy. Make wearing a normal dress a reward of sorts. The more he complains the more outlandish and childish the dress. If he goes to far, dress him as a baby. That should take some of the bite out of him, but for now never leave him alone. When they were done making plans they called us in. Ok, time to try on your dresses girls. Grandma would you please take Lisa Ann up stairs and get her dressed. We have a surprise for you all after we're done. Grandma took my hand and led me upstairs. Grandma what are we doing?



You need to be dressed for the game don't you? We'll while the girls are trying on their dresses you get to try on yours. Won't that be fun? Debbie and Sally told me all about what I'm going to wear. I can't wait. This is going to be so good. Can you make me look like a girl for real? I'll do my best sweetheart, aren't you a little afraid dear? No, not now that I know what you going to do to me. I've had time to prepare so it won't be such a shock. Sally said that this dress comes with matching ribbons for my hair, am I going to get to wear the ribbons too? Of course.



We we're in my room and Grandma looked at the stuff their. My this is a nice room she said. There's not much here, why no curtains? The blinds are ok I guess. She noticed the sad sound and took me in her arms asking, if you could have any curtains you want what would they be? Teddy bears to match my bed spread I said with hope. I think that can be arranged. I gave her a great big hug.



She said I also think some real teddy bears would be a nice touch too, don't you? Oh yes. This is something I've actually been wanting. If I'm going to get curtains and teddy bears just for being a pretend girl for a week, it's worth it. It's your birthday in just three days. Is that what you'd like? No.



I said that so quick that it caused her to blink. She started helping me remove my cloths. What would you really like? I looked up at the picture on the wall. I want to be happy like her. Grandma looked at the painting and smiled. Sweetheart, that can be arranged too. We sang songs and laughed and giggled as she got me ready. I don't see what the issue with girls cloths are. I mean why do boys hate them so much? Cotton panties, a camisole, and socks feel the same as my boy underwear, they're just prettier. I guess it's a mater of perception. There is a big difference in the outerwear. The slip went on like a tee shirt but came down all the way to my knees and it billowed out about six inches all the way around starting at my waist. It was light weight and tickled when it floated down around my legs. I giggled. Grandma said it feels nice doesn't it? Yes Grandma.



The dress was just a simple yellow with white trim. The sleeves were just like one of my shirts but the collar was wider and had lace. Grandma placed an apron around me. It was a penny she said. She tied it in the back in a big bow. She had me put on black shinny shoes and turned down my socks so that the lace showed. She fixed my hair and put a little necklace on me with a heart pendent. I couldn't help think that it's a good thing we weren't going anywhere. She turned me around and walked me in front of the mirror. I was totally shocked. Grandma is that really me? You didn't even use makeup. Do you like?



No one would ever recognize me. I smiled up at her and said, I don't look like a boy in a dress. I look like a girl. I was almost in shock. When Mommy sees me like this I would be in trouble for sure. I gave a little prayer to God for help and said to Grandma, I could really be Debbie's and Sally's little sister and no one would know. She smiled thinking we just got pasted a hurtle we didn't even know we had. She thought she'd be ugly. Out loud she said, you make the prettiest Grand Daughter ever. I looked at her in surprise and whispered, don't say that. Then I added when I saw her face change, around Debbie and Sally. It would make them sad and they're my friends. Her smile returned, OK, it's just our secret she said. I sat in her lap and we talked for a while. I don't know why but now that I was dressed like a girl it seemed OK. I mean it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Grandma was treating me real nice. It was relaxing the way she talked to me. I told her it felt nice being dressed up for Mommy and she smiled and said. Lisa, I need to tell you this before we go down stairs. Aunt Carol wants to take us all to a movie down town after the girls are finished. I smiled and said just a second please. I climbed down and walked to the closet and shut the door. Grandma came to the door and said you'll still be playing the game. I said I quit!  



George Part 14: Making Grandma angry, not a good idea. - Amy Lynn, Apr/18/2001 20:45:00



Lisa! My name's George. Lisa Ann you come out of there right now! I blocked the door with everything I could and said no way. Lisa if I have to come in there and get you I will not be happy and neither will your backside. You stop this right this second. NO! Fine.



She tried to open the door but I had it blocked up real well, she gave a little shove and everything including me moved completely out of the way. She grabbed my arm and pulled me out then drug me to the bed kicking and screaming. They heard the racket I was making down stairs, the neighbors probable heard it two blocks away, but Mommy was prepared for this and paid no attention. She knew just how persuasive Grandma could be. Grandma turned me over her knees and held me down with one hand. She pulled up my dress and slip then started in killing me. Mommy had never spanked me like this before. Daddy had whipped me only once but I never misbehaved in front of him again. Sam would punch me and gave me a good spanking for my birthday including a pinch to grow an inch and a sock to grow a block, but nothing compared to this. Grandma was unmerciful. She just kept hitting me and talked to me between each blow. Swat: You will never, Swat: run from me, Swat: or hide from me, Swat: Or try to cause problems, Swat: again, Swat: do you, Swat: understand, Swat young lady? I tried to say yes but she never gave me the time.



