My Summer as a Girl

[Alana]

"If your typing is as good as your shorthand, you've got the job."

I took my steno pad into a cubicle with a word processor and got the letter typed up and looking professional, and printed it out. I brought it back in no time.

She took one look at it, and said, "You're hired."

I spent the rest of the day with Human Resources, filling out forms. I lied about my age and about my name. Oh, and about my gender, as well. I gave as an address the foreclosed house we were living in. I said I didn't have a driver's license, but I would send for a copy of my birth certificate.

Mrs. Henderson had me for a few hours at the end of the day, and she made considerable use of me, filing, doing paperwork, data entry, taking dictation. Finally the day was over, and I was exhausted.

It was to be three weeks until I got my first paycheck, so I stole a few lunches somebody was keeping in the refrigerator, in the lunchroom. I felt bad about it, but we were running out of food.

The next day, she was surprised to see me in the same white dress. I explained that my clothes were being shipped, and hadn't arrived yet. She wanted to know how long it would take, and I said I didn't know. I was beginning to wonder if I could keep this lie going all summer. But I had to.

The next day she asked me about my dress again, and I said my clothes still hadn't arrived, and I didn't know when they would.

The day after that she had me dictating a letter. When she finished I asked her if there was anything else. She said yes. She put some money on the desk.

"This is an advance on your salary," she said. "I want you to take it and go buy some new dresses, for work."

I stared at her. I looked at the money, then back at her.

"But I can't!" I exclaimed.
   

[Alana]

"This is not a request," she said. "You can't keep wearing the same dress every day. People are starting to talk. It reflects badly on the company. And quite frankly, you're really starting to smell. All that perfume can't hide it forever."

"But this is my favorite dress!" I said.
   

[Alana]

"I never said you couldn't wear that dress, again. But you've got to wear something else, occasionally."

"But I thought grown-ups could do whatever they wanted!"

"What in the world are you talking about, Joanie?"

"Are these rules written down somewhere? You can't just make up rules whenever you want! I'm not a child! You can't tell me what to wear to work!"

"I AM telling you."

"But you can't do this to me!"
   

[Alana]

"Joanie, why are you getting so upset? This is not an unreasonable thing to ask."

"Yes it is! Has there been some problem with my work? I'm the fastest secretary in this building! Why in the world can't I choose which dress to wear to work?"

"Because this is a place of business! Do you think anyone can just wear whatever they want? What if some man decided he was going to wear a dress to work?"

"So? Would that be hurting someone?"

"Joanie, you can't live your life like a three-year-old. You can't just go around doing whatever you want and acting like it's OK as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. Life just doesn't work like that. I know you're young, but being an adult is not anything like that."

"What if I came to work tomorrow wearing this dress?"

"Then don't come at all. I mean it, Joanie."

"You wouldn't fire me over that."

"Yes, I would. You've been a wonderful employee, and you've caught us up on a lot of work around here, but being competent isn't a license to get away with whatever you want in an office environment. Now, if there's nothing else, I need that letter typed up."

I stood up. I was in shock. I almost tripped on my way out the door.

"Joanie. Don't forget your money."

I scooped up the money. When I got back to my cubicle I counted it. Five hundred dollars.

Five hundred dollars. More money than I'd ever held in my life. So this was what it was like to be an adult. Holding a fortune in my hands like it was nothing. I stuffed the bills into my purse.

I was still stunned by the end of the day. As I left the office I glanced back at it sadly, knowing I was going to have to quit. I couldn't take off the dress I was wearing. I just knew that something terrible would happen to us if I took off my dress.

When I got home I looked at Tom, still sitting there like he hadn't moved since that morning. He'd promised to go out and look for work, but he wasn't having any luck. I told him I was going to have to quit.

"Why?" he asked.

I told him the whole story. I expected him to be supportive.

"Joanie, you can't quit! This job was like a miracle! You'll never get another job this good!"

"But I can't take off my dress!"

"Oh, what does it matter if you wear some other dress?"

"But I promised!"

"Joanie, a promise to yourself is pretty easy to break. It was just a silly idea, anyway! What difference does it make?"

