Promises, Obligations and Consequences

[teddi]

"...in which...black...becomes life's color de-jure.  (At the same time, in my stolen glance at Melinda, I understand the reasoning behind Joachems thought:  that even such a momentary look can be dangerously misconstrued; perhaps some things, as they occur, are best immediately explained rather than left unsaid.  On the other hand, "you can observe a lot by watching."*  



Mother continues, "Though it seemed you desired to do so, you did not step back, but rather stood fast, wincing repeatedly as in pain or dreaded horror while beads of sweat appeared to roll, from both your hair and face.  Your expression did not belie what you perceived; that something most evil came your way.  Dann Joachem ungewohnlich hinsichlitch eines wraith sprachen Sie (Then Joachem, oddly, as to a wraith, you spoke...)"



(Parents really don't understand, some things that silently go bump in the night are actually more than ghosts and ghoulies, they're the monsters from the "Id"^ which are the worst; especially, if they're imposed upon another.)



Our reply is as it was before, "...Keine...ist er...Grube...NICHT...Ihr zum zu nehmen.  Erfassen Sie nur jene Toten und geurteilt dann verurteilt verlassen Sie (No...he is...mine...NOT...yours to take.  Gather only those given dead and judged condemned then leave)."



Mother jumps at the cue, "We appeared to stand motionless for several moments.  Hauntingly your head and eyes repeatedly moved four times from the pit to but several meters in front of where you stood.  There, between four consecutive pauses you voiced one word repeatedly, "Damned."  Then most inquisitively, you looked to the brush where the corpse lay and repeated the procedure one more time, and then, almost as an after thought you offered a most cynical smile while whispering..."Ich muB savor dieser Moment, denn Sie, die ich habe Qualerei in gewissan Sinne ich angetan nicht andere.  (...I must savor this moment, for you I shall torment in a manner I have not done to another)."  The three within and I agree, some words actually do come back to haunt you...we conclude the long awaited thought...) Fur immer verurteilt...und ubertrangenes daily (Forever condemned...and rendered** daily)."



The Gallery of the Gods do not smile, nor need a word be said, it is the look in their eyes which states,that they are wordlessly in agreement.



Mother continues, "I thought you crazed and shocked by the stress.  Moments later your Father picked you up and held you in his arms for the last time.  As he lifted you, it was obvious to us both from the puddle you left on the cobblestones that you had soaked yourself.  I felt ever so...so sorry for you.



"Joachem, you would not look into your Father's eyes.  Stattsdessen drehten sich Sie in seine Arme und regelten stolidly Ihr Anstarren nach dem Stalhelms' Emblem und beruhrten es leicht, warhend Sie Sprachen, (Instead you turned in his arms and stolidly fixed your gaze upon the Stahlhelms's emblem and gently touched it as you spoke)."



We repeat the line as memorized, "Stahl Ihr Geisicht und Lachelnvater, verspreche ich, dem Sie daran erinnern, daB die Oberseite der Toten, die Sie gewahlthaben, seien Sie mein Liebling; angenommen...als Betrachtung...fur ein Geschenk (Steel your face and smile father, I promise, that you will remember that the top of the dead you have chosen shall be my favorite; accepted...as a consideration...for a gift)."



Mothers' recollection continues, "Your Father quizzically smiled for a brief moment, and kissed you gently on the cheek; leaving a small portion of blood where his lips had pressed to your skin.  You whispered in his ear one word, "Jetzt" (Now), upon which he pushed you from his chest and gently set you down on the cobbled stones before him.



(The look on Dads face is understandable.  The irony of repetitive existence is simple to understand:  events have a tendency to come full circle, those that have occurred in the past, will, in the future be played again in some form; moreover, the same souls involved are inevitably drawn to the event as well.  Only slight variations mark the difference.  Elias and Joachem now understand and muse at the Yogi-ism, "This is deja-vu all over again."



"He turned away, stepped quickly to the brush beside the body to change clothes and then just a quick redressed the dead.  It was then I realized, as he pulled another form from behind the brush, that the dinner was not complete, there would be two more served.  Er klagte sie zusammen in der Kalte unfaBt an un wahrend er deide sturzte, folgte Arm in Arm, in die Grube Ihre Augen ihrem Fall, da Sie, wenn ein grisly  Stolz, ist laut (He arraigned them together in cold embrace and as he toppled both, arm in arm, into the pit your eyes followed their fall, as you, with a grisly pride*** mused aloud, "Gerade...Nachtiisch...das ich wager (Just...dessert...I'd wager)."



Joachem excuses himself, somehow this portion had slipped our minds!



Mother smiles at her voiced thought, "Mich konnte nicht Kalte, so helfen aber haltern fur einen Gedanken fur mein Kind (I could not help but consider so cold a thought for my child)."  And concludes with a whisper, "Wie bezaubernd (How charming)."



(The first three words of Joachems recitation have sparked a dry smile from Christine.  She understands that my most favorite T-shirt "Steel Your Face," which Dad gave me earlier, is just that; my most favorite Dead Head top.  How ironic is it, or, isn't it?  Nahhh, not ironic at all.  Sometimes, even sissies can be stone cold individuals, who will get you in the end.)



Still smiling Mother moistens her lips and continues.  "You said little to me afterwards even as I pressed you for an explanation of your strange statements and of what you had seen.  You refused to speak of it.  Two weeks later, we prepared to ride the train to Munich and while we waited at the train station, you began idly sketching random forms upon your blank-paper tablet.  Abruptly you seemed ill and the pallor surrounding your face frightened me as you set your pencil-work aside and cuddled close to me.  A man, who had observed us, also appeared perturbed, approached our bench and inquired first as to your health and then asked if he might look at what you had drawn; while assuring me, that he would return your "Imaginative pieces" after what he termed, "Giving them the scrutiny they deserved."  He gently smiled at you and affectionetely continued to speak, "Der Junge ist schon.  Wenn das "Wunderkind" benogtigt alles, alles an allen, bitte, bitten Sie den Porter, fur mich zu senden oder schon zu verbessern, lassen ihn beide von Ihnem nehmen Werhner Maximilians' privates' auto (The boy is beautiful.  If the "wonderchild" requires anything, anything at all, please ask the porter to send for me or better yet, have him take both of you to Werhner Maximilians' private car)."  I thought little of it and pushed the episode aside.



"You remained silent for most of the trip; especially as the rolling of the wheels beneath the floor offered a steady and most comforting rhythm, to which you closed your eyes and slept.  I covered you with a blanket provided from the sleeper car and tucked its ends in about you gently; leaving only your face exposed, though, somehow, your thumb had found its normal resting place.  Not long afterward, you managed to free your other hand and softly fondled the satin border of the blanket, beneath your chin, as you continued to sleep.



"All was well until...until unforgettably, a most striking oval-faced, broad nosed, cruelly thin-lipped woman with long red hair entered our designated carriage and seated herself, across from us.  Our newest and ever present "escort," Hans, had allowed her and her companion entry.  The moment she entered, I turned my head away in disgust, as both reeked from the odors they brought with them.  Instinctively, I lowered the window beside us and as I turned to face them, Hans looked on in disbelief.  Even he was aghast.  The look of incredulity on his face offered some measure of consolation as he held his nose with his right hand while shaking his head from side to side.  Then quickly waved it in front of his nose; trying to dispel the stench they carried with them away from his post.  Through the glass door, I saw his face as he mouthed the words "I'm sorry."  He shrugged his shoulders then resumed his position.



"When both were seated, the woman smiled awkwardly while raising her thinly tweezed eyebrows, as it appeared she had a "wandering eye,"*^^* and introduced herself.  "Guter natchmittag, Frau Bergoneer, was eine reizende uberrashung, Sie hat ein kleines Madchen auBerdem?  Wie eigennartig, ich unter der Annahme war, hatten Sie aber ein Kind, ein Junge.  Wo er ist, die Toilette?  (Good afternoon Frau Bergoneer, what a lovely suprise, you have a little girl as well?  How peculiar, I was under the assumption you had but one child, a boy.  Were is he, the lavatory?)"  Her companions's unblinking eyes looked only at you as if he were perfunctory

appraising a plate of lamb.



"She continued on,  "Ermoglicht mich, mich vorzustellen fort; mein Name ist Ilse...Isle Kohler. (Permit me to introduce myself; my name is Ilse...Ilse Kohler).  "Deises," as she gestured towards the dark hared man with a discernable widow's peak, "ist Dr. Waldemar Hoven."  Before she could speak another word, the carriage door slid open once more.  The man, who had earlier taken your penciled sketches at the train station, entered and with his first step into the coach, was brought up short, as he too was aghast at the odor now permeating the air.  His first thought was to look to you as the source for the stench, but quickly realized from where the odor originated.  Immediately he turned his attention to Hans and berated him, shouting out, "The two bohemian turds have no business here!  Remove them!"  Upon his outcry you awoke...

____________________________________________________

*A quote from Yogi Bera.

^Id-a portion (1/3) of our unconsciousness, which is the source for psychic energy and is a consequent derived from our primordial needs, drives and desires and its forms can be monstrous in nature.

**Rendered-of course, there is more than one meaning.  To officially deliver a decision or verdict - OR - to put somebody in a particular state - Or - to purify...by melting, slowly...until as much fat has been extracted from it, leaving a small crisp as remains.  Naturally, more than one may apply at any time, there are other meanings as well.  Take your pick!

***Pride-sometimes it goes before a fall.  However it is also up to a dozen female adult lions, their cubs and juveniles and anywhere from one to six adult males.

