Diary by Sissy Baby Paula
part 1
Peter's Diary
Sissy Baby Paula
This is a set up for a story in a diary form. As the summer is nearing I can't promise you a post / day - it can take rather longer! I try to post the first couple parts quickly so you get into the action! Please comment the story on the Betty's!
Day one
I haven't really writen a diary since four years ago when I was nine years old. And even then it was just a report of a hike in Lappland with mum, dad and my brother. So I am not going to write something stupid like 'Dear diary' or such crap. But I simply have to write some things down as I am so fed up with people! The funny thing is that I am now part a hero and part a villain - depends on who you ask. To tell the truth I don't give a damn about those boys who regard me as a hero now. They used to think I am a nerd and a rather funny one at that (I read books too whereas your run-of-the-mill -type nerd doesn't). They only came to me when they didn't know how to do something with the computer or their math homework needed help. So f... them! Well not to say, that I give much for those who think me as villain either. They are mostly teachers and parents - including my dear own mum and dad! It was no court, no justice - pure Spanish inquisition. I just hate when people judge first and listen afterwards - if even then (these sure didn't listen at all!).
There is one person I really would like to believe me. But she (and oh boy what a she!) is one of the accusers! Not that I had not dreamed about seing her without clothes as I supposedly have. Half the boys in the class have done so and propably the rest too... I was really left like a fish out of water when my dream girl, Laura, said that I was one of the culprits. She said she had seen me! Why Why Why...
Oh Laura, please believe me! Blond, long curly hair which surrounds her face like a golden halo. Smile like the sun coming out. And those blue eyes - they sparkle with joy! And her mouth curls up in smile or laughter so cutely! Only once I have seen her sorry. That was about a month ago when her grandpa died in a heart attack. I actually had a hard time controlling my emotion as I was trying to console her by telling about my grandmom's dead. Yet at the same time I was so happy to be the one with her, to be the one who could brighten her up just a little! We talked for ages and finally something broke inside of her and she cried against my shoulder. I was honoured to be THE one who could serve her. Later on she didn't seem to notice me anymore. First I put it down to a natural reaction for having been too private with someone, but it seemed to go on. Maybe I was only good as a shoulder to cry on? I felt really low then. And now this!
Oh, I seemed to have written that there would be no 'dear diary' stuff in here. That last part is so full of moaning that it certainly fits the 'dear' category. But then Laura does belong to a 'dear' category - at least if one listens those boastfull idiots (who have had sex with half of the girls in our school) who would dearly love to get into her panties. Not that I wouldn't mind doing that meself, but maybe with a bit more finesse... (oh get real you will never get anywhere with her).
Another omission is that I have not written down the reason for this hole mess. Actually it was something quite acceptable among the boys - an act of daring if not chivalry. Poor me who wouldn't have the guts to do it in a million years! But somebody had done it (I am pretty sure I know the real culprit - a boy with a similar hair to mine and wears spectaculars too). They only made one mistake - one of them got caught in the act! Well as one could expect the teachers didn't like boys watching through girls changing rooms window when the girls are stark naked and taking a shower. So the poor chap who was caught red handed (or red eyed as one could put it) was interrogated in almost Gestapo-like fashion. He didn't break as that would have been the biggest sin in our books - you don't and that is A DON'T tell or tatle on one's classmates. But some of the girls had seen him and another boy too. And Laura was certain that the other boy was me! She was so convincing, that everything I said fell on deaf ears. So I was dragged into the interrogation - not even knowing who had been involved there was no danger that I would tatle on the boys... I really didn't expect them to believe a boy, but my record had been spotless so some consideration would have been in fair!
