Etta's original letter, A Good Boy, sent to the now-defunct, specialist publication PPM, engendered many replies. I reproduce three of them here now in two parts, from Helen Good, Caroline and Beth. I have edited the letters and also edited Nanny Smackbottom's comments as she did wander off topic.
Part One
My dear Etta
Please accept my congratulations on your disciplinary methods. Young males always get ahead of themselves and by far the best way to deal with such behaviour is to return them to a state of reliance on their mummy, aunt or nanny. It is important to remember that you must be consistent in the treatment of your "little boy". There must be no slackening of your resolve. I believe that once Jonathon realises that you are determined to enforce your methods rigorously, he will quickly come to accept his new status.
Short trousers are excellent tools to use in such regressive treatment and any hope of a return to long trousers should be nipped in the bud. I always liked to have special weekend visiting outfits such as a velvet sailor suit that would include an effeminate white blouse, ankle socks and Mary-Jane strap over shoes. This encourages the boy to become accustomed to his smart, day to day outfit that you must make as childish as you can. A similar approach must also be used to bedtime. It is best, to begin with very early bedtimes, Jonathon is sixteen so I would recommend a six pm bedtime, seven days a week and remain firm,
as with all children, he will try and wheedle his way into staying up later but you must be consistent and ensure he is in bed by the agreed time, even if he is sixteen. Indeed I have enforced early bedtimes on boys who were well into their twenties.
Six pm would mean Jonathon being tucked in lights out. You will find that he will become used to his early bedtimes and he will struggle to stay awake much past that time anyway. The same is true with pyjama time and getting him ready for bed early. I would also suggest you bathe him personally, I used to bath my boys, as allowing him to bath himself will give him the impression that he is still a "big boy". It is best to supervise bath time with some babyish toys. perhaps a ducky or a small boat to occupy him while you wash him. Bathing him also gives you the opportunity to appraise whether or not he needs to be shaved in any places. At sixteen, most of my boys were too immature to be concerned with such things but Jonathon may need clipping now and again.
It is important though to always maintain control of the putting on of pyjamas. Nothing better will indicate to Jonathon that he is your "little boy" that being put into his pyjamas ready for bed early. I used to aim for a two hour before bedtime pyjama time, so four pm would initially be his pyjama time before eventually settling at five thirty. Summer evenings are the best time to begin early pyjama time if possible. Jonathon will be mortified as you button him up into his pyjamas ready for bed when he can hear much younger children playing outside.
To emphasise your dominance and control over him it would be much better if you could take him outside for a picnic supper with Jonathon cuddling his teddy bear.
This is a ploy I once used to great effect, perhaps, as I did, you could invite a few of your like-minded friends.
You are all sitting on picnic chairs and Jonathan is sitting on the rug with a child's tea set so he can play tea party with teddy in front of you all. Make sure he offers everyone a “cup of tea” from his tea-set and alt pretend to drink. This will humiliate him greatly, especially if he is praised for being a clever boy.
As his designated bedtime approaches, you could produce his potty, remove his shorts and let him go "wee-wee before beddy-byes" in front of everyone.
Then, much to his embarrassment you undress him totally and start to prepare him for his night-time nappying. As you are oiling and powdering him in front of everyone, he squirms in shame at his predicament and you have to slap his botty to calm him down.
You would undoubtedly double nappy him and put him into tightly fitting plastic pants, the ones with the bunnies on. His nightshirt would swiftly follow as you place his head into the baby blue flannel garment emblazoned with teddy-bears just like his own teddy.
"Peek-a-boo", you shout as his head pops out as his long nightshirt cascades to the ground puddling at his feet as you fasten up the three teddy-bear shaped buttons to keep him cosy in bed. You then pin his dummy to his nightshirt and offer the rubber teat to his mouth, he takes it at once, the blue soother bobbing rhythmically in and out as it comforts and eases his anxiety.
As you take his hand you announce, "Come along then, wave night-night to the nice ladies, it's time you were tucked up in bed."
As he is reluctant to obey, you, take his arm and wave it up and down, imitating an infantile action.You lead him indoors and up to his nursery which although thickly carpeted contains only a changing table and a cot. Jonathon wearily climbs in and you cover him with his favourite blanket as he hugs his teddy and continues to use his dummy.
Quickly, the sixteen-year old's eyes begin to flutter with impending sleep and you gently kiss him nigh-night and look forward to another day when you can continue to impose your disciplinary technique on him, all of course, for his own good.
Miss Helen Good
Nanny Smackbottom replies
Miss Helen Good has published many letters and articles on this subject and is an expert on early bedtime discipline and her advice is not to be ignored. I myself endorse her methods, there is nothing better than seeing an older boy put in his place by being dressed as a sissy looking toddler in nappies and being put to bed ridiculously early. I hope Etta is enthused by Helen’s comments and encouraged to continue Jonathan’s discipline.
Nanny Smackbottom
Dear Etta
I was delighted to hear from you after reading your most interesting account of dealing with your son Jonathan when he was sixteen. I also believe older teenage boys – and even those in their twenties and beyond - can often be very immature and need strict discipline and control which should include regular corporal punishment and being dressed in suitably childish clothes such as short trousers, sailor suits, babyish play rompers and even nappies.
Girls are far more grown up and can be most effective in exercising authority over a boy older than themselves such as Melissa did with Jonathan.
Edward, my step-son was attending a boys prep school and still in short trousers which he wore at all times. He looked very sweet in his school uniform and was an obedient and respectful child. After passing an exam he moved to another school at fourteen where I had hoped he could continue in short trousers but this was not allowed by the school and nor could I persuade his father to keep him in shorts outside of school. Nor did my husband believe in the use of corporal punishment aside from my occasionally slapping Edward’s legs when he complained about his bedtime. Before I married his father he was used to staying up until all hours. I eventually managed to get his father to agree to a nine thirty bedtime and still Edward moaned and acted up when he had to go to bed.
Sadly my husband suddenly passed away and I was now responsible for Edwards upbringing. My first action was to remove the now
fifteen-year-old Edward from school and put him back into short trousers. I employed a Governess and a private tutor, a young lady of nineteen - who taught at the house in an especially prepared traditional style schoolroom. As well as short trousers he now wore a full Prep School uniform with a maroon blazer, cap, and long turnover knee socks with brightly polished black lace-up shoes or T-strap sandals in brown or red. He looked such a sweet little boy in his new clothes and could easily pass for eleven or twelve, although of course, he felt ashamed and embarrassed when out in public. I also was happily able to impose a strict bedtime of seven pm with no exceptions.
I also introduced regular spankings for misbehaviour and poor school work which included smacking his bare bottom over my lap, slapping the backs of his bare legs or, if warranted a strap with which to use on his non-writing hand. I also encouraged governess and tutor to correct his behaviour in a similar fashion.
His governess instigated a bedtime spanking, once he was ready for bed in his pyjamas, she took him across her lap. His tutor, however, was a keen advocate of corner time and mouth soaping. He always cried when being smacked but he knew it was for his own good. Her other sanctions included punishment essays or writing lines in detention.
When Edward was not attired in his school uniform, Governess and I and preferred him to be dressed particularly childishly around the house. These outfits were especially made-to-measure by an understanding lady dressmaker and included sailor suits, velvet shortalls with a bib and cross straps to the rear, and baby-style cotton rompers. For footwear, we used white knee socks or white ankle socks with either patent leather single strap Mary Jane shoes or Startrite sandals.