Honorary Woman

[Alana]

Honorary Woman
By Alana


The tiny town of Endover California boasted no more than a few hundred residents. Norman Jones and his wife Mary moved there when Norman got a job as a town clerk. He worked in a drafty, cramped office in city hall with six other men and women.

He discovered there was an annual event in town called a “womanless beauty pageant,” which was pretty much what it sounded like. Only married men could compete. The men dressed as women and flounced around the stage in evening gowns. It was considered to be all in good fun, and all for charity. Norman didn’t really want to have anything to do with the thing, but he was pressured into it.

Norman didn’t do things by halves. If he was going to be in the pageant, he was going to win. He shaved his entire body, and Mary helped him with his make-up. He bought a new evening gown for the competition, and a wig. When he got there, he discovered that he was the only one there who was even trying. The other men hadn’t shaved their legs, and some of them didn’t even bothered to shave their beards. He won easily.

At the close of the ceremony, with a great deal of pomp and circ-umstance, they gave him a plague declaring him an “honorary woman.” The plaque guaranteed him “all rights and privileges granted to any other woman, including the right to wear dresses or skirts whenever and wherever desired, and the right to use the ladies room whenever so attired.” For a period of one year from the present day.

It was considered a big joke and lots of fun, but Norman came alive on stage as a woman in a way he could not have predicted. He loved wearing an evening gown and being a woman. He loved all the attention. Backstage, he asked his fellow contestants if any man had ever actually made use of the title.

“What do you mean?”

“You know. I mean, showing up somewhere in a dress.”

“Yeah, I guess that happens sometimes. Just as a joke, you know, an honorary woman will show up at a party in his wife’s dress. Not very often, though. Mostly people just forget about it.”

So the next morning, without even asking, he put on his wife’s lingerie and her orange floral dress with the little bow at the collar.

“Wow. So you’re really doing this, huh?” she said.

“Why not? I’m a woman.”

“Honorary woman. Well, I guess you might as well do it for one day and get it out of your system. Take good care of my dress. Don’t spill anything on it.”

He took the plaque with him, which he intended to set up in his cubicle for all to see.

Mrs. Lettinger, a divorced woman in her fifties, ran the office. She was the first to see him. He said hello.

“Hello, Norman. Or I guess we should call you Norma. Anything but normal, I guess. I see you’ve decided to exercise your rights as an honorary woman.”

“That’s correct. Like my dress?
   

[Alana]

“Very pretty. I think I saw your wife in that dress a few weeks ago. Listen Norman, fun is fun, and I’m the first person to have fun, but we do have regulations, here. Men are required to wear suits and ties. Have fun for a day, but don’t get used to being a woman. And don’t peek at anything you shouldn’t in the ladies room.”

Norman didn’t like being told what to do, so the first thing he did was check the regulations.

The women all got a kick out of him, and they giggled whenever they saw him. The men just looked away, embarrassed.

When he took a corner too fast, he lost one of his high heels off his foot. He reached down to replace his shoe, and one of the women saw him. She giggled.

“See? Not so easy being a woman, is it?”

He glanced up and smiled at her.
   

[Alana]

“I never said it was easy,” he said. “But it is so worth it.”

He fixed his shoe, and as he straightened up he allowed his hand to slowly glide up his nylon-covered leg. It felt delicious.
   

[Alana]

That evening he ate dinner, still wearing a dress. His wife asked him when he intended to take it off.

“No hurry,” he said.

He didn’t take off the dress until bedtime, at which point he asked his wife if he could wear one of her nightgowns to bed.

“Oh come on, Norm! Hasn’t this gone on long enough?”

“I’m a woman. I refer you to my plaque.”

The next day he surprised her by starting to put on her lingerie again.

“What is this? Again? Come on! The ‘honorary woman’ thing is just a joke! No one does it all the time!”

“I’m a woman.”

“Seriously, how long do you intend to do this?”

“The plaque said I’m a woman for a year. At which point there will be another pageant and hopefully I can win again.”

He picked out her red dress and put it on.

“Not my favorite dress! Norm, I don’t know what you think you’re trying to prove, but if you’re going to wear dresses you can’t wear mine. Go out and buy your own.”

“OK. That’s fair.”

“Lingerie, too. And make-up.”

“OK.”

He grabbed a purse and was out the door, before she could insist he take off the dress he was wearing.

Mrs. Lettinger saw him in his wife’s red dress walking through the drafty hallway outside the office. A little breeze ruffled his skirt. He held it down, looking very pleased with himself.
   