*^^*Wandering eye - also known as lazy eye or amblyopia.

[teddi]

"...and with an anxious first look stared in surprise at the two who sat across from you while immediately grimacing as you tried to somehow withdraw from the two; while Hans vainly tried to explain to Herrn Maximilian that both were NSK.*



"Maximilian would hear none of it and pulled from his vest a communique, which he quickly shoved at Hans' reddening face and then promptly forced it into the sentry's hands, while exclaiming, "Dummy!  Lesen Sie dieses laut! (Read this aloud!)



In a quivering voice he read:



Allegemeines Auftrag Nr. 1244/XXL oberes Geheimnis III ein Berlin, 4. Marz 1933 (General Order No. 1244/XXL Top Secret III a Berlin, 4 March, 1933).

: Wehner Maximilian-Ermachtigung, Jungen zu fragen Bewilligen-Fahrt mit extremers Vorsicht fort (To:  Werhner Maximilian-Authorization to Question Boy Granted-Proceed with Extreme Caution).



Von:  JODL (From:  JODL)



Verteilerliste (Distribution list)

Geheimer Kabinettsrat (Members of the Secret Cabinet Council)

Reichsverteidigungstat  (Reich Defense Council)

Dreierkollegium-Hochschule von drei Fieldmarshal Keitel  (College of Three-Field Marshal Keitel)

Zum Leiter des bewaffnete Kraft-honen Befehls...Keitel, JODL(To Cheif of Armed Forces High Command...Keitel, JODL)



Kommunique von:  Obergebietsfuehrer Dr. Hellmuth Stellrecht (Communique From:  General Dr. Hellmuth Stellrecht).



Entdeckungen hinsichtlich ist DES "Wunderkind," Joachem:  Das Bund Deutscher Technck im Konzert MIT dem Deutscher Aerztebund und dem Deutscher Dozentendund stimmen das zu:  (Findings concerning "wonderchild," Joachem:  The Bund Deutscher Technik (Bund for German Technology) in concert with the Deutscher Aerztebund (Physicians Bund) and the Deutscher Dozentenbund (University Teachers' Bund agree that:



"It is necessary that we do not allow the life of the boy to pass through all the organizations.  On the contrary, it is necessary to give to his life and his development actual stability.  We do not only want to train him but want him to lead in an unbroken line of developemnt from boy to man, a development which must be natural, which does not give him cause to investigate why he has been dealt with in this or that manner.  The political education of the boy stops when he enters the service of the Armed Forces.  The boy should feel that he is part of a natural course of events and react to it by feeling a constant uninhibited enhancement of life.  Thus the natural course of events is again completed which has been characteristic of every natural warriordom.  Let him practice weapons and only then let him earn the deathly weapon of the man.  The boy will learn while he plays, and again acquires the incredible agility of primitve men to find cover and camouflage in the terrain, to use every indentation in the ground, every bit of vegetation to close in, to cover long distances without any noise also at night and, at the same time, to see everything, to hear everything and finally to appear out of nowhere before the baffled enemy; thus growing into the future battle technique through his full life of a boy.  Athletics:  track comes first, followed by jumping, throwing and pushing.  Aber, seine Korperschwimmen zu entwickeln ist notwendig, seinen Korper zu entwickeln und er sollte ihn erarbeiten, lange zuvor er ein Soldat wird.  Die er gewohnt zu Auftrage, von aderen zu befolgen erhalten und der Verpflichtung glaben also so stark tun muB, daB sogar am gefahrlichsten Moment sie nicht ausfallt.  Es ist viel besser, wenn der Junge beginnt, seine eigenen Wunsche beiseite zu setzen, sum Geben und zum Serve will der Gemeinschaft innen zu verzichten.  (But to develope his body swimming is necessary to develop his body and he should master it long before he becomes a soldier.  He must get used to obeying the orders of others and to feel the obligation to do so strongly that even at the most dangerous moment he does not fail.  It is much better when the boy starts to put his own wishes aside, to renounce, to give in, and to serve the will of the community.**



Heil Hitler

End Kommunique



AUFMERKSAMKEIT:  Das Reich-Ministerium DES Innerens stimmt uberein und findet Hohle Jungen, Bergoneer H., Joachem, ein unschaetzbarer Zustandwert.  Dedingt annehmbar und zugelassen zum Jungstahlhelm und, innerhalb DES Schutzstaffelor, das Ehren von Untersturmfuher gegeben. Zweiter Leutnat, sofort folgende "anspruchslose Beratung."

ATTENTION:  The Reich Ministry of The Interior concurs and finds the boy, Bergoneer H., Joachem, an unusually invaluable State asset.  He is found conditionally acceptable, and even at his young age admitted to the Jungstahlhelm, and granted within the Schutzstaffelor, the honorary of Untersturmfuhrer (Second Lieutenant); immediately following "unpretentious consultation)."



WARNEND:  Von der Ausdehnung das behauptet:  Sozial zugang oder Interaktion wird AUSDRUCKLICH VERBOTEN; Tastkontakt irgendeiner Art AUSDRUCKLICH VERBOTEN, unter Strafe der SOFORTIGEN UND ZUSAMMENFASSENDEN DURCHFUHRUNG.  Eintragung zur Hitler Jugen aufgegeben gegrundet nach dem bedeutenden Tribut angeboten.

WARNING: predicated from incidence that:  social access or interaction is EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED;  tactile contact of any type EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN,  under penalty of IMMEDIATE AND SUMMARY EXECUTION.  Entry to Hitler Youth waived based upon significant Tribut offered.



Mein Fuhrer:  Der Reich-Armee Minister und das Schutzstaffel teilen die Meinung, die oen dargenstellt wird und der Reich-AuBenminister wollte sie mit Ihnen besprechen, mein Fuhrer.  Jedoch glauben wir den kurzsichtigen Entdeckungen EXTREM.  Die endlosen Moglichkeiten WAHREND DER Sukunft mit dem Jungen und dem Gott auf unserer Seite jubelin zu. (Mein Fuhrer:  The Reich Army Minister and the Schutzstaffel share the opinion presented above and the Reich Foreign Minister wanted to discuss it with you, my Fuhrer.  However, we believe the findings EXTREMELY shortsighted.  The endless possibilities for the future with the boy and God on our side are cheering.  



Heil Hitler.



"While our visibly shaken escort read the communication, Maximilian grew increasingly anxious and looked at the two who sat before you with loathing,  In turn, they ignored him and, as if entranced, stared freakishly only at you.



"Throughout Hans' reading, Hoven sat, closed mouth and ramrod straight. My first thought of him was that the features of his face were grotesque.  Here was a man whose thinning dark haired and oddly peanut shaped skull with an all to high a forehead, held two hollow brown and deeply seated utilitarian almond shaped eyes.  His thin lips did little to assuage his prominent and excessively long ears.  The sum total of his appearance presented the countenance of a man who was cold and impassive; seemingly insolated from what surrounded him and inaccessible, except for the thought which apparently only he would countenance.



"She on the other hand was animated.  Initially she starred pensively at your face, and then turned her avaricious attention to the thumb of your left hand.  However, the sound of her audible exhale sounded, almost sensuously fulfilling, when she looked to your birthmark.  My impression of this abomination was that if left to her own device she would have skinned you alive.



"Almost immediately, you turned your face away in disdain and looked only at their reflections in the carriages' window.  Her first words to you were, "Ich erwarteten soviel mehr, anstelle von einem stanch der Dornen, die Sie sind eine impfindliche Blume...ein Pansy (I expected so much more, instead of a stanch of thorns you are a delicate flower...a pansy)."



"Then without another word, she slowly leaned forward as in gauging a delightful probability...and reached out as if to grab your arm...impulsively I forcefully slapped it away and immediately rose to stand between you both.  Her first reaction was to stand and strike back; but her off balanced ham-fisted blow missed, instead, she stumbled past me, almost falling upon you.  Before she could raise herself, Hoven, Hans and Maximilian rushed to assist and pulled her from the carriage's floor.  It was obvious to me that each of the three were now aware of at least one of the stipulated conditions:  that, except for me, to touch you was forbidden.  What was also obvious was that the overpowering stench came from her and not from Hoven.  The unknown misfortune was that I had touched you:  and in doing so, in that moment, all connected to you.  From that moment on, destiny divided us and I thought I had lost you...forever.



"Without prompt, and with a smile, your sweet voice chided Kohler. (We allow Mother to continue uninterrupted) "Frau, unfortunately for you, I know things that you do not.  But I will savor the moment and...save...you for last, but I promise...your perfume shall mask what shall consume you, and upon summoned, the hidden scent will blossom and be forever yours for an eternity. Frau Koch, in a garden, both the thorny white rose and pansy require fertilizer.  But which is the greater unkown, for a roses thorns are evident while the pansy, though brightly colored, most often contains a dark or black center.  If you perceive me as such then that shall be your reality.  The loss...

______________________________

*NSK - Nationalistiche Sozialistische Partei=Nationalist Socialist Party...for future reference...Nationalistichesozialistische Deutsche Arbeirerpartir-Nationalist Socialist German Worker's Party = NAZI.

**NOTE...Except for transposition of a name (Joachem) this is almost a verbatum transcript from Stellrecht.

[teddi]

"...incurred to all you meet is considerable."