What really blew my mind was the so-called 'sentencing' as our headmaster (that pompous ass!) put it. Apparently Laura's mom had contacted him and as she was a big shot in local politics and a member of the school board whatever she said had fallen on receptive ears. So our punishment would be made to fit the crime and because the school didn't want it to become too public and "we really want to give you boys another chance without any marks on your records" everything would be done privately. So we would actually receive whatever punishment Laura's mom saw fit! And it would be tomorrow evening (yeah on a Saturday - it really suc-ks). As for the marks and all the bs the headmaster had told us - it really was just that! School records ain't public and eventhough there still is this antiquated system of marking down a pupil's behaviour on the card it would have been back to ten (the highest) by next xmas. Hell, I almost started to laugh as I pictured our headmaster as a dog licking Laura's moms hand (maybe he would have liked to lick somewhere else - Laura is a younger version of her mom and you dig - that lady ain't bad looking). Laughing would have been rather out of place like. But we did have a good laugh among the boys afterwards. The sad part is that all the girls in my class now evade me like I was carrying a disease.
That would really be too much if my rather nonexistent chances of making friends among the girls (there is Marian who I also rather fancy) would be destroyed by something I didn't do! Well I suppose I must just wait and see what happens - not to mention our little trip to Laura's home tomorrow. I kind of wish I could go alone - the embarrassement would be less. Then again having someone else suffering from the same punishment is reassuring too.
part 2
I had to show them a note from the headmaster so the cat was out of the bag. I remained silent as I figured that even if they believed me it wouldn't help me any. They made threaths like taking my stereo away, cutting down my almost nonexistant allowance (I got enough from grandma thankfully) and there was even discussion about a curfew and earlier bedtime. I simply shrugged my shoulders at all this, because I could live without the stereos and I hardly ever went out in the evenings anyhow. And as for earlier bedtime, with my flashlight I could still read in bed after 'the official lights out'. As I was due to Laura's home at three o'clock we ate earlier than usually. And the yacking continued on and on and on (I wasn't listening to it so it hardly bothered me anymore). I suppose this is enough about my parents as it would be real waste to fill any diary with stories about them!
I do believe in punctuality which isn't allways easy for me (if I am engrossed in something I tend to forget the time and waking up is a real pain in the neck). This was one time I was sure not to be late and also a bit scared so I wasn't early either. I had never been to Laura's house and to my knowledge neither had any other boys in our class. In other circ-umstances this could have been fun I thought. I knew that Laura's mom had a reputation of being a hard businesswoman so I kind of a feared the worst and only dared to hope for the best. Still I couldn't help I had to ogle the house. I mean we do not live poorly ourselves - I have two rooms now as my older brother has moved out, but this was certainly classy. For one the house is situated at sea coast with a nice view to Baltic (or rather some island's in the Gulf of Finland to be exact) and it has nice grounds with trees, bushes, flowerbeds and such. As the snow had just smelted there wasn't really any flowers yet, but I could imagine laying in the sun with something cool to drink in the garden. The house itself was a two story red brick building with a sauna and pool inside (I had overheard Laura telling her girlfriends about the house). Most of the boys and all of the girls in our class would have been more than happy to see the house. Not that they would have liked to be in my shoes!
So there I was ringing the bell feeling a bit afraid of what is going to happen and somewhat surly as the punishment was so manifestly unfair! I only hoped, that I could explain it to Laura. Just tell her that it was a mistake on her side and I couldn't be that stupid (or didn't have the guts for it). Laura herself opened the door and smiled at me. She simply said "welcome to my home" and I stepped in. If she had leered at me or made fun of me I would have walked away and would have fought for my cause. I might have written to the justice-ombudsman in the parliament or whatever. I am usually the most docile of boys, but if you step on what I believe is right or tease me in an irritating way (like repeating something over and over again) I am liable to blow my top. Behold everyone! But Laura's smile was somehow disarming and I suppose I had been mentally preparing to something like doing housework for her mom or things like that. Oh boy, had I been wrong!
I followed her inside to find, that my so called 'companion in crime' was there and also the 'Laura's circle' (eg. her best friend and some other girls from our class). Marion was also there, which made me lower my eyes. I knew what they thought of me and ... well it is water under bridges, so lets just forget my crush on her. "Am I the last?", I queried a bit stupidly. Well I was, so now the games could begin... We boys exchanged looks of bewilderment. We still expected Laura's mom to join us. Surely it we wouldn't be solely in the hands of these girls?
