Never Marry a Hypnotist

[Alana]

He wouldn't lift a finger to help me around the house before, but put him in a pretty gingham dress and he can't wait to help.

"We'll see," I said.

"Let me get the vacuum cleaner out now, Mommy."

He turned to the closet.
   

[Alana]

"Not now! I told you, we're having breakfast first. Honestly, Prissy, I just don't know where your head's at, sometimes."

"I'm sorry, Mommy."

We ate, and then spent a few hours cleaning the house. When we were done, he was so tired he flopped down on the couch and pulled his feet up. I should've told him to keep his feet off the sofa, but he just looked so adorable sitting there with his legs curled up, his frilly petticoat showing, that I just couldn't be mad at him.

"I love you, Prissy. I am so lucky you're my daughter. You're just the best little girl in the world."

He smiled at me.

"I'm lucky too, Mommy! Lots!"
   

[Alana]

Then I remembered that this was the man who came home with a loaded gun.

"Mommy, couldn't I change into my shiny new pink dress?"

"Well, I'll tell you what, Prissy. You can wear A pink dress, but not that one. Just a minute."

I went into his room and brought out his pink sissy dress.

"Not that one, Mommy! I'm too old to wear that dress now!"

"Not for long. Take off what you're wearing, Prissy."

He took off his pink gingham dress, and I forced him into his pink sissy dress. I told him to sit down on the floor, and started to put his hands into some pink satin mittens that would restrict his actions.

"No, Mommy! No!"

"Don't fuss so, Baby Prissy."

At the mention of that name, his head lolled back and he seemed to lose control of his arms and legs. I got his hands into the mittens and his feet into the little booties without much difficulty. The final touch was a pacifier, which I put in his mouth. He suc-ked on it, and crawled around on all fours. Baby Prissy was too young to walk, yet.

I went to the desk drawer and got out the empty gun.

"Do you like your pink dress, Peter?"

He blinked, coming out of the trance. He looked down at his dress and his mittens, and he glared at me with a look of cold hatred in his eyes.
   

[Alana]

He said a few unintelligible words, and realized he still had the pacifier in his mouth. I laughed at him, and he glared at me again.
   

[Alana]

He spat it out, and said, "What the hell did you do to me?"

"The usual. What were you intending to do with the gun, Peter?"

"What do you think?"

"I think if you killed me you might just wind up being a little girl for the rest of your life, and no one could bring you out of it. It would only take one word from me."

"Forty-eight hours is the longest it could last."

"Oh, really? Don't believe everything you read on Google. Were you really willing to go to prison for the rest of your life?"

"I'm in prison now. A prison of frilly dresses and petticoats."

"And you look so pretty in them!"

"You bitch! I'll kill you!"

He lunged at me, and I said, "Baby Prissy!" just in time.

He fell on his face and started to cry. I held him and comforted him. I tickled him and listened to him giggle and coo. He was so much fun to play with when he was Baby Prissy.

But eventually every baby has to grow up, at least a little. I turned him back into Prissy, and made him put on his blue gingham dress. We ate a little lunch.

I took a look out the window. The trailer trash had started their outdoor barbecue. I thought they'd appreciate a visit from Prissy.

"You look so pretty in blue, Prissy."

"Really, Mommy? Do you think I look pretty?"
   

[Alana]

Of course you do. You know you look pretty, Prissy. In fact, you look so pretty today, I want to show you off a little. Let's go down to the trailer park and say hello to the guys having their barbecue."

"No, Mommy! Not that! They're a bunch of meanies! They're always yelling things at me, and laughing at me, and I don't know why! They're mean!"

"Now, now, Prissy, they're just trying to get your attention, that's all. That means they like you. Now, when we go out there I want you to be nice to them. I want you to go right up to them and smile, and give them a little curtsey, like the sweet little girl you are."

"Please, Mommy! Can't we just stay indoors?"

"No we can't. It's a nice day, and we're going for a walk. Tug your skirt down and let's go."

I had to practically force him out the door. As we walked I followed along behind him, enjoying the sight of his beautiful legs in that short skirt. He really did have lovely legs. He should've been a woman. He was so lucky I let him wear high heels. Most little girls his age wouldn't be allowed to wear them.
   

[Alana]

I loved the way the wind was playing with his short skirt, blowing up under it, making it swish and sway in the breeze. He didn't even bother to hold it down.