Diary by Sissy Baby Paula

[archives]

Diary by Sissy Baby Paula

part 1

Peter's Diary
Sissy Baby Paula

This is a set up for a story in a diary form. As the summer is nearing I can't promise you a post / day - it can take rather longer! I try to post the first couple parts quickly so you get into the action! Please comment the story on the Betty's!

Day one
I haven't really writen a diary since four years ago when I was nine years old. And even then it was just a report of a hike in Lappland with mum, dad and my brother. So I am not going to write something stupid like 'Dear diary' or such crap. But I simply have to write some things down as I am so fed up with people! The funny thing is that I am now part a hero and part a villain - depends on who you ask. To tell the truth I don't give a damn about those boys who regard me as a hero now. They used to think I am a nerd and a rather funny one at that (I read books too whereas your run-of-the-mill -type nerd doesn't). They only came to me when they didn't know how to do something with the computer or their math homework needed help. So f... them! Well not to say, that I give much for those who think me as villain either. They are mostly teachers and parents - including my dear own mum and dad! It was no court, no justice - pure Spanish inquisition. I just hate when people judge first and listen afterwards - if even then (these sure didn't listen at all!).

There is one person I really would like to believe me. But she (and oh boy what a she!) is one of the accusers! Not that I had not dreamed about seing her without clothes as I supposedly have. Half the boys in the class have done so and propably the rest too... I was really left like a fish out of water when my dream girl, Laura, said that I was one of the culprits. She said she had seen me! Why Why Why...

Oh Laura, please believe me! Blond, long curly hair which surrounds her face like a golden halo. Smile like the sun coming out. And those blue eyes - they sparkle with joy! And her mouth curls up in smile or laughter so cutely! Only once I have seen her sorry. That was about a month ago when her grandpa died in a heart attack. I actually had a hard time controlling my emotion as I was trying to console her by telling about my grandmom's dead. Yet at the same time I was so happy to be the one with her, to be the one who could brighten her up just a little! We talked for ages and finally something broke inside of her and she cried against my shoulder. I was honoured to be THE one who could serve her. Later on she didn't seem to notice me anymore. First I put it down to a natural reaction for having been too private with someone, but it seemed to go on. Maybe I was only good as a shoulder to cry on? I felt really low then. And now this!

Oh, I seemed to have written that there would be no 'dear diary' stuff in here. That last part is so full of moaning that it certainly fits the 'dear' category. But then Laura does belong to a 'dear' category - at least if one listens those boastfull idiots (who have had sex with half of the girls in our school) who would dearly love to get into her panties. Not that I wouldn't mind doing that meself, but maybe with a bit more finesse... (oh get real you will never get anywhere with her).

Another omission is that I have not written down the reason for this hole mess. Actually it was something quite acceptable among the boys - an act of daring if not chivalry. Poor me who wouldn't have the guts to do it in a million years! But somebody had done it (I am pretty sure I know the real culprit - a boy with a similar hair to mine and wears spectaculars too). They only made one mistake - one of them got caught in the act! Well as one could expect the teachers didn't like boys watching through girls changing rooms window when the girls are stark naked and taking a shower. So the poor chap who was caught red handed (or red eyed as one could put it) was interrogated in almost Gestapo-like fashion. He didn't break as that would have been the biggest sin in our books - you don't and that is A DON'T tell or tatle on one's classmates. But some of the girls had seen him and another boy too. And Laura was certain that the other boy was me! She was so convincing, that everything I said fell on deaf ears. So I was dragged into the interrogation - not even knowing who had been involved there was no danger that I would tatle on the boys... I really didn't expect them to believe a boy, but my record had been spotless so some consideration would have been in fair!

What really blew my mind was the so-called 'sentencing' as our headmaster (that pompous ass!) put it. Apparently Laura's mom had contacted him and as she was a big shot in local politics and a member of the school board whatever she said had fallen on receptive ears. So our punishment would be made to fit the crime and because the school didn't want it to become too public and "we really want to give you boys another chance without any marks on your records" everything would be done privately. So we would actually receive whatever punishment Laura's mom saw fit! And it would be tomorrow evening (yeah on a Saturday - it really suc-ks). As for the marks and all the bs the headmaster had told us - it really was just that! School records ain't public and eventhough there still is this antiquated system of marking down a pupil's behaviour on the card it would have been back to ten (the highest) by next xmas. Hell, I almost started to laugh as I pictured our headmaster as a dog licking Laura's moms hand (maybe he would have liked to lick somewhere else - Laura is a younger version of her mom and you dig - that lady ain't bad looking). Laughing would have been rather out of place like. But we did have a good laugh among the boys afterwards. The sad part is that all the girls in my class now evade me like I was carrying a disease.

That would really be too much if my rather nonexistent chances of making friends among the girls (there is Marian who I also rather fancy) would be destroyed by something I didn't do! Well I suppose I must just wait and see what happens - not to mention our little trip to Laura's home tomorrow. I kind of wish I could go alone - the embarrassement would be less. Then again having someone else suffering from the same punishment is reassuring too.

part 2

I had to show them a note from the headmaster so the cat was out of the bag. I remained silent as I figured that even if they believed me it wouldn't help me any. They made threaths like taking my stereo away, cutting down my almost nonexistant allowance (I got enough from grandma thankfully) and there was even discussion about a curfew and earlier bedtime. I simply shrugged my shoulders at all this, because I could live without the stereos and I hardly ever went out in the evenings anyhow. And as for earlier bedtime, with my flashlight I could still read in bed after 'the official lights out'. As I was due to Laura's home at three o'clock we ate earlier than usually. And the yacking continued on and on and on (I wasn't listening to it so it hardly bothered me anymore). I suppose this is enough about my parents as it would be real waste to fill any diary with stories about them!

I do believe in punctuality which isn't allways easy for me (if I am engrossed in something I tend to forget the time and waking up is a real pain in the neck). This was one time I was sure not to be late and also a bit scared so I wasn't early either. I had never been to Laura's house and to my knowledge neither had any other boys in our class. In other circ-umstances this could have been fun I thought. I knew that Laura's mom had a reputation of being a hard businesswoman so I kind of a feared the worst and only dared to hope for the best. Still I couldn't help I had to ogle the house. I mean we do not live poorly ourselves - I have two rooms now as my older brother has moved out, but this was certainly classy. For one the house is situated at sea coast with a nice view to Baltic (or rather some island's in the Gulf of Finland to be exact) and it has nice grounds with trees, bushes, flowerbeds and such. As the snow had just smelted there wasn't really any flowers yet, but I could imagine laying in the sun with something cool to drink in the garden. The house itself was a two story red brick building with a sauna and pool inside (I had overheard Laura telling her girlfriends about the house). Most of the boys and all of the girls in our class would have been more than happy to see the house. Not that they would have liked to be in my shoes!

So there I was ringing the bell feeling a bit afraid of what is going to happen and somewhat surly as the punishment was so manifestly unfair! I only hoped, that I could explain it to Laura. Just tell her that it was a mistake on her side and I couldn't be that stupid (or didn't have the guts for it). Laura herself opened the door and smiled at me. She simply said "welcome to my home" and I stepped in. If she had leered at me or made fun of me I would have walked away and would have fought for my cause. I might have written to the justice-ombudsman in the parliament or whatever. I am usually the most docile of boys, but if you step on what I believe is right or tease me in an irritating way (like repeating something over and over again) I am liable to blow my top. Behold everyone! But Laura's smile was somehow disarming and I suppose I had been mentally preparing to something like doing housework for her mom or things like that. Oh boy, had I been wrong!

I followed her inside to find, that my so called 'companion in crime' was there and also the 'Laura's circle' (eg. her best friend and some other girls from our class). Marion was also there, which made me lower my eyes. I knew what they thought of me and ... well it is water under bridges, so lets just forget my crush on her. "Am I the last?", I queried a bit stupidly. Well I was, so now the games could begin... We boys exchanged looks of bewilderment. We still expected Laura's mom to join us. Surely it we wouldn't be solely in the hands of these girls?

Alas, we were in the hands of the girls. First they started to tease us about us wanting to see female undergarments and maybe more. I almost lost my temper cause I was innocent. I would have loved to see all these beauties without clothes as any other boy would have. I suppose Laura noticed that I was near the edge so the teasing eased of and we were simply told to strip there and then. We will see if you measure up as you liked to see us, one girl said to us. Rather stupidly I said "What?" They all laughed and told me I would find out what they meant. Then we were taken to two separete rooms.