Your brief statement left her with a most...questioning look.  For a moment, she shook her head in disbelief as she looked upon your enigmatic smile, while her short invective of, "Wunderkind?  Wunderkind?!  Sie sind nichts mehr als eine beleidigende Pissameise Laune!  Wenn Sie Meins waren, wurde ich...ich wurde...(Wonderchild? Wonderchild?!  You are nothing more than an insulting pissant freak!  If you were mine I'd...I'd..).  The opportunity to complete her thought was interrupted by Hoven, who took hold of her shoulder and immediately sat her vigorously back down on her rump with a firm pull backwards while admonishing, "Ilse,no, control yourself!"



"As Herr Maximilian continued to look at both with contempt, our sentry's left hand had shoved the communique between his body and the left side of his brown shoulder leather strap while at the same moment his right hand had made its way to the holster on his hip.  He deftly freed the leather fastener securing his P-08* sidearm.  Kohler's drawn lips and hateful eyes had followed his movements:  they left little doubt as to their unspoken meaning; each reflected the malice she felt towards you.



"Before Hans had half withdrawn the piece, she fell silent, staring sullen and resentful at him while he stood at the ready, waiting, with palm on grip.  There she sat in a huff and began chewing her lower lip in hate.  You addressed Hoven while she simmered.



"Doctor, I know why you are here...actually both of you wish to know what waits.  Shall I steal a look, for you...at what shall not be, or, of the impending, in time, that upon our inadvertent touch, I glimpse?"  Without waiting for a reply you continued.  "I see the three faces of you, for time has collapsed upon itself; now all are the same."



(This portion of Joachems participation is painful-for while some things truly are best forgotten and left unspoken...we understand...if not said aloud who would be reminded and left to remember.  I feel terrible for him because now we remember...everything!)



Barely above a whisper we speak, "Keine von was Sie wunschen, sind Ihr auBer dem, wer nahe bei Ihnen sitzt.  Folglich ist die Antwort su Ihrer ersten Frage Ja.  Das, das nebern Ihnen setzt, ist Ihr, aber nur wahrend eines kurzen Momentes in der Zeit, nachher ist dieses ganz sonst fur Sie beide, im Ende, symmetrisch (None of what you desire shall be yours except for the one who sits next to you.  Therefore, the answer to your first question is yes.  The one seated beside you is yours, but only for a brief moment in time, after that all else for you both, in the end, is symmetrical).  Zu Ihrem zweiten Gedanken:  nein.  Es andert nicht...und wenn es ich gebeten wird, es nicht erlaube.  Meine erste Verpflichtung ist zu mainer Mutter, da sie imeer gewesen ist und Wille immer sei es...MEIN...Sustand...ist, der vonder Konsequenz....nicht Ihr...ist und Keine anderer verletzen (To your second thought:  no.  It will not change...and if asked I will not allow it.  My first obligation is to my Mother, as it has always been and will always be; it is...MY...state...that is of consequence...not yours...and none other shall infringe).



"Jedoch, verspreche ich, daB Sie ein Mann der Aufzeichnung sind; und daB die Augen von denen, die unknowingly warten, Sie frequentieren (However, I promise that you shall be a man of record; and that the eyes of those who unknowingly wait, will haunt you).



"Un padrone istruito I ha Saputo una volta era prophetic, le sue parole, "Le mani eseguono, ma il giudice degli occhi," sara il vostro per un eternity contempla.



"Verzeihen Si emir Docktor; Sie verstechen nicht Italiener, den ich fur Sie ubersetze.  Ein gelehrter Meister I wuBte einmal war prophetisch, seine Worter, die Hande fuhren durch, aber der Augen Richter, is Ihr wahrend einer Ewigkeit erwaft (Forgive me doctor; you do not understand Italian, I will translate for you.  A learned master I once knew was prophetic, his words, "The hands execute, but the eyes judge,"** will be yours for an eternity to contemplete).



"Ihre dritte Frage, "we ich sind," oder sind, wird definiert gut durch die Namen, die Sie vorbei wie in der Vergangenheit bekannt.  Das weniger bekannte Ihrer Namen ist Voivode von Wallachia (Your third question, "Who am I," or will be, is best defined by the names you were known by as in the past.  The lesser known of your names is Voivode^* of Wallachia).  Aners, mehr, aber nur wahrend des Momentes moglicherweise schmeicheln, ist das von, Radu das Stattliche (Another, perhaps more flattering, but only for the moment, is that of "Radu the Handsome.)"



"Aber unabhangig davon den Namen, haben Ihre Nadeln immer vom Blut gerochen, wie Sie; und unglucklich, schreien viele in der Sunkunft und kommen, die sutreffende Natur Ihrer Stichel zu verstehen; fur Ihren Eid zu all ist immer defkt gewesen und Ihr Weg ist immer unvermeidlich und blutig gewesen.  Sie sind nichts aber ein "Hackchen" auf der Ruckseite der Zeit.  Es is aus diesem Grund, daB Sie hier an diesem Moment in der Zeit sind, Vlad Tepes (But regarless of the name, your needles have always smelled of blood as do you; and unhappily, many in the future will cry and come to understand the true nature of your pricks; for your oath to all has always been broken and your path...has always been inescapable and bloody.  You are nothing but a "tick" on the backside of time.  It is for that reason that you are here at this moment in time, Vlad Tepes)."



"A look of bewildered understanding crossed the doctors' face as you continued.  And so we do, "Ohh, bitte geehrter Herr, geruhen nicht, um zu schauen, also konfus, unbecoming es; Sie haben immer ein gegen andere Locher gebeldet (Ohh, please sir, do not deign to look so confused,it is unbecoming; you have always pitted one against another).



"Gegen, aber, das Leben ist jetzt mehr, als bekannt ein Blucksspiel und wem spielen Sie nicht fur Verlust.  Trotz meines Aussehens weiB ich viel mehr Sachen uber Sie, daB Sie, nicht:  hinter und Sukunft (But, life is now more than a game of chance and whom you play against is not known for loss.  Despite my appearance, I know many more things about you that you, do not;  past and future).  Schlecht, schlecht, Doktor...Ich verspreche, daB unabhangig davon die Alternativen...Sie werden verurteilt (Poor, poor, doctor...I promise...regardless of the alternatives...you are condemned...,)"



Mother pauses for a moment, and offers a perceptive smile, then continues.  "Herr Hoven began to sweat profusely, then grew visibly angry and began to lean ever so slightly forward, but in doing so that now prompted our sentry's immediate action:  the barrel end of his sidearm quickly found its way to rest against Hovens' temple.  You ended your thoughts to Hoven with a glance towards Frau Kohler with, "..., wie ist sie (as is she)."



"I could not stiffle an approving chuckle as I noted Hovens condition.  His trouser legs were wet; you had caused him to soak himself.  His companion had observed his situation as well and smirked while sullenly castigating him, "Waldemar, perhaps you should be wearing the diapers instead of the boy!  But then again if I had my way, he would wear them until they rotted!"  



"With a sneer on her face she lurched towards you and began another sentence with one word, "I," but the clear sound of the P-08 brought a sudden stillness in the compartment.  In astonishment, she looked to the misfired sidearm pointed at her head.



"The puzzlement on our young sentry's face was evident while he stood as if frozen in time.  But stranger still, except for you, so did we all.  Joachem, you began to cry as you cast off the blanket while your engaging voice spoke to him.  We repeat the conversation as remembered, "Hans, von allen, denen ich in diser Zeit Sie getroffen habe, sind das vortrefflichste und achtbar, verpreche ich, warden an Sie als solcher erinnert (Hans, of all whom I have met in this time, you are the most noble and honorable, I promise, you shall be remembered as such).



"Jodoch contemptible kann sie sein, ich kann nicht Ihnen erlauben, zu andern, alle was, wenn Sie so tun sollten, wurde sein das schlechtere fur so viel mehr fated ist.  In einer anderen Zeit fordern Sie ein MaB Rache, aber bis dann, bin ich traurig fur, was...Sie...mussen gegenuberstellen (However contemptible she may be, I cannot allow you to change what is fated, if you were to do so, all would be the worse for so many more.  In another time, you shall exact a measure of revenge but until then, I am sorry for what...you...must face).



"Bitte horen Sie und erinnern Sie sich; wenn ich der Pansy im Garten sein soll dann, sind Sie das alleine...WeiB stiegen (Please listen and remember; if I am to be the pansy in the garden then you are the solitary...white rose)."



"For but a moment, time itself, appeared to sputter until all which appeared normal resumed.  Ten years later, I understood the majority of your baffling words.



"Hans was equally puzzled, for after the momentary lapse occurred; his eyes looked to you, for an answer, while he cursed himself for not killing the woman outright.  As he holstered his piece, Herr Maximilian moved quickly forward to grab Hoven by the back of his collar and the belt of his pants, and then lifted him with certain ease from his seat and in one motion hurled him towards the carriages open door.  There, quite unceremoniously, Hoven landed upon the floor, face first and tail up, at the feet of the porter who had elected to enter and check on our needs.  Again, I muffled myself as it was apparent that even the seat of his pants was soaked; my quick look back to where he sat confirmed what was all too obvious;  upon the cushioned seat a noticeably imprinted puddle was left behind...by his behind.



""Herr Maximilian instantly addressed the flabbergasted porter with "Den Abfall gerade loswerden!  Stellen Entdeckungen dieses Avfalls seine Weise zur Toilette sicher; und vergewissern Sie es bleibt dort; es erhalt weg am folgenden Anschlag!  Wenn es Ihnen irgendeine Muhe gibt, haben Sie den Schutz Throw es vom Sug, bevor er stoppt! (Just getting rid of the trash!  Make sure this garbage finds its way to the lavatory; and make certain it stays there; it's getting off at the next stop!  If it gives you any trouble, have the guards throw it from the train before it stops!)"



