Maura went off to the kitchen to do her thing. Tom was left standing in front of Lady Upton. âSoâ, she started. âYou are Fifi! How is your French?â Tom hadnât realized that there was going to be a big emphasis here on the âFrenchâ part. He looked uncertain how to respond. Lady Upton laughed. âDonât worry. Iâm sure you know a few key phrases: Bonjour, tres bien, au revoir. The rest you can just do in an outrageous French accent!â âOKâ was all the ultra-nervous Tom could say for now.
âThat will be: âOui Madame!ââ She said it in a girlish sing-song voice. âGo on!â Tom responded âOui Madame!â in as high a voice as he could manage. âIn fact, you wonât need much more than that. As a maid you will speak only when spoken to and that will be your response to all my orders.â She smiled sweetly. When Tom said nothing she added âUnderstand?â He was about to say yes and then went âOui Madame!â
âNow, let me see your curtsey.â Tom gave his little quick bob of a curtsey which had done so far. âOh no, no, no! That will not do. You must hold out your petticoats either side daintily and drop lower than that.â She waited for him to try that.
Tom took the petticoats either side and raised them while he gave a better curtsey and bowed his head a little. âBetter! We can work on that. You must curtsey when you enter a room and before you leave. And whenever you answer me or a guest. Understand?â âOui Madameâ Tom curtsied as he answered her. She smiled. âTres bien!â
âSo how about your walk?â she asked. âGo along the hallway thereâ, she ordered stepping back. Tom tried his most confident attempt at walking in high heels. He thought he wasnât too bad after a couple of nightâs practice.
âNo you really need to think French Maid. You have to mince along with your hands bent outward at the wrist.â Tom tried to visualize French Maids he had seen. He minced back towards her and fluttered the feather duster a little in his right hand for effect. âNot bad! You have a couple of hours to practice before the guests arrive.â Tom winced. The guests. He hadnât quite realized that he was going to have to act the French Maid so much. It was bad enough just dressing as a maid without that.
âRight. First of all Fifi, help me set the places for dinner.â He realized she was waiting for his response. âOui Madame!â She frowned. âCurtsey!â âOh, oui Madame.â Tom gave his best curtsey, remembering to hold his petticoats.
âThe dining room is across the hallway at the end there on the leftâ, she told him, clearly waiting for him to lead the way. Tom forced a smile. âOui Madame!â He curtsied and minced off towards the door, aware that she was following and, no doubt, watching his walk carefully.
âI expect those seams on your fishnet stockings to be ruler-straight at all times.â Tom was about to respond when he realized he would have to curtsey and could hardly do that walking away from her. So he stopped, turned, steadied himself on his high heels and curtsied âoui Madameâ. She seemed pleased. He thought: all this curtseying is already getting tedious.
âThe cutlery is there on the trolley. You can see a diagram there showing how to lay them out. Unfortunately, nobody knows how to do this anymoreâ, she sighed. âSo you get started. I need to check something with Maura.â âOui Madame!â Tom curtsied and minced towards the trolley.
Once Lady Upton had left the room, he relaxed visibly. He looked at the diagram and reproduced the layout for the first place. There seemed to be a dozen or so more required.
After a few minutes, he was walking towards the next place setting when he jumped on hearing âFifi!â behind him. He turned around to see a stern looking Lady Upton. He curtsied âMadame?â âYou must walk and act properly as a maid even when there is nobody in the room. You never know when a guest will walk in or meet you in the corridor. Understand?â âOui Madameâ a chastened Tom answered as he curtsied. He minced along to the next position.
The next time Lady Upton left the room he continued mincing about. Carefully placing the cutlery and doing everything in a very feminine way. He presumed that she would be back for another surprise inspection shortly.
Time went on and she didnât reappear but he kept it up presuming that she was tempting him into being sloppy. She eventually returned to find him carefully mincing towards the trolley. He was pleased to have kept it up and avoided any further scolding. He cringed a little realizing that he was going to have to keep this up for the next 24 hours!
âNow when the couples arrive, you will greet them at the door. Letâs practice. Knock knock.â She mimed the action in mid air. Tom minced towards her invisible door and mimed opening it. He curtsied. âBienvenue madame et monsieur.â âNot too badâ, she seemed grudgingly pleased.
âThen take their invitations and their coats and hang them in the closet there.â She looked at him for confirmation. Tom didnât think he needed to mime it. He curtsied âoui Madameâ. âAnd then lead them to the lounge where I will greet them.â She indicated that she wanted him to go through the paces. Tom minced off towards the lounge door. He realized that guests would take the opportunity to ogle his legs in fishnets and his fluttering petticoats which he couldnât keep down as he was supposed to hold his arms and hands out daintily.
Lady Upton overtook him, which wasnât hard as he minced along in his little steps, and she popped into the lounge and closed the door. Tom supposed he was supposed to knock which he did. âEnter!â Tom turned the handle which required him to bend over a little which he was concerned about âgiving the guests a glimpse of his frilly knickers right from the off.
He entered the room. âNow announce the guests from the invitation cards.â Tom held up an imaginary card in his white-gloved hand. âEh, Madame Taylor et Monsieur Taylorâ, he improvised and then realized that he probably should curtsey.
They waited while the imaginary guests crossed the room. âThank you Fifi!â Tom remembered he had been told to curtsey when entering or leaving a room so he curtsied yet again and exited. Outside he cringed. So much curtseying and mincing ahead for the next 24 hours!