On Toddâs next stay in the crèche the ladies there noticed that he only had baby talk now. âItâs unusual for us. Usually we are trying to help babies develop their speech.â âWell there is no need to do that with Baby Todd. He has all the words he needs as a baby and we are quite happy for him to stay at around age 1 development.â
Todd spat his soother out âooh, ngaa, wooâ. The ladies just smiled at him. âVery well then. Thatâs fine by us.â ângaa, goo, ookâ Todd protested. âSilly billyâ, his mother responded and pushed his soother back in. Todd was led off to play with some bricks.
âOh thereâs no point in giving you letter blocks is there?â âMmmpppffff!â âHere are some blocks with pictures on them! Just perfect for you.â Todd flopped down on his thickly nappied bottom and contemplated the toy blocks decorated with lambs, bunnies and other cute animals.
âGary! You can play with the letter blocks canât you?â âYes pleezâ Gary responded and sat down opposite Todd, who frowned at his superior vocabulary which got him the letter blocks. âWhich one is âGâ for Gary?â Gary turned one of the blocks until it showed the letter âGâ. âVery good!â
âBaby Todd! Which one is the kitty?â Todd turned the block examining each side until he found the cute kitten. âVery good! Extra formula for you at lunchtime!â she tittered as she walked away, leaving Todd examining the different cuddly animals on his blocks.
As if being the babiest baby in the one-year-olds wasnât bad enough, Marcia told his mama she wanted to bring Todd into his old school. âThe teachers are happy for us to set up his play-pen in the corner of our room for the day and we can feed him and change him if needed.â âNNNNGGHHHH!â Todd protested from his high-chair. âYouâll be able to see all your old friendsâ, she told him teasingly. Todd kicked his legs in his lavender tights and wriggled in his high-chair but they ignored him and continued to make arrangements.
On the morning in question his mother greeted him. âIâm sure youâll want to wear your prettiest pink dress for your friends!â âNnnggghhh!â Todd disagreed, and shook the bars of his cot.
As ever he was ignored and soon stood in front of the hall mirror while his mama fastened his harness over his pink dress. She tightened it at the back and looked over his shoulder and smiled in the mirror. She flounced up this petticoats, straightened the rows of lace on his nappy cover and tugged up his pink tights that had sagged a little. She came around in front to retie the bow on his bonnet. âAll set!â
Marcia took the reins and led Todd out to be met with four girlfriends out on the street. They all giggled. âWeâre going to have so much fun today!â Todd gave one forlorn look back at his mama but she smiled and waved and he felt the tug on his harness and waddled along with the girls.
As he was nudged closer to the school his initial thought was that there was no way he would ever be able to go back to school again having been forced to appear in an enormous nappy, which he was inevitably going to have to use, and a big pink baby dress complete with matching bonnet, nappy cover, tights and booties, speaking like a baby. Then he realized that there was no indication that he was ever going back to school anyway. Some consolation? His mother had told the crèche they were happy for him to be like a one-year-old indefinitely. That didnât really make him feel any better.
He knew from experience that he was certain to wet his nappy once the crowd of children saw him outside the school. He was determined not to let it show though. But as they approached the school he started to feel sick. His tummy was rumbling.
The crowd of children at the school gate made a path through for them and Todd waddled along, his petticoats fluttering and suc-ked on his soother while all the children laughed. A teacher at the gate interjected ânow children, thatâs not niceâ but it was clear she could hardly contain her amusement as Todd waddled along and glared out from beneath his bonnet.
Oh no! A very liquid poo squirted into his nappy due to the anxiety. He grimaced and tried to make it into a smile. He desperately tried not to alter his waddle despite the growing weight of poo shifting in his nappy with each step.
He was brought into the classroom. Marcia held her nose. âNot already!â The rest of the class got the smell and laughed while at the same time showing disgust at the smell. Some rushed to open the windows. âCome along to the nurseâs stationâ, Marcia told him, swinging his changing bag over her shoulder. Todd walked very gingerly towards the door.
Later, in a nice clean nappy, he was suitably ensconced in the play-pen while his former classmates had their English lesson. âNow I want you to write a page on the opening act of âThe Merchant of Veniceâ, the teacher told them to groans from the less studious. She held the book up. âYou have 30 minutes.â
She turned to the play-pen. âHas Baby Todd got a book too?â Todd looked up from his stiff-paged book âThe Pretty Princessâ. He could hear tittering around the class. âOh look. Can you show me the mousy-mousy!â Todd frowned. He looked at the cover page, saw where a mouse peeped out from behind the princessâs ball gown and pointed his mittened hand at it. âVery good! Can you open the book?â
Even with stiff pages it was a difficult job for Todd to turn a page. He pushed with his mitten a couple of times before finally catching it right and turning the cover open. He looked out enviously as his former classmates leafed through the play. He had hated Shakespeare but would give anything to be able to read it now.
âMiss!â âYes?â âDo we summarise the story or critique the play?â âJust a summary for now.â She turned to the play-pen again. âOh! Can we see the princessâs bloomers? Theyâre not as pretty as yours are they?â More tittering around the class. âWhere are they?â she insisted. Todd sighed but pointed to where her bloomers showed beneath her ball gown as she ran up the steps. âGood baby!â
At lunchtime the teacher asked him âwould you like to have your bottle here or in the canteen?â âee, ng, bockieâ She shook her head, not understanding. âOh well children, do you want to give him his bottle in the canteen?â âYes!â Todd was hauled off to the crowded canteen.