My Summer as a Girl

[Alana]

"Very well," she said. "This is a punishment, and you're not supposed to like it. But you don't have to punish your friend as well."

I read the rest of the day, and barely got through a dozen pages, but I managed to avoid him. That night in Melanie's room, when I took off my dress and hung it in the closet, Melanie wanted to know what the fight was about between Tom and I. I told her to mind her own business.

"Lover's quarrel?" she asked.

That scared the hell out of me. Had she seen us kissing? But no, she was just making fun, as usual.

Though the lavender dress was Mom's, I don't think it ever was removed from Melanie's closet until they all packed up to go home.

The next day I asked to wear one of my mother's dresses again, but Melanie complained and insisted I wear one of hers, like I was a Barbie doll she could dress up. It was a very skimpy hot pink floral dress. It scared me when I saw Tom staring at me. He couldn't take his eyes off me in that dress.

I spent the day reading, again. At night they all played Monopoly, all but me. I said I was going into the next room to read. But I was tired of reading. I just sat there glumly and waited for the night to be over. I was miserable.

We had a piano in the room, but since no one played the piano, we would move the piano bench around the room and sit on it, sometimes, if we ran out of chairs. I was sitting on the bench when Tom came into the room.

My book was on the other side of the room, so I couldn't pretend to be reading, and I was tired of pretending, anyway. It was about time we had this out. He had to know he couldn't go on treating me like a girl, just because I wore a pretty pink dress.

I sat there innocently, with my hands in my lap, waiting for him to speak.
   

[Alana]

"I was the first one bankrupted," he said.

"I see."

"I guess we should talk about what happened between us."

"Nothing happened between us."

"So, we didn't kiss?"

"OK, we kissed, but it shouldn't have happened. Why can't we just forget about it and go back to the way things were?"

"Can I sit next to you?"

"No. There's no room."
   

[Alana]

"Why not?"

"Because I don't trust you, is why."

"I think maybe you don't trust yourself. I wasn't the only one doing the kissing. You kissed back."

"I did not!"

"Joanie, we can't have this discussion if you're not going to be honest."

"All right, fine, I kissed back. I shouldn't have done it. If you want to be honest about something, tell me this: am I a boy or a girl?"

"You're a girl."

"You know that's not true!"

"No boy could ever look as pretty and sexy in a tight pink dress as you do. No boy could ever have those beautiful, lovely legs."

As he complimented my legs, I crossed them, reflexively, without even thinking about it. I looked at him intently.
   

[Alana]

"Expensive pantyhose would make anyone's legs look this good," I said.

"You are so adorable and sexy and feminine."

"Tom, will you think about what you're saying? Are you gay or something? What's going to happen when summer's over and I go home and go back to being a boy and wearing pants?"

"This doesn't have to end when we get home."

"What the hell do you want out of me? You expect me to wear this dress to school?"
   

[Alana]

"I expect you to wear it when we go out on a date. Melanie will let you wear it. You look better in it than she does. She'll probably even help you sneak out of the house."

"You've gone absolutely nuts! Three beautiful girls in the house, and you fall for a boy in a dress!"

"You're more beautiful than all of them put together."
   

[Alana]

I couldn't help smiling at that. I was being encouraged by his wonderful compliments. My memory kept going back to the time we spent kissing, and I found myself wishing we could do it again.

My feelings scared me. I was so confused. All these contradictory feelings were churning around inside of me. I didn't know what I wanted.

I stood, crossed the room, and opened the window. Across the lake, coming from the opposite shore, we could hear romantic music playing from the Moonlight Bay Supper Club.

I faced him. I don't know what came over me, but I just started dancing, all by myself, moving seductively like an exotic dancer.

I started touching my body, my legs, swaying to the music in my tight pink dress, giving him a deep, smoky, sensual look. I seemed to be daring him to take control of me.
   

[Alana]

He strode forward, purposefully, and took me in his arms. I should've complained, but I didn't. He kissed me, and I let him. I even kissed back. He guided me over to the couch with his hand at the small of my back. We sat down together, and kissed passionately.

"What are you?" he asked.

"Please, not now," I said, between kisses.

"Tell me. What are you?"

"You know what I am."

"Say it."

"I'm a girl."

"Again."

"I'm a girl."

"Again."

"I'm a girl! I'm a girl! I'm a girl!"

We kissed, his hand working its way up under my skirt. I don't know how long we were kissing, maybe half an hour, when we heard giggling. My sisters, all three of them.

I sat up straight and pushed him away from me, and straightened my skirt.

"I knew it!" said Melanie. "They really are boyfriend and girlfriend! I knew it!"

"Why don't you three mind your own business?" said Tom.

"Don't tell Mom!" I begged. Then I had a sudden flash of inspiration, and said, "No, wait a minute. Do tell Mom. Tell her we were kissing."

"Why you want us to tell Mom?" asked Melissa.

"I get it!" said Melinda. "Joanie, here, thinks Mom will freak out because they were kissing, and she'll make Joanie go back to being Johnny, and wearing pants."

"Is that what you thought?" asked Melanie.

I nodded.

"In that case, forget it," said Melanie. "I like having you for a big Barbie doll, and making you wear my dresses whenever I want. No one's telling Mom."

"Telling Mom what?" she asked, coming up behind them.

Melinda said, "Telling Mom we want to have dinner together at the Moonlight Bay Supper Club. We thought it would be fun. But Melanie said it would be too expensive."

"Nonsense. It sounds like fun. But I don't know if Joanie will want to be seen out in public."

"Why not?" asked Melissa. "Look at her. Who would think she's anything but a pretty, pretty teenage girl?"

"What about it, Joanie?" asked Mom. "Ready to go out to dinner in a dress?"

I thought about it, and said, "Could I wear your sexy skintight black dress?"

She laughed, and said, "Oh, you want to be a grown up adult woman, do you? Well, alright, but you know what I always wear with my black dress? My three-inch high heels. You wear my dress, you wear my pumps. That's the deal."

"OK." I don't know why, but I was dying to wear something sexy for Tom.

"You're going to find out it's painful being a woman."

The next evening I was in Mom's bedroom alone, changing into that wonderfully sexy black dress. I slipped on the high heels. Mom wasn't kidding. They really hurt. Beauty is pain.

I checked myself out in the mirror.