Alas, we were in the hands of the girls. First they started to tease us about us wanting to see female undergarments and maybe more. I almost lost my temper cause I was innocent. I would have loved to see all these beauties without clothes as any other boy would have. I suppose Laura noticed that I was near the edge so the teasing eased of and we were simply told to strip there and then. We will see if you measure up as you liked to see us, one girl said to us. Rather stupidly I said "What?" They all laughed and told me I would find out what they meant. Then we were taken to two separete rooms.
Then I was told to strip by Laura and Marion. I just stared at them. I hadn't really agreed to be punished by Laura's mom and certainly not to be turned a plaything or whatever for Laura - but I still wanted to get it over with. I knew, that walking out would mean more shouting by mom and dad. And then there would be my word against Laura's. Her mom would be on her side and it would look as if I was again the culprit. Marion asked me, if I was shy or something. Another girl giggled, that maybe he hasn't got anything to show. This brought me close to eruption, but thankfully Laura put that girl back to her place and hard. In the end I shrugged my shoulders and stripped to my underwear. That I was not going to take off!
Well, my intentions and the reality can be two different things. I didn't even notice it, but Laura came from behind me and pulled my underpants down. With a rather commanding voice she told me to take them off completely which I did. I was getting tired of this and if the girls had not seen a naked boy before it was certainly high time for them to see one! At that point I was at a loss, because I really had no idea what would come next. I was given a pair of panties and told to put them on. Standing there naked among girls was starting to affect me and I was almost gratefull to receive some cover. It really is embarrassing, that it is so hard to control your "stand-ups". These panties actually fit me rather well, but they looked rather childish to me as there were pictures of small roses all over them. Next I was given a camisole in the same style. I first thought this was some kind of undershirt for girls, but there certainly were some differences. This didn't cover my navel at all and my stomache was bare. I decided then and there that any clothes that cover me completely are better than being paraded around in just little girl underwear. I wasn't disappointed: I got more clothing - white ribbed tights, a white T-shirt with a big Barbie-Girl print on it and a red plain skirt. And on my feet they strapped red shoes. My hair wasn't long enough, but they still managed to put a couple of red ribbons into it.
Then the great show off! All the girls were naturally there and my 'fellow-convict' too. He or should I say she was dressed in a much more grown-up fashion: A Britney Spears T-shirt and jeans!!! I felt so MAD. Why was I the little girl and he a teenager? Sure he was a she with a small ponytail and his T-shirt didn't usually sport such nice breasts either. And the jeans didn't really fit and looked very uncomfortable. We had to show off our 'girlishness for the girls so I had to act like a little girl (I was given a doll to play with and I had to curtsey to all the big girls). The 'big' girls was surrounded by our tormentors who made him very uncomfortable with very straight girl talk (it made my ears burn too). I had never believed, that they had judged most of the boys by how cute our asses look and how big biceps we had (I didn't rate very high I suppose). Then suddenly after we enjoyed some cokes (I had to enjoy a lemonade) we were told that this was it for the day. My so called culprit was simply shown out of the door in his teenage girl outfit. I almost died on the spot. Surely they wouldn't push me out looking as I was?
I had a 'lucky' break (I suppose I should have simply worn this outfit back home and be over with it all), but I gladly accepted the option of wearing some of my own clothes. This was a bargain from Laura and Marion: I would have to come back tomorrow wearing what I was wearing now when I left for home. And ... and well 'dear diary' it really was the most frightening moment for me: I was wearing my own trousers and shirt, but everything else was girl-outfit - including these red shiny shoes! I tried to use all those sideroads where nobody goes on a Saturday, but still far too many people saw me. Jumping to bushes couldn't save me every time so I just tried to look as if I wasn't there!
part 3
Well it continued - I mean my parents kept yapping and yapping about the relations between sexes, correct behaviour, how to act like a gentleman etc. Their idea of boys and girls was closer to Victorian times. And I had to listen to all this wearing the girls undies and tights. She had told me, that we would eat in her home so there was no reason to eat earlier. I almost wished we could have eaten as I was again having butterflies in my 'tummy'. And the food would have shut my parents up at least for a little while. So I just wandered around doing practically nothing and being forced to see those red shoes everytime I went by the front door. Mum - being a woman I suppose - had really taken objection of oggling girls and wanted to rub it in. So the shoes would be in sight for everyone who would come in (thankfully we had no visitors). Then just before midday Laura came and I was subjected to an embarrasing scene as mum and dad kept apologizing my 'disgracefull' behaviour. Laura must have laughed her head off silently!