"The porters smiling face nodded once to Her Maximilian; then, pointed the way to the lavatory at the end of the corridor while Hoven attempted to stand.  In doing so he turned to look at you and stammered while asking a question of you, "Wer, das ist dieses...dies Vlad...Tepes? (Who,who is this... this Vlad ...Tepes?"  You shook your head from side to side and...we reply, "Doktor, entschuldige mich ich moglicherweise ist ein anderes Names...berstandlicher und angebracht:  das von Vlad das Impaler (Doctor, I apologize, perhaps another name...is more understandable and appropriate:  that of Vlad the Impaler)  Berbessern Sie bekannt als Dracul...(Better known as...

___________________________

*P-08 - this is the proper nomenclature for the sidearm otherwise known as the Luger

**Quotation from Michaelangelo

^*Voivode = Duke

[teddi]

"...Vlad Dracul the II.



"Grudgingly Hoven preceded the porter to the lavatory.  We never saw his face again."



(Mother still has not connected the dots, but at this moment, Christine has.  Its her unspoken shout, "OMG..OMG..Chris..it's him!,"to the description of the doctor's face, which sounds strikingly similar to the "endochronoanalgists" that mother takes me to see all the time.  Strangely, it's not this that I'm getting restless over, somehow I don't feel all that good anymore.  I mean...not just sick like...just sorta...sorta...guilty about stuff..or maybe it's her image of Melinda; 'cause she's put the packages on the floor ands just standing there; one arm on her hip and the other sorta rubbing her chin like...looking...nice at me?



(I mean, if Hoven looked at Joachem like he was a lamb chop, the look in her eyes still tells me that, she's still "guest-mating" me for something else.  But, somehow, her look doesn't look all that bad anymore.  I mean...I know she still looks like she'd want to eat me alive...all kinda slow like...but...just the thought of her doing...well...I think...it could be appealing?  Maybe...fun even?...fun?  Crap!...it's getting hot in here!  I just hope she doesn't...crud!...she's smiling at me?  She's noticed!  Oh geez...what was it...that...yea...I remember..."When...uhh...rape is...a...uhh inevitable...

enjoy it?*^^"  Rape?  Rape!?  No...its not...rape...not when it's with eyes like hers...those eyes?...ohhh damn it...please...not now!  Damn-it Janet!  Now even Christine's smiling at me too!



(Her sultry first thought word is just all so sugary and drawn out syrupy like, "Sweeeetie," then when she knows I gotta look at her...kaboomb...she drops the hammer with, "...don't look...but your blush is blushing and you know what else...brother...your personal containment field is being propped up."  Then when she knows I gottta take a peek down at it she slams me with the rest, "...ooohh 'scuse me...you noticed!  Your probe has switched from manual drive to automatic!  SRS to auto-probe! SRS to auto-probe...come in auto-probe...Maybe you just need your fluid changed...you got the hots!  Didn't know you had it in ya!  Of course..."it" could be...premature...so to speak."  All I can do is mouth, "Ohhh please not now, just...shut the..."  Its no use, she's got a mind of her own.



(As for Melinda...well Melinda's ...just like her Mo...oh no...wait no...please don't stare at it...you can't possibly begin to understand...it's on standby.  All I can mutter to myself is "Ohh no," while the three within giggle, "Ohh boy!"  Now even they're joining in and giving me a hard time!



(Thankfully, Dad hasn't noticed and Mother, well...she's elsewhere, lost in thought; unaware of my tight spot and as for Mrs. Agapp, she's in no positon to see it either...damn...I sure wish the A.C. would kick back in.)  Just before Mother continues, Melinda's right hand is still kinda stroking her chin...but secretly playing point the finger at it too.  It's all Christine's fault!  She looked at it first and now they're both...smiling...at each other!  All I can do now is keep my mouth shut and stand here.  Well, maybe I do get a lot redder in the face and stuff, o.k...so I blush all over my body, it happens!  So what if I shrug my shoulders and kinda cross my legs too.  I mean it's not like I hafta pee or somethings else that's worse.  I guess girls and mom's kinda know when it was your hand that was in the cookie jar, you get caught, 'cause of all the left over crumbs that sorta pop into plain sight.



(I guess I figured out what Christy is up too, about slamming me and stuff.  She understands that I don't wanta do this and she's my best bud...that's what buds do...they're supposed to help you along...as for Melinda..o.k....Melina...I guess I kinda like her a little too...wait...I don't even wanta think it...but damn it...she's gonna make it come...)



Mom's voice snaps me out of the couple of second brain fart.  Dutifully, she continues.  "Herr Maximilian turned to you and said, "Joachem, scheint es, daB Sie feted sind.  Leider unter viel mehr als der kleine Kreis des Militars und der Technokraten, die zuerst autorisiert worden sind, Sie zu treffen.  Welches mich dirkt zunn Punkt holt, "Wie er menacingly am Frau Kohler glanzte, "Was die Holle sind Sie heir tuend?! (Joachem, it appears you are feted.  Unfortunately, among many more than the small circle of military and technocrats who have initially been authorized to meet you.  Which brings me directly to the point, as he glared menacingly at Frau Kohler, "What the hell are you doing here?!"



Her sneering reply was forthright, "Ich horte Geruchte gerad, die der Junge, enn das ist, was Sie ihn nennen...aus dem ublichen heraus war.  Durch Aussehen und Arroganz wurde sie so scheinen!  Ich wunschte...auswerte ihn fur mich; schlieBlich vin ich ein bekanntes Parteimitglied.  Ich habe Rechte!  Berlin hort von dieses! (I heard rumors that the boy, if that is what you call him, was...out of the ordinary.  By appearance and arrogance, it would seem so!  I desired to...evaluate him for myself; after all, I am a known party member.  I have rights!  Berlin shall hear of this!)"



Herr Maximilian nodded once then exploded, "In der Tat sie Wille, den Sie Weibchen Boneheaded!  Und ich versichere Ihnen...auf den hochsten Niveaus!  Der Junge sollte ernahrt warden, nicht bewertet worden!  Haben Sie jede mogliche Idee hinsichtlich, was Sie...offensichtlich nicht getan haben.  Das Kind is prescient.  Das Fuhrer bevorzugt solche Leute!  Krafft un Vogelsand erwarten Sie meinen Report, den sie Fahl sind! (Indeed they will you boneheaded bitch!  And I assure you...at the highest levels!  The boy was to be nurtured, not appraised!  Do you have any idea as to what you have done...obviously not!  The child is prescient.  The Fuhrer favors such people!  Both Krafft(-) and Vogelsang(^-) await my report...they shall be livid!)"



"Sitzen Sie nicht dort und aussehen wie die stumme Kuh, die Sie, alle sind, wird ruiniert!  Wenn Berlin von dieses hort, werden Ihre Tage gekennzeichnet!  Ja ist das, was ich sagte; Ich vergewissere, daB Sie ausgeweidet werden! (Don't sit there and look like the dumb cow you are, all is ruined!  When Berlin hears of this, your days are marked!  Yes, that is what I said; I will make certain that you are eviscerated!)"



"Eventually, the momentary cold silence between the two would have melted from another heated exchange, however, it was then you spoke to Herr Maximilian.  In an all too calm a voice I especially remember the words you spoke, "Geehrter Herr, ich sprachen, Sie einladen, jedoch zu sitzen," wahrend Sie sum nassen Kissen neben Kohler nickten, "Man wurde annehmen, daB Sie es nicht zu Ihrem Mogen finden wurden.  Wenn ich vorschlagen kann, wahrend ich beabsichtigt hatte, mich nach ihrem Letzten zu konzentrieren, moglicherweise kann ein Vertag nach...einer Bereinbartung vereinbart werden...die zu unserem gegenseitigen Nutzen sein wurde.  Selbstverstandlich wurde dieses im strengsten des Vertrauens sein undd...Vertrauen mit einbeziecht; sind Sie zu solch einer Anordnung geoffnet? (Sir, I would invite you to sit however," as you nodded to the wet cushion beside Kohler, "one would suppose that you would not find it to your liking.  If I may suggest, while I had intended to concentrate upon her last, perhaps a compact can be agreed upon...a covenant...which would be to our mutual benefit.  Of course, this would be in the strictest of confidence and involves...trust; are you open to such an arrangement?)"



"The tension in Herr Maximillians's face eased and a brief smile crossed his lips exposing his teeth as he grinned, nodding twice he whispered his clenched jaw reply, "Ja."  He then turned to Hans and ordered him to leave the carriage and close the doors behind him and that under no circ-umstance was he to allow anyone else to enter, regardless of the credentials presented.  He concluded his order to the sentry with, "Ich nimmt Ihr P-08, das er mindestens 7 Umlaufe enthalt, die, wenn erforderlich, abfeuern konnen stehen wenn notwendig bereit, das M.P zu verwenden.-40 auf dem Weibechen; heht sie auf meinen Auftrag oder sonst (I'll take your P-08 it contains at least 7 rounds which if needed may fire, if necessary, stand ready to use the M.P. 40^ on the bitch; she will leave on my order or else...)"  His unfinished sentence, coupled with a nod towards Kohler, left little to my imagination and from the distressed look on her face nor did it on hers.



"With a broad smile, he looked at you and spoke, "Fahren VorlagenJoachem fort. (Proceed Master Joachem)."



