Here, I can help? By Mary Beth Sanford

[john2jane2john]

Here, I can help?
By Mary Beth (Elisabeth) Sanford

Four o'clock. An hour before the truck would hit my corner with my newspapers but that gave me an hour as I rode my bike down the alleyway towards Susan's house. It was Sunday morning, again. My second best day of my life as I let the bike glide silently up to Susan's fence. My first best day was last Sunday after finding out the Saturday before that Susan's mother did the laundry Saturday afternoon and hung everything on clothe's lines.

Everything like panties, slips, nightgowns and play dresses. Everything that Susan wore that week before and my first best day began when I took one of her slips and two pair of her panties before riding off in the early morning dark to delivery my papers. If there was one more wish to make besides the one about finding girl's clothes to take it would have been that Susan was just a little smaller. Actually if I was wishing I'd wish she was my size exactly. She wasn't. She was in fact about the biggest girl in school.

Susan was nearly as big as her mom so what I saw hanging on the line couldn't have been her things or for that matter her mom's but that thought only made me pause for a second or two as I deftly made my way towards that line again. They couldn't have been Susan's clothes anyway since Susan was well past wearing diapers, baby pants and slips like those hanging in front of me. Although beggars can't be choosers I also thought happily as I took one of each and this time a not so little little dress.

Thank heaven for bridge I mumbled after leaning my bike against my aunt's garage before taking my bag and the treasures now in it up into the attic. Sunday's after my aunt went to church she went to breakfast and then to the community center to play bridge with her friends. I'd see my aunt no sooner than three that afternoon or put another way I'd be in girl's clothes till two thirty and it was only seven in the morning since it took me nearly two hours to deliver the Sunday paper.

It was a routine that began soon after discovering those pretty things my aunt had stored away that began soon after she took me in. Mom would be in jail for two more years for shooting dad but then again it was a small price to pay to be free of him mom said before they led her off. I'd added an amen to that and cried a little watching my life untangle just a bit before my aunt grabbed hold of it. My new life started that same day in fact and a friend of my aunt's pulled another string to get me that paper route.

The attic space, my aunt had said, or rather the space not still being used was mine for whatever it was boys like to do without girls hanging over them and she had said it as she presented me with four new plastic airplanes to put together on top of an old desk. Save for what happened with mom my life was nearly perfect. And it got as perfect as it could be when I found the clothes. Girl's clothes.

All sorts of girl's clothes and some of them as pretty as a girl or sissy boy might want and that attic became exactly what my aunt had intended. Or nearly so which was to do what "sissy boys" do when they don't want girls hanging over them. So I cleaned that attic, sorted things, laid down an old rug down, moved the still good as new rocker on to it, washed the huge mirror as well as the window and dressed to nearly my hearts content.

If there was a place where sissy boys go when they die I thought it would have a lot of the things in it that I had in here and more besides as I carefully took out that diaper, ruffled pair of panties, little girl's slip and that cute little dress. I wasn't sure about the diaper but clearly it belonged on a girl so it clearly belonged on me and mostly because then I could legitimately wear those desirous ruffled baby pants. I'd get real diapers pins later I thought after finding two safety pins large enough for my use.

"Miss me?" My aunt asked as she came into the house fanning herself.

"Heck no. I had this whole house and everything in that kitchen all to myself!" I said turning from the TV and smiling at her as she came over to peek me on my cheek.

"Oh is that so!" My aunt said taking a fake swipe at my face before turning to go to her room to change. This too was our routine since I didn't go to church or play bridge and her brunches instead of supper or dinner were meals to die for besides. Plus I had those memories that five and a half hours in girl's clothes can make and a doll that had a head that stayed on now I thought with a smile.

It wasn't a very bad life I thought as I moved slightly to make the diaper slid just a little under those ruffled panties.

"Hey, you interested in doing a little shopping with me?" My aunt asked.

"Sure?" I said when she came into the kitchen to start the potato's that would end up as potato salad. "For what?" I asked.

"Old Mrs. Beck is selling off a bunch of baby stuff and I thought I'd go over and see what's left for the church. Says she got all kinds of things and I might need your help. You game still?" My aunt asked.

