Promises, Obligations and Consequences

[teddi]

Chapter 1



I was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a soda when Mom spoke: "Christopher, would you please go up to your room and sort out all of your old clothes, we're going to give some of the one's that don't fit or are too out of style away:  that includes underwear too, so get going.  Anyhow I need to speak with your sister about certain school matters."  I thought nothing of it and went straight about doing what she had asked.

First to go were the "T" shirts with holes in them, then the ratty underpants: some boxers but mostly my briefs.  Several pair of pants were flung off to the side as well as five of my collered shirts.  Socks soon were added to the pile.  Some had holes but most wouldnt fit so I chucked them.   I culled out some ball caps - they wouldn"t fit or were too babbyish.  Finally  some of the sneakers had to go - holes in the sides or dirty as can be without a chance of washing.   I made my way back down to the kitchen.   



I could just barely make out the smell of Mom's string bean casserole and pork chops she was baking.  As I walked in I started to talk.  "Gosh Mom that is really smelling awsome and......"  I started to shake my head and turned to look at Christina......"Ohhh no, I'm not and neither are you! 



She shot me a quick look then moved her eyes to Mom.   She was just as shocked as I was - not expecting me to read her so fast.  I yelled at Christy, "No way....I'm not going with some dumb girl and you can't make me and that's that!  I turned to Mom.   "MOM!...do you know what she was thinking, she wanted me to go with some girl to school and I'm not gonna do it.  And even if I thought about it, I don't know this girl, Melinda, and I don't want too!!!!



With that explosion I quickly turned to leave and was caught just short of the kitchen entry by Moms voice.  "Christopher, you just stop right where you are and turn around right now.   I shook my head, and thought to myself- NO WAY!   Mom's voice was louder now.  "I will not ask you again.  You will stop right there, turn around and sit down at this table (she pointed to the kitchen nook area). 



Slowly I complied while at the same time began to tear.  "Mom, this is not fair and why should she start this before school and who told her she could anyway?  I'm not a little kid and I sure don't want to hang around with any dumb girl!"



Mom looked at Christy, who at this point begain to tear up and whose face now was a beet red.  Mom shook her head from side to side and spoke directly and firmly to her.  I just finished speaking with you and now I find out that you had already done this? Did I not tell you specifically not to make any such arrangements until I and your father had spoken with Chris.  Besides, you know how Chris is when it comes to things that directly concern him where you are concerned and what happens if you two are not seperated  by distance. How on earth did you think that he wouldn't pick up on this? Now we have a big mess to unravel and it's your doing.  You will rectify this immediately and I will expect this to be done by tomorrow afternoon.  Is that clear young lady?  A truly embarrased Christy could only mutter "yes Mom, absolutely."  Mom continued: "this is not what we expected, I am deeply upset by this and when your father finds out, well you can expect to pay the consequences.



Mom turned to me and sat at the table beside me, placed her hands on mine, I tried to pull them away but she held on firmly then spoke.  "Chris, I am truly sorry about all this, Christina was under our direct orders not to arrainge any guide assignments until we had spoken with you and you had consented"  Christy interjected, Chris I"m really sorry and I didn't mean to upset you or..."  I cut her off "oh sure, like I'm gonna get right up and give hugs to you...a....a....back stabber!!  You know how I feel about girls and that kind of stuff...leave me alone!  and for Gods sake dont think about it anymore!!!



I began to cry in earnest.   Mom began to hug me and kinda whispered in a loud way that it was "going to be o.k. and that most boys my age feel this way about girls and...."  "But Mom ....I was sobbing...she was thinking how cute I'd look and stuff like that and, and, sh....sh.....she was gonna fix me up - whatever that means."  I was in full tear mode and Mom wasn't going to be able to stop it.  She gently pulled me to her and said "you need a big time out, lets get you back to your room and you can lay down until dinners ready. O.K?   I nodded yes and let her lead me upstairs where she then told me to lay back and try to relax and that she would take off my shoes.  She took a coverlet and laid it on me and told me to take a nap  - like if I could, really ( or so I thought ) 5 minutes later I was out and was awakened by both  Mom and Dad. 

Oh God!!! I had wet my pants!



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[teddi]

Oh no I thought to myself.  I peed myself in bed asleep.  I could feel the warm dampness under the coverlet. And worse yet Mom and Dad were right there. Looking down at me. I tried to talk but instead, I started to cry...but just a little bit.