"Don't call it a silly idea! It was a sacred promise! It meant something! You're a man. You just don't understand."

"Joanie, we love each other. That's the important thing. I know this is important to you, but we all have to compromise, sometimes."

"And what have you had to compromise? You haven't even got a job, yet."

"That's not fair. I'm looking."

I took the money out of my purse and showed it to him. He took it from me.

"How much is this?"

"Five hundred dollars."

"Joanie, with this kind of money we can move out of this dump and get a cheap hotel room with running water, and have a decent meal for a change."

"I was supposed to buy dresses with that money."

"You can do that, too."

I took the money from him and put it back in my purse.

"Alright," I said. "I guess I can't count on you to take care of us. But I'm not spending this money on dresses. I know where I can get all the dresses I want, for free."

I left him and got into a cab. The cab took me back to my old neighborhood, to the house I'd lived in with Mom and my sisters. I had it stop a block away from the house. I paid him and gave him a nice tip, and told him to pick me up again in an hour. The cab drove off.

It was dark. I sneaked through the neighborhood, hoping no one spotted me. When I got to my former home I saw a cop car out front, to my surprise. I surreptitiously made my way to the back yard, where I saw Melanie practicing her gymnastics in shorts and a T-shirt.

"Melanie!" I whispered.
   

[Alana]

"John! I mean, Joanie!" she exclaimed. "Are you coming back home?"

"No. Tom and I found a foreclosed home, and we're squatters."

"Must be hard to squat in that tight dress."

"What are the cops doing here?"

"What do you think? Mom was making a big stink that they're not doing enough to find you. So they came all the way out here to report on their progress, which is nothing."

"If I know Mom, she hasn't told the police I wear dresses, now."

"No, she neglected to mention that. She told the cops you'd left a note, and the cops wanted to see it, and she was all, oh, I don't know where it is, I threw it away, I destroyed it! She's doesn't want it to get around that her son wears pantyhose and a girdle. By the way, I see you stuck to your promise. Still wearing that dress."

"I haven't taken it off once, not even for bed."

"Good for you."

"But I'm going to have to."

I explained the situation I was in, and told her I needed some more of Mom's dresses.

"Joanie! You promised!"

"Oh, don't start this all over again! I just had this argument with Tom. Don't you think I feel like enough of a failure? This is a good job. I have to keep it, or I really will need to come back home."

"OK, Joanie. But I hope nothing bad happens when you take off that dress."

"I'm scared about that, too."

"Go over to my bedroom window. I'll get some of Mom's dresses and hand them out to you. I'll even throw in some of mine."

"Melanie, this is a grown-up office. I can't dress like a teenage girl!"

"Oh, suddenly you're too grown-up to wear my dresses? You wore them at the lake cabin."

"That was different."

She headed inside, but came back to give her brother a hug.

"Joanie, I think you make a wonderful woman. I'm so glad you and Tom are happy together. But I wish you didn't have to take off that dress. I hope nothing bad happens."

"Me, too."

I went to Melanie's window and collected an armful of my mother's dresses, and some of Melanie's. She also included some extra high heels. I was going to leave, when I heard the uniformed cops coming out the front door. I was at the side of the house, and I was afraid they would spot me on the way to their car. I took off through the neighbor's backyard. I could hear Melanie whispering something at me, but I had no idea what it was.

I went to where the cab was supposed to pick me up, but it wasn't there, yet. I hid by the side of a neighbor's house. I was frightened the cops might see me as they drove by, so I dropped the dresses in a pile and hid in the shrubbery. I squatted down. Melanie was right. It WAS hard to squat in that dress. I was worried about being seen, but I was even more worried about getting a run in my nylons. Not the sort of thing I ever had to think about back when I was a boy and could go around in jeans and a T-shirt. Oh, well. I had money to buy new pantyhose now, if need be.

Money! Where was my purse?

I had left it back at the house! I ran back there, as fast as you can run in high heels, and stopped before I got to the house. Those stupid cops still hadn't left yet! Still on the front stoop talking to my Mom. I waited for them to go until I couldn't wait any more, and thought I'd better take a chance, and run up and grab my purse.