I smiled as I got into the car. My aunt was a collector of stuff which was why her attic was so full and so full of those odd sizes in clothes. Most of it went to the church or to some other organization that she knew of and she was always shopping the garage sales that came out in the penny saver. Baby stuff I thought to myself as the diaper pressed the satiny outer later of those baby pants and nylon cover between my thighs. Diaper pins perhaps and maybe even a baby's bottle I added to my thoughts and smiled.

"Not bad for twenty dollars total?" My aunt said as I helped stuff the last box into the trunk.

"Not bad at all!" I said happily as I jumped into the front seat. I had ever right to be happy. Nearly all of it once belonged to a baby girl and not only was I going to have diaper pins but pink ones besides and a rattle that read "My Little Girl" on it and that baby bottle with Minnie Mouse smiling at me. Yes, it wasn't bad at all and there was still next Sunday besides.

"So how did he do?" Sharon asked when my aunt sat down at her office desk and switched on her computer.

"Better than I did at cards yesterday thank you very much!" My aunt said looking sternly at Sharon after she had blown a really good hand. Sharon laughed and fired back a couple of her own quips over my aunt's playing while she waited for my aunt to give her an accounting.

"Anyway, he did really well. Besides that diaper, that pair of ruffled panties, a slip and dress he got all sorts of baby girl stuff from Rose that I'm sure is already hidden away!" My aunt said before adding: "Thanks again and thank your daughter Susan for me as well."

"Don't mention it, really. I mean half that stuff was going out sooner or later and it was really Susan's idea to hang them to see if they might be something he'd like. She knew for a fact that her little dresses would fit since she'd finagled his sizes out of him but she wasn't sure about the baby stuff. You know, the diapers and stuff. I was as surprised as you were when they turned up missing but Susan said she saw him take them first." Sharon said as she began typing in that Friday's invoices.

"Isn't Rose a dear?" Sharon said not looking up from her screen.

"The very best. I was surprised when she talked about filling up a couple of boxes of baby stuff and doing it so quickly. I mean she didn't have to do that." My aunt said.

"She's got more junk than a dozen thrift stores combined in that shop of hers and twice more in that shed behind it. What's she going to do with it?" Sharon said smiling as she broke a second to look at my aunt.

"Well, it was still very nice of her. You've all been so great about this. Honestly, I wouldn't have had a clue on what to do about my nephew if it wasn't for you guys." My aunt said as she continued to work.

"Well, wait till next Sunday, Susan is going to hang out three of her best party dresses, a petticoat and some more diapers and another pair of baby pants. The plain pink ones besides some of her panties again. He should be faint when he sees those dresses!" Sharon said and then added: "Did Carol tell you about those dolls?"

"What dolls? No, she didn't say anything to me?" My aunt asked.

"She's got a huge box of dolls and stuffed animals she's going to donate to your cause. You were getting into your car when she mentioned it. Thought she was going to call you? Anyway, she says you can have them any time you want to pick them up. Can't be a little girl without a doll she said." Sharon added with a chuckle.

"That's for sure. I kept me dolls for years after I outgrew them. Actually I was thinking about getting him a couple anyway because the other day I found one of my really old ones being fixed. Almost got caught doing it besides after forgetting where I'd found it. Anyway, I'll give her a call at lunch and see what's she's got. You girls are such treasures!" My aunt said reaching over to pat Sharon's arm.

"Not another word. What's a boy like that going to do if we don't help? I mean imagine what he must go through each day and imagine what it would be like if were weren't doing this for him?" Sharon said.

"I can't! I can't imagine it to be honest with you. I mean I can imagine some of it but not nearly enough to be of any good for that boy. At least not until you guys started helping. Of course I didn't even know that boys did that sort of thing or at least some boys until his mother told me. That has got to be the most difficult way to be that I can imagine so you CAN imagine how relieved I felt when you guys started jumping in like that." My aunt said.

"Well just wait until Susan starts getting involved. That shouldn't be too long from now and I'm guessing once he's got a 'friend' to guide him around some of it then things should really be ok for him. Frankly I can't wait to see what he does with that part of it?" Sharon said.

"Me neither. I've nearly exposed this little scheme of ours a half dozen times already. It's going to be nice having this out in the open like that. Your daughter is such a treasure!" My aunt said.