Then I was told to strip by Laura and Marion. I just stared at them. I hadn't really agreed to be punished by Laura's mom and certainly not to be turned a plaything or whatever for Laura - but I still wanted to get it over with. I knew, that walking out would mean more shouting by mom and dad. And then there would be my word against Laura's. Her mom would be on her side and it would look as if I was again the culprit. Marion asked me, if I was shy or something. Another girl giggled, that maybe he hasn't got anything to show. This brought me close to eruption, but thankfully Laura put that girl back to her place and hard. In the end I shrugged my shoulders and stripped to my underwear. That I was not going to take off!

Well, my intentions and the reality can be two different things. I didn't even notice it, but Laura came from behind me and pulled my underpants down. With a rather commanding voice she told me to take them off completely which I did. I was getting tired of this and if the girls had not seen a naked boy before it was certainly high time for them to see one! At that point I was at a loss, because I really had no idea what would come next. I was given a pair of panties and told to put them on. Standing there naked among girls was starting to affect me and I was almost gratefull to receive some cover. It really is embarrassing, that it is so hard to control your "stand-ups". These panties actually fit me rather well, but they looked rather childish to me as there were pictures of small roses all over them. Next I was given a camisole in the same style. I first thought this was some kind of undershirt for girls, but there certainly were some differences. This didn't cover my navel at all and my stomache was bare. I decided then and there that any clothes that cover me completely are better than being paraded around in just little girl underwear. I wasn't disappointed: I got more clothing - white ribbed tights, a white T-shirt with a big Barbie-Girl print on it and a red plain skirt. And on my feet they strapped red shoes. My hair wasn't long enough, but they still managed to put a couple of red ribbons into it.

Then the great show off! All the girls were naturally there and my 'fellow-convict' too. He or should I say she was dressed in a much more grown-up fashion: A Britney Spears T-shirt and jeans!!! I felt so MAD. Why was I the little girl and he a teenager? Sure he was a she with a small ponytail and his T-shirt didn't usually sport such nice breasts either. And the jeans didn't really fit and looked very uncomfortable. We had to show off our 'girlishness for the girls so I had to act like a little girl (I was given a doll to play with and I had to curtsey to all the big girls). The 'big' girls was surrounded by our tormentors who made him very uncomfortable with very straight girl talk (it made my ears burn too). I had never believed, that they had judged most of the boys by how cute our asses look and how big biceps we had (I didn't rate very high I suppose). Then suddenly after we enjoyed some cokes (I had to enjoy a lemonade) we were told that this was it for the day. My so called culprit was simply shown out of the door in his teenage girl outfit. I almost died on the spot. Surely they wouldn't push me out looking as I was?

I had a 'lucky' break (I suppose I should have simply worn this outfit back home and be over with it all), but I gladly accepted the option of wearing some of my own clothes. This was a bargain from Laura and Marion: I would have to come back tomorrow wearing what I was wearing now when I left for home. And ... and well 'dear diary' it really was the most frightening moment for me: I was wearing my own trousers and shirt, but everything else was girl-outfit - including these red shiny shoes! I tried to use all those sideroads where nobody goes on a Saturday, but still far too many people saw me. Jumping to bushes couldn't save me every time so I just tried to look as if I wasn't there!

part 3

Well it continued - I mean my parents kept yapping and yapping about the relations between sexes, correct behaviour, how to act like a gentleman etc. Their idea of boys and girls was closer to Victorian times. And I had to listen to all this wearing the girls undies and tights. She had told me, that we would eat in her home so there was no reason to eat earlier. I almost wished we could have eaten as I was again having butterflies in my 'tummy'. And the food would have shut my parents up at least for a little while. So I just wandered around doing practically nothing and being forced to see those red shoes everytime I went by the front door. Mum - being a woman I suppose - had really taken objection of oggling girls and wanted to rub it in. So the shoes would be in sight for everyone who would come in (thankfully we had no visitors). Then just before midday Laura came and I was subjected to an embarrasing scene as mum and dad kept apologizing my 'disgracefull' behaviour. Laura must have laughed her head off silently!

So off we went together. Laura looked again like a nordic goddess and I looked like normal boy, if you didn't look at my shoes. Walking with Laura was such fun, that I actually forgot my footwear. I was brought back to reality by a boy hitting my shoulder rather heavily and saying: "Oh my what nice girly shoes you have, SISSY!". There were three boys behind us. All of which I knew and all of which knew me. We had been friends, but they attended another school and I wasn't interested in graffity and petty thefts which were their main hobbies novadays. What I was to do? I stand no chance fighting all of them and not a too god one fighting even one of them. Funnily I felt less humiliated than angry. Deciding that an attack was the only way to scare them off I launched myself at the boy who kept sneering at me and calling me sissy. I knew I wouldn't win in a fist fight so I tried to get my arm around his neck. It is an effective grip, but works only against a single opponent. Thankfully my act of desperation wasn't really necessary as my best friend turned up. He is almost two meters long and build like a tank. My tormentors dissappeared in a hasty fashion and I would have laughed if the situation wouldn't have been so embarrassing to me. You know my friend ain't blind! He - being a silent type - just looked at me and Laura. Funnily Laura blushed and looked away. She was embarrassed!And rightly so! It was all her fault! My friend Simon kept looking at us and then said: "It would be better if you don't play these games with those thugs around." Then he just asked, if I could come tomorrow to listen Beethoven with him and play some cards. I said I would be delighted.

Eventually we arrived at Laura's home and she seemed to be just as releaved as I was. She actually told me, that she was sorry. It wasn't her intention, that I would be harmed in anyway. Looking at that beautifull girl straight in her blue eyes I swallowed my angry answer and simply nodded. That brought out a weak smile from her, but it still somehow made the hole mess much more beareable! Is this somekind of weird love? Am I nuts? What power does she have over me?

Inside I was quickly changed back to my outfit from yesterday. I had to twist and twirl for Laura and Marion - they were the only girls present. My 'fellow convict' was nowhere in sight so this was a show purely for them. At that moment my brains propably short circuited as I didn't mind anymore. I just liked the attention. It was hundred times more they would have normally given me! And somehow these clothes felt - well they felt just like any other clothes. I mean we use them to keep warm, make impression on other folks or because nudity in public isn't that tolerated! I had the plus in all this that Laura and Marion seemed to like - if not love - to see me wearing this little girlish outfit. And I don't know why, but there was something almost hypnotical to be looking at MY legs coming out beneat a skirt, white ribbed tights continueing from the hem down to my red shoes.

The day turned out to be one BIG girl lesson: I curtseyed, twirled, twisted, sat, stood up, picked up things and made girlish gestures. Being with Laura and Marion was almost like it was three girls and not two girls and a boy. Yet I was a boy inside and in my mind - and a girl too! Talk about double personality! Some of my classmates already called me the professor, because I loved to read and often argued things. Maybe they were partially right as I somehow analyzed all this girlish impulses and found out I liked them. Even the big scare from the morning was forgotten . And naturally 'dear diary' you hope I would say I were the perfect girl! Far, far from it! I was clumsy - even without heels my curtseying looked very akward, when I sat it was a plop down without any grace at all! And I walked all too long steps! But deep inside I was happy as all my boyish clumsiness made the girls giggle, laugh and smile!

Then we prepared the dinner and it was fun too! I had helped my mom a bit at home so it wasn't altogether unfamiliar, but Laura was light years ahead of me or Marion. She knew what to do and we were just two 'pinafored' helpers! Laura's mom and dad might be rich, but they seemed to believe in everyone doing the chores and learning them too! We didn't make a gourmet-dinner, but the meatballs, smashed potatoes and sauce were a far cry from what I could have done (I had made smashed potatoes but that was about it). Laura on the other hand expertly mixed minced meat, spices and an egg to make the meatballs. As a 'punishment' (well it was a joke among as by now) I had to serve the meal to the girls and Laura's mom and dad. Somehow I have allways loved a bit of acting so I tried to put on an act of a french-maid. I had no heels and looked more like a clumsy little girl, but I managed to serve everyone. Afterwards we all washed the dishes (we didn't use the dishwasher as this was supposed to be my punishment). Then I was allowed to change back to my own clothes (that is trousers and shirt) and Laura's mom would drive me home. I looked so relieved, that Laura must have felt a little remorsefull as she whispered to me, that getting me into trouble or beaten wasn't what they wanted and that she was very sorry for what happened in the morning. Then they first kissed me on the cheek and as Laura's mom went to get the car keys they asked me, if I would wear the panties, the camisole and thigts in the school tomorrow for them. They would undestand if I didn't but they would really love if I would.