Swat: If you, Swat: think that, Swat: I am going, Swat: to put up, Swat: with that, Swat: kind of, Swat: behavior, Swat: then you've, Swat: got another, Swat: think a, Swat: coming. Swat: I don't hear, Swat: any apology, Swat: well! I screamed I'm sorry between swats but it took five swats to get it out. She finally stopped. Grandma said my hand is tired. Is it time to switch sides and start over or are you ready to be the sweet little girl that we want? My mind was racing, switch sides, you've got to be kidding. I yelled (sniff) I'll be (sniff) good, I'll (sniff) be good, (sniff) I'll be good. She held me at arms length and said then say it. I'll be good (Sniff). You'll be a good what?



I'll (Sniff) be a good (Sniff) little girl. That's better and ask your mother Lisa. She can tell you, that spanking was only a small sample of what you'll get if you don't behave. Grandma I said starting to calm down, do we have to go outside? Yes. We need to go places this week. Buy things and do things to get ready for this wedding. We can't just leave you home alone so you're going with us. That means being out side dressed like a girl, and if you behave and treat your Mother and me nicely and act like you're enjoying yourself then we'll make it fun and do things for you and let you dress up nicely like you are now. But if you're going to act up and cause my daughter to be sad then I'm going to spank you like you've never been spanked before and I'm going to dress you in clothes that you won't be so happy in. So take off that dress and slip. My eyes must have increased in size three fold. I said, No Grandma please I'll be a good little girl I promise. I know you will dear. Now take them off or do I have to prove my point even more? I turned around so that she could unzip me and I took off the dress and slip. The shoes and socks came off next. She went to the dresser and pulled out another pair of socks and said put these on, then she went to the closet and picked out a dress and slip.



When she brought them out I picked up the other dress and hugged it saying Grandma please no. I'll ware this one and be real happy. Don't make me ware that. It's to late for that child, but if you're nice and sweet the rest of the day and you don't cause us any trouble between now and church tomorrow then I may let you wear something less babyish to church. I nearly fainted. I'm going to church dressed as a girl. I'll be the laughing stock of the whole town for ever. Grandma saw the problem playing across my emotions and said you're going to church as a girl tomorrow whether you want to or not. You're only choice is how you're dressed. It will be something fancy, but it could be something your age, or if you're real bad then we have diapers and a very short baby dress. I dropped my hands to my side knowing I was defeated. What could I do? I was going to wear that dress with or with out another spanking and I was going to the movies in it. I chose to just do as I was told and when daddy got home, if I hadn't died from the embarrassment, this would be all over. One week. God help me get through this week. The new socks were light pink with white ruffles. The slip only came to a few inches above my knees and billowed out at least two feet. I looked like I was in a cloud. The dress was pink with white lace and ruffles just like a little girl party dress but it was shorter than the slip or as Grandma called it the petticoat. This dress buttoned up the back and as I reached back I knew I could never get this dress off without help. As Grandma was tying the wide sash in a big bow in the back she asked me, feeling a little trapped Lisa? Yes Grandma.



Well, maybe next time you'll be nicer. I would have been very happy to take you out in that other dress but this will do just as well, and if you think things can't get any worse. She reached in the closet and pulled out a dress that was another five inches shorter and had no waste. It looked like a baby dolls dress. She said this is for tomorrow if you don't behave. I looked at her and then looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a three year old, but oddly I looked right. The cloths were right, the size of the little girl in the mirror, and even the color said little girl. Grandma started putting ribbons to match the dress in my hair replacing the other ones. I turned up to her through the mirror and asked will this make Mommy happy? Very much, if you don't get upset about it. If you do get upset it will make her very sad. If I act real good I can wear something more grownup tomorrow? Yes dear.



I made a resolve right then to be the best little girl ever. This was so out of my hands at this point that the only way to handle it was go along with the flow and try to effect it a little here and there. I turned around and said I won't get upset. You watch. Let's go show Mommy I can be a girl too.  



George Part 15: Going out and the End. - Amy Lynn, Apr/21/2001 00:25:24



We we're both laughing when we came back downstairs. We stepped into the sewing room and Debbie was up on the stool with Aunt Carol and Mommy working on the hem of her dress. It was really beautiful. I'd never seen a dress so white and still be that lovely. It was all satin and lace. It was hard to describe, like I was in a trance, I just couldn't remove my eyes from it. I walked up to her and said Debbie, you're so beautiful. This dress is wonderful. Our Mommies are so talented. Then I realized what I was doing and came out of it. I stepped back and would have said something flippant to change the mood but my bottom was still hot from the last spanking and I was determined not to go to church dressed as a baby. I turned to Sally and said, both of you are going to be spectacular. Then I looked at Mommy and said, I thought all eyes are supposed to be on the bride. If the brides dress is better than these then you're a genius. Will I be able to sew like this? I really was interested in learning how to sew. Yes dear I will teach you everything I know and wait until you see my sister wearing it. I think you'll like it very much. Now turn around and let me see all of you. I did with a smile and said don't Sally have nice cloths.