"With your doe like eyes, you turned your attention to Kohler and stared steadily into hers.  Most suddenly, small beads of perspiration began to form on her face moving to coalesce and then to finally drip from her chin.  The white handkerchief she blindly took from her black purse and wiped across her face and brow could do little to stem the increasing flood.  As the door closed behind Hans, Herr Maximilian pointed the sidearm at Kohler; then waited.  With a gentle voice you began..."



(For the most...we relieve Mother of the obligation to speak for there is no color in what we see:  all is black...besides what light remains has dimmed to shades of grey and it is mine to deal with)"Frau Kohler, Herr Maximilian, respectfully, you both "want" but for different reasons.  Frau Kohler, your noticeable "wants" are many and you believe that "The state is the march of God through the world."*  Herr Maximilian, "I am opposed to...imperial ambitions,"** and will always remain so.



"Yet each of you, personally, are in a quandary as to "who am I" or "what do I want." Frau, I shall address you first, for you, regardless of chance are condemned.  You and Herr Hoven share similar destinies.  The three faces I glimpsed of him were as certain as those I have seen of you.



"I proceed upon an assumption that you both are learned and familiar with the works of Shakespeare; especially his words, "Tis but thy name which is my enemy...What is in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."^  Of course you do.  Over time, each of us have had many names, some significant, others not so.  However, before I clarify yours, I shall enlighten you, as to mine.  Yet, I must ask you both a rhetorical question, to which a simple nod or shake of the head, is sufficient to reply.  The question is simply put; do you believe that there is such a thing as...a...Heaven?"



As we stare past the two, we too consider our wants, as well.  After several plodding moments, Mother's soft prodding voice is concise.  "Joachem...it has been several minutes, both have nodded...why do you wait?  What is wrong?  You weep?  Why?"



The questions then were ignored and left unanswered.  We too wanted much as we waited.  Reluctantly, they are now addressed (in both past and present...tensely speaking).  We turn our head away, looking at the last of the afternoons sunbeams coming through the window, and remember a portion of what Mother had never heard or seen and of which she knows little to nothing.



Worriedly we begin, " Mother, I admit, as I sit...I thought...that some of the words of Herr Stellrecht were insightful, "and to feel the obligation to do so strongly that even at the most dangerous moment he does not fail.  It is much better when the boy starts to put his own wishes aside...to renounce...to give in..."  To which my thought was that it was never my nature to...hate...nor so strongly.  But I am in the midst of evil, not only measured in minutes but in years to come.  Here, "I live in sin, to kill myself I live, no longer my life my own, but sins; my good is given to me by heaven, my evil by myself, by my free will, of which I am deprived"^*



"The unseen angels who have daily visited me have told me everything.  Mother, if I fail then all is gone astray for eternities on end.  It is not my desire to harm...or...inflict...pain.  My only wish is selfish...to be...fearless.  Regretfully, now, it has become more so...I am so afraid at what I will lose when I...give in.  One day you will understand, but for now, some things are best left unsaid.  Reluctantly I must maintain this strange formality forced upon me and speak first to Kohler then to him or this will never end."



Grudgingly, Joachem recites his finale, "Madam, Sir...In Heaven...it is justly considered that, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players:  they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts..."  But to Heaven, time is not confined; it is endless and spans the entirety of the Creators works.  So it is with us...we have played many roles at various times, in lives past and of those to come.  There, in Heaven, the various parts we play are viewed from the pinnacle of its seats, where assorted angels sit to review our various roles.  In Heaven, united, it is known as The Gallery of the Gods.  Knowing this, perhaps to you both, now, all, will not appear so rosy; for the Maker of all does not take sides.  Only we.



"Frau Kohler, you would dare...































































"

[teddi]

"...to call me a name other than my own?  That is all well and good...for the moment, to you, I am a pansy...a girlish boy...a childish...puissant freak.  Your evaluation of me, to that effect, will shortly change for you are terribly unaware of many things, especially, of my names significance.  Respectfully, for this moment in time, it means the one that "Gott Herstellt (God will Establish)."



"Frau Kohler, "If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same Master."^*  I promise you shall be neither pleased with life nor solaced in death.  But I stray from what must be said.  Of the many names, you have owned in the past, and the role to be, revealed upon our inadvertent touch, it was too many, until, this moment, visited upon the most terrible face seen.  Concealed until, this moment, it is yours as well as your coming wants to carry:  for the name Margathae, is forever branded upon your soul; as you were otherwise known as "Das Carthaginian Tier (The Carthaginian Beast.)



"Frau, under other circ-umstances I would not be so...forthright...but time is short...for us all.  Therfore, I will not speak in riddles to you, and, if you disapprove of...my...evaluation of you, then you may tell me to go to hell, but it is not within my authority to travel that road, but it is within mine to offer a glimpse of but a small portion of that tolled path to you...for it is yours.



"Frau, to a certain few the eyes are the gateway to the soul from which they may judge; to others they are the road to moderate the possibilities of what may occur; for others they may offer the certainty of either despair or the joy of accomplishment; but for others, but a handful, they are the sum of each.  It is now, as you look into my eyes that for the moment, I am the latter and that what you observe, in your minds eye, is on the eastern side of a small lake.  Over 2700 years ago, you once lived in the ancient city culture of once known Carthage, *^^* which is but several miles from what is now the city of Tunis; nearby, is a place, known to many by one word, "Tophet."  There, you were the high priestess to the god Moloch, Frau, the word "taph" means drums or "troph" to burn.



"Look and listen to it all Margathae.  Listen first to the drums...so many drums.  Which in your name, as priestess, you ordered to be played loudly.  They are loud and the driving beat is ordered to become...even louder...all booming in order to drown out the screams and cries of the mothers, and those of the victims, which you willingly sacrificed.  Margathae, to you age was of no consequence; for infants to children, even those over my age were...annually sacrificed...by the thousands...under your vigilant supervision.  Margathae, whether a mother was willing or not; smiling, you forced her to place her baby or child upon the down-stretched arms of the bronzed statue of your god:  Moloch.  Look, at the excitment, on your face.  Margathae, behold the delight, as you then allowed it to roll off, falling headlong crying and wailing, into the brazier pit below.  Margathae, trotz der Trommeln, im Himmel, ihre Screams werden noch.gehort (Margathae, despite the drums, in Heaven, their screams are still heard).



"Margathe, that is why you are here.  As Hoven, you are consumed and attracted to the blood, which will flow.  In this incarnation, you shall own another name though I have already properly named you.  Your hands will never wash clean.  Save a raised eyebrow; you did not even notice, my apparent misnomer, Ilse...Ilse Koch.***  Do you wish to remain and hear more or shall you leave...either choice will lead you to the same end."



Mother's observation is, "At that moment, both Herr Maximilian and I turned our rapt attention to Frau Kohler, our reaction to her appearance was similar; she trembled where she sat and her clothes were completely drenched.  When I looked upon her I understood sitting before you was an evil that walked among us.  It was at that point which she murmured, "Ich gehe (I will leave)."



"Maximilian acknowledged her pleading look and in concert with a single nod, he wagged the P-08 in the direction of the door.  Herr Maximilian rapped the glass to attract Hans' attention.  As the doors slid open, and in her haste to exit, she tripped and fell face forward, but before her face had struck the floor, in mid fall, she broke wind, and then landed at the jack-booted feet of our senty.  Both Hans and Maximilian threw up their hands in disgust, as the odor was most overpowering.  We did not fare much better, though we laughed at Hans' observation, "Die meiste creative Frau, Sie und der Minister von Luftfahrt haven viel im Commom Sie beide:  sind Fliegen farts (Most creative madam, you and the Minister of Aviation have much in common, you both:  are flying farts.)"  Herr Maximilian looked at Hans, who immediately realized he had spoken disrespectfully of Herr Goering.  Wide eyed, he held his breath and awaited Maximilian's wrath.  Instead, Maximilian nodded his head several times and mused softly, "Also wurde er erscheinen (So it would appear.)"  It fell to poor Hans to see her to the lavatory, where she remained until both she and Hoven***were "escorted" from the train at the next stop:  a charming little city by the name of Weimar. ^*^



"While Hans escorted this woman down the corridor, Herr Maximilian's aide appeared bearing the sketches, which you had earlier drawn.  Herr Maximilians demeanor changed almost immediately as he took the seat where Kohler or Koch or whoever she was had sat.  He frowned as he sat.  No small wonder, for the stench still lingered and he appeared aghast that he would even have to touch where she had been.  Before he could speak, you took charge and spoke first."



Quietly we began with, "Herr Maximilian, permit me, "The greater danger for most of us lies in not setting our aim to high and falling short; but in setting our aim to low, and achieving our mark"^*  Your "wants" are evident.  You desire to know more, much more.  That is a matter of choice, not necessarily mine, but yours.  But first, I must ask my Mother to leave us for but a few moments."



Mother interjects, "The puzzlement on Maximilians face mirrored what must have been on my own as well.  He nodded to me...hesitant and nervous I rose to leave as requested.  Yet before I could stand, you asked a promise of me, that upon my return, that I would agree with Herr Maximilians desires.



"In doubt, I left as requested, and while I had excused myself to the diner, I could not entertain the thought of food; I left my purse behind and asked you to look after it.  When I returned, some forty-five minutes later, I found the doors curtains had been pulled closed, and when opened, at first sight, Herr Maximilian appeared quite shaken...and you my child... were slumped, pallid and unblinking...you were never the same.  I looked to Maximilian for an answer; he merely shook his head and said, "I am so sorry, read this, forgive me."  He took your pencil works and pressed a written message into my hands and left.