What a dilemma! I didn't mind the clothes - I would have happily played any female part for them. But to school!? Whatif someone would find out? Of course I could say that it was my punishment, but as the other boy wouldn't be wearing any female clothes at all it would be very odd. Then again we had no gym tomorrow (not until Thursday) and no-one would propably see my underwear. And tights are just like longer socks on the feet, if you don't remove your trousers! Still I was afraid, very much afraid... but they kept looking at me so pleadingly ... and reminded me, that I had liked to play with them and could do so in the future if... Oh what have I got to loose? And I had everything to win! The girls might have asked me to wear these girlish items just to make fun of me in front of everyone, but somehow I knew that it was not the case. If I said no, I suspected I would no longer be a friend of theirs. This point decided it and I said yes, I would wear panties, camisole and tights for them and only for them. This brought out a happy squeal from Laura and Marion and two quick but delightfull kisses right on my mouth!

Back home mum and dad continued to yap and yap, but I didn't care about it at all! I didn't know whether I was in love or not, but somehow I felt that this was a start of a journey - maybe a long one. I would be happy, if I could write that it was all easy for me but that would be a lie. I felt embarrashed, ashamed and weird about myself. What was I? I liked these two girls very much and yet I somehow liked playing a girl. What am I? Am I gay, faggot, whatever? But I still like girls! Why am so excited about doing something absolutely stupid for the girls I like or love? All the other boys had boasted of their conquests among girls - and they didn't agree to wear girls underwear! Who could help me figure out myself!

part 4

Days 4 to 8
Monday morning was pure hell! I didn't want mom and dad to know what I was wearing under my clothes and that was the easy part! It was much, much harder not to think what would happen if the boys in the school would find about my underwear and these very very long socks - tights! But I felt I could not let the girls down. I liked the kisses which were the closest think I had so far had to sex with a real girl (mother hand and her five lively daughters don't count!). The most embarrasing thing was that I didn't know what to think about girls underwear and tights anymore! They were to some extend just clothes and to some extend a no - no for a boy. So after spending almost half an hour in the toilet trying to decide whether to change back to my usual underwear I went to the bus wearing panties, camisole and tights. It was almost summer and exceptionally warm for the time of the year. But my sweating wasn't caused by wearing 'long underwear' (that is tights). It was caused from fear of discovery!

Monday evening I visited Simon as promised. He is a silent observant type and I decided to tell him most of the thruth. I just left out the part of wearing girls underwear and tights while sitting on his bed with Beethoven's Eroica blowing our minds away (I prefer this third symphony to his fift which is the one he is really remembered by). I felt a bit uneasy as I saw Simon looking at my legs. I rarely use white socks and these 'socks' (my tights) looked very much like what I had worn on Sunday. I think he suspected something but like the true friend he is, he kept silent. On the way home I ran and duck behind houses as I didn't want to meet the same bullies as on Sunday. They might have beaten me up!

Tuesday morning I went through the same emotions, but in a diluted form. Nobody had noticed anything strange about me on Monday so this would just be another day! And both Laura and Marion had been overjoyed to learn (I showed them my thights as I refused to go to girls toilets to show them the rest of it). I actually received kisses straight on my lips from both of them. This really made my reputation: I was now the peeking Tom / womanizer in the eyes of the boys! I am not sure what those girls thought that weren't in on our little escapede during the weekend (and I think only Laura and Marion knew the hole truth!). I even laughed a bit inwardly as I felt my tights through my trousers! How many boys would trade places with me if the price would be paid in panties? I told the girls about it and we three had a good laugh about it. And they kissed me yet again as I said that for me the price was just right! Not that I fancied these clothes or had any urge to wear them, but the difference to the bookworm me and this kissed, cuddled me was great enough to put aside any doubts about some silly clothes.

Wednesday was much the same except I had to ask Laura, if I could be allowed to wear male underwear on Thursday. She was first shocked and angry - almost walking out on me. But as I hastily explained that it was gym class on Thursday she understood and told me 'of course'. But then she got a weird look on her face - like she had gotten a really funny idea! And she had! She told me than in return of a panties and tights free day I would have to wear red tights on Friday! I tried to plead half-heartedly as I knew that she wouldn't relent. Inside I was mortified! I am a rather conservative boy in my ways and I wear blue or gray socks. Nothing flashy at all! And my mom had eyes like a hawk! I didn't think I could fool her! I made my pitch about all the problems with the boys, my mom, folks on the street ect., but I failed to move Laura. She stated that there are lots of boys and men who wear very colourfull socks and stuff. If I didn't stop this instance, I would have to wear a pair of very thin, delicate tights - naturally as red as my face would be! And with little colourfull flowers printed on them! I knew I was defeated and with as much grace as I could gather I accepted Laura's terms. She smiled at me like a sun goddess - like the sun that comes out after weeks of gray rain! And then she kissed me hard on the lips! I must have blushed ten shades of red at the same time, but I hardly heard the boys and girls around us (I think there were some wolf-whistles). I only heard Laura say: "I knew you would do it for me, my sweet Paula".

Yeah, I know, I know. I should have walked away there and then. Hitchhike to some place far away. Tell my parents, tell our teachers, anyone. But my urges got the better of me. I was physically unable to move as I felt Laura's lips again on mine and felt her hand robbing my bottom. I was past caring what she called me. I would have loved to be called Queen of Sheba, a slut or whatever just to feel her lips on mine - not to mention those lovely feelings her hand was sending through my spine! Then Marion came around the corner and even her hand went straight to my bottom! "Has our princess accepted her new name yet", she asked Laura. "Oh yes she most definatively has!" I just smiled sheepily still trying to get down from the seventh heaven to sixth - ground was still lightyears away!

The rest of the day and Thursday was an anticlimac. I had fallen out of sky to ground or even below. Why did Laura and Marion kiss me and cuddle me when I was wearing girls clothes? What did they really want? Maybe they would just tease me and eventually make a huge joke out of me. It would be easy - they could simply tell everyone, that I was a sissy who wears girls clothes for fun! I could claim, that it was the punishment, but nobody would believe me! They simply couldn't care about a bookwarm and ... and a SISSY like me! It really didn't help my feelings as Laura gave me my new bright red ribbed tights. She even left a threath hanging in the air showing me a pair of red flowered shear tights. I even had to touch them and they felt NICE! Laura winked her eye and said: "Maybe on Saturday or Sunday?" I could only blush.

Friday was again very scary. It felt like everyone was looking at my feet so I tried my best to keep my feet out of view as much as possible. It must have looked comical as while sitting I tried to keep my feet under the seat holding them in air. It is not easy for a long time I tell you! I cursed the fact, that I like trousers with shortish legs (they don't get so muddy as easily as when the legs come right down on the shoes). So there was something to see! And I for one saw it all the time! The most depressing and divine thing was that I loved the colour! 'Dearest' diary I again got that feeling of being a boy and a girl at the same time! The best result of all this was that I was again kissed when I told the girls how I felt. And they said that red fits me and I looked very cute! They told me jokingly that they couldn't wait to see me in school in skirts! At least I hope - no I pray it was a joke! And tomorrow I would again go to Laura's with those red shoes on (her mom would fetch me so there wouldn't be any danger) and I would get to wear those shear tights and a party dress!!!

Oh, darn! Did I write that? Getting to wear a dress! I must be going nuts! Maybe it helps if I held my head under running cold water....

[archives]

part 5

Day 9

Saturday morning I felt somewhat better. Mom and dad had stopped yacking so much and they had started on a new course to educate me about females. I suppose they thought that I was just an adolescent kid who wanted to see what the opposite sex looks like. I had a hard time containing my laughter when mom tried to explain to me, that to be a girl or women is lot more than tits and naked flesh. It is something sensual and somehow different way to talk with other women than what a man would do. She also tried to say that all women have sexual needs and urges too, but they were not somekind sex objects. "That's what you did wrong, my darling son", she said! We had this discussion Friday night as she came to tuck me into bed (she hadn't done that for years and it felt somehow nice). Afterwards I giggled myself a lot. I had been experiencing these sensual feelings for a week now and I was quite happy with the urges of Laura and Marion!

Funnily I had my 'first female dilemma' on Saturday morning. I knew, that Laura's mom was coming to fetch me around 10 or so. And going in my old boys underwear was out of the question. Panties and camisole were no problem as I only had three pairs of each and they were alike. But should I wear my red or white tights. Both were ribbed, but to me white would fit better my red shoes. I mean red on red - there is no contrast. Laura hadn't told me what to wear so I had to decide myself. But would she be mad, if I turned up in white tights and she had actually wanted me to keep wearing the red pair? In the end I decided to let my sense of fashion run the day and I wore the white tights. I had a suspicion, that I might not be wearing them for a long time anyhow!

