He stared at me open-mouthed. His eyes narrowed.
My ex-wife said, "Chris! We had an agreement!"
"Crissy. Please."
"What the hell is this?" asked my son.
"Just your dad's stupid little hobby. OK, Chris, you've made your point, you've done the big bloody revelation, now take that off."
"I won't take off my dress."
"Look, you can't just dress like a woman every second your son is at home."
"This is my house. I'm an adult, I work for a living, and I'll wear whatever dress I want whether Nick's here or not."
"Wait a minute," said Nick. "I always knew there was more to the divorce, but no one would tell me anything. I thought dad was messing around with some other woman."
"He is the other woman."
I sat down, tucking my skirt under my bum, and crossed my legs.
"Dad, you're not going around in a dress all the time, I don't care what you say. How am I supposed to have anyone over with you looking like that?â€
"I'm not stopping you from having anyone over."
"I can't have everyone finding out my dad's a poof!"
"I'm not a poof."
"That's what they're going to think! You take off that dress or I'm running away from home!"
"You'll starve to death. I won't take off my dress."
"Mum, don't leave me here with him! With that!"
"You know I already booked my trip."
"Cancel it!"
"I can't. Chris, I'll be back next Saturday, and I'm taking Nick with me. Don't try to stop me."
"If that's what he wants, fine."
"Son, I was going to stay and help you unpack, but I can't stay here another minute. Get your dad to help you, if he's not too busy doing his nails."
"My nails are done," I said, showing her.