Dad spoke first:  "what's with the tears Chris?  I know Christy upset you but it has been almost two hours since that happened. You slept through quite a dinner, but, I had no idea it was that serious."  I gulped back my response.  "D..dad it's alot w.w.worse than y..you know and and I ..I d.don't w.w..want you to get angry at m..me but can I t ..t.. talk to just M...m..mom for right now?  Huh? P please?



He gave me a quizical look (I hadn't stuttered for a long, long time)  turning  his head to Mom and with a smile coupled in a gentle voice said "that's o.k and I won't get mad or angy.  Looks like your the one he's graced with his thoughts for now - I'll see you downstairs."  He gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered "looks serious." Mom nodded.  "Eric, if you please, fix Christopher's plate for dinner.   We both will be down shortly."  She looked from Dad to me:  "Right Chris?"  I nodded and softly uttered an "uh huh."



Dad went downstairs and Mom sat on the bed beside me and asked, with a smile:  "o.k. what do you want to tell me?"  I sometimes stutter when I get......uh.....upset....and this was definitely upsetting.  "M m m mom...I...uh..I ......my voice trailed off as I lifted the coverlet and showed her what had happended because I couldn't talk without, well, stuttering.



Of course I cried some more, o.k., I cried alot harder and was really, really ashamed of what had happened.   M ..m ...mom ...I...I ..I'm sorry, honest."  She bent closer and cradled me in her arms while I sobbed and whispered "Chris, you poor darling.   Let mommy help you: o.k.?  I suppose you might call that a rhetorical question because I knew she would.  "Come on now, lets get you out of bed and cleaned up.  Take off those pants and underpants and your shirt...I'll start the shower for you and while you clean yourself off -  I'll strip the sheets.  This won't take long and  when you get out you can dress in something comfortable."  I was calming down and sniffled back a couple of boogers  and whispered "k."

[teddi]

I had stripped off my wet clothes and placed them in the sink off to the side of the shower.  Mom came in moments later and picked them up telling me that when I got out of the shower she would help dress me.  I knew what this meant - and I wasn't the least bit happy about it.  



While washing my hair, I sighed with remorse as not only had I now embarresed myself but I knew that Christina had been punished and was also crying as she wrote me a letter of appology.  I soaped off what little male assests I had and went on with the rest of me.



Her thoughts hit me as she continued to pen her letter to me.  I started to cry again.  Christina, my sister, confidant and closest friend  was abjectly and unconditionally beside herself.  I understood also, that the promises we both made to each other four years ago needed to be terminated or greatly amended.  This was not her desire but mine.   I would have to face whatever came my way and not hurt her again.  



My name calling (which hurt her greatly) was especially, now in my own eyes, unwarranted and uncalled for.  I realized that she had done no such thing and had in fact gone out of her way to smooth the road out for me....of course that she had done this without my or my parents knowledge was enough to earn her five hard swats with the paddle; she couldnt date for two months and was grounded for three weeks.  



I also began to realize that the more upset or concerned she was  - the easier it was for me to read her.



I finished washing off and stepped out over the tub side wall onto the coral colored bathroom rug, grabbed my towel and began to dry my self.  I heard Mom's voice telling me to "just dry your body off and I"ll take care of your hair."



Damn.  Damn.  Damn.  Silently, I cursed myself out.  I began to rationalize and fight within myself.  The stark reality was that I, me and only myself could solve what had begun four years ago.  Yes, Christina would help and I knew both of my parents would too, yet the stunning come to terms admissions of what was to occur left me both breathless yet amazingly calm.  I would later find out that's what you call a catharsis.  



I resolved to be strong.  



Mom was waiting for me as I came out of the shower.  "M..m ..mom do  I.. I..uh..really  h..have to - wear that?"  I pointed to what she held: a very thick disposable diaper.  I continued to plead my case...."b.but, I..uh..I..."  It was useless, even I couldn't justify Mom not diapering me.  I knew that what I had done was due to stress.  I shut up and didn,t say anything else.  Why argue with the inevitable.  



In moments, Mom had powdered and diapered me.  Yeh, diapered by my Mom again and, good lord, coddled like a baby.  She was speaking real soft and told me that "sometimes these things happened" and that of course she "had seen me  before."  All of her  kindness did not erase the shame I felt.  



She motioned me over to the dresser, told me to sit and that she would dry my hair.  Again I tried to protest but, she would not hear of it.  I told her I could do it myself yet she continued to brush and blow dry it.  By the time she finished, while it was indeed dry it appeared to be a little girlish.  I shook my head and muttered "Mom, you didn't have to dry it like....like...this!"   She merely smiled and said it was time to go down stairs.  