I was right in my last prediction, but that wasn't half of it! Not even a quarter of it! First when I walked towards Laura's home chattign politely with her mom Laura opened the door. She called inside in a loud voice: "Oh Marion, Paula is coming!" I cringed a bit thinking that the entire neighbourghood must have hurt. But only then did I look at Laura and my eyes almost fell out - she was wearing a party dress more suitable for a seven or eight year old than 13 year old. I think it is called a princess dress. It was all sugar - very much sugar! Main colour was yellow witch in my opinion suited Laura very nicely. And it was voluminous! Large skirt filled the doorway as it was so broad. Puffed sleeves, a funny collar (I later learned that it was a Peter Pan -collar) and some kind of pattern was sewed in the front of the dress. White shear tights or stockings (I couldn't tell which could I?) and black shoes. And oh yes she had a matching green ribbon in her hair. I couldn't help it, I gushed: "Laura you are beatifull in that dress!" And my sun was definatively up again! Then I saw Marion and my internal heat was turned up even more! Her dress was less elaborate looking like a bride's maids dress in its almost blinding whiteness. The hem was longer reaching almost to her ankles and it didn't flare out as much as Laura's did. Marion was even carrying a small matching handbag. Again I couldn't contain myself: "Ooh neat! Marion you are adorable and incredible sexy in that dress!" I was then the happy recipient of another smile.

Once inside it was naturally my turn. I was a bit apprehensive trying to tell the girls that I loved the dresses on them not on me! But it was a loosing battle as I well knew. I also kept looking at them and wondering what that kind of a dress must feel like to wear. It swished, bounced, turned ever so lovely as the girls moved. These girls were so gracefull in them. They sat, walked, curtsied, bowed with a beautifull well practiced ease really bringing out the beauty of those outfits. My dress turned out to be a pink creation in even more little girlish style - I think it would have looked very nice on a three to five year old. It was short, even shorter than Laura's and I had to wear a petticoat under it (Laura was also wearing one, but Marion only had a slip). Instead of those red tights I had been shown I received white silky tights which had a pattern knitted in them. And my red shoes looked perfect!

I must have looked like a living questioning mark as I kept looking at Laura and Marion. They noticed my bewilderment and smiled at me. They told me to speak up my mind which I did. I mean these two are the most beatifull girls in my class! Why on earth would they be wearing these kind of clothes? During the schooldays they tried to look as tough as they could with T-shirts and jeans. The lack of fashionable piercings had been caused by stupid parents the rumour had it. Now I rather suspected otherwise. I tried to figure out what to say and in the end I just asked: "Why do you wear such dresses? I mean they are ... are a bit childish." My first response was a couple of smiles, giggles and hugs. Marion told me that they simply liked to wear something pretty and a dress is far prettier than a pair of pants. Laura said, that being a bit smaller looking allowed their moms (and sometimes dads too!) hug, cuddle and kiss them far more easier than, if they had looked and acted like typical teenagers. Somehow they simply weren't ready to be all that big girls yet!

I had to agree, that they looked sweet enough to eat! But why me? I wasn't the big bully in our class (there was one trying to act like one) so it couldn't be a girls versus boys thing. I hadn't really done anything to them so it wasn't a revenge either. I was at a loss, as I really didn't understand. I had a vague feeling, that somehow they liked me. But I had allways felt like a loner and definatively not a boy who would interest girls. So I told the girls that I was at a loss because of this. Surprisingly they both kissed me right on the lips and then explained, that I had been such a bookworm. Just going pass them and not noticing (not openly I said to myself) that there were pretty girls about! Still I had helped them with their homework at times, I had been willing to listen their worries and given them a shoulder to cry on without any (well any obvious I thought) selfish ideas like 'show interest and then just take her to bed'. I told them that I was still a boy and would have propably been quite willing to ... well to have fun with them (I blushed), but was far too shy and I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. That's what makes you special the girls yelled at me. Then we three hugged very, very tightly. I felt releaved somehow and simply said them thank you. Then the girls explained that the clothes had been a way to drag me out of my shell. And don't you like them?, Marion said poking me in the ribs. I blushed to an even deeper shade of red and very quietly said: "Yes".

The rest of the day was spent practising how a nice little girl does things. We had done some of that last Saturday and Sunday, but I was still much too clumsy by anybodys standards. So yet again I walked, sat, carried things, curtsied, gestured with my hands etc. I am afraid, that only my gestures were anywhere close to being acceptable. I tended to walk with too long steps and sat like a sack of potatoes falling down! Still it was all good fun and I loved to serve the girls and Laura's mom our lunch and dinner. I decided to fool a bit and did a female inpersonation of Jeeves (in what I thought was upper-class English like "Madam, would you like to have this or that ..." with an accent to match). I wasn't too bad I think as even Laura's mom laughed. Then all too soon it was time to go home again. This time I would be wearing my new white tights and a rather unisex looking blouse (the girls dared me to wear the blouse to school too!). Then Laura just asked if I would like to come again tomorrow? I didn't have to she said. I answered, that I would love to, if her mom could fetch me and they wouldn't mind? We hugged and kissed again and thus my fate was sealed for yet another day and propably for a long time to come!

Well 'dear diary' it had yet again been an eventfull day! The question what I am wasn't really answered. A macho - that I was not. But a girl? Was I that? I liked far too much to kiss Laura and Marion to really be a girl either. What do you call someone in between? Lost ... maybe...

part 6

Day 10

What a fright!!! What a frightening experience! Never again! I will rather die in shame after telling everyone how strange Laura and Marion are before I do it again! Oh, why did I do it? Am I strange too? And why it felt so exciting? And I even forgot to wipe off my lipstick which caused some rather embarrassing questions from my mom and dad. Fortunately they were the only ones to see a boy with make-up (the others didn't know it was a boy HA-HA!).

Well it does seem, that I am writing all this without telling anyone what actually happened. But it was so weird, that it is hard to confess all of it even to a diary which only I (hopefully - I am not sure of my mom whose very nosy - hands off if you read this mom!) read. But somehow I am feeling more and more an urge deep inside to put my experiences in words - perhaps they could serve as a warning to other foolish young men, if I ever have the guts to publish this diary (yeah like after my death). And just to think, that I had gladly accepted an invitation to come just yesterday!

It all started much like we had done before. I was a bit dissapointed, that I didn't get to wear (yeah - get to wear as it was something normal or even a priviledge for a boy to wear girls clothes. But I really liked that pink princess dress...). Now what I received was much more every day. It was a skirt with a little bodice (instead of ending on my hips or waist it covered my tummy too) and what looked like broad suspenders attached to it. It was something I could imagine a three or four year old would wear to day care or just to play. I wasn't that wrong: Laura told me jokingly that she hoped I liked my new 'jumper'. My puzzled look made both of them laugh and then Marion told me that a jumper is an american way to say liivihame (from Finnish to English literally a dress with a vest) and this one was meant for little girls to play in. The colours certainly fit! It was in gloriuos pink with little white dots all over it (even in the suspender like looking parts). And it had a small bow in front! And I ... I simply adored it! I must be insane or something, cause this can't be normal! I like girls clothes! But I am or am I? A boy! Still I was only too eager to wear this jumper and guite hastily removed my own clothes and then added the trusty camisole - Barbie T-shirt combination I had worn on day one! Then a half slip, pink ribbed tights and then the SKIRT! Red Mary Jane shoes completed the outfit. The make-up department only added a bit colour on my lips (a reddish pink or pinkish red) and my nails were coated with the same colour. As I waited for my nails to dry I watched myself in the mirror - with the pink bows in my head I was one big statement for PINK! That made me giggle and suddenly we three girls giggled like mad!

OK, OK. Nothing that bad or new thusfar! But then I did receive a shocking news: WE WERE GOING OUT! And I would be in the outfit I was wearing. Not the slightest chance even for trousers! I begged for mercy and promised to wear whatever the girls would think fit today, tomorrow or for all time - but please don't take me out! The message had no effects. Laura took her lovely fingers to my chin, lifted my head up a bit so I looked into her lovely blue eyes and kissed me! "You will wear what we want anyhow, because you like us a lot and (she stated my worst fear) you LOVE to wear these clothes". Marion chimed in and told me, that it would be a good practice to help me behave more girl like. They didn't think I would be walking fast or trying to run, if I wear little girl clothes. Well I had to admit that there was some logic there! I do have a tendency to hurry and walk like a horse trotting, but this wasn't my idea of how to correct that. And everyone would see me as a boy in a (what they would think) stupid skirt! And what if we met some boys I knew in the area? I would be worse of than dead, if they saw me. I was certain, that they would regocnize me!

