When the last of the guests had been waved away on Tuesday afternoon, Lady Upton and Tom went back into the house. “So the next group arrives on Thursday”, she told him. Tom perked up. Wednesday off! “Tres bien Madame”, he curtsied.
“You’ll need to change the bed linen, do the dusting and hoovering and clean all of the bathrooms today”, she told him. “Oui Madame”, Tom curtsied automatically. But two thoughts occurred to him. What was the rush when they had until Thursday? And how was he going to do all that before bedtime today?
“That’s to leave tomorrow free”, she explained. “Oui Madame”, he curtsied again. OK. That was an upside. “Free to do the windows and scrub the floors”, she added. Tom winced but curtsied again “Oui Madame”. “I’ll give you your full instructions when you bring breakfast to me at 7am.” “Oui Madame”, he curtsied. All this curtseying was getting to be a real drag but she clearly expected it.
“So run along now and get started on the beds!” “Oui Madame” Tom curtsied and minced off towards the stairs, his cringing facial expression hidden from Lady Upton.
He knocked on the bedroom door at 7am sharp, minced across the room carrying the breakfast tray, placed it on her lap, stood back and curtsied. “Bonjour Madame!” Lady Upton donned her glasses and looked Tom up and down. He stood nervously, his limp wrists hovering over the ends of his petticoats, false eyelashes fluttering.
“Turn around!” “Oui Madame” he curtsied and turned so hurriedly his petticoats swished out. “Really! Those seams are not good enough!” He felt his petticoats being lifted at the back while she inspected his knickers and tugged to straighten his frills in a couple of places.
“Sort those seams out!” “Oui Madame”, he curtsied and minced over to the mirror. He couldn’t see anything wrong with the seams of his fishnet stockings but he dutifully adjusted his suspender straps, returned to her bedside and turned his back to her. “Very well. Here is your list of tasks for today”, she handed him an A4 sheet with a closely written list of jobs. He turned the sheet over desperately hoping it didn’t continue on the back but there was another half page. “Oui Madame” he curtsied.
He turned to leave the room. The message had been quite clear: standards will not be dropped today just because there were no guests around. He performed his best mince to the door, already felt his stockings tugging a little to one side. He cringed. Were his seams out of line again?
The windows in the main hallway were very tall and he needed a stepladder to reach the top panes. Needless to say, ascending and descending a stepladder was very precarious in high heels with no sight of the steps below billowing petticoats.
Tom was on the top step reaching up with his feather duster when he was startled by Lady Upton’s voice below. “When you have done the windows you can scrub the floor!” Tom instinctively tried to push down his petticoats but it was clearly pointless as she stood directly below him. “Oui Madame.” He thought the better of trying to curtsey while on the top step of the stepladder but still felt that it was all wrong.
He was on the top step at the next window when the doorbell rang. This was the first time that had happened when no guests were due but Tom assumed it was his duty to answer it.
He carefully worked his way down the steps and minced over to the door. Before opening it he checked in the hall mirror that his apron was straight, his petticoats unruffled and his lace hair band upright.
He opened the door. Two men in work clothes stood outside holding tool boxes. Tom was instantly mortified but his training took over. “Bonjour Messieurs!” He wasn’t sure if a maid should curtsey to workmen but he was almost unable to speak to anyone now without curtseying so he did.
The men were speechless on being presented with a French Maid in a very short and flouncy dress, fishnet stockings and high heels, brandishing a feather duster. Tom could see the thought occurring to them that this was a bloke in drag.
Lady Upton saved them all. “Ah very good, I need you to look at the central heating pipes here in the hallway.” Tom stepped back to allow the men enter. “Carry on Fifi!” Lady Upton ordered. “Oui Madame!” Tom curtsied and minced off towards the stepladder. “These pipes are making a terrible noise at nighttime”, Lady Upton directed the men.
Tom really did not want to ascend the stepladder with these men about and tried to take as long as he could in getting back to work. But it was clear that they were staying in the hallway. Tom cringed, took a deep breath and went back up the stepladder. He tried not to think of the view he was presenting to the men below.
They didn’t seem to be in any hurry to get their job done and Tom was on the last window when he heard “excuse me Miss Fifi!” below him. He was sure he also heard a stifled snigger. When he looked down the two men were diverting their gaze everywhere else in the room except looking up at the maid but he presumed that they had had a good look before calling to him.
“Oui Monsieur”, Tom replied and started to descend the steps trying not to allow his petticoats to parachute too much. When he was back on ground level the men allowed themselves to look at the maid again. “We’re done here but I think Lady Upton has another job for us.” “Wait here”, Tom told them and curtsied. He minced over to the drawing room and told Lady Upton she was wanted. She came out and led the men down to the kitchen.
So Tom’s next task was scrubbing the floor. He gave a heavy sigh as he headed to the utility room to fetch a basin, water and a scrubbing brush. Back up in the hallway he was trying to figure out how he could scrub the floor with minimal exposure of frilly knickers. He started by kneeling down with his back to the mirror and bending over to scrub. He looked over his shoulder as best he could in that position to see that the full seat of his knickers was visible, framed beautifully by the lace-trimmed layers of petticoats. There was no way to avoid it. He just had to do the job as quickly as possible.
He was in the centre of the main hall facing the front door scrubbing away when he heard Lady Upton right behind him say “that’s everything, thank you gentlemen!” Tom froze. There was little doubt that they all saw everything. He scrambled to his feet as fast as possible using the excuse of having to show the men to the front door.
When they had exited to a final curtsey from Fifi, he turned to mince back to his scrubbing brush. Lady Upton was staring at him. “You do realise that there is a long-handled scrubbing brush in the closet! No need to get down on your hands and knees!” Tom went bright red.