Author Topic: Promises, Obligations and Consequences (Read 144302 times)

teddi · « **Reply #21 on:** March 19, 2008, 05:22:46 PM »

Christina helped me out of my, I mean her robe and hung it on the hook behind my closet door and said "it looks good hanging there but you'll need to place it on a hanger or the back below the neck will pull out of shape."

Oh great, I thought, now she'll expect me to wear it?

I laid down on my bed and Mom unsnapped the plastic pants. They had done their job as even the terrycloth lining was wet. "Amazing" she muttered, "don't move (again I chuckeled to myself - "Mom where the heck am I gonna go with a soggy diaper?!') - I need to find another pair of plastic panties - it might be a few minutes.

Panties? You gotta be kidding me!

She turned to Christina: "I know you'll watch him - o.k.?" Christina nodded and Mom left us alone.

I needed to speak urgently to my sister. "Christina? I'm really sorry the way I acted like I did with you downstairs. I thought, well, I took it in all wrong and I...I was....wrong and, uh, y...you were r..right. I, uh, d..didn't know and I...f..forgot about...some stuff...b..but I still d..don't r..really understand, w..why or alot of other th.. things. And, right now, if, if it's, uh, o.k. with you, pl... please just talk to me so, so I can hear your voice? I pr..promise I, uh, won't t..try t..to read you. Beckoning her to come closer I whispered..Christina...I gotta ask - is it really you? Honest and truly, you came back - didn't you?" She nodded and in her softest voice said "yes. Its really me and you my little one are the bravest brother a girl could have to watch over and protect her." She came closer and gave me a kiss on my left cheek.

Looking up I saw Mom standing at the door. Before I could ask - she nodded her head "yes" and said it out loud. "I couldn't help but listen, I'm sorry, about many things." Both Christina and I smiled at her. "It was o.k. Mom it was o.k." She started to cry as she again started to change my diaper. I didn't have to tell her to make it thick either. Soon a pair of heavy duty purple diapers with a double soaker was wraped around my hips - followed by another pair of plastic pants.

"Ohhh, thanks Mom, but couldn't you find something a little less babyish? I mean look at them. They've got all sorts of small different colored teddy bears holding all sorts of different colored hearts..and half moons in pink..I mean and stuff like that..you know?" Christine boldly proclaimed them as "cute" right out loud!

Mom hushed me. Held up her hand to silence me stating that I would wear these panties as "I'm still having trouble finding your blue ones. Mom!! I exclaimed. ..but she cut me off "they will stay on you until its time to change you once more."

I shook my head and looked at Christina and grimaced - Christina smiled at me in return.

"Panties!! Panties" she's calling 'em panties? I looked at her in disbelief as my mouth hung open and quizically asked: "Mom? you meant pants - didn't you?" "Uh, why yes, of course, I meant pants." She smiled at me - it was one I wasn't really to sure of - then she walked out of the room.

"Jeez Christina, what's she talking about - "panties? Christina giggled, saying "well that's what girls and I guess moms call them." I sighed in resignation and with considerable nervous thoughts going through my head. I managed to push all of that aside for the moment, after all there was no way she...I really still needed to talk with Christina.

teddi · « **Reply #22 on:** March 20, 2008, 09:20:47 AM »

"Christina? Did I make a fool of myself? I mean I, uh, d.. didn't ...mea...mean to .... honest!"

She shook here head and replied: "No - no more so than I would have made of myself by what I said. Uh - Uh. I think your temper tantrum at the end was really what we both needed - you expressed your anger and built up emotion which in turn help me not to be so damned rigid about how I was trying to explain everything...... Well, ....almost everything.

"I know that both Mom and Dad and you have alot of questions - especially where "she" is concerned, but we both can take care of that shortly. And my little one you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did not humiliate yourself. On the contrary, through your explanation you became more understandable while at the same time raising, in all of our eyes and within yourself - your self esteem."

I interrupted, "whoa! Christina, there you go again. Your talking like, well like "her!" Can't you just say something without being so, so, ah, different? You never did talk like this before "she" used you to talk to Mom and Dad! Are you gonna keep it up? I mean, what's gonna happen when we go back to school?!"

Replying to me: "No - this will not last long. Besides, where "she" is concerned it is almost impossible not to be affected." For a few moments she softly stroked my hair and then gently carressed my cheek.

I looked up at her face from where I sat and we exchanged smiles; mine of a "younger," wide eyed wonderously expectant brother while hers was of loving concern and adoration from an "older" sister. Now she's got me using words I wouldn't have!