But this was to no avail! I soon found that I was walking with Laura and Marion. Marion was again the 'big sister' wearing jeans and a top (it was a warm Sunday) while Laura had skirt - T-shirt combination befitting a eight or nine year old. They wore white ankle socks which were much more comfortable than my all too hot tights (I was almost sweating, but it might not have been too warm clothes though...). They both held my hands tightly so I could not run away and hide. Laura whispered to me, that it would look far more natural, if I skipped a bit and looked like a happy little girl. At the moment I was resembled more a convict on the way to gallows! I laughed a bit at this and tried to skip and be happy! After passing some elderly (well they must have been older than fifty anyway) people who either ignored us or smiled at us I started to relax a bit and did skip a little.

I must confess it was an extraordinary feeling! I don't mean me there as a girl - or hopefully everyone thought me as one - but this skirt and the slip! I had never been outside in a skirt so I didn't know how it acted in a steady breeze coming from the sea. And how it acted when one skips a bit! I had already walked inside a house in skirts and dresses, but that just faded away compared to this! The jumper was shortish (not a mini or something) ending above my knees. So visually I was treated to a sight of a red shoe, pink tights and the hem of the skirt moving with my feet. And every time I skipped even a little the skirt would rise up and fall down in a most fascinating way! I giggled a bit and started skip more and more just to watch my skirt move! Laura and Marion let go my hands and I happily skipped ahead - quite oblivious of my surroundings. Then I vaquely heard a warning from Marion, but it was too late! I run right into a middle-aged man. I wanted to sink on the spot and suddenly found my shoes to be the most interesting objects in the hole world! A warm voice told me, that I should be more carefull as there were cars around too. With my most girlish voice (and thanking my lucky stars that my voice had not really broken yet) I mumbled an apology. The girls came to my rescue saying that they were sorry, if little sister Paula had caused any damages. "Oh, no. Nothing. She just ran straight into me. Perhaps you should watch her better before there is a real accident." This the girls promised to do and we proceeded with a much less enthusiastic me again holding their hands.

Soon it was all forgotten and the skip was back in my walk. Mind you I did not let go of Laura's and Marion's hands! We came closer to the sea and now I could feel how the wind at times tried to lift my skirt. As I had no more hands it at times rose to reveal more tigths and my slip. To me this was like a new revelation and I laughed with the joy of discovery. The discovery that I loved these little girl clothes outside too and that I could pass - well somehow at least - as a small girl. And I felt like the girl I was. Then my world fell down again: I saw some boys I knew very well. These weren't bullies or enemies but not really my friends either. If they recognized me my secret would be out in no time! Thankfully there was a playground nearby and with a little shove on my bottom Marion send me running towards it. As Laura was also dressed rather unlike she would normally dress, she followed me skipping at my heels. Marion then stopped to talk with the boys telling them that we were younger relatives she had been saddled with. I might have liked - even loved the playground - but now my only feeling was that of fear. What if those boys came closer to check Marions 'relatives'?

They never came and we walked back to Laura's house. I was much more subdued and the feeling of joy was like blown away. The rest of the afternoon we just played in the garden. My spirits rose a bit as I enjoyed running hither and thither trying to find the girls (they were very good at hide and seek!). Then we had dinner and as a little girl I didn't have to serve! Again Laura's mom took me home in white tights and blouse. Before that the girls questioned me, if I had enjoyed Paula's day out and I had to tell them that I had and hadn't. I said I was much too frightened of discovery to ever do it again, but this only produced warm kisses, hugs and Laura even squeezed my bum a bit. And I promised to wear the blouse to school! Thankfully it would be the last week before summer holidays!

part 7

Another try! What ever happened?

The last catastrophy of the day waited me at home as I had forgotten (or the girls had) to take of my nail polish and lipstick. My mom looked at me and I noticed my very pink nails! I stammered an explanation about playing with the girls, but I don't think I fooled my mom. I mean I had been wearing these red shoes every time I went to Laura's and with white tights too. I wore them to school and instead of my normal underpants in the wash there was nothing! I washed my panties every night and dried them in my room. As I had several pairs I had no problems of having a dry pair in the morning.

Oh darn (nice girls don't swear...). I am very deep in this now. I even feel like writing another dear diary thought! But no more! I will not do everything the girls ask! It was too close today! Perhaps Laura and Marion are happy with me just in my tights and blouse at school and maybe we could do something during the summer holidays with me as a BOY! Somehow I fear it won't turn out that way. And I liked to skip like a happy little girl! This is so confusing! Is there this little Paula in me trying to get out? Or is this boy just a mirage and the girl the reality? But a girl shouldn't like the kisses, hugs and little squeezes that Laura and Marion bestoved upon me or should she? Everyday I am just more lost...

Day 11-12

Most of the boys didn't wear a jacket to school anymore as it was warm enough to just go in a comfy pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I feared that someone would notice my blouse so I wore a jacket. And panties and tights naturally! It was even that fancy red pair which didn't look much like boys socks. So everyone else was comfy and just waiting for school to come to an end for this spring and I was there sweating it out in much too warm tights and jacket. I had the option of wearing pink Barbie-socks with the name Barbie embroyed in them. I dared not because even tights can perhaps be explained away, but a pair of Barbie socks? Never! The socks were hidden in my home though and I was pretty sure they would see some use sooner or later. They did look nice, but they weren't socially acceptable. Maybe a game with the girls?

The sweaty old me got to school without mishaps. Boys are downright blind when it comes to clothes so nobody seemed to notice my unusually warm attire. But have you seen anyone sit inside a classroom with a jacket on? We do not go to school in iglus so there is no need for a jacket. I simply had to take it off and thus I needed a plan. I decided to come in at the same time as the teacher and take off my jacket while everyone would be watching our teacher. The plan worked - more because my blouse wasn't a particularly feminine one - it had no frills in the collar or on the sleaves. Still it didn't look like a shirt either. I really didn't know what to do. I decided that I would act as if everything was just cool and normal. But what if someone would confront me with a direct question? Thankfully no-one did.

On Tuesday I was wearing the same outfit and again had much the same fears. Laura and Marion had naturally noticed my behaviour and they were full of giggles when they cornered me during a break. "Isn't it fun?", Laura asked. When I tried to tell them, that it isn't she kissed me even thrusting her tonque to my mouth. I was unprepared to the next lovely shock: Marion had opened the zipper of my trousers and was rubbing me ... I exploded in no time as I had already used my panties (in my own bed!) to satisfy myself. The pleasure ended as Marion told me how much easier this would be with a skirt. Just raise it and no zippers to open! "Please NO!", I told them. I could very well think that they were imagineing me in school in a skirt! They just laughed and then Laura made a strange remark: "Well our Sissy Paula is such a baby. She has messed her pretty panties. We should do something about that!". I was at a loss as I couldn't figure what she might have in mind. The girls whispered to each other in such a low voice that I couldn't hear what they were saying. Then Laura turned to me and said that I wouldn't have to wear a skirt to school. But sommer holidays would be another matter. "Besides, you liked them?" But they did have something else in mind. Could I come to Laura's house tonight? Maybe on a pretext of teaching her some math? Well as Daisy wrote to Donald in a Donald Duck comic it was a situation of INAIT (I am not asking you I am telling you). So like a good sheep I yet again agreed to go to my slaughter (well it wasn't really that bad, but it was a surprise I tell you!).

I am sure that every parent would know what to make a messy baby to wear. I am thirteen and I do not have any children (being a virgin I can state my reputation on that!). So this 'ignoramus' went innocently to her (oh jeez, now I even write myself as a her!) destiny. I very compliantly even wore my red shoes. As it was warm I decided to wear my Barbie-socks (yeah I kind of like the pinkish colour). As Laura's mom didn't have time to fetch me I was again trying to avoid every lifeform I just could (well maybe not the birds ha-ha). When I reached Laura's home there was at first really nothing new. The girls almost hugged me to death which I liked and then they told me I was to wear my play-jumper for the evening as we were going to go the same playground we had been on the weekend. There would be some differences though... I kind of missed that part as I was dreading the idea of going out yet again as a small girl (well it was thrilling too!). When we got to Laura's room there was a surprise alright: A BOX OF PAMPERS size six! I tried to back out only to be grasped by Marion. Soon I lay on the bed totally naked while my private parts where sprinkled with baby-powder and rubbed with baby-oil (oh boy, that made me a very mellow girl indeed!!!). Then the girls expertly folded two very thin cloth diapers which were made of gauze like material. These would be the 'outer shell' of my di-dees I was told. A Pampers wouldn't fit me so well and they wanted no accidents. These clothdiapers would suction any leaking pee and save me from a very embarrassing accident. Then I was told to lift my but and first a Pampers was placed under it and taped in place with some extra tape (as its regular tapes weren't long enough). Now I was ready for the next layer for which I again obediently lifted my but. These thin di-dees were pinned on me with safety pins. I really had to laugh around my pacifier - oh yea I had been given one to suc-k - as the pin heads were pink bears! Next came rather plain looking rubber panties (there were many beautifull pink, ruffled etc. pairs waiting for summer and me...). I was dressed in a new pair of red tights though - and these had ruffless sown all over their bottom! Talk about babyishness! Then I stood up. I found out, that I could sit down, walk, kneel without the di-dees hindering me or making too much a bulge. And the girls proceeded yet again to hug me to death! I made a 'moonface' for them smiling very broadly with my paci still in my mouth.

