Chapter 9. The Whole Shebang.
Philip followed Tina upstairs to the bedroom, and she laid out his uniform on the bed, all except the jacket, which she left on its hanger on the front of the wardrobe. It was royal blue, with a red and gold school crest on the breast pocket. The skirts were royal blue and light blue tartan. There was a winter uniform and a summer uniform, the main difference being that the skirt of the former was fully-lined, pleated, and knee-length, whilst the other was half-lined, unpleated, and mid-thigh, and looked more like a little kilt. He thanked his stars it was winter, and hoped it would stay cool until July. There was a white blouse, and also an optional V-necked jersey in maroon wool for especially cold days. The school tie had maroon and blue diagonal stripes, and the school scarf maroon and blue longitudinal stripes. There was a choice of white socks or white tights, worn with black leather shoes of the usual school pattern. Tina turned her attention to his makeup. He sat in the chair in front of the dressing-table mirror, and she bent over him. On went the slightest tinge of blusher, to make his pale skin look warmer, and, of course, she couldnât resist the temptation to experiment with the freckle pencil Sally had left her. Her black hair was down now â before she had had it tied back â and it hung a few inches from his face. He could see the individual strands, quite coarse, and slightly wavy. A vision of playing with her all those years ago flashed into his consciousness, of grabbing a handful of that strong, wiry hair, while they rolled about on the springy lawn in hysterical delight. His gaze moved to her face, wonderingly, as if he expected to see the same girlish features. She felt it, without shifting her attention from her task.
âWhat are you looking at?â she smiled, in a playful tone, which nevertheless conveyed her pleasure at his attention. He lowered his eyes in mute admission. It brought home to him his deepest feelings for her, which up to now had been largely unrealised. He sighed faintly.
âIn the morning Iâll do this again, and your nails, too. Pink, like the lips. Is that okay?â
She finished with a touch of pink lipstick â âgloss for you tomorrow, Philip. You need to impress Miss Tancredâ â and left him to dress. He discarded his T-shirt and shorts, and considered the uniform. He decided on the tights â it was cold, and in any case they seemed a bit more grown up. Then on with the cool, slippery blouse, the winter skirt, which he fastened without fumbling, as if he did it every day, and then the tie. He was smiling as he tied the tie. He knew he always looked good in a tie. That was, indeed, just about the farthest reach of his vanity, though it was hardly worthy of the name. Finally, the jumper, which he pulled down loosely over the waistline of the skirt. He slipped on the shiny black shoes, and, taking the jacket off the hanger and putting over his arm, headed downstairs again.
His entry left his aunt and Tina temporarily speechless. Then his aunt said, with unusual warmth,
âPhilip? You look wonderful. A real schoolgirl. And a pretty one!â
âYou do look incredible, Philip,â added Tina. âGorgeous, in fact!â
âWasnât I gorgeous before?â he joked, but feeling inwardly proud.
âPut on the jacket, dear.â
He slipped it on, and did up one button. He stood there awkwardly, his arms by his side. He missed having trouser pockets. The skirt did have a little pocket, big enough for a few coins or a train ticket, but nothing he could thrust his hands into and look casual. Nevertheless he was enjoying that strange feeling of being smartly dressed â something he hadnât experienced for some time.
Aunt Estella looked at him critically. The she allowed herself a rare little smile.
âYouâll do. You can change back now. Tina will need to make you up again in the morning, so you can forget your maidâs duties this once. Sheâll give us a lift to the school when she leaves for work. We may be a bit early, but it wonât matter. Christabel has said one of the teachers can show us round before the meeting.â
âOkay, aunt. Thanks.â
He made his way back upstairs. He didnât know why, but he had experienced a brief moment of pride at gaining his auntâs approval. Perhaps because generally it was so difficult to earn. Nevertheless, the idea made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He reminded himself of what she had done to his family, and what she was doing to him. He was certainly not going to start colluding with her now.
He sat down at the dressing-table and looked at himself in the mirror. This was ridiculous! A few days ago things had beenâŚnormal. All right, there were problems. Big problems. But now⌠He shook his head in a gesture of mild irritation.
There was a soft knock at the door.
âCome in.â
It was Tina.
âPhilipâŚhi. Are you okay?â
âYes. Fine. Why not?â
She slipped around the door, and closed it quietly behind her.
âCan we talk for a minute?â
âCourse. Sit down.â She seated herself gracefully on the bed. He turned to face her.
