Isn’t it a lovely day to visit the park Babykins? Tut what a naughty thing to say, are you missing Teddy, never mind, you just hug Mr Flopsy until we reach the duck pond.
Look Babykins, there are Melanie and her mummy waiting for us. Let me just move the rain cover. Ha-ha, It’s no good trying to hide behind your bunny Babykins, we can all see you.
Say hello to Melanie’s mummy Babykins, don’t mumble, say hello to Aunty properly like a good boy. That’s better. Yes they are adorable, aren’t they? I don’t think Babykins likes his bunny rabbit pyjamas too much but mummy does and that’s the main thing. Isn’t that right my pet lamb, oh a little sulky are we? Perhaps the cat got your tongue?
Now then, why don’t we get you out of your pushchair so you can feed the quack-quacks? Yes, people may well see you in your jim-jams but if you don’t get out of that pushchair this minute people will see mummy put you over her knee and taking your jammies down to smack your little bottom. I thought that would make you change your mind, out you come. Take your bag of breadcrumbs and walk to the edge. Careful now. Melanie, take his hand thank you. We don’t want Babykins falling in now, do we?
Well, the duckies won’t come if you don’t call to them pet lamb. Why don’t you pretend you are a duck? How to ducks talk Babykins, yes they go quack-quack don’t they. You call to them, louder Babykins. Here they come, throw the breadcrumbs Babykins. Keep shouting quack-quack, it’s so funny. Clever boy.
What's that you say, girls? Yes, a walk around the pond seems a splendid idea.
Did you enjoy feeding the ducks Babykins? No? I can’t imagine why not. There’s no pleasing you sometimes Babykins. Come along and take mummy's hand, we are off for a stroll.
Yes, you will walk, because mummy says so that’s why. Right, Babykins I warned you, over to that park bench.
Stop struggling; you are only drawing attention to yourself. You are lucky I am not taking down your jim-jams and nappy and giving you a bare bottom spanking.
Spank! Naughty Babykins will walk in the park in his bunny rabbit jim-jams if mummy says so!
Spank! Babykins does not answer mummy back!
Spank! Babykins will learn that mummy makes all his decisions even if he is eighteen!
Spank! Mummy is going to make an example of you once and for all!
Up you get onto the park bench. Yes, stand up there. Stop crying and do as you are told. Yes, no doubt you do feel foolish standing up there in your bunny slippers and pyjamas but mummy hasn’t started yet. Stand still and listen, no, don’t you dare get down. Now Babykins you are going to perform the teapot song all the way through with all the actions. Never mind you won’t. You will, or I will send you to nursery school for a whole week where Mrs Foster will be in charge of you, oh yes, believe me, I would. I thought that would make you think, remember what happened the last time Mrs Foster had you under her control
Come along the sooner you start the sooner you can get down.
One, two, three.
I’m a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle here is my spout Hand on your hip Babykins
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out! Lean over, arm like a spout Babykins
I’m a clever teapot, yes it’s true
Here’s an example of what I can do
I can change my handle to my spout Switch arms Babykins
Just tip me over and pour me out.
Well done Babykins! You have never performed it better and luckily Melanie's mummy caught it all on camera so we can enjoy it all over again. Down you come and mummy will put your mittens back on. No, you can’t go back into your pushchair, you need some exercise.
That’s it hold tight to mummy and Melanie’s hand and we will walk all the way back to their house.
Here we are. Are you tired after your walk Babykins? Of course, you are.
We have a surprise for you Babykins, Melanie is going to take you for a lovely warm bath and get you all ready for bye-byes. Oh yes, she is. She will bathe you, dress you in some clean jim-jams and put you to bed. Yes, that’s right you are going to spend the night here. What’s the matter Babykins? Don’t you want to spend time with your ex-girlfriend? Well, you will have to get used to it. Melanie is going to be helping mummy and your sister to make sure you are constantly supervised as our Babykins, what a lucky Babykins you are!
My, we have had a lot of tears today, We really should get you to bed earlier. Well really it’s not up to you is it Babykins. I suggest that a new five o’clock bedtime would be more appropriate from now on, is that agreed girls? Good, it’s unanimous. Your days will consist of being fed your meals sitting in your high-chair, napping in the garden on your blankie when weather permits, going for walks in your pushchair and then home in time to be bathed then tucked up in your cot, goodness after your busy days Babykins will be all tired out by five o'clock won't he? We will keep you dressed in nappies and jammies permanently from now on Babykins and tuck you up at five every night without fail. Your sister and your ex-girlfriend will find you much easier to manage that way.
Hush now don’t get upset, here is your dummy to calm you while Melanie makes up your baby bottle. You will soon get used to your new life of baby routine, you can look forward to being mummy’s Babykins for a long time to come!
FIN