Then I was dressed in (well babies don't know how to dress do they?) my pink playoutfit and before I had time to think we were out of the door. I was relieved that I didn't have to suc-k my paci though (it vanished into Marion's pocket) and somehow this time didn't seem so scary than the last time. Sure I know I wrote that I wouldn't do it ever again, but man this is an adrenalin-trip! For whatever reason I am very excited (not to say aroused) by the combination of these little girl outfits and Laura & Marion. And it is a bit like a game where I try to play a role and to do that I have to be my role figure - a girl baby! I am starting to wonder which part is acting though - me as a boy or me as a girl? (I am not sure about this baby thing yet, as I have done it just for the day so far). Anyway nobody seemed to notice that little item under my dress (I didn't skip too vigorously though - I didn't want the hem of my skirt rising that high to reveal all those ruffles or my diapered condition). I even forgot it myself! Until ... oh this is so embarrasing ... until I felt the need to pee and asked the girls if we could go back to Laura's. When I explained to them my problem I was simply told to use my di-dees! It was a very red faced little girl who finally let go and wet her diapers!

part 8

The funny thing was that it doesn't feel at all wet after a while. I thing these Pampers suc-ked it up or something. And as that happened I forgot about the hole incident and went back merrily going around and around in a round-a-bout. Laura and Marion had these HUGE smiles on their face and as I stopped for a breather they told me that there was a little bulge in my rubber panties! Sure enough they sacked quite a bit (it wasn't a boner to you all spy-readers!), because the wet mass of my diapers had not been able to withstand the forces of gravity! And I had actually helped by creating centrifugal forces in the round-a-bout (this would make my science teacher proud - I actually could refer to that boring theory about forces and vectors etc.). Who said that little girls cannot understand science... he-he! Thankfully it wasn't very obvious, but the girls sure noticed it. After playing for a little longer (I used the swings and did some hop-schotching with the girls) we went back to Laura's.

I expected that this was it. Out with the wet di-dees and back with my pretty panties. But NO! I was told that I would have to learn how to dress myself in diapers as I would be wearing them to school for the rest of the week! I said No!; Hell No!; Absolutely No!; Not a change!; Please!; I don't want to! Yeah, everyone could quess the results by now: I did learn about how to diaper oneself and I had to go back home in diapers. I do not know what I would have done, if Laura's mom had not taken me. The thought of those bullies finding me in red shoes, ruffled red tights and diapers underneat made my skin crawl. I was even given a pacifier and strangely enough I found it very soothing to suc-k while writing this (maybe I will suc-k it in the bed). Again tomorrow will be a terrifying day! How will I get out this wheel of madness which is suc-king me in? Do I even want to get out?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 9

Days 13 and 14

The school's finally out! I am overjoyed, cause this time I had a double interest to see it end. For the first it was as ever boring to sit in a classroom and listen to a teacher who had his or her hands full just to keep us in line. And some of those bonzoes (my classmates that is) didn't care less if they had never been taught to read (or so it seemed to me). English classes were a real pain in the but as there were some boys who couldn't pronounce anything correctly (I suppose it has something to do with the Finnish lanquage been different from others - we stress the words differently). For me it was just torture...

Hey, I have been writing this bs for a couple of minutes. I mean I would listen to the worst english pronouncitions you could find rather to be in the outfit I wore to school in the last days. Sure it didn't look that different on the outside. But underneath I had those diapers - all the time! It took some imagination just to arrange it at home how I could dress myself in them without my mom and dad noticing something. I do think they did, but they chose to be silent about it. Thank heavens I didn't have to suc-k a pacifier while sleeping or in school as both Laura and Marion had threatened me. Wearing didees was definatively bad enough! You dig, these dam thinks are so NOICY! I felt like I was a walking statement: Here comes a boy wearing diapers - wait he ... she is wearing pretty socks too! This time I couldn't avoid wearing those pink Barbie-socks. Thankfully the motive was hidden in my trouser legs, but the colour sure wasn't! And I could still wear my blouse - how ordinary it now felt! The girls had given me an option: they had a lovely romper I could wear instead. It had ruffles everywhere including the collar and it was a very nice reddish-pinkish colour - but not something to pass unnoticed! I knew, that they were really teasing me, as getting caught might - or propably would have meant the end of our game. Wait! Did I write OUR game? Well, ... I kind of a ... I kind of a like what the girls are doing to me - the clothes and babying included.

The make an example: I was supposed to use my diapers and I indeed did so. Babys don't change themselves so I had to go to Laura or Marion (and Marion seemed to be more interested in the mother part of the play) to ask them to change me. This would mean a trip to the girls toilet (very carefully out of the eye of any teachers or hopefully boys). Well, you don't have babys in a school so there was no changing table - but there was a long wooden seat that could be used instead. At first I thought that we would be alone, but to my utter surprise this turned out to be a well attended event. All the girls in our class were there! Yeah, sure, I died again! And with a major embarrassement this time too! But Laura was quick to reassure me, that there would be no telling to the boys and all the girls just wanted to admire the baby - the might even to be babysitting me later on... I looked at all these corgeous and less so girls and suddenly it wasn't that bad! Laura and Marion had kept those girls out, who might have been hostile or tattle-tales and having been tasting these somewhat strange pleasures of being a girl and a baby-girl I was kind of thinking that most of my potential babysitters could change my diapers anytime! (Well some of them did at school in those two last days).

The only unpleasent - yeah I am already kind of enjoying this - moment was when I had to go big time. The toilet was still out, but would Laura or Marion really relish changing a messy diaper too? And "dear diary" the unpleasentness was all on the girls side. I kind of planned it that way - a small revenge maybe or perhaps a lesson for all of us. I felt the need and I did the deed (not in class though as the smell would have been a dead give away). Then I went to Marion and said in my sweetest little girls voice: "Mommy, me messy! Me go poo-poo!" She just lauhged at me, made a gesture to Laura and to the girls toilet we went. Allthough this time there was just the three of us. And the girls didn't mind one bit. Especially Marion thought it was really funny that they had 'a real baby' to take care of! Laura smiled too and helped to change me albait with less enthusiasm. And poor old me - what do you think? I enjoyed it enormously! They wiped my bottom making me suc-k a pacifier while this was going on (there was a girl outside to warn us if a teacher or a girl outside Laura's circle would come to our direction). It was risky - it was ecxiting!

And so the last days of school ended with a well contended baby! My grades weren't that bad either! And there was a promise of a somewhat different and livelier summer with Laura and Marion. What more could a baby-girl ask? Yes: I am a baby-girl! This I have found out as there is nothing so enjoyable as the attention the girls give me, the feeling of a soft diaper between my legs and the comfort of suc-king a pacifier! What will come out of this?

[archives]

part 10

Days 15 to 22

At first nothing much happened. For one thing I had to go with my family to our sommer cottage on Saturday to 'open the season'. Much of it had been done before, but my mom as a cleaning freak had us all dusting carpets, washing floors and windows. And the water was still too cold for a swim without sauna. And sauna did cause some problems here as we all undressed in the same room (it's quite near the lake while the actual cottage is on higher ground). And why did undressing cause problems? A question of modesty perhaps? Not really as we had been going to sauna as family since I was really a baby! But the fact was I was wearing my rubber panties (not a fancy pair but still rubber panties) and dy-dees. The only think I could come up with was to go to the toilet (not an indoor one, but an outdoors type in which everything is put in to a compost and slowly turns into earth). I undressed there and came to sauna naked carrying my trousers and shirt having hidden the diapers in a woodshed. It is ... it is really embarrassing, but my diapers were wet and even had a biggish brown stain! And I haven't really even noticed wetting them! It was far too easy just to let a dripple go into dy-dees almost without thinking! Am I really turning into a baby? What would I do, if I really couldn't control myself anymore? What could I tell my parents and doctors etc. about it?