"Somehow, in that time, I had lost my dearest...you were my light...from then on you refused to speak...never a word...to anyone...for as long as you lived.  The guilt was mine, I left you alone...with him. I had failed you.



"Years later, that night in the aviary, at the end...you left me...and as I touched your drying tears...it was your eagle...Thor...that had taken what was left alive and left me...left me...alone...again.  Alone again.  Alone.  Except for you...I was always...alone.  Aside from the mild rush of air...past, the keeper...all else was still.  He swears he heard a door open and close beside him.  Stranger still we both sensed the sweet aroma of some type of a blossom."



Lost in the memory, Mother is at a loss to understand that it is Joachem nodding to his older sister: who, as if on cue, takes her hand and soothingly squeezes it.  Nor is she aware that at this moment, that it is now the littlest of her three angels, which sits beside her, while the third stands smiling and silently wipes a tear from Mother's eyes; and returns with another small portion of the unmentioned, timely price paid.



For the moment, while others do not...I understand...the depth of Elias's promise and of the consequences; and now silently stand and wait, in growing guilt, for the letter which will explain the salient contents of our private discussion and mutual compact.  At first, just moments ago, I relished the thought, of revenge, but now, begin to cry, understanding the loss and misunderstood cost; perhaps, on one other item Herr Stellrecht was correct, that the deathly weapons of a man should never be entrusted to a boy.



In temporary silence, I consider the rush of information we have noted as being simply more than "coincidences," such as:



^*^,,,the next stop...at the charming little city of Weimer...next to which a special camp was constructed...known as...Buchenwald.



***Ilse Kohler, who was born in Dresden, September, 1906.  Who became member of Nazi party in 1932.  Who through friends in both the SA and SS met Karl Otto Koch in 1934 and married the same Karl Koch, 1936.  Who became the commandant of the concentration camps at Buchenwald...and Majdanek.  He was "unaware" of his wife's illicit love affair(s).  He was arrested in 1943 by the Gestapo for embezzlement and "unauthorized" murder of inmates.  Who was condemned to death and executed by firing  squad just one week prior to the Americans arrival at Majdanek.  Who's future to current wereabouts are:  unknown...due to insufficient insight...lack of informaton.  But upon extrapolation:  likelihood of some probable future "family-camp(ing)" relationship with ex-wife.



(***)Waldemar Hoven, Doctor, Waffen SS Captain.  Who had a brief and illicit love affair with...Ilse Koch.  Who was tried by the Nazi court as a traitor and communist sympathizer, but who was also tried for killing prisoners by...injecting...them in the heart.  Who was then forced to serve in...Buchenwald...camp for one and one half years.  Who was then rearrested after the war, tried and convicted of lethal injections to inmates.  Who was executed by...HANGING.  Whose future to current whereabouts:  predicated upon facial match and anecdotal evidence:  is currently living in the USA, "working" in the field of gene therapy.  Whose favorite newspaper article is hanging on his office waiting room wall, with a partially yellow highlighted sentence which reads,"Yes, in answer to your question, certainly...after years of research, I definitely am happy doing what I want, after all, this has long been my ambition, for some reason I have always been drawn to blood work; it..."



***Ilse Koch, who began working as a guard and then as Secretary at Sachsenhausen concentration camp for political prisoners.  Who dutifully tallied the executions conducted daily by either in trench firing squad or hanging.  Who was appointed Oberaufseherin (Overseer) by the SS at...Buchenwald...and there built a reputation for herself as:  "The Bitch of Buchenwald or incongruously as, "The Beast of Buchenwald."  Who was an especially cruel woman who would daily ride her horse, to survey the inmates, and then with...the touch...of her crop, select an individual whose misfortune it was to have an especially...distinctive tattoo.  Who, when thus touched, upon his execution, had his tattooed skin crafted and made into lampshades for her home.  Who, if the inmate particulary suited her, his...thumb...would become a functional light switch for a room in her house.  Who used a shrunken head as a paperweight.  Who forced open inmate male upon male rape as one of her widely known erotic...sidelights.  Who was responsible for selective mass executions by assigned stacked bunks of sixteen in the dormitories, which was a daily occurrence and solely at her discretion...through the luck...of the draw.  Who was arrested and imprisoned by the SS for embezzlement and "murder:" but acquitted upon trial.  Who was re-arrested by the Allies, 1945 and sentenced to a life term in 1947.  But, who was re-tried by German court in 1951.  And who, at Aichack women's prison, 1976, at the age of sixty, found the symmetry promised...committing suicide by...HANGING.  Future to current whereabouts:  based upon available indirect data gathered suggests she is alive-living in USA.  A self-appointed Oberaufseherin of a "small camp" for specially selected young boys..."volunteers" who are also under stringent female control (additional mental note-first letters signify covert implications)   Additional Insight-emotional note:  Delights in her work.  Remainder of file...STOP:  Classified.



^^Hans Scholl - Der WeiBe Rose - The White Rose.  Who led the active non-violent resistance against the Nazi's.  Who while he and his sister were students at the University in Munich, were arrested by the Gestapo and executed by beheading in 1943.  Whose members of the White Rose are still honored in Germany today, where a momument in front of the...Ludwig Maximilian University...stands as testament to their honor and resolve in the face of certain death.  Additional Insight-gathereed information:  STOP.  Remainder of file:  To be declassified.



...Joachem H. Bergoneer...who maintained a promise of silence until his death, in 1943.  Who under written orders, left provided hardened shelter to deny...STOP.  Remainder of file:  To be declassified.



(-)Karl Ernst Kraft-who was the "failed" astrologer to the Fuhrer...who provided "erroneous" information to same...Who dies in...Buchenwald...of typhus.



(:)Reinhard Vogelsang-who became Hitler's personal astrologer until the end of the war.  Who oddly, told Hitler that he was, "In for a competition win or a big betting success on the horses," on the eve of his invading Russia.  But who stranger still, following Stalingrad told him that, "There's potentially a real boost to your social life today, connected to a favourite hobby or interest.  Either way you'll meet people who are really on your wavelength who could become firm friends!"  Who mysteriously, upon the allies landing on the beaches of Normandy, advised him that, "Even if you've nothing special planned today, take time to apprecieate those who appreciate you."  Finally, who as the Russian Army was taking the heart of Berlin gave his last prediction in a note to the Fuhrer saying, "A more upbeat phase begins for Germany this week.  Why not blow your fuc-king head off you crazy bastard?"



We smile apprecitively at the irony...that first looks at the truth can be quit deceiving.  He finally broke the enigmas cipher...an accomplishment...especially, if one is expecting a simple Caesar shift or substitution cipher.  And he did it without...using my little flickering black box...which has just been activated by the sly touch of one finger to its keyboard by the intuitive Melina...and whose screen now comes...on; first blinks then flashes, with white lettering upon a coal black screen:  "Auto detect:  (Analog input)  Welcome...________

(<->)aka-Vlad the Dragon, in modern times as the vampire-Dracula.

*^^supposedly attributed to Confucius...but there is confusion in the interpretation.

*The state is the march of God through the world-Hegel

***I am opposed to...imperial ambitions-J. Gresham Machen

*^^*Carthage-Famous for trade and commerce-reviled for its blood excesses...especially...child sacrifice.  Conquered by Rome...149 B.C.

^Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet...1594

^M.P. - 40 = Machinenpistole...AKA...Schmeiser-shoulder harnessed sub-machine gun=to The Sten

^*Quotation from Michealangel Buonarroti

Authors note:  curtesy acknowledgement to S.C.

[teddi]

(No...not really...from black to this...and this is definitely not "welcome" at all.  Just the opposite.  I know Mother is...trying...o.k...always has been...I mean most of 'em, mothers I mean, are.  But her closing old wounds is harder than keeping a vampires crypt closed at night.  I mean...its been all those years and she's blamed herself for it...worse...she never said a word about it until just now.  But it wasn't her...it was Joachem...no...truthfully...mostly...it was...me...well...Elias had...a...part in it too...but mostly...me...so I guess...it was sorta kinda...all of us?  But I never stopped to think about the saying "That the truth shall set you free."  How strange that I'm finding out now that it's really a double edged sword and it cuts both ways.



(I just don't feel all that good.  And mostly it's 'cause of the growing pit in my stomach...I'd guess you'd call it "guilt."  It's telling me that Joachem knew a lot more about what he was gonna do or had to do and why he had to do it 'cause of what I did when I did it.  Besides, at the most dangerous moment he didn't hesitate, he walked, no damn it, he ran, eyes wide open and straight into what he knew was gonna happen.  Damn it!  And...screw Stellrecht...he even fell twice but he didn't fail.   I mean how are you supposed to take a last look into someone else's eyes and know that what they're doing to help you with...with their touch...is just really all a set-up.  And as for his wishes, crap, and double crap!  He wanted...just like me...no...he wanted less and only got grief...so make that a double crap with loads of cherries on top!  Hell...being dead and not understanding or ignoring it is one thing; but living knowing that you're dead inside is another...but misunderstanding why...that's something else.  I...I mean... we...knew this was gonna be distastesful...but just how much...well...no Elias, honestly, I dont blame you...but I do understand...so does Joachem, he understands why and I understand him...especially him.  