Geez.  Dad was down there and now and.....well until the doctor had diagnosed me with two types of in-con-ti -nance he would get real angry with me.  I turned to Mom:  "is Dad gonna get mad at me?





"I honestly doubt it Chris, but perhaps it's best to avoid the matter.  I don't believe you need to tell him. o.k?"  She presented me with my bathrobe (blue) and I put it on.  The robe itself wasn't what I would call boyish.  It was more of a powder blue and looked more like what a girl would wear.  I closed the robe around me and firmly tied the sash so as not to let the robe fly open.



We worked our way down the stairway.  I held fast to the right rail and was really conscious of the events that were to be unfolding in but a few short minutes.  



Dad had forgone the nook area and had set  me up in the dining room.  My plate was centered on the table with a glass of milk beside it to the upper right.  



Dad started to speak.  "Are you o.k Chris?





I shrugged my shoulders, lowered my head to the right.   As I stood there my eyes started to tear again.   I shook my head from side to side and took a deep breath which I released with an audible sigh.    I barely  got   "N..no sir" out.  I pointed to my robe and opened both sides so dad could see what I was wearing.



Dad did not say a word but looked at Mom.  She nodded yes then began speaking to me.  "Chris didn't I tell you that you did not have to say anything?"  I couldn't look at either of them but slowly and quietly replied.  "Yes Mom - you did.  But I had promised Dad that I would not lie to him about anything...so.....if I purposely did not tell him I would be deceiving him....while I wouldn't be lying I also would not be telling him the truth.   If you want to punish me for not listening to you - o.k. - and Dad.....if you get mad at me...I understand."  Wow I had gone through all of that without a stutter - that was something!

[teddi]

I had spoken respectfully and with consideration of both what my father expected of me and of what I knew would occur if I did not. Also, that if Mom so desired, she would also punish me, and that I would not be without diapers for many days.  The prospect of that worried me as well.  The stillness and silence lingered for several seconds, yet to me, it seemed an eternity. I awaited some response from either of them - the air conditioning vent above me presented us with a cool breeze.  At long last Mom spoke:  "Christopher, I am not angry with you.  In fact I am very proud of you."   Before her last word was spoken Dad was moving towards me.  I flinched as he knelt beside me and was quickly extending both of his hands to clasp my shoulders.  I read the puzzlement in his face at my instinctive flinch backwards  and almost at the same moment his realization of why I did it.  That was his normal angry with me method of getting me to give him my complete attention.  I had never seen him cry but his eyes started to  puddle up.  As he held my shoulders he spoke, ever so slowly and surprisingly with affection.  "No, son  I am not mad at you.  And I truly am sorry for the way I yelled at you in the past.  No, it is just the opposite - I am  proud, extremely proud that you stood like a young man and spoke to me that way."  I nodded my head and broke a little smile while lowering my head and heaved a great sigh of relief.  I  was turning to look at Mom, saw her smiling face, then realized that I was cutting loose again - no dry diaper now.  I shook my head while my brief smile turned to a distinct frown and grimace and muttered "oh geez."



She nodded her head in complete understanding of what had happened. I turned back to look at Dad's face.  "Dad? Can I ask you a couple of questions before I eat dinner?  "Of course -why did you need to ask that?"  I shook my head as if no particular reason would prompt me too.  "Well," I began, "for starters I was worried that you would not let me go to my martial arts class."  His reply was quick and surprisingly made me happy.  "Ohhh no Chris, you've done nothing that would warrant that action.  Have you?"  Whisperingand moving my head from side to side I said .. "uh..dont't think so Dad."  He wouldn't let me say anything else as he held up his hand, palm towards me, to silence me. He continued "make you quit - no such thing will happen.  I spoke with Master Su about you.  I was worried that you might have difficulties with his regimine.  Instead, he informed me that you were according to his exact words "a student he has seldom seen.  Your son is quick of mind to grasp the intricacies of the arts.  He is surprisingly quick, agile and quite determined in his concentration to whatever forms of the art he is, and I say this humbly "challenged with"  There is no challenge to difficult that I present to him.  His hand  and eye co-ordination are beyound what you would expect and his foot speed is remarkable.  And if all of that is insufficient to turn your head - where you think there is weakness because of his slight build there is instead exceptional strength.  No. No. At present there are no difficulties."  



I was stunned at Dad's telling me this about what Master Su thought of me.  While I was extremly pleased something didn't seem right.  Especially to me.  Damn sometimes I struggled just to get the garbage out.  Exceptional strength!! I think he was blowing wind up my Dad's butt.  I suppose he didn't want to lose a meal ticket.