Sally said that wasn't the dress he was supposed to wear right now. I looked down and said, I was a bad girl and so Grandma decided that I couldn't wear that really nice yellow dress. I smiled and said this one is just as good though. She said that if I'm a good little girl that she'll let me be more grown up for church tomorrow. Mommy wasn't touching me. She was just staring. I turned to her and when I saw the look on her face I started crying. I don't know why. The look was of total shock and I thought she didn't like me. Mommy took me in her arms and gently pulled me to her. What's wrong Mommy? Don't you love me like this?



She just held me and rocked me without saying anything. Tears were rolling down hers face and she was sobbing. She just held me rocking and I was getting scared. Grandma bent down and whispered in my ear saying, she's never loved you more than how much she loves you right now. She loves you so much for doing this for her that she can't speak just yet. She has cried herself to sleep night after night for want of a little girl, now she has one, if just for a week. I hugged her real tight and said I love you Mommy. I think it was at this time that I started enjoying being Mommies little girl. We went out to the movies and had a wonderful time. I messed up twice thought and got another spanking that night. The first time was when I had to pee and refused to use the girls room and then when I was made to use it I asked out laud where the pissers were. Grandma was not impressed. Sunday morning I found myself dressed as a baby girl in a petticoat that was wider that the house. When I sat down it came up over my head. Grandma placed a chair in front of the mirror and said sit down. I did and I could clearly see my diaper, pink plastic panties, and the pink panties with lace trim across the seat. I stood back up quickly. She said raise your hands above your head. I did and everything showed. Bend over, I did and it all showed again. She looked at me right in the eye and said when your in church today just remember. It can get worse. I looked at her and said that's impossible. She said try me and find out. I looked at her and said no way.



She said smart girl, you're learning. I knew this was going to be a tough day. But you know what, it wasn't. We went to church and everyone treated me nicely. Even the boys did and they normally treated me bad. After church we went shopping to get things for the wedding. I was pushed around in a stroller. Mommy gave me some vitamins when Aunt Carol joined us. I fell a sleep after a while and didn't wake up until we were home. They even had lunch while I was a sleep. I did hear some of the talk as I would wake up now and then. Grandma asked Mommy, how are you holding up? Mother I've never felt so good in all my life. I love her so much, I didn't think it was possible to love this much. All mothers have this special love for their daughters dear. Now you know how I feel about everyone of mine. Later when I woke up I heard. Mom. do you really think she'll like this? It's what she asked for. When I was getting her dressed she could have asked for anything but she pointed to that picture of the ballerina and said she wants to be happy like her.



I would have never guessed. Neither would I but I think it just more proof. I fell asleep again so I didn't catch anymore. When I did wake up I was lying on a blanket on the floor in the sewing room. Grandma and Mommy were working on the brides dress. They had finished the two flower girl dresses and now they were talking about my Aunt Peggy coming over for the first try on of her dress. I was confused as that was not supposed to happen for days yet. Embarrassingly I realized that I was wet. I said Mommy I'm sorry but I must have had an accident. What dear asked Grandma? Oh don't worry I'll change you in a moment. Go back to sleep for now. I did but not before hearing.



The medication we're giving her is taking effect. Buy the time Jeff gets home she will be irreversible. She's offal tired said mom, are you sure it's a good idea to start before Jeff gets back? Yes, said Grandma after talking to you about the day Jeff and Sam left for fishing I'm not sure of Jeff's agenda regarding my grand daughter. I think he may be truly worried about her but in point of fact we haven't had a call from him in days. If it were my son I'd call daily. True, irritatingly Mommy said so you think he was just making a ploy to go fishing without my complaining? Sweetheart, I'm not sure so don't get upset with him. He may truly be worried. I'm simply not taking the chance that when he gets home he decides theirs a cure for this. The medication we're giving her is strong and causes drowsiness and infantilism in children but it will cut all male hormones out of his system and with the shots to his balls that Carol gave him he won't be producing any more. The hormones we're feeding her will cause a reversal effect that will allow her to except her new roll without the boy side coming through and the tapes that Carol has provided we're playing while she sleeps are already working. She didn't complain about wearing a diaper this time and went right back to sleep when I told her to. Within the next week she will be you're baby daughter, the only thing needed after that is the surgery and Carol said she can do that in about a month. I fell back asleep again. I dreamed of dresses and playing dolls and smiled in my sleep. I could hear a voice somewhere saying, it's nice to be a baby girl, it's nice to be a baby girl, it's nice to be a baby girl.



The end.