(But it seems odd like...Mom would only mention some pages that she'd...I mean Freida'd written...and nadda about...anything else.  Which means...she still doesn't know about...damn it...no...not now...I don't wanta hear it...the snarky...blame me, "That the game is still afoot, for thou still let'st slip" crap.  So it's paraphrased.  I know.  Ohh joy...there it is...the full screen in all of its bold print and inglorious color.  Just great...my desert moon desktop background and...heerre they are...a backdrop littered with most of my short cuts.  Well...at least the sound is muted.  And that's alot more than I can say about the screaming looks between Christine and Melina.  Their faces are like watching a tennis match...'cause the volleys between the two tightly strung rackets are anything but subdued.   Like it's just as one looks to the screen...boink...it's returned...then just as quick the return shot is blasted back...and all the while this catgut rally is going on the exchanged rapid-fire winks and smiles between the two are obvious, at least to me it is...that each knows exactly what the other one does.  I mean I would too...if I was a...and I'm not...a girl...no...not...not really...but...uh...well...somehow I do...know that is...maybe its from...memory?  Or maybe it's just that the other one is now staring backhanded at me through the mirror...who am I kidding...they were both right...Kohler and Joachem...he almost hasta be one...a pansy with a dark center that is.  Is that like being...sugar and spikes...or am I an all in one bar?



(Is that why "she's" looking at me?  Not me at me. I mean Aeron D.  She knows something...no...it's not that...it more like she's...puzzled?  Ohh well...no...nuhh uh...looks more like she's about to go...proverbially apes hit!  I can 'xplain to her about her grandmother...that was Elias' set up...not me...o.k....us...its guilt by association...I guess.  After all, we figured who better to trust than to start with someone you'd trust with your most best secret.  But I guess if I'da found out that my grandmother took an unexpected crossing on over to the dark side...I sure as hell wouldn't draw my blackberry like she is...unless it was like...I knew I was waiting for someone else to...all antsy like...call and start to answer it before it even rings...with sort of a frosty...and put out look...like she does with, "Mothherr? Hello?  Yes..."what a surprise."  Yes...yes I "was" just "thinking" about you...yes...just "now" as a matter of fact.  Of "course" I...and you were "thinking about"...you were?...about yes, "me?"  Just, yes "just now"...oh my what...yes..."a coincidence."  No Mother I'm...no...I'm not "being sarcastic"...but...yes "of course"...just "as always"...I should have...yes, "expected"...yes I know...as I always do "expe.."yes, your "calls," but...yes, "I love you" too...you know how much I..."Then why don't" I say it?  Please Mother, no not...no...there are other...no not ...no please don't...you don't know...you "do" and that's why you are "asking"...do I have a ..."none whatsoever"...yes...fine you win...I...yes "give."  What's that Mother, "If I mean it..."  Yes, o.k. I'll, "say it."  Oh dear god in...yes I know "He listens"...yes, "all the time."...here goes and I hope your...you are?...your "satisfied?"  What was that?  "If it's now and out loud" you are...yes Mother, as long as I can...of course Mother...yes...if I can ...what do you mean "no"...say it out loud and not"...yes, "whisper."  Fine, have it your...yes Mother you always do..."your way."  O.K. O.K. Yes, I will now, "how much do I," yes Mother as always, "yes....oodles and oodles of noodles"...and you me...yes I know..."bunny bunches back."  But why are you...oh..."that"...yes of course...the parcel...its...no he hasn't...yes its...yes here...yes it's "unopened"...yes, "still."  Of course I'm ...yes, "certain"...Mother please...yes..."on"...yes, "the floor"...yes it is...yes "in plain sight"...yes...I'm ...yes Mother I am "looking"...yes..."at it right now."  No...no, not yet, Mother...he hasn't even touched or ..."come close?"  No not even "close" he just...Mother...yes but...of course he's...yes "really"...yes here..."the same"...he is...yes..."just as"...yes...'described"...yes down to the...yes, "the birthmark" and I...well no...no...not yet...I "haven't offered it"...yes we were "busy and didn't"...no not a "chance to" because...What?  "That's good?"  Why is that "good?"  What?  You want me to...yes I understand you want me to, "wait."  But...why should I... "don't ask now."  What?  Say that again, you had a "serious second thought on the matter?'  Do you know what your...you do.  Do you have any idea of what...you want to "close the circle?"  So I... "just wait."  Mother wait...no...before I do...not me?  You don't want me to. You want "her" to...you know about...yes "her?"  Her?  How the hell did..."you just knew it.  So I..."Now ask nicely?  Mother, please...I did ask...yes just now...and now you want me to...ask again."  Why?  Just because you "asked."  Yes...yes...I have some questions to ask you about...yes "her too."  You know full well "about what"...yes...it's about...of course "grandmother"....Mother was she ever...she was what? She was?  You can't be...so I've just found out...and it was what?  A "secret?"  It...it was what?  You can't be...you are...seriously?  You kept a...and you "didn't tell"...yes me, "because it was hush-hush"...yes I know...but Mother...but...from me?  Yes...I know what a secret is...but I'm your...yes your daughter...don't be "hurt?"  Why wouldn't I be hur...Mother...of course I'm "hurt."  Why would I be?"  Because...because I'm your only...yes but your my...yes, "Mother" ...and your...yes, "aware of some things."  Yes, "that I'm not"...but I'm your, yes, "daughter and I should know better that's why."  Yes Mother that's why I'm asking...but...but...Mother you should have told me...what do you mean by "no."  Just no?  It was what?  Wait.  It was "more than a se..."  Obviously it was...yes, that's what I was going to, yes "say"...that it was obviously a matter of..."yes, "trust"...yes I...do I "understand"...no I don't...what do you mean by that?  Yes I heard you...yes clearly.  But...yes...yes but...I know what the word...yes it means...it was a matter of trust in the...yes..."the strictest of confidence."  Yes...and by that you mean I was...what do you mean "lacking in experience?"



"No...I won't let it drop...Mother your changing the subject...you always do...I said he was..."is he"...yes, here and..."fully dressed?"  Well ahh...no..."not entirely"...honestly Mother...Mother, lets say he's "well guised and somewhat flushed at the moment and...yes..."in-disposed" so to speak...no...I'm not trying to be funny...yes of course I know what's in the box...you told me so...but...that's right...yes...you told me "not to..."no I...no...I did not...look...Mother why should I've..."looked out of"...what?  Yes I know it "killled the cat," but...wait...but you asked me not too.  Mother you know me better.  You do?  Thanks...yes...bunny bunches...I'm glad you do...so I'll ask again...yes I am and...yes I'll "be certain to do it"...yes, "properly"...yes Mother, I know I have a "one track mind just..."yes, "just like her Mother."  So why...wait...why didn't you tell me...no...nothing...Mother, except for that...and what?  What else would there be in...will you let me spea...are you finished not letting me finish?  Why do you always do...yes, you do do this to me" and yes, Mother you've often told me that...yes, "when your gone I'll miss.."no Mother I'm not raising my voice to y..yes Mother...you "always know what I'm going to..."yes Mother...yes there is...on his...yes bed...Mother I truly wish you would let me...yes..."complete a..." yes, "sentence."



"Yes Mother...yes Mother...there are "other people at hand...yes, "so that's why I didn't want to"...well yes...and please don't make me laugh...ahhh...yes...yes...all considered you might call them "close friends"  perhaps even "family."  Who?  Yes of course she is...yes...no she...no Mother...she didn't...not a word of...no "how did it get there?"  I...no idea...I...no not a clue...only that... Mother...only that it was...yes..."on the table."  Mother...I can't believe...what are you saying..."believe it."   You can't be serious...you can't be...seriously?  You Mother are sooo...oohh Mother some...yes, "sometimes" you are so...so...so...so...is "that" how you describe yourself?..."enigmatic?"  So I see.  No Mother.  I'm not trying to be...yes...I mean no...not humorous...yes...I understand..."seeing"  is what you do...yes..."of course"...and you're...yes "the best."



"Mother no...yes...not even close..."right now"  that is not how I would describe y...no.  "Right now" you don't want to...oh...you do...I'm sure you do...what else is new? Yes...it's ...yes, "a safe bet that its a lot lower than your neck...as end..."...please don't laugh...do you have any idea of how long I...you do and I...I was not!...no I was not..."obsessed?"  So you say...yes Mother but...yes...just because you "say so"...so I was?  Is that all or is there...there is?  But of course...oh I..."was amusing"...how wonderful.  So I provided you with some...yes "humor"...no...no Mother I'm not...do I sound like it?  I am not!  Yes...perhaps...o.k but...yes, "only mildly amused" but...no...I'm not...no I'm not "laughing"...fine...have it your way...o.k?  Yes I'm "snickering"...but...you could have trusted me to...yes Mother...yes Mother...yes...of course its what "you have always told" me...yes...I know that..."I'm headstrong just like.."...yes, "you" and...Mother...I know...I, yes, "had to find out for"...yes "myself"...yes...I will...yes...along with your love...yes I'll personally pass it along...no?  but I still don't underst..why her?  Will you please...yes of course I do..."folklore"...it was one of my majors..."remember"...what...why don't I think about it?



"A boater?  "But a boater"...where?"  Mother...yes, you're "fading out."  Oh...you want me to "Put a boater where it will do ..." What's that?  "The...the most...good?"  Mother your losing cont...what's that?  Repeat after me, "Now its not the time for me to do..." Not me but if its her?  "A well placed boater?  Well...yes...if its going...yes...to...you can't be serious...no...because...wait...no...Mother...Mother...that is...no...to the contrary...for the mome...yes...we are...yes, "in agreement"...that will..."will it make him"...yes I believe so...such...yes a "wonderful idea."  "Happy?"  Perhaps...yes that will make him a ...just call you..."an incurable romantic?"  Yes Mother...I am..."smiling?"  Now I am.  "Laughing?"...almost..."when will" I?  I'll let you know.  What's that?  You do?  Mother...tout a l'heure.*  What?  Was I "making a joke?"  No Mother...of course I remember your preci...yes Mother you'll "always see" me before "I see you"...bery funny!  Bye Mother...                                  