In any event I began to beam.  A brief smile of contentment and satisfaction crossed my face - that at least - if only for monetay reasons someone else (besides my family) had paid attention to me an was pleased.



"D..dad?  After I finish my dinner can we have a real family meeting - I need Christina to be here for it and....uh...well...when...I..I mean that w..when w..we begin tha...that uh...neither y..you or M..mom interrupt either of, of.. uh .... us?   And, and uh wh--what y..you b..both are ..gonna h..hear is the,  the truth.  H..honest!  



This time both Mom and Dad looked perplexed.  I waited for the reply which I presumed would be yes.  I was not dissapointed.  "Yes Cris and yes son," were the only words heard.  I nodded my head several time in appreciation, managed a brief if not fleeting smile then began to eat my dinner.  



With every forkful of her delicious creation I began to tear.  No it was not crying where you would sob and gulp for air, it was  instead a constant trickle of tears which through the evening would flow without interruption.

[teddi]

Maintaining a calm and cool front was begining to wear thin on both of my parents.  Their hushed whispers to each, though not overtly directed at me, were none the less audible.  My tears still ran and though I tried to wipe them away they now began to pool on my plate.



I didn't look up, so as not to invite questions.  But I did whisper "its about me, Christine, girls and...uh...angels."  They sat in stunned silence.



By now I had my full and pushed my plate away from me. I looked to both of them and spoke "thank you for my dinner."  



For several minutes I sat.  Mute and tearful.  To their credit no questions were directed to me.  Taking several deep breaths I resolved to begin.  Nodded to them both and said "I'm ready."  Mom replied, and I'm sure it was for both of them "you sure?  Or, do you need more time to think?"  "No Mom, but remember what your gonna hear is the truth but Christina needs to be here because I can't do this without her."  Dad rose from his chair and offered to get her. Mom did not protest so off he went only to return without her.



As he turned the table corner to sit once again he spoke to Mom and to me "She said she needs to "prepare" herself and would be down shortly."  Realizing why she was delaying her appearance I didn't worry about that: yet, and my tears continued unabated.



I presume at least five minutes past before Mom muttered to Dad "here she is, at last."



I rose from the table and went to meet her.  We were about to end four years of mutual agreements.  When she was close enough for me I whispered to her that now was the time.  Smiling she nodded her consent, but did not speak.  I also noticed that I for the life of me couldn't read a single thought from her....I wanted desperately to give her a hug but shook her head from side to side. Surprise and fright coursed through me as I realized who it was.  Silently I exclaimed "Oh God, it's you!"  



Placing a finger to my lips she shushed me and while her lips did not move she bid me to sit beside her and then to place my head upon her lap and console myself.



Both she and I moved together  towards the table and  sat besides each other. As I lowered my head to her lap I perceived the look of astonishment on my parents faces.Unforgetable. I began to nurse my thumb, as she had directed, took one or two deep breaths then, for the first time in over four years knew that some of the worst was going to be over.

[teddi]

I realized that  the intervening moments, prior to "her" commencing, would be fraught with questions and concerns from both Mom and Dad.  I knew also, that while Christine's physical body cradled my head that she (Christine) was merely the vessel of communication for whom I now held no fear.  Years of torment were now to end, yet I was none the less uneasy.  Doubts of Mom and Dad's acceptance of what she would say; doubt's of my ability to speak without either sounding as if I were a fool or even if I could really speak at all.  Even greater doubts of their reaction both now and later to Christine and what she would convey.  



I felt "her" hand upon my head.  Softly she carressed my hair, paused momentarily to view and fondle the barret Mom had set in it after my shower then proceded to pat my back as if I were a baby about to be burped.  Again I heard her talk to me. Her voice softly reasured and consoled me: "Fret not little one - all shall be heard and there will be no doubts as to their uttered truth(s)."



Her chest rose and fell as one deep breath had been taken.  She addressed the two who sat before her.  



"Attend.  



"While your concerns are valid do not fear. Do not doubt the sincerity of what I will convey nor the truths of what they will contain.



"All life on this corporial plane is mortal.  None the less both man and beasts are endowed by Him with souls.  These souls, while unblemished at birth: evolve.  The various hues of their diminishment is not only due to what is within themselves but also from the "others" who seek to render the pure of heart vulnerable and more accessable to the evil of others.



"I am their angel.  I guide and protect as I did with you both.



"I present that the two who sit before you are unblemished and pure of heart.



"Their love for each other is unquestionable.