She turned from me and removed her robe from the closet hook: well I guess it was mine now. She opened it, and held it for me to put my arms in. I moaned in my whining voice: "Ohhh nooo - I look dumb...I.."

She cut me off. "No, not dumb - rather lovingly cute." "Geez Christine way to make me feel good!"

"Hush - and quit being such a baby. They are waiting for us to return and you..... you Christopher.... will reveal what I have held in silence for you."

teddi · « **Reply #23 on:** March 20, 2008, 12:00:40 PM »

As we walked down the stairs - I giggled out loud, "I hope this isn't habit forming. We've done this before - hadn't we?" She in turn leaned towards me and gently said, "You'll do fine and I promise that I will help as much as possible. Honest." I was soothed to know that she would help me again.

Mom and Dad were again seated at the table talking to each other, well, it was really a one sided conversation. Mom was wagging a finger in Dad's face - scolding him for drinking too much. I looked at Christine - she was smiling broadly and giggled softly.

We approached the table together, Christine had her right hand on my left shoulder. We stood motionless for several seconds and watched Mom really give it to Dad, "I don't know why you insist on doing this, especially at this time and even after I warned you not to get shit faced!" Golly, Mom was rippping him a new one.

Christine's loud "ahh humm," abruptly halted Mom from going on. Dad, on the other hand, turned red faced and murmered, "I really am sorry, honest." Dad was a great guy, but even I knew that if things got to him he sometimes would, well, have a bit too much. Mom, in turn, shook her head and appologized for being so angry and using "that kind of language."

Christine motioned for me to take the chair to the right - the one she had sat in before. As I sat down she poured us both two tall glasses of water. I greatfully took it and knew that my "cotton mouth," would soon make it's appearance. I murmered to her, "thanks sis."

I tried to calm myself. Here I sat, wearing only a really thick diaper, baby plastic pants and Christina's robe. What an impression I was gonna make! Without realizing it, I started to tear again.

Christina leaned closer to me and spoke for everyone to hear: "Chris - why don't you start with what happened this afternoon and why you got so angry at me. Mom and Dads questions can wait until later." I didn't know if it was a statement or a question, but I more or less agreed, at least mentally, that it was a much easier point of beginning.

teddi · « **Reply #24 on:** March 20, 2008, 04:53:22 PM »

I looked to both of my parents , then to Christina, my portion of the evenings main events was to begin.

"Before I, ah, well go to far, I need to a..a..appologize to Christina. This afternoon I called her a, ah, n..name, which I, ah, sh..sh...shouldn't have and honestly now know was really, really hurt..ful to her.

"I know how b..b..bad she felt be...ah ...cause I read her as she w..was wri..writing a letter of explanation and ap..appo...logy to me." I turned to Christina as my tears flowed. "Christina, there is n..no reason for y..you t..to give me it - I know every word in it." I hung my head in remorse.

I looked away from both her and my parents and for a moment rested my chin upon my chest and tried to collect myself. I closed my eyes and went on.

"I also know that Mom and Dad really got into you and that you got five really hard swats with the paddle and had alot of your priveledges taken away......and......Mom - Dad.... uh, that's not fair! Sh..she wasn't gonna t..tell you why! I read her and I know... SHE DID IT FOR ME".....I trailed off and whispered ever so lowly....."because she loves me and didn't want me to be afraid.

"Mom - Dad don't take away anything from her - p..pl..please?"

I paused, took another deep breath and went on. "Geez, this is com - pli -cated b..but I, ah, nee -d, ah, t-to ex - plain." Even I cringed at my ever halting attempts to speak.

I felt Christine's arm encircle me and firmly grasp me on my right shoulder. "Your doing just fine little one. Just relax your chest and when your ready to go on - you set the pace - no one here is going to press you. O.K?" I nodded in agreement. I allowed several moments to pass before I began once more.

"A long t..time ago I was having really, really..... b..bad dreams and I t..told her about them. They were all so real, honest! But that was, ah, wasn't the worst of i..t. Th..they always c..came back, every dif-fer-ent night I, I would have the same dreams. They wouldn't leave me alone. I...I would always wake up in the same pl..place of each dream...I even tried to scream out but I couldn't.

In one dream, in one dream, there was al...ways a pp..p..picture. Every night the same one, even up until.... l..last night....and I'm af..fraid I'l, ah, k..k.. keep having it - even wh-when I g..go to sleep to-night.

"The, the, the ppp..pic..ture that, that keeps running in m..my mind is, is, the one, th..the one she ................." I cursed myself... C...come on - get, get it out, get it out, just get it OUT!!!!!