So off we went together. Laura looked again like a nordic goddess and I looked like normal boy, if you didn't look at my shoes. Walking with Laura was such fun, that I actually forgot my footwear. I was brought back to reality by a boy hitting my shoulder rather heavily and saying: "Oh my what nice girly shoes you have, SISSY!". There were three boys behind us. All of which I knew and all of which knew me. We had been friends, but they attended another school and I wasn't interested in graffity and petty thefts which were their main hobbies novadays. What I was to do? I stand no chance fighting all of them and not a too god one fighting even one of them. Funnily I felt less humiliated than angry. Deciding that an attack was the only way to scare them off I launched myself at the boy who kept sneering at me and calling me sissy. I knew I wouldn't win in a fist fight so I tried to get my arm around his neck. It is an effective grip, but works only against a single opponent. Thankfully my act of desperation wasn't really necessary as my best friend turned up. He is almost two meters long and build like a tank. My tormentors dissappeared in a hasty fashion and I would have laughed if the situation wouldn't have been so embarrassing to me. You know my friend ain't blind! He - being a silent type - just looked at me and Laura. Funnily Laura blushed and looked away. She was embarrassed!And rightly so! It was all her fault! My friend Simon kept looking at us and then said: "It would be better if you don't play these games with those thugs around." Then he just asked, if I could come tomorrow to listen Beethoven with him and play some cards. I said I would be delighted.
Eventually we arrived at Laura's home and she seemed to be just as releaved as I was. She actually told me, that she was sorry. It wasn't her intention, that I would be harmed in anyway. Looking at that beautifull girl straight in her blue eyes I swallowed my angry answer and simply nodded. That brought out a weak smile from her, but it still somehow made the hole mess much more beareable! Is this somekind of weird love? Am I nuts? What power does she have over me?
Inside I was quickly changed back to my outfit from yesterday. I had to twist and twirl for Laura and Marion - they were the only girls present. My 'fellow convict' was nowhere in sight so this was a show purely for them. At that moment my brains propably short circuited as I didn't mind anymore. I just liked the attention. It was hundred times more they would have normally given me! And somehow these clothes felt - well they felt just like any other clothes. I mean we use them to keep warm, make impression on other folks or because nudity in public isn't that tolerated! I had the plus in all this that Laura and Marion seemed to like - if not love - to see me wearing this little girlish outfit. And I don't know why, but there was something almost hypnotical to be looking at MY legs coming out beneat a skirt, white ribbed tights continueing from the hem down to my red shoes.
The day turned out to be one BIG girl lesson: I curtseyed, twirled, twisted, sat, stood up, picked up things and made girlish gestures. Being with Laura and Marion was almost like it was three girls and not two girls and a boy. Yet I was a boy inside and in my mind - and a girl too! Talk about double personality! Some of my classmates already called me the professor, because I loved to read and often argued things. Maybe they were partially right as I somehow analyzed all this girlish impulses and found out I liked them. Even the big scare from the morning was forgotten . And naturally 'dear diary' you hope I would say I were the perfect girl! Far, far from it! I was clumsy - even without heels my curtseying looked very akward, when I sat it was a plop down without any grace at all! And I walked all too long steps! But deep inside I was happy as all my boyish clumsiness made the girls giggle, laugh and smile!
