The next competitor waddled obediently out beside his mother. Baby Kim was wearing a lavender dress with three flouncey layers of taffeta. The dress only covered the top couple of inches of his frilled bloomers. He held a teddy in a pink tutu tightly with both arms.
“Welcome back Kim”, the presenter said. “Ladies, you may remember that Kim was runner-up in last year’s under-15s.” The poor boy suc-ked unself-consciously on his soother. Terry, looking on from the back of the stage, tried not to think what it was like to spend a whole year dressed as a baby girl!
“Since Kimmy was runner-up last year, you must have high hopes this year”, the presenter asked his mother. “Absolutely”, she replied. “He had only been back in nappies for a few weeks then. He’s now had a whole year of practice at being a pretty little baby, haven’t you?” Kim gave a little nod and then dropped his head and stared at the ground. He suc-ked on his soother again.
“So how has the year been then?” the presenter asked. “Super. Of course, he has lost all control of his toilet so he knows now that he needs to be in nappies. Once that dawned on him he has been much easier to deal with. I still keep his hands in mittens of course. Can’t be too careful. But he always stays in his play-pen or cot like a good little baby.” She smiled sweetly at the boy who didn’t know where to look.
“I seem to recall that you put him back in nappies when his father left you. Isn’t that right?” the presenter reminded the audience. “That’s right”, Kim’s mother confirmed. “I decided that he wasn’t going to grow up like his father. In fact, I’m not sure I’m going to let him grow up at all.” The audience laughed but a tear came to Kim’s eye even though he had resolved to be brave.
Kim was brought back to line up beside Terry. The boys exchanged sympathetic looks at each other over their soothers and studied each other’s baby dress, trying to decide which one was worse.
The next contestant was called. A ten-year-old girl emerged from the wings. She had hold of leather reins. She walked a couple of yards out but was pulled back when the reins reached their limit. The next victim was then unceremoniously shoved out onto the stage.
He stood staring out from the centre of a lace-trimmed bonnet that blocked all vision other than straight in front. He was wearing a nursery print dress with a white pinafore that had crisp lace trimmings that stood up at an angle over his shoulders. The skirt of his dress was deeply flared and held out by a stiff net petticoat that rocked back and forth as he walked reluctantly to the front of the stage. Lace trim around the legs of his nappy cover could be glimpsed as his dress swayed.
His younger sister held his pink leather reins tightly. The harness included a thick band across his chest decorated with pink and white bunnies and the legend “Baby Pat”. She looked at him proudly as the audience applauded. They loved to see young blood coming through.
“Janet. So this is your brother Baby Pat”, the presenter began. Janet smiled broadly and nodded. “I believe that you designed his baby dress yourself.” “That’s right”, Janet said. “The pinafore, net petticoats and lace trimmings on his nappy cover were all my ideas.”
Pat sniffled. Janet looked at him disdainfully. “Show the audience the back of your nappy cover”, she instructed him. Pat hesitated for a moment but then turned around and bent over. There was a large pink satin bow on the seat of his nappy cover. The audience applauded.
“I must say you have him very well behaved”, the presenter complimented Janet. “Yes, he knows he must do everything I say or he will be left in a wet nappy for hours” Janet explained. “He’s got a bad case of nappy rash at the moment so he’s being particularly good.” There was chuckling from the audience.
Baby Pat joined the miserable line up at the back. Terry was noticeably shuffling from one foot to the other and many of the women in the audience smiled in recognition that he needed to use his nappy.