"ITS THE ONE CHRISTINE SENT ME TODAY. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW - I NEVER TOLD CHRISTINE WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE...HONEST AND TRULY."

teddi · « **Reply #25 on:** March 21, 2008, 11:59:29 AM »

DO YOU KNOW WHAT, IT, ITS LIKE TO SEE THE SAME THING - OVER AND OVER AND OVER?"

I had never yelled like that when I talked to anyone before and started moving my head from side to side. I knew, how I must've looked. My mouth ajar, tears all over my face, still running, and, at the same time, my eyes, emploring - pleading for understanding. I didn't really expect any!

I took a very deep breath and went on - not expecting any type of response from my parents or even Christina.

"You don't know, you really don't how it is to keep seeing the same dreams or nightmares and not be able to do any.. anything about th... them. You d..don't know how - how agonizing it is t..to s..see something and ne...ne..never to be able to f..forget it. It's worser than anything.

"In real life, like when your awake, you can s..see everything! You can look to the le..left or r..r..right or go behind and s..see what's there. You can't look behind a picture - you only get to see wh.. wh...what's in, ah, front of you. ......................and now.........now....oh crap!...when, when Chri-Christina showed me her face ...I even read her n...name.

"A name to go with a face, one that's haunted me for so, so.....long. "This after - noon, I, well, I didn't expect, I mean, I...uh...ohhh I was so afraid and I still am!

I heard Christina's voice, "Chris do you want to stop for a while?"

"N..no, can't s..stop - gotta, just gotta finish, cause, cause I have to....... I promised "Her."

teddi · « **Reply #26 on:** March 21, 2008, 05:29:47 PM »

"I p...pr....promised and, and, I, uh k..keep m...m...mine. S...so, so I'm gonna finish.

"Christina spoke her name. The girls name! Her name! I finally had something else that went with her! Something different that I could link with a picture.

"D..do you remember wh..what I said...."why should she start this before school" and "its not fair." You remember!?? It really wasn't.... Christina I was, was, ah, talking about............it was th...the ....angel.

"DAMN IT!!! This is like a plate of....of..... cooked spaghetti! Every time, every time, I try to say something it, it - gets all mumbled - jumbled and involved with something else. And every time I say something else "She" lets me remember more and more! So---Just listen..... please.?

In a low, yet uncommon steady voice, especially for me, I continued. "I really shouldn't have called Christina a, a name: a, a b...backstabber. I, ah, am really ashamed - especially now - knowing that it was really part of keeping my promise......to "Her" because of that night..... my promise to fulfill my part of the "deal" "She" made with me.

"Yea, Christina spoke her name, what else could she do! Even my sister doesn't know of the deal "She" and I made that night.

teddi · « **Reply #27 on:** March 22, 2008, 12:29:23 PM »

"Christina didn't even know that what she was telling me this afternoon, would s..set me off. Damn! even I really didn't understand! Geez I'm sorry for the curse word, but, but......." I scrunched my face tight and grimaced, "no.........she was only trying to be real nice by getting some other boys to walk with me along with, with Melinda......tha...that way I w..wouldn't be mistaken f..for," my voiced dropped to barely audible..... "a..a girl. I didn't want to be seen walking with her - because - I thought the other kids would think that we were just two.....girls walking together."

I sat silent for a minute - I heard nothing and didn't try to read Christina.

Besides, I had told her I wouldn't upstairs.

"No, only Christina knew, how afraid I was of how, how, I feared being looked at; especially when we walked together. I mean, even in elementary school I got teased alot. The other guys would always sing when they saw me, "you dress like a boy - but, you look like a girl." I, I don't think there was a single day, even from first grade, that I didn't get trashed. Golly, even my teachers would tell me how they couldn't tell the difference between us and how cute I looked and how I should've been a girl!

"Anyhow, that's part of the reason I acted like I did, but, but.......there's alot more." My body began to shake. "Mom - Dad, I like girls, really. I mean, they way they look, and dress and, and, I, uh, guess, how...s...sexy th...they look or can be! Gosh, I love the way they walk and can move their butts ever so slightly to send you over the edge! That they can crook their finger at a guy and turn him to mush! The clothes, so many, so different and so - so incredibly a turn on.....at least for me.

"B...but how can I even begin to show I like one or another when, wh...when...I really am not all there, and you know what I mean! I don't have much to impress any of them with in the working parts department! And, ohhh sure, the endo-chrono-logist is a real big help. Yea, I, I know I d...didn't s...say it right, but all he does is t..tell m..me that it w..will take t..time! He's a vampire! All he does is stick me with a needle and take my blood!