Melanie was still there at the window.

"Forgot your purse!" she whispered as I scooped it up.

"I know!" I whispered back.

The cops picked that moment to walk back to their car. I panicked when I saw them, tripped and fell. I must've made some noise, because I swear one of them turned and looked at me, but I scrambled to my feet and ran.

They didn't follow me. They didn't seem to care.

I went back to where I had left the pile of dresses by the shrubbery. My cab was there. I grabbed the dresses and headed out to my cab, just in time to see the cop car pass. I almost jumped back into the shrubbery, but once again, they either didn't notice me or didn't care.

They didn't notice someone sneaking out of a backyard carrying an armful of stolen clothing. I didn't think Tom and I would ever have to worry too much about the cops finding us. Not those cops, anyway.

I tumbled into the back seat of the cab, throwing the dresses in before me. I was breathing heavily and sweating. I think my legs were even glistening just a bit in my nylons. I told the cabdriver to take me back to the house.

My white dress had grass stains on it. I'd been so careful for so many days to keep it clean. Just as well I'd be taking it off, I guess.

I looked at the dresses, piled in a heap. These weren't some crummy jeans and sweatshirts I was carrying around. These were dresses! Beautiful, delicate garments. I looked them over to see that they weren't dirty or wrinkled, then folded them carefully.

When we got back, I paid the driver, then ran into the house. I carefully put down the dresses, then I fell into my lover's arms.

"What's wrong?"

"I was so scared! They almost caught me! What if they'd forced me to say where you are?"

"Take it easy, Joanie! We're not criminals, you know."

"No, but we're runaways. What will happen if they make us go home?"

"We'll just run away, again. Take it easy, sweetheart. Try and calm down."

He held me and kissed me until I felt better.

That night we got a room in a cheap hotel. The toilet and shower was down the hall. I hung up my new dresses in the closet. Then, dramatically, I unbuttoned my dress and peeled it down my body. I really needed a shower.

"You see?" he said. "The world didn't end."

He took me in his arms and kissed me.

"I forgot how sexy you are in just a slip," he said.

I sat on the bed and took off my high heels. I wiggled my toes for the first time in days. It felt good. I put my feet in his lap, and he gave me a nice foot massage.

It was too late to go to a restaurant for dinner, and I was too tired anyway. Tom went out and got us some sandwiches and soft drinks. When he got back he showed me a flowered polyester robe he'd bought me.

"So you can take a shower," he said.

I put in on, and took off some of my lingerie. But I was one of the few women who had to wear a bra to take a shower, so the other people in the hotel wouldn't see how flat-chested I was.

"You should've gotten me a nightgown," I said.

"Can't you just thank me for what I did remember to get?"

"Sorry. You're right. Thank you."

I wasn't wearing a dress to bed any more, or high heels, but I still wound up wearing all my lingerie.

The next morning I got up and put on my mother's sexy snakeprint dress. I loved wearing it. The last time I had it on, all I could think about was, poor me, I'm a boy in a dress. But even then, I think I secretly thought how sexy it was, how much fun to wear.

Still, it had all those buttons in the back. I needed Tom to help me put it on. You couldn't wear this dress if you were living on your own.

I presented my back to him, and he buttoned me up.
   

[Alana]

Of course, with his body close to mine, once he buttoned me up he couldn't keep his hands off me.

"Darling, I'm going to be late," I said, but my tone made it clear how much I enjoyed his touch. "You know that makes me crazy," I cooed.

He stepped back, reluctantly.

"You are so beautiful in that dress," he said. "Do you remember the first time I saw you wearing it?"

"How could I forget?"
   

[Alana]

"That night you were so angry when you had to come to me to unbutton you. Now I'm the guy who gets to button you up in the morning. How things have changed."

"For the better. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you."

"And I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

It was a tender moment between the two of us, but in those tense, mercurial days, tender moments were not enough to make me forget that I was supporting his lazy ass, and they were not enough to keep me from muttering, on my way out the door, "Please try and find a job, will you?"