Well everything went quite fine in the end and my parents didn't notice anything or atleast didn't say a word, if they did. I was the first out of sauna as is my custom and run still naked carrying my clothes first to the woodshed to fetch the wet diapers. Then into the cottage and so I was in fresh di-dees long before parents came up. Yeah, I admit: I wear them at night too! And all of this just because Laura and Marion insisted! Well not really: because I LIKE IT!

Sunday and the beginning of the next week were kind of relaxing as nothing much happened. We travelled back to city on Sunday evening. I really had nothing much to do as I didn't work on summers (I delivered a local paper and advertisements in winter) and so I could imagine days full of reading, playing with my friends and well ... games with Laura and Marion! I did wear my diapers and even went to see Laura a couple of times, but to my astonishment she seemed to be preoccupied and we didn't even play dressup! Just think: I was dissappointed! She just told me that she and her mom had lots and lots to do, but maybe later! I felt my heart was braking! Maybe she had another boy in mind? Talk about jealousy!

Well on Friday I was learn the truth! My parents had actually contacted Laura's already on Monday and what Laura and her mom had been doing was for my benefit (so to speak). My parents didn't tell me until Friday as my father was sure about it before that. But then I was told that they would be travelling on business for next two - three months. It was an assigment in some kind of chemical plant belonning to the company my father worked in. As it would not take longer I would still go to my old school when school year starts. My parents didn't want me to join them as the company flat would be rather small, they didn't want me to miss my friends and the school start, the country was in third world and anything might happen there (I think they had been scare by these kidnappings that happened earlier). Mom would be going as in that country it was customary for a wife to be at her husbands side at several social functions. I could see that mom didn't really like it as she had to take a leave of absence of her own work and being a rather independent minded woman never liked the idea to play 'second violin' to father!

And then I asked where this would leave me? I had a vision living alone in our home doing excatly what I liked (getting up when I felt like, eating countless pizzas, having a party or two). That was never to be - a teenager alone was something mom and dad would never allow. As father explained this to me I had a far more frightening vision: living with my aunts family - I mean they were real church going nuts! It would have meant very strict live for the whole summer and my face must have shown my fears. Funnily dad seemed to read my mind as he said that they had thought about this aunt, but knowing her lifestyle they had decided against it. Then there was another aunt which I liked, but she lived in another part of Finland and that would have been impossible because of the school (my parents really expected to be back about a month after school start as the project might continue). Then they had had a marvellous idea (even I thought so): They had asked Laura's mom, if she knew a solution. And oh boy she sure did: I was invited on the spot to spend the summer and fall - if necessary - at Laura's home. They had more than enough room and since Laura and I were now good friends (she must have laughed inside knowing all the things we did) it would be great for the kids too! So it was decided and I even gave a little 'hoop' because I was so relieved! At the same time I felt a little pressure and simply let go wetting my di-dees rather thoroughly (no leaks in front of my parents thanks heaven). I knew that this would mean more diapers, rubber panties, dresses, sweet socks with ruffles, tights in all colous, but I ... I simply loved the idea!

part 11

Day 23

My parents were leaving very early on Sunday morning so everything was to be packed and all the valuables stored away on Saturday. We spent the day doing this and that with my parents rushing about like two madmen. During all this I found little time to think what might be waiting for me. Laura had whispered to me, that it would be VERY interesting for her baby-girl! That reference had send shivers up my spine - shivers of fear and excitement! I managed to pack some clothes as I was supposed to be a boy and as Laura didn't have a brother there would be nobody to borrow clothes from. And I had to keep up appearances for my parents. Finally about half past nine in the evening everything was ready. Mom and dad took me to Laura's with my luggage. Laura's mom invited everyone for a cup of tea and there we sat - Laura and I - politely listening to the adults while inside I was boiling in expectation: what did Laura have in mind? She just giggled and smiled to me a couple of times. I just knew it would be something very very babyish, if she could do as she wanted! I even wetted my diapers just in case she would like to change me (which I loved her to do!). My parents couldn't stay long so soon they were hugging and kissing me infront of Laura and her mom. Oh boy, it was soo embarrasing! But then they left and I just stood there feeling a little sad (I do love my parents you dig) and afraid. I mean would all this get out of hand? Could I be something that Laura wanted me to be and what if that would go too far? I do like the diapers, girl clothes, baby- and little girl games, but ... but living as a full time baby or girl was simply something I had thought very little about.

Laura and her mom must have noticed my unsureness as they took my hands and very gently walked me towards my new room. Or as it turned out to be: our room! Laura's mom left us to look around but told that she would be back in ten minutes or so to ready us for bed (or rather for the cribs).

It was actually the biggest surprise of my life: a complete nursery and not really for me but for Laura! She had all along loved being babyed by her mom and that phoney punishment I had received (remember the first days in skirts...) was just a way to get to know me. Laura squeezed my hand and explained, that I was the one boy in our class she thought just might understand. But she didn't want to risk anything by simply telling me - she wanted me to experience it."Was I mad at her?", she asked with a slightly trembling voice. Well maybe I was - a tiny bit mad - but thinking back to that nerdish lonely boy I had not lost anything, but gained a new meaning for my life! So I just told her, that I wasn't mad at all. "I think I am in love with you Laura. And I kind of like little girl clothes and diapers too!" She brightened like the sun coming out and her kiss wasn't babyish at all! Had I had any resentment in me it would have melted in that kiss!

Then Laura started to show me around our room. It was very nice room for two babies she joked and I had to agree. It was a girl's room too as all the colours were pastel or pink - the cribs being the colour of untreated wood which I liked (gives a natural look). The curtains were frilly gingham type, the carpet or rug had Disney-characters on it and the shelves were full of dolls - Barbies, rag-dolls, babys... I was a bit bewildered at all this, but blushed a deep red when Laura asked me to big one. It would be my doll! I rather gingerly picked a Barbie in a beach outfit (swimmsuit and a rap-around-skirt). Then Laura told me to close my eyes and thrusted something to my arms. It was soft, round and felt very nice to hold. Then I opened my eyes and found out that I had a new friend: a toy puppy! It was the most lovely husky-puppy one can imagine! A bit roundish as puppies are, blue eyes, red tongue ready for licking mommies face, black and white ears pointing in different directions! I fell in love immediately! I just hugged my new puppy, which I decided to call Snowball (huskies love snow!) and then I hugged Laura harder than I have ever done!

Well Laura's mom happened to come back at just that moment and for a second I thought she might be mad at me. I mean I was still a boy - diapers or playing dress-up didn't really change that! I started to stammer something, but she cut me short by hushing me like one would hush a baby. Then I was simply undressed in front of Laura (nothing new by now!) and my wet diaper was removed. Laura's mom tsk-tsk'd seeing that I had some hair down there and we went to the bathroom to take care of this matter. Soon I was smooth as a baby. Back in our room it was a trip to changing table and a heavy night diaper. I had only worn these Pampers with the veil-like cloth diapers so this was all new to me. I say one thing: you do know that you are diapered when you were these! My legs wouldn't close as usually and I could only toddle around as my walking became a little wobbly. And the pink pair of plastic panties really said to the world - here comes a baby girl! All of this was soon covered in a pink footed sleeper with rabbits ears and face in front. Then I just watched as Laura was changed in to a similar outfit. Then our pacifiers were clipped on and 'mommy' (as I was told to call Laura's mom) led us to our cribs. She then went to the kitchen returned with two bottles of warm milk. Soon we were suc-king like babies while she read a story to us about Snowwhite and her prince. Then it was time to sleep and she left leaving a night light on and a mobile in my crib turning merrily around while playing 'Mary's little lamb'. I had been so excited and a bit worried about moving to Laura's so I soon fell asleep suc-king my paci and holding Snowball in my armpit. My last thought was that this was somewhere close to being in heaven as I had never been so literally 'pampered'. I quess I will have to say that there would be no turning back for me nor did I want to!

part 12

Day 24

This turned out to be a Sunday with a difference! I had quessed as much cause going to bed in a crib didn't excatly point towards waking up as an adult. I woke up wet - I was supposed to do it all in my diapers silly! - but it wasn't a bad feeling. These thick diapers still felt warm and kind of fluffy to me. Wetting them had not been automatic as I can control myself as well as anyone else.There simply was no way out of the crib without waking Laura and as I already stated I was supposed to wet. I had woken up feeling the need to go potty and had simply started to wet with a little push. I do think it is getting easier as I have wetted many times during the day by now. I felt my pee-pee running between my legs and on my bottom. There it seemed to be suc-ked up by the diaper so I simply took a firmer hold of Snowball, turned to another side and fell right back to sleep!

