âWait a moment while I tuck your cute jammie top into your plastic baby pants. Yes, I know that makes you look silly and babyish but mummy wants the girls to get a good view of you in your nappies and plastic pants. Come with mummy, good boy, donât your plastic pants make a lovely rustling sound when you toddle Babykins? Itâs because you have three fluffy white nap-naps on, the bulky material makes you walk like that, goodness you do ask a lot of questions donât you. I know, mummy will pop your dummy in and you can be quiet for a little while, you love your dummy donât you, mummy will pin your dummy onto your jammies so you wonât lose it, there we go, now, open wide Babykins.
Thatâs better, some peace and quiet. Look, here comes your sister Melissa and her friend Harriet to see you. Whatâs that behind Melissaâs back, can you guess? Itâs teddy!
Isnât that kind of your sister to bring her older brother his cuddle bear to take to beddy-byes?
Naughty baby! Donât ever throw teddy away like that again. You know what happens when you have baby tantrums, donât you? What a scene youâre making in front of the girls, throwing teddy away and spitting out your dummy. Well, mummy knows how to deal with naughty babies.
Yes, there is a red mark where mummy slapped your leg. Now I want you to go and pick teddy up, go on. Now, tell teddy you are very sorry for throwing him away and give him a big kiss. No, kiss him again, I want to see a big sloppy kiss, thatâs better. Now tell teddy you love him in a big loud voice so we can all hear you, in your baby voice mind. Well-done Babykins.
Girls, that was very unkind, there was no need for you all to snigger like that, although it was funny wasnât it? Babykins, as punishment for your disgraceful behaviour you will stand on your naughty stool so we can see what a naughty boy you are. I will use the pink ribbons to tie your dum-dum into place so you canât throw it away in a baby tantrum.
Have you calmed down now? I should hope so too. Say sorry to your sister, donât whisper, yes I know itâs difficult to speak with your dummy tied in but you can try.
Yes, it did sound like âsowwyâ didnât it Melissa? He does speak like a baby when he has his dummy in. What, make him use his dummy all the time? That is a good idea, Melissa.
Your sister is right Babykins. Youâre obviously overtired and you need to go straight to beddy-byes. Melissa, pass me his jammie bottoms, will you? Yes, youâre right Harriet, they are babyish for an eighteen-year-old but youâve seen how he behaves. Iâm afraid he will never learn to be a good boy so heâll be mummyâs little baby for a long time yet.
Come along baby, hold on to mummyâs shoulder to balance, thatâs a good Babykins, put your left leg in first, no donât shake it all about, well done, now the other, clever boy. Yes I know your jim-jam bottoms are too big for you, mummy had them made like that on purpose. Whatâs that? Well maybe you do look silly in oversized jammies but mummy has her reasons and I am sure none of the girl's minds what naughty babies look like in their pyjamas, do you, girls?
They think you look all cuddly-wuddly weddy for beddy-byes. Donât you think so Harriet?
See, everyone thinks so except you, and your opinion doesnât count in this household does it Babykins?
No, hands off! Never mind what the ribbons sewn to the side of your pyjama bottoms are for, they are for mummy to know and baby to find out about.
Oh dear not tears again, what a crybaby you are. Very well then, Iâll tell you. Remember why mummy replaced your bed with your lovely new cot? You kept getting out of bed after mummy had put you down for the night, didnât you? Yes, I know you think âthevenâ oâclock is too early a bedtime for you but mummy knows best and your special cot stopped all that nonsense, didnât it?
But what happens now? Baby cannot be trusted not to remove his jammies once he is tucked up in beddy-byes and mummy worries that he will catch a chill. So will you promise to keep your jammies on for mummy Babykins?
Itâs all very well saying, yeth mummy, but I donât think you are being truthful at all, so mummy is going to put your handy-pandies into these lovely soft lambswool mittens that your sister knitted for you. Isnât Melissa a generous sister to her older brother?
No good shaking your head, Babykins, itâs bedtime mittens for you from now on. See how the yellow wool matches your jim-jams.
Why Harriet thank you, I didnât realise you could knit too. A pink set of mittens would be lovely, yes he has some pink jammies so they would be perfect.
Say thank you to Melissa and Harriet Babykins, a big hug and a kiss each I think, good Babykins. Yes, fank oo Mewissa and Howwiett, was a good attempt wasnât it girls.
Handy-pandies please, thatâs it, yes all your fingers are squished together, thatâs the idea of the mittens you silly goose, now put your arms by your sides, thatâs it. See, now I can tie your wrists to your pyjamas, yes, thatâs what the ribbons are for. Perfect!
Now Babykins, time to give your sister her birthday present. Yes, thatâs puzzled you hasnât it. No, I know you arenât allowed to have any money anymore but you still have something to give her, youâll never guess. Shall I tell you? Itâs your bottom!
Melissa wanted to give you your bedtime spanking as your present to her and how could I refuse, especially as she will be babysitting you soon.
Tears again! But she hasnât started yet. Yes sit on that chair Melissa and take him across your lap. Use both hands to pull him tightly onto your lap, thatâs it. You see with his hands down by his side he canât struggle. Now put your right leg across both of his legs and drag them toward yourself using your heel, well done!
Now you can pick up the paddle and begin. Oh stop whimpering, It can hardly hurt Babykins, after all, you are wearing thick towelling nappies, plastic baby pants and heavy flannel pyjamas.
Keep going Melissa, I know, it does tire your arm, take a rest. Pull him toward you again and donât forget to scold him while youâre spanking. Tell him what a naughty little Babykins he is. Thatâs it, excellent stop now if youâre tired.
No, Melissa, I donât think Harriet can take a turn at spanking your brother, perhaps another time. I think our eighteen-year-old baby needs putting to beddy-byes, donât you?
Wave night-night to the girlâs Babykins. Good boy, mummy will bring teddy. Careful now, I know your pyjamas bottoms are too long but if you fall over mummy will make you crawl upstairs like the little baby you are. I know it's hard to balance with your handy-pandies tied to your side but do your best. Thatâs it, into the nursery. Yes I know it is very dark in here, all the better to help you sleep, my dear.
Mummy will just check your dummy is properly tightly tied in place otherwise you just spit it out, donât you? Too late for promises I am afraid, now hold still while I tie the ribbon behind your head a bit tighter that's it. Breathe slowly and your dum-dum will bob in and out and you will soon get used to it and the rhythmic action will calm you and help you to sleep.
Iâll just lower this rail and mummy just has to give Babykins a little push and he topples straight into his cot, in you go. No, Iâve told you, babies donât have pillows just lie still. Now you will know why mummy made your jammie bottoms so long. See, I just tie the excess material together and your footsies will be as helpless as your handy-pandies. Mummy can be certain you will be staying safely tucked up in your cot pinned snugly into your nappies, wearing your mittens and baby lamb jammies.
Mummy will tuck you in good and tight and snugly. Babykins wonât be getting out of beddy-byes tonight will he? Now, shall I tuck teddy in beside you? Don't you want your teddy? Well, mummy thinks teddy will be sad to find Babykins doesn't love teddy anymore so mummy is going to tuck teddy beside you in any case.
Whatâs that? Mummy canât make out what her eighteen-year-old baby is trying to say. You don't want to be mummy's baby anymore? That's a shame because mummy can't imagine you not being her Babykins. Mummy thinks you will be her Babykins for a very long time yet. Now, you just gurgle away babyishly while mummy sits with you until you fall fast asleep.
Can you hear the girls outside playing and laughing while you are tucked up in bed? You can, good. Now Babykins must go to sleepy-byes.â