Nanny Smackbottom Replies

[Bertha]

This is an archive letter to PPM and the Ask Nanny Smackbottom section that I rediscovered. I am sure Beatrice would still be open to suggestions as to how Simon's disciplinary regime could be improved.


Dear Nanny Smackbottom

I thought you might like to read about the bedtime schedule I impose on my diminutive nephew Simon. He was in great danger of going off the rails and ruining his life before my sister insisted I became involved and introduced him to early bedtime and pyjama punishment. Now, at the age of sixteen he goes to bed on school nights at 6.30. I collect him from the school gates at 3.30 and I make sure he holds my hands toddler like on the walk home. As soon as we arrive home I supervise his bath time, I insist on bathing
him myself to emphasise his new status and after towelling him dry he goes straight into his pyjamas ready for bed. My neighbour Miss Fulbright makes all of his pyjamas especially for him. We choose ridiculously babyish patterned material of winceyette brushed cotton to make his pyjamas from and initially his tantrums indicated just how much he hated wearing them especially the little boy footed ones she makes for him. It took many smacked bottoms across my knee to persuade him to accept his new status and he still looks crestfallen each afternoon as I buttoned him into his cosy, little boy pyjamas. Once he is safely ensconced in his jim-jams he goes across my knee for his first bedtime spanking. I like to spank him as soon as he is in his pyjamas to remind him that his pyjama and early bedtime regime is a punishment. He then settles down to his homework until I call him for supper at 5.30.

At 6 o’clock I send him to brush his teeth and he then presents himself to me. It is then that I take him across my knee for his second bedtime spanking. After he has received his smacked bottom he receives cuddles and kisses from aunty and I ensure his pyjama top button is fastened and that his pyjama jacket is tucked neatly into his pyjama bottoms before I take him by the hand and lead him upstairs to put him to bed. His bedtime is set at no later than 6.30 but it is usually 6.20 when I kiss him night-night.
His bedroom is strictly functional. There are no electronic distractions, just a child's two foot six wide bed and a chair that I sit in to read him a bedtime story. His curtains are made from blackout material and ensure no daylight can penetrate once they are fully drawn. This is particularly helpful during the lighter nights when Simon is reluctant to go to bed when there are still many daylight hours. I use a nightlight to read to him but once this is turned off his bedroom is left in total darkness to induce a healthy night's sleep.

I did experiment letting him stay up until 7 o’clock on Friday evenings but as he was so used to going to beddy-byes earlier he became a tired and irritable little boy so I reverted back to his normal weekday bedtime. On Saturday instead of his school uniform he wears little boy style shortalls, he has a yellow pair and a red pair, over a white short sleeved shirt, white pelerine ankle socks and shiny black mary jane shoes.
I always walk him to the local shops on Saturday morning, I strap him into leather baby reins on these occasions to teach him how babyish his position now is. I use soft pink leather mittens to make sure he does not escape his baby reins, sometimes he has the temerity to complain about having to wear mittens and baby reins so I am forced to fasten a baby dummy in his mouth to quieten him.
On the way home I usually take tea at Mrs Golightly's tea rooms on the high street, she has thoughtfully provided an appropriate sized high-chair for Simon to sit in as he drinks his milk, this is served in a sippy cup as his mittens make a glass impractical.To be on the safe side, I always fasten a towelling bib around him to protect his shortalls from spillages. When the weather is fine we sit outside. Simon always seems to the centre of attention with the ladies in the tea shop which for some reason appears to greatly embarrass him. Luckily, Simon being fastened into his high chair makes his tantrums easy to control and once his dummy is tied in he sits subdued but well behaved until I am ready to leave.

Although I like to stroll slowly home, to train Simon not to pull on his baby reins, I always get him back home in time to ensure he is ready for bed, in his pyjamas by 3pm for a 5 o’clock Saturday bedtime. Miss Fulbright and her sister come for afternoon tea at 4 each Saturday and I like them to have an opportunity to see Simon dressed in the babyish pyjamas she has kindly made for him. However last Saturday for some reason, Simon resisted my attempts to get him ready for beddy-byes and into a lovely pair of lemon coloured bunny rabbit pyjamas and ended up in tears after I had to spank him to get him to put them on. He was still sitting on my lap sobbing when the Misses Fulbright arrived and I am afraid I had no choice other than to put him to straight to bed. It was such a shame, as he looked so sweet  and babyish in his bunny jim-jams and the Fulbright's were obviously disappointed at having to wave him night-night so early. I have promised to take him around to their house one afternoon for tea and I will take several pairs of his special baby jammies so that I can make him model them in front of the ladies. I will make him sing his songs as a special treat for them, he performs Twinkle Little Star very well but his I'm a little Tea-Pot is by far my favourite. On Sunday I like to see him ready for beddy-byes in his pyjamas by noon. He is bathed and pyjama clad as soon as we return home from church and I tuck him into in bed by 4pm ready for school on Monday. Because he is put to bed early, I have found it prudent to nappy him for his early Sunday bedtime. Of course he was not happy about my decision to regress him to nappy wearing,  I use drynites for convenience but am considering changing to some more absorbent style as the poor little thing does soak them so.
If anyone has some advice as to how I can continue to develop his punishment regime I would appreciate hearing from you, do you think I am being too harsh on him or should I be more lenient with Simon?

Summation of Simon's Pyjama and Early Bedtime Regime

Monday-Friday

Pyjamas on by 4pm, first otk spanking 4.05 second otk spanking 6.05 bedtime by 6.30pm

Saturday

Pyjamas on by 3pm first otk spanking 3.05 second otk spanking 4.45 bedtime by 5pm

Sunday

Pyjamas and Nappies on by Noon first otk spanking 12.05 second otk spanking 3.45 bedtime by 4pm

Yours truly

Beatrice Halewood.


Dear Beatrice

Thank you for your delightful letter. Your sister must be very pleased you have taken the initiative with Simon and transformed his behaviour to that of an obedient little boy. It is only natural that you will have hiccups along the way but you are to be applauded with your progress with Simon thus far. I would suggest you put him into nappies every night at bedtime rather than Sundays only. This will accustom him to being nappied when he is put into his pyjamas, you will find his tantrums will diminish quite quickly if you do this. Use proper incontinence nappies for older boys available from all chemists in babyish designs, being nappied by you will reinforce your dominant position. Make more use of his dummy and baby reins, perhaps you could put the reins on and make him use his dummy on the walk home from school. Please write again soon to update us on his and your progress.

Nanny Smackbottom