[Alana]

“Norman! What did I tell you yesterday?”

“It’s Norma, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, knock it off! I told you what the regulations say about proper attire.”

“Not quite. I looked up the regs. What they say is that workers are to come to work wearing either a suit and tie, or a skirt or dress. I’m wearing a dress.”

“That obviously means that men are---“

“That might be what it means, but that’s not what it says. It gives the worker a choice.”

“How long are you going to---“

“For as long as I’m an honorary woman.”

“But that’s a whole year! You can’t come to work in dresses for a whole year!”

“I refer you to my plaque. ‘The right to wear dresses or skirts whenever and wherever desired.’”

“That’s just a silly joke!”

“It’s a plaque with my name on it, and the name of the town. Looks pretty official to me. If you think you can fire a woman just for wearing a dress, you’re welcome to try.”

“You’re just an honorary woman.”

“When it comes to wearing dresses, it’s the same thing. If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

“Oh, all right! But if you’ve got to wear a dress, stop playing with your skirt like a little girl. If you can’t behave like a man, at least behave like a grown-up!”
   

[Alana]

“Sorry,” he said. “I can’t help myself. This dress feels so sexy on my body.”

The ladies laughed and giggled when they saw him, though they seemed rather surprised to see him in a dress again. Some of them asked him how long he intended to keep wearing dresses to work. He repeated his answer from before.

“For as long as I’m an honorary woman.”

This occasioned no end of surprise and gossip among the ladies.

Near the end of the day, a woman in a rather plain brown dress was trying to get a large box of folders off a top shelf. The only thing she had to stand on was an unsteady stool. Norman offered to help her, putting one foot on the stool, preparing himself to stand on it and get the folders.

“Norman, no! At least take off your high heels! You’ll fall and break your neck!”

“Don’t be silly. I’ll be fine.”

“Norm, don’t do it! I’m sure a man will be along soon to help us.”

She quickly put her hand to her mouth, realizing what she’d said. But Norman didn’t seem at all offended. If anything, he seemed complimented.

“Look,” he said, “we women can’t buy into this whole princess stereotype that says we’re incapable of the simplest tasks just because we wear high heels. Any one of us can do anything in high heels and a dress that a man can do in trousers and wingtips. Just watch and see if I can’t.”
   

[Alana]

He climbed onto the stool and, balancing in his high heels, reached up and managed to get the box of folders down from the shelf without losing his balance. He handed them to her triumphantly.

“And by the way,” he said, “It’s Norma.”

That evening, Mrs. Lettinger drove out to Norman’s place to see him and his wife, just after dinner. She knocked at the door and apologized for intruding.

“Come in, Jane,” said Mary.

Mrs. Lettinger sat down. She had changed into slacks after work. Mary also wore slacks.

“Is Norman here?”

“No. He went out to the dress shop to buy himself some new dresses.”

“He what? You make it sound like there’s nothing wrong with that statement. Your husband is buying dresses to wear to work, and you have absolutely no problem with that?”

“Of course I have a problem with it, but what am I supposed to do?”

“You can do what women have done since the time of Lysistrata. You can deny him sex.”

“Oh, sure,” she said. “Yes, of course. I mean, I’m doing that already.”

But she wasn’t. She was very sexual, and not at all proud of the fact. She didn’t think it was very ladylike. The plain fact of the matter was that she was a woman who had to have sex every night, and she was lucky she had found a man who could keep up with her. Even if he did wear dresses.

“Mary, do you mind me you asking some things about Norman?”

“I suppose not.”

“Has he worn dresses before this?”

“I don’t think so. If he has, he’s done a good job of keeping it secret.”

“How about when he was a little girl? Uh---boy?”

“Definitely not. His mother told me everything about his childhood. The more embarrassing the detail, the more she loved to tell me. I can’t see her keeping a thing like that to herself.”

“Then why the hell is he doing this?”

“I don’t know. Well, for one thing, he can never see an opportunity go to waste. Give him a coupon and he’ll make sure to use it, even if it’s for something he has no use for. Tell him he’s allowed to do something that no other man in town is allowed to do, and he’s going to take full advantage. Plus he’s the kind of guy who loves to annoy and embarrass people. He gets bored sometimes and just has to upset the applecart for his own amusement. He’s a tummler. He loves to create a tumult. My best advice is to ignore him and stop giving him attention. Maybe he’ll stop.”

“Haven’t you thought that he might need professional help?”

“My ears are burning!” said Norman, coming into the room in his brand new sleeveless lavender floral dress. He leaned against the table and asked the ladies how they liked his new dress.