âI know this must be difficult for youâŚ.â
âNot really,â he said, offhand. âAnyway, I donât have a choice.â
âWell, no, I suppose not. I just wanted to sayâŚyou know, I really admire how youâre dealing with this. I mean, I know my mother can beâŚâ
âA bit of a cow?" he said. flippantly. And then added, quickly, "no, Iâm sorry, I didnât mean thatâŚâ
âNo, really, itâs all right. I wouldnât blame you if you did think that. She can be veryâŚdemanding.â She paused. âI just wanted to sayâŚwell, I wanted to tell you how great I think youâve been about all this. I didnât know what to expect when I heard you were coming to stay. I mean, it had been such a long time. But as soon as I saw you, it all came flooding back. I feel like weâre already really good friends, and that we can be even better friends in the futureâŚâ
âI feel the same about you, Tina. I should have told you, but Iâve been so distracted withâŚeverything.â
âOf courseâŚâ
âYou know, I had a bit of a thing about you, back then. Youâve no idea how I used to look forward to coming over. I was devastated when our mothers fell out. I was pining for you for ages. Even nowâŚall those lost yearsâŚâ
âI felt just the same, Philip. And I want you to know, what youâre having to do nowâŚit doesnât make any difference to me. In fact, I suppose I should confess something. You know Iâve never had a boyfriend? Not a proper boyfriend, anyway.â
âYour mum said something during the drive hereâŚâ
âI have had a girlfriend, though.â Philip looked surprised. âIt was nothing, really. I was sixteen. She was eighteen. A sort of crush. But it made me realiseâŚIâm probably not into men, that much. Or so I thought, till I saw you in that uniform, with your hair and everything. Suddenly I just wanted to hold you, to put my arms round you and hug you, so muchâŚ. Is that terrible? Or just stupid?â
Philip stared at her. Something was happening inside his chest, something between pain and ecstasy. He kept his cool, though. He had rehearsed the romantic encounter in his fantasies, so he knew just what to do. What he thought he should do, anyway. He slipped off the chair and sat down beside her. He took one of her hands in his. He looked into her eyes.
âNeither, Tina. Do you⌠I mean, do you think you couldâŚlike me?â
âOh, yes, Philip. Very much. You are just the sort of person I could like⌠I do like â a guy who has no need to be all big and macho, but has real strength of character. I may be wrong, but I think as you are nowâ - she drew her head back slightly to take him all in â âas you are now, is much more like to the real you. Do you thinkâŚthat could be true?â
âOh, yesâŚyes, I think, maybe, it isâŚâ
âYou probably think Iâm some sort of pervert, donât you, liking you in womenâs clothes? I donât blame you. And itâs not fair to youâŚâ
âNo, no. Tina. I donât think youâre a pervert. Course not. It doesnât matter to me at all. For you, Iâd be happy to wear whatever you liked! As a matter of fact, I think, I probably feel much happier dressed like this. MoreâŚfree. Sort of, at peace.â She looked at him dubiously. âItâs true, I do!â
The doubt faded from her expression, melting into affection and pleasure. âDo you reallyâŚ? That would be soâŚwonderful, Philip.â She smiled. âYouâre so kind to me,â she added, in a tone of what seemed genuine gratitude. She returned his serious gaze, her eyes flitting from his eyes to his lips and back again. She leant towards his face. He had actually closed his eyes, waiting for their lips to connect, when there was a sharp rapping at the door. Tina jumped up quickly.
âTina? What are you doing in there? Let Philip get changed and come downstairs at once! I need to discuss plans for the week. Well?â
âComing, mother! I have to go, darling. Weâll talk again.â And she hurried out of the room.
Philip sat there dazed and blinking, his mind in a whirl. He had been cheated of her kiss, but he wasnât disappointed. He felt honouredâŚblessed. Sheâs so great! So honest, and loving, and⌠warm! And so pretty! Her hair⌠I never really thought⌠Of course Iâll wear girlsâ clothes, if thatâs what she wants⌠Iâd dress up as a clown if she asked me to. I mean, Iâm gonna have to anyway for the next few months. And in any case, I donât mind it at all. Itâs sort of fun in a way. Even a little thrillingâŚ
Mother and daughter returned downstairs. They went into the kitchen to make coffee and think about supper. Strangely, all Aunt Estellaâs frowning irritation seemed at once to have vanished, and been replaced by a faint smile of satisfaction; while Tinaâs own agitation had also quite dissipated. She even gave her mother a playful nudge as they jostled each other for the coffee jar.