_______________________________________

*tout a l'heure...French...Pronounced...tootle-loo=see you presently

[teddi]

"...What's that Mother..."Not so fast and why did I forget to tell you something on purpose?"  You want me to "tell you now or explain it all later."  No, no Mother neither...no I don't think I...no...not this time...yes, yes I know I'm "trying your patience," and as always your not trying mine?  No Mother...right now, yes, personally I don't yes..."see it that way."  No Mother I'm not being "cheeky."  You know Mother...one day it'd be really nice if just once you'd let me finish...say that again, "Don't worry because I "already will have?"  Wait...you mean that?  Yes I know you know what I know and yes that you'll "know everything you'd ever want to know..."yes..."and more."  Ohhh...so you...ah..know about...yes "that little thing."  But well...yes I did but...yes, "just before arriving"...well nooo you never mentioned anything about doing "that" to me... but I just thought that it was...yes it was "a completely compulsive act."  So why did I do it?  Why did I?  Well just...just...just because...that's why.  Yes Mother, yes I understand that you "don't find that answer amusing" and that "that's not the answer you wanted to hear."  But...but Mother...isn't that what YOU'VE always told me...look Mother why SHOULD I be?  No, Mother, I'm NOT sorry if...yes, "I did it without being asked"  and I DID it...because I didn't FEEL I...that's right, "needed to."  So, yes, yes, yes...I "just leaped right out there and took the initiative."   OHH YES I did...yes that's right...I did it on my own.  Why?  BECAUSE...well I thought...yes "I could see how it"...yes, I had too...Mother please listen to me...I know you know "it's important"...NO MOTHER not to me...wait you've done it to me again...yes it was important to me but...it was something that I felt I had to do...yes, "I just had to do it."  No Mother...again, no one asked me to...Will I "apologize" for it?  No Mother I can't see me apologizing...not on this...no not even a glimmer of a second thought...not this time...honestly it wouldn't be right.  That's right, I "mean it," and if I had to do it all over again I would and..."that's good...don't bother to explain because you already know why and you wouldn't either."  Mother of course you wouldn't...then why argue?  Your not arguing...your "proving a point." And...I'm, yes, just like you and ..."basically sensitive and impossible to deal with."  You mean it?  You really mean it?  Your yes, "serious."  Am I "glad?"  No Mother...much better than that.  Yes, now I am...but are you...you wouldn't use that word, no...of couse not...Yes Mother, "I can, yes..."see you now."  And no you're not smiling.  Don't tell me that I know better...yes you are..."ear to ear..."  So...yes, "that makes two of us."  Mother?  You know how much I love...yes, "You too"...thanks ever so...no...no problem...not now.  Should I call you back after?  What's that, "You'd rather sit back and close your eyes to watch and listen carefully"...of course Mother...and Mother...when I get home...I'll tell you a story that you'll want to hear of long long ago long long ago...and Mother...before he does...I'll be sure to tell it to him too. Ttfn."



(The quick coincidental glances by both Melina and Christine towards Aeron during her ramblings are making me feel edgy.  Heck, in the course of her almost one-sided exchange, even I could pick up on most of what she and I guess my newest grandmother were talking about...and just like them I did it without looking at her for most of it.  But somehow...I'm getting a queasy uneasy feeling about some of it...especially like the parts where'd they both just look straight at her together and then just turn to me and deliberately smile.  I mean I already know that I'm the one that they're talking about but I just can't get it all put together and then they hafta turn their heads and purposely stare at me jeez almighty damn it it makes me feel like a stump sticking out in the middle of nowhere 'cause I just can't say "well excuuusse me" and run and hide seeing as that I'm the one here...now...with no place left to go unless of couse it's the one alternative that I can do even if it's like the only thing that I can do naturally but for some reason I'm beginning to think that girl code talk is really kinda freaky strange all weird and wonderful at the same time so that maybe someday I can figure it out but for right now why bother after all I'm figuring that from the look on Dads face he already knows the score and he's had a lot more experience with girls or women or whatever than I've had so's he's gotta know more about some of the stuff they go on and on about from first hand experience especially since Mom's always unloaded piles of crap on him for stuff she thought he did or didn't do but why do I think that they always talk fast enough and never stop so's you can't get a word in edge wise because it all seems so normal for them and all and all they do is ramble on so that they never seem to take a breath in between words 'cause damn it it makes me think of what Dad once jokingly said to me might be half true after Mom finished tearing him a new one 'cause Dad claimed that Mom must have started it all by being born with an undetected extra set of lungs for just that very reason and since that in the time from the time whenver he met or married her that most girls now come equipped with "a set of expanded air bags to increase verbal capacity and endurance."  Damn I'm so glad I'm not like that.  Of course he said that there was more to it than that because girls usually use eight or nine thousand words a day when they talk during their normal day and night but that boys only use two to four thousand a day which he explained is why that by the time he gets home that he's really used up all of his words but that Mom still has another five thousand or more left to go so she tries to fit 'em all in.  Then he looked at me sorta weird like and said that's a normal day, sometimes they talk more.  When he told me that the first time I looked at him all bewildered like are you shitserious and then he went on to tell me that even one time before I was born he never spoke to Mom for over five months.  I didn't know what to say and I looked at him all-serious and was about to cry until he laughed and said, "I didn't want to interrupt."  After that, it was like our little private inside joke.  He said I might "experience it one day."  But each time he told me that...it was always when I was really really lonely and wondered...would I ever really ever...experience it...and if so...how?  so now here I am and now there are two girls looking at me with their eyes gleaming all bright and sparkly like they've got a little secret or two that only they know about me or maybe it's just because for some reason it seems like Dad is now about to bust a gut laughing or maybe they figure that he's just gotta find a handy place to hock a big loogie and is trying to choke it back down or whatever but maybe maybe it's that even they've noticed that there's a different look to his face expecially the changed look in his eyes but I don't know if it's his eyes that don't hurt him to look at me or is it mine that don't hurt his when I look at him 'cept all I know is that mine don't hurt me anymore to look at him...maybe its sorta both.



(But me...I'm now just really looking at Melina...how was I supposed to know she'd be so...so sensitive...'cause it seems like she's gonna lucky guess what I'd want to do if I could do it...Ohh man...she must come equipped with some really rad A-1 moves of her own 'cause now she's giving me her bashful smile look and without even looking at the keyboard she's just clearing the screen for me with just the touch of two fingers.  It's just like what Christine is thinking at the same time that she's silently yakking away at me, "Chris...we've misunderestimated her...well...especially me."  Whenever I get the chance I gotta ask Christy if she means her me or me me.  If its me me would that mean that she really understands...me?  Anyhow...she seems like she's way too smart somehow in a cool sorta way.  Wait a sec...if she understands me...how do I know what her bashful smile looks like anyhow?  But good god she's simply...no I better not go there...she's not simple at all...in fact it seems the longer I'm around her I'm...feeling.  I guess that's what Mrs. Stenstrum, my really old six grade teacher, would have made a joke about and labeled as "Our first indicator of "glandular induced osmosis.""

As for Mrs. Agapp...her eyes are...looking...and they're telling me that from head to toes she's measuring me up for some kinda major party 'cause it kinda goes with the beginning of the grin on her face which is sort-of a creepy nice.  Or maybe it's just because Aeron is smiling at 'em both and they're being polite back at her.  But if that's the case...why's she smiling and giving a nod at Melina and then a nod right to the big box on the floor?  Its as if she's eye talking a line of sight and trying to hook her with a "Please, you know it's there...come along and nibble at this...take it...just one little bite...come on and that's it...slowly...easy and..."



(Right now...that this is all so obvious I know that she should know better that to fall for this...sooo...it means that there's something else that she knows about that maybe I don't because someone is..."stinkin thinkin"...mentally stirring up some crap...it doesn't really add up...or does it?  "Cause Melina is taking her lead and ...and now's giving her that look back...unless...unless...no...without a doubt there's more...'cause if she'da left when asked...things would've been different...so if its not her doing the stirring...it...it's gotta be;  Aeron.



(No...I take that back...its both because now Melina's giving her "THE" look.  You know the one...its the patented bogus surprised return look.  Its the one where the first part of it goes, "What, you mean little ol me?" and lookit...here it comes...along with the rest...the almost mandatory couple of shrugs of the shoulders back and forth look which sorta slowly shimmies their wriggles right down to the hips so they can slowly wiggle and sway ever so softly while she slightly tilts her head looking to all meet up with the biggest grin on a face look that I've ever seen on a girl that I don't even know that much about who then looks back at me with the look in her eyes which...shitserously means...that ohh crapola...she alreay knows I kinda like her but ther's no way that she can play that kind of hunch so damn good without some help, which means that Aeron is the one who might've somehow stoked the ...no...no surprise there and not here neither because here it comes the smile and the nod at the brown paper package and with an all to soothingly pleasant voice she starts with, "Sweetheart...I have a...gift...for you."  Of course Melina is all thrills and giggles and is just about to reply when she's cut off with "Nooo Melina, I'm speaking to...