"I know!" Sharon said looking behind her at the door before looking around the office before adding: "She went through almost exactly the same sort thing your nephews going through only I had some guidance very early on."

"You mean her size?" My aunt asked.

"That's some of it. But No. No because what I mean is that Susan is my son or rather he was! I was going to tell you when it seemed right." Sharon said looking again at the door and then added as she leaned closer: "Why do you think she wanted to help so badly and why do you think she knew what to do to help?"

My aunt looked at Sharon for several long minutes while Sharon nodded and smiled.

"She can't be. She's so ... She can't be? Your pulling my nylons?" My aunt said.

"She was and still is. We can't do anything about her becoming HER till she's eighteen. It's the law. However we can allow her to live as a girl and the laws helpful that way besides. That's why we moved here." Sharon said.

"But I've know her practically all of her life for heavens sake." My aunt said in a mild state of shock.

"You've known HER since we moved her. Before that she was a he and having about as much trouble as your nephew is having. When we decided to do this we did all the paper work then moved. Steven because Susan at her grandmothers for three months before we pulled up stakes and moved here and there you have it!" Sharon said.

"Hey you up there?" Susan called out from the bottom of the steps.

"Who's that?" I asked in a panic as I pulled my jeans up to hid the diaper now being held on with only one pink diaper pin.

"It's me, Susan!" Susan said thankfully still at the bottom of the steps while adding: "OK if I come up?"

"Sure!" I said nervously looking around to make sure there was nothing to hint at what I was doing and cursing the fact that the baby powder smell was still hanging in the air.

"Hey!" Susan said reaching the top of the steps.

"Hey!" I said back nervously and added: "What's up?"

"Just thought I'd stop by before mom and your aunt got home. Mostly to talk I guess and maybe see if you needed anything?" Susan said.

"Like what?" I asked curiously.

"Like makeup or curlers. You know, girl stuff. More clothes maybe. You left two of those dresses and that petticoat still hanging on the line. Too much for the paper bag and I should have thought of that. I thought for sure you'd grab that petticoat. Those bags don't hold nearly enough do they?" Susan said making me suddenly feeling faint as she added: "So you go through those dolls and stuffed animals yet?"

I nodded a no slowly and carefully and wondered how the hell she knew and more importantly what she was going to do about it as I asked in a halting voice: "You going to tell anyone? My aunt?"

"She knows. Actually the whole bridge club knows. I've known it since that first day you took my stuff. Why do you think I started hanging things other things on the lines. Mom doesn't hang clothes on a clothesline. Hardly anyone does anymore. That was just stuff for you to shop for. That was my idea! Pretty cool wasn't it? I mean how do you give a sissy boy stuff like that any other way?" Susan asked shrugging.

"Hey relax!" Susan said as she bent over me to redo the diaper and add the second pin. Always loved these." She said tugging the second side snug before sliding the pink diaper pin in. She had asked about the diaper and then asked why I looked so odd in the one I was in and then when I confessed made me take my pants down to fix it.

"You?" I asked still a little numb over what was going on.

"Sure!" Susan said as she added: "Wore them till I was nearly twelve. Hid a lot of secrets back then. At least till the hormones started taking care of that part of it. Gives you hips and a bottom when you double them."

"Hormones?" I asked not sure what she meant.

"Hormones so I can be a girl someday. I mean a real girl." Susan said as she slipped the baby pants over my feet.

"Hormones? Girl? You're not a girl?" I asked suddenly very confused and just a little nervous.

"I am and I'm not. I'm living as a girl because that part is required before I get the operation. I can't have that till I'm eighteen." Susan said and then added: "So, I'm more like you than you think."

I lifted my bottom for the plastic panties but remained silent. They came over the diaper then instead of putting my jeans back on me had me sit for the party dress she had. It came over my head and down to touch my knees and I felt faint at the touch of it as she said: "So my little doll, want to play dolls and talk about all of this?"

"Y ... Ye ... Sure!" I said with a stutter.

"Then pick yours and I'll pick mine and lets have a tea and I'll tell you all about sissy boys and little girls." Susan said stroking my neck after closing the buttons. She got up and walked over to the box of dolls, grabbed one, turned and smiled as she added: "Well?"

I stood then and cautiously moved to the box looking at the little Betsie Wetsie doll and smiled back.

The End