But morning did come and soon it was time to get up. Naturally we did not just get up as we pleased. I think we could have pretty easily opened our cribs, but somehow I felt that this was something for the mommy to do. And she came to our rescue! We were wet (messy too...) and hungry so we were really glad to see mommy come in. Laura's mom had told me yesterday, that I was supposed to call her mommy and I was really glad to do so. Very soon we were both in clean dy-dees and in our play outfits. I loved the way mommy fussed about us hugging and kissing us and tickling too! I was all giggles and Laura (or sis) was quite as giggly! I had on my pink jumper-type skirt with white dots plus a lovely pink Barbie T-shirt and Laura had pink sundress. As my hair was barely long enough mommy put it into two small pigtails. I adored myself in the mirror twisting my head. Somehow I felt very much at peace seeing the little baby girl in the mirror with a broad smile! Then we all went to kitchen where two high chairs were waiting for us!

My face must have been a bit funny as sis and mommy both burst into laughter. Then mommy simply hoisted both of us to our chairs and fastened bibs around our necks. I laughed at Laura as she looked so funny and cute in her sundress with a Minney Mouse -bib. She made faces at me and laughed too as I looked almost like her (my bib had a picture of Daisy Duck on it). I had a feeling that the breakfast wouldn't be coffee and sandwiches. This proved to be correct as mommy brought us two children's plates full of oat porrigde. I hate porridge! I never ever eat it! So I didn't pick up my spoon like a good girl and just sat there staring at my portion. Laura started to eat - I suppose she was used to this kind of breakfast. Mommy noticed that I was not eating and came over. She took the spoon and soon the first load arrived to my lips. Perhaps I should have resisted, but looking at her smiling face and listening to her words "baby must eat to grow up!" I just couldn't. She sounded so gentle and her smile was warm and caring. And it was so funny to try to find all the animals! There were several different animal-pictures in the plate and we tried to find them under the porridge! Mommy made it a competition with Laura - who would find the lion first and who would be the first to find all the animals. Both Laura and I giggled as there was first a tail visible, then part of the head and then a whole animal! We actually laughed a bit too much as this lead us to drop some food on the bibs! We really looked like too overgrown babies!

After finishing the meal with a baby-bottle of warm milk we were allowed to toddle to TV-room. For the next hour or so we watched cartoons while mommy washed the dishes and cleaned the house. Laura whispered to me that its very nice to be a baby as babies don't have to clean the house! I agreed and so we just sat there suc-king our pacifiers and watching Donald Duck having a hard day - as usual! Then Laura's mom came and suggested that we could go out to the garden. Laura jumped up and down in her agreement and even I was enthuastic. Weather was fine and there was a sandox and swings outside so why should two healthy toddlers stay indoors?

As the weather was bone-dry we didn't need protective clothing. A dress isn't the best outfit for making sand cakes and holes in the ground so we changed into pink overalls. My overalls stated that I was a little princess and Laura was apparently little fairy! We loved our outfits and I suppose my happiness must have shown as Laura got all emotional. She came and hugged me very, very tightly and I of course hugged her back! She said: "I am soo very happy, that you like to play with me and be a baby with me". Smelling her beatifull hair and feeling this dreamgirl in my arms with our diapered bottoms rubbing against each other I just replied: "I will be your baby for ever". Then we looked each other in the eyes and I suppose there was something very deep in there. I just felt so warm allover. For a moment I thought kissing her, but somehow this was not the moment. Then Laura's mom came back (she had been trying to find all the little buckets, showels and molds for sandcake making) and out we went!

Our mommy watched us play from a sun chair while she read some boring lookign book. We kind of liked her being there - it made us so safe and sound. Soon we had made many a pretty sand bird, sand flowers and even a little sand castel for a princess. Then we went swinging for a moment. Our favorite swing was a two seater where we could sat facing each other. It was hard to start swinging though, but naturally mommy was all too happy to push us. While swinging I asked Laura something, that had been nagging me a bit. "Where is your daddy, Laura?" "He and mommy seperated three years ago... And now I hardly ever see him..." Laura was close to tiers so I tried my best to console her. She seemed to get over the emotion and continued: "I was allways mommy's and daddy's little princess, but I think he couldn't live under mommies shadow as he was a teacher and his salary is really peanuts compared to what mommy makes." I felt sad having brought this bit of adultness among our childish happiness and thankfully even Laura forgot it. Soon we were again happily playing.

After lunch (an affair with mashed potatoes, meat-loaf, vegetables and a baby-bottle of juice) Marion came by. She was overjoyed to find her two girls there and we all went to a nearby park. As most of the kids had left for summer camps, cottages etc I wasn't afraid of meeting any bullies. Laura didn't wear her overalls as she was a bit longer than I and it might have looked strange (well I suppose I might look a bit strange...). She had a childish sundress on which made her look like seven or eight years old and Marion looked like the big sister. In the playground we swung as wildly as a little girl could (I was pushed by Marion), slided down the adventorous slide (it had three differend slides - one with bumps which made us all giggle; one with turns in it; and one was just straight and fast - and bit scary!) and even had a teaparty for our dollies. Marion had insisted that both Laura and I must push our doll strollers (I was presented with one that had belonged to Marion but was now mine) and we had a collection of Barbies, a Ken, some stuffed animals (Snowball was there too!). I was extra extra carefull not to get any sand to Snowball's beatifull fur. But was she a happy dog! Waggin her tail, licking me all over and squeezing me hard as I squeezed her hard!

Soon it was time to go back and our day ended with the usual meel, some TV and then with fresh night diapers to our cribs! The only adult like action I had done, had been the writing of my diary which I now even showed to Laura. She felt a bit sad about the first days, but brightened as my emotions about her and being a little girl became clearer. She hugged me and we even kissed! Feeling very content I just hugged Snowball and fell rigth to sleep suc-king my pacifier.

part 13

Day 25 to xxx

Oh dear! It is soo funny to find one's old diary among our things! We - that is Laura and I - moved and we had to clear out all the closets etc. If everything had ended differently, I might be very embarrassed to be reminded about this 'baby-period' of my life! But as it happened, it is just something funny for Laura and I and Marion too!

I seemed to have lost interest in writing to the diary around day 24 and 25. I was just happy and I also totally accepted my position as a baby with Laura as my sis and her mom as my mommy.There are only some little notes about certain events, but nothing on a day to day or even week to week basis. But I have to smile when I read about our adventures. We went out many times pushing dollies on strollers and once I was on the stroller as Marion's baby (she was supposed to be the babysitter). I got more sundresses and play-clothing. Not to mention another princess-dress with volumious petticoats! And I was in diapers all the time loving it.

There were a few very scary moments too like when some local bullies got a bit too interested in two slightly oversized little girls. Unknown to me Marion had studied selfdefence and she was able to discourage the boys. Or when we went to the shopping center and I ate something slightly spoiled - I just poo-poo'd into my diapers among all these people! I couldn't help thinking that they all must have noticed my accident.

The summer went and I started school as a boy (so I didn't change my sex as you might have expected...). It wasn't easy wearing diapers, but by then I kind of needed them as I had gotten used to peeing in them. I could control it, but half the time I seemed to forget that little matter. I had some embarrassing moments like when I pooped during the class and had to ask permission to go to the toilet (I said I had just farted and that I really needed to go). Thankfully the girls had learned me well: I could change even poopy diapers without problems. Some boys did tease me though - calling me a skunk and farty-Peter. I really don't remember whether it came to a fight, but it might have. My parents stayed away until January or so and when they came back I simply told them all about me. That was the hardest day in my life - or so I thought before hand. I was surprised to know that mom had noticed it about the same time I started using diapers as per Laura's and Marion's wishes. She and dad didn't really understand, but they accepted it, cause what ever happens I would be there son or ... well even daughter.

Having spend the next years in school in diapers I went to the university. With or without diapers? Silly question: with them of course! Laura and I were very close by them having found out many a baby game together and also games that babies aren't supposed to know about. I studied law as it was close to my interest in history and became an all male lawyer (well if you disregard the diapers and panties). And I married Laura!

So how to end a diary of humiliation, discovery and love? I can only say, that both Laura and I are still very much babies, but that must change a bit as one of our own is own the way! He or she will have very understanding parents as far as diapers and being a baby as long one wants to is concerned. And our new baby will also have a great babysitter in Marion. She has not married, cause she has not found anyone to baby. So she still babies us! A typical family picture is two babies playing in front of telly, having their di-dees changed and finally sleeping in our (we have only one crib now!) crib. Snowball and a teddy-bear still sleap with us eventhough poor Snowball is getting a bit grey after constant washings... Sweet dreams, babies!!!