Then we prepared the dinner and it was fun too! I had helped my mom a bit at home so it wasn't altogether unfamiliar, but Laura was light years ahead of me or Marion. She knew what to do and we were just two 'pinafored' helpers! Laura's mom and dad might be rich, but they seemed to believe in everyone doing the chores and learning them too! We didn't make a gourmet-dinner, but the meatballs, smashed potatoes and sauce were a far cry from what I could have done (I had made smashed potatoes but that was about it). Laura on the other hand expertly mixed minced meat, spices and an egg to make the meatballs. As a 'punishment' (well it was a joke among as by now) I had to serve the meal to the girls and Laura's mom and dad. Somehow I have allways loved a bit of acting so I tried to put on an act of a french-maid. I had no heels and looked more like a clumsy little girl, but I managed to serve everyone. Afterwards we all washed the dishes (we didn't use the dishwasher as this was supposed to be my punishment). Then I was allowed to change back to my own clothes (that is trousers and shirt) and Laura's mom would drive me home. I looked so relieved, that Laura must have felt a little remorsefull as she whispered to me, that getting me into trouble or beaten wasn't what they wanted and that she was very sorry for what happened in the morning. Then they first kissed me on the cheek and as Laura's mom went to get the car keys they asked me, if I would wear the panties, the camisole and thigts in the school tomorrow for them. They would undestand if I didn't but they would really love if I would.
What a dilemma! I didn't mind the clothes - I would have happily played any female part for them. But to school!? Whatif someone would find out? Of course I could say that it was my punishment, but as the other boy wouldn't be wearing any female clothes at all it would be very odd. Then again we had no gym tomorrow (not until Thursday) and no-one would propably see my underwear. And tights are just like longer socks on the feet, if you don't remove your trousers! Still I was afraid, very much afraid... but they kept looking at me so pleadingly ... and reminded me, that I had liked to play with them and could do so in the future if... Oh what have I got to loose? And I had everything to win! The girls might have asked me to wear these girlish items just to make fun of me in front of everyone, but somehow I knew that it was not the case. If I said no, I suspected I would no longer be a friend of theirs. This point decided it and I said yes, I would wear panties, camisole and tights for them and only for them. This brought out a happy squeal from Laura and Marion and two quick but delightfull kisses right on my mouth!
Back home mum and dad continued to yap and yap, but I didn't care about it at all! I didn't know whether I was in love or not, but somehow I felt that this was a start of a journey - maybe a long one. I would be happy, if I could write that it was all easy for me but that would be a lie. I felt embarrashed, ashamed and weird about myself. What was I? I liked these two girls very much and yet I somehow liked playing a girl. What am I? Am I gay, faggot, whatever? But I still like girls! Why am so excited about doing something absolutely stupid for the girls I like or love? All the other boys had boasted of their conquests among girls - and they didn't agree to wear girls underwear! Who could help me figure out myself!
part 4
Days 4 to 8
Monday morning was pure hell! I didn't want mom and dad to know what I was wearing under my clothes and that was the easy part! It was much, much harder not to think what would happen if the boys in the school would find about my underwear and these very very long socks - tights! But I felt I could not let the girls down. I liked the kisses which were the closest think I had so far had to sex with a real girl (mother hand and her five lively daughters don't count!). The most embarrasing thing was that I didn't know what to think about girls underwear and tights anymore! They were to some extend just clothes and to some extend a no - no for a boy. So after spending almost half an hour in the toilet trying to decide whether to change back to my usual underwear I went to the bus wearing panties, camisole and tights. It was almost summer and exceptionally warm for the time of the year. But my sweating wasn't caused by wearing 'long underwear' (that is tights). It was caused from fear of discovery!
Monday evening I visited Simon as promised. He is a silent observant type and I decided to tell him most of the thruth. I just left out the part of wearing girls underwear and tights while sitting on his bed with Beethoven's Eroica blowing our minds away (I prefer this third symphony to his fift which is the one he is really remembered by). I felt a bit uneasy as I saw Simon looking at my legs. I rarely use white socks and these 'socks' (my tights) looked very much like what I had worn on Sunday. I think he suspected something but like the true friend he is, he kept silent. On the way home I ran and duck behind houses as I didn't want to meet the same bullies as on Sunday. They might have beaten me up!
Tuesday morning I went through the same emotions, but in a diluted form. Nobody had noticed anything strange about me on Monday so this would just be another day! And both Laura and Marion had been overjoyed to learn (I showed them my thights as I refused to go to girls toilets to show them the rest of it). I actually received kisses straight on my lips from both of them. This really made my reputation: I was now the peeking Tom / womanizer in the eyes of the boys! I am not sure what those girls thought that weren't in on our little escapede during the weekend (and I think only Laura and Marion knew the hole truth!). I even laughed a bit inwardly as I felt my tights through my trousers! How many boys would trade places with me if the price would be paid in panties? I told the girls about it and we three had a good laugh about it. And they kissed me yet again as I said that for me the price was just right! Not that I fancied these clothes or had any urge to wear them, but the difference to the bookworm me and this kissed, cuddled me was great enough to put aside any doubts about some silly clothes.