"Also, unquestionable is that each has "special" endowments. Distinctive to but one, yet, that the other is not only aware of but willing to insure with silence that it even exists.  To be certain, both are dear to each other.



"Of primary concern to the female is the welfare of her younger counterpart.  Her prayers, though silent, are still heard.  



"The younger, who is still in swaddling and who consoles himself while nursing upon his thumb is precious.  Yet, the fears which consume him are real and  form the basis of his angst. And, in turn,  of  her tearful entreaties.



"For him, the youngest, her entreties are answered and will become evident in short time.



"My time grows short.  Be certain that your queries to either will be responded to faithfully.



Know too, that I am always close to all."





Several moments passed.  Within moments "She" stopped fondling my barret.  I could feel Christine's body quiver.  A clearly audible sigh escaped her lungs.  She was gone and now Christine remained.

[teddi]

Chapter 2



For the longest time, we sat together.  I, with my head in Christine's lap. At long last, she nudged my shoulder and kinda let me know that it was time to sit up - she thought that I was "getting heavy."  I merely nodded and raised myself to sit upright. My eyes  began to leak again.  But, this time I knew why.  I loved my sister, knew she loved me and was so glad that we were together.  And too, that while I knew that I would cry when I tried to answer, that at least I would answer.



"Mom, Dad I need to stand and walk around a bit. I'm really tired and need some time to get myself together."  Both Mom and Dad nodded their heads in the affirmative to her declaration.  They both looked at us incredulously.  Both my sister and I were aware of the onslaught of questions that they would pose.  Christine stood, tapped me on the shoulder and said "let's go little one, we need to talk while I recoup."  



"You know it." I replied, "but I gotta get changed or these diapers are gonna leak all over."  Smiling she said "go ahead  - I"ll wait"  I could read her again and felt how serene she had become.  I looked to  Mother and asked if she would change me.   Before she could physically nod I turned to Christine:  "You wanna come and....uh help..you know...uh...gosh Christine, I don't think I can take being away from you right now, so it's o.k. for you to be with me while I get changed and I won't get upset if you uh...l..look.  You know?"  I'd love to go with you little one - and don't worry about me peeking."  Smiling, she took my hand and started to lead me upstairs to my room.  She turned and asked Mom "are you coming or do I need to do this by myself?"  Her thoughts struck me "just joking Chris - Mom needs to get a grip."  I stuttered a hushed reply "I...uh ...wouldn't mind if ....."  An incomplete admission to her was left as it was.



Mother caught up with us on the stairway and muttered that "your father is getting both of us drinks."  Both Christine and I giggled - they were really shook up and were about to show it.  They rarely drank, especially in front of the two of us.  Oh well, I thought, they're entitled.



As we entered my room, Mom went straight away for another diaper. I whispered to my Mom: "Uh...Mom...you uh, well, I .. I  think it might need to a..well be a l..lot thicker.  I'm  uh not to s..sure about...."



"Thicker it will be then."  Her matter of fact reply was refreshing.  I motioned for Christina to come to my bedside.  As I lay down I took her hand in mine. With gleeful anticipation I queried: "were gonna do this?  Really?"  She didn't have to speak to respond but her thoughts were clear.  "Yes we really are and though yours is the greater burden - you little one will be free of your promise to me.  Don't worry I'll be there and back you all the way.  You know I will."



My tears ran quicker and I'm sure that Mom was aware that Christine was silently talking to me as I nodded my head and said "k".  



Mom by now had taken off my soggy diaper an was wiping me clean.  As she began to powder me she stopped and muttered.."hair."    Wait, what did she say?!   Hair?!   I bolted upright and began to search for what she had seen.  "Mom, come on, please don't joke about that, o.k.?"

I'm not joking she replied.  It's off to the side, not large or dark but it's there."  I looked to Christine.  "W..would y...y...uh...y..you know?"  Again with silent reply: "Yes, I'll look. Don't be embarrased, o.k?"   "I wo..won't..h..honest - w..w..well may.uh..be I will b.be just a ah l..little?  By now I knew with my reply that Mom knew we were talking to each other.  She silently and me, well, just out loud.



Christine moved closer to Mom's side.  Mom pointed directly at my shriveled attributes and quietly stated "here."  Christine looked at her then at me and though as she smiled...."sure enough, there's one ....itty bitty but you got one..."  Then out loud giggled "don"t lose it."



Mom finished dusting me down and turned to Christine.  Since I have powder on my hands, would you mind closing his diapers up?"  "No Mom, I dont mind at all" - she turned to me - I read her and replied "No Christine I don't mind."