Wednesday was much the same except I had to ask Laura, if I could be allowed to wear male underwear on Thursday. She was first shocked and angry - almost walking out on me. But as I hastily explained that it was gym class on Thursday she understood and told me 'of course'. But then she got a weird look on her face - like she had gotten a really funny idea! And she had! She told me than in return of a panties and tights free day I would have to wear red tights on Friday! I tried to plead half-heartedly as I knew that she wouldn't relent. Inside I was mortified! I am a rather conservative boy in my ways and I wear blue or gray socks. Nothing flashy at all! And my mom had eyes like a hawk! I didn't think I could fool her! I made my pitch about all the problems with the boys, my mom, folks on the street ect., but I failed to move Laura. She stated that there are lots of boys and men who wear very colourfull socks and stuff. If I didn't stop this instance, I would have to wear a pair of very thin, delicate tights - naturally as red as my face would be! And with little colourfull flowers printed on them! I knew I was defeated and with as much grace as I could gather I accepted Laura's terms. She smiled at me like a sun goddess - like the sun that comes out after weeks of gray rain! And then she kissed me hard on the lips! I must have blushed ten shades of red at the same time, but I hardly heard the boys and girls around us (I think there were some wolf-whistles). I only heard Laura say: "I knew you would do it for me, my sweet Paula".
Yeah, I know, I know. I should have walked away there and then. Hitchhike to some place far away. Tell my parents, tell our teachers, anyone. But my urges got the better of me. I was physically unable to move as I felt Laura's lips again on mine and felt her hand robbing my bottom. I was past caring what she called me. I would have loved to be called Queen of Sheba, a slut or whatever just to feel her lips on mine - not to mention those lovely feelings her hand was sending through my spine! Then Marion came around the corner and even her hand went straight to my bottom! "Has our princess accepted her new name yet", she asked Laura. "Oh yes she most definatively has!" I just smiled sheepily still trying to get down from the seventh heaven to sixth - ground was still lightyears away!
The rest of the day and Thursday was an anticlimac. I had fallen out of sky to ground or even below. Why did Laura and Marion kiss me and cuddle me when I was wearing girls clothes? What did they really want? Maybe they would just tease me and eventually make a huge joke out of me. It would be easy - they could simply tell everyone, that I was a sissy who wears girls clothes for fun! I could claim, that it was the punishment, but nobody would believe me! They simply couldn't care about a bookwarm and ... and a SISSY like me! It really didn't help my feelings as Laura gave me my new bright red ribbed tights. She even left a threath hanging in the air showing me a pair of red flowered shear tights. I even had to touch them and they felt NICE! Laura winked her eye and said: "Maybe on Saturday or Sunday?" I could only blush.
Friday was again very scary. It felt like everyone was looking at my feet so I tried my best to keep my feet out of view as much as possible. It must have looked comical as while sitting I tried to keep my feet under the seat holding them in air. It is not easy for a long time I tell you! I cursed the fact, that I like trousers with shortish legs (they don't get so muddy as easily as when the legs come right down on the shoes). So there was something to see! And I for one saw it all the time! The most depressing and divine thing was that I loved the colour! 'Dearest' diary I again got that feeling of being a boy and a girl at the same time! The best result of all this was that I was again kissed when I told the girls how I felt. And they said that red fits me and I looked very cute! They told me jokingly that they couldn't wait to see me in school in skirts! At least I hope - no I pray it was a joke! And tomorrow I would again go to Laura's with those red shoes on (her mom would fetch me so there wouldn't be any danger) and I would get to wear those shear tights and a party dress!!!
Oh, darn! Did I write that? Getting to wear a dress! I must be going nuts! Maybe it helps if I held my head under running cold water....