Substitute Teacher

[Alana]

I got in trouble with the Board of Education.

I'm always very nice with my students, because I believe students always need encouragement. Some say I'm too nice. Some think I don't know the difference between being nice, and flirting. I think that's ridiculous, myself. No reasonable person could ever accuse me of flirting with my students.

But there was one sixteen-year-old girl who got the wrong idea. When I mentioned to her that my wife would be out of town for two weeks, she seemed to think it was an invitation to come to my home. She found out where I lived, let herself in the back way, and waited for me on the couch. She waited so long that she dozed off, so that when I got home I didn't realize she was there. I went upstairs and took a bath, and when there was pounding at my door, I answered it in a bathrobe. And there was a lot of yelling and misunderstandings and parental accusations.

So now I'm sweating out their decision, and I'm suspended without pay in the meantime. Money is tight. My wife does some substitute teaching, but it's not bringing in enough cash, and our savings are running out. My wife got a good job substituting for an English teacher for two weeks while she has an operation, but Monday morning when she was supposed to report to the school, my wife was bedridden with a terrible flu virus. She kept trying to get out of bed, but she didn't have the strength.

"I'll call and tell them to get someone else," I said.

"No, Adam, don't! We need the money!"

"You're too sick."

"If only you could go. English is your subject."

"I know. But I'm suspended."

"Hey, that's an idea. Why don't you go in my place?"

"I can't. Besides, they know you're a woman."

"That's what I mean. You can go as a woman."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can fit in one of my dresses. You could even wear my shoes. Come on, they don't know me at that school, and they've never seen you."

"That's crazy! No one will think I'm a woman!"

"You'll pass. You'll be fine. I can help you with your make-up."

"I'm not doing it."

"Adam, wouldn't you love to get back in a classroom?"

"Sure."

"Well, for the moment, the only way you'll get to teach again is in pantyhose. Come on, I'll make you up and let's see how you look. Then you can decide."

So, just as an experiment, I let her dress me up. Soon my legs were shaved, I had make-up on, I was wearing pantyhose and lingerie and high heels and her wig. But it was when I saw which of her dresses she had in mind that I really started to object. It was a short dress with a red tie, a plaid vest and a blue skirt. I would look more like a schoolgirl than a schoolteacher in that dress.

"Come on," she said. "You've come this far."

So I put it on.

"I can't wear this!" I said.

"You're already wearing it. You've seen me go to teaching jobs in that dress. It's the perfect thing to wear. It's sexy. It gets their attention."

"This will never work."

My wife was overcome by a wave of nausea that caused her to collapse back onto the bed.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"No. But there's nothing you can do for me right now. I just need to rest. Just go. It's too late to call anyone else. Just go."

So I went. But if one person read me as a man, I intended to leave the high school immediately before anyone could even find out my name. I drove to the school and reported in as Mrs. Annie Williams, which is my wife's name. That way, the check would have her name on it, and she could cash it.

Surprisingly, they accepted me as a woman. And when I began to teach the classes, the boys were surprisingly docile, a lot less rowdy than I was used to. I always carried a ruler when I taught, because it made me feel more like a teacher, and as I paced back and forth at the front of the classroom I could feel their eyes on me.

[Alana]

At one point I could hear some boys in the back saying something, and giggling.

"Would you like to share that with the rest of the class?" I asked.

[Alana]

"He said you're hot!" said one of the boys, and there was more laughter.

I was embarrassed. I turned beet red. But I quickly recovered my composure. You can't let them see you're rattled or you'll lose control of the classroom.

I put both hands on my hips, and said, "OK, let's diagram that sentence!"

[Alana]

After school, a skinny young boy with bad acne appeared in the doorway as I was sitting at my desk.

"Mrs. Williams?"

"Yes, what is it, Johnny?" I have a phenomenal memory for the names of my students. After taking attendance once I instantly know all their names.

"I'm sorry for the disturbance."

"Why? Oh, are you the boy who said that thing about me?'

"I said you're hot."

"You shouldn't talk like that about your teacher. It's disrespectful."

"I'm sorry. Is there any way I can make it up to you? Anything I can do for you?"

I smiled. This kid wasn't likely to have a girlfriend for a long, long time, and I didn't want to take away what little self-confidence he had.

"No thanks," I said. "Not just now. Maybe later."

"OK," he said, and left.

When I got home I discovered that my wife felt better. I told her she could take over for me tomorrow.

"No I can't. Didn't you check in using my name?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Won't it look strange if one Annie Williams is gone and another one shows up tomorrow? You'll have to do the whole two weeks."

"Two weeks! I don't want to wear dresses for two weeks!"

"Oh, boo hoo. I have to wear a dress to work every day, and I got used to it. You will, too."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Sorry, dear. You're stuck."

I sighed.

"Alright, get me out of this dress. At least I can wear men's clothes at home."

The next day, Annie picked out a tight white dress for me to wear. When I got it on I realized how difficult it was to walk in that thing. I complained that it was as tight as a sausage casing, and she told me all over again that it was better to wear something sexy.

So off I went to school again. After only my second day in high heels my feet were already starting to hurt, and as I reached the top of the stairs I developed a cramp in my leg. I reached down to massage the cramp.

"Are you OK, Mrs. Williams?"

I looked up and smiled. It was Johnny.

[Alana]

"Charley horse," I said.

"That's too bad. Would you like me to massage your leg a little bit?"

I looked around. There weren't too many people in the hallway, and those that were there didn't seem to be paying any attention to us.

Students should never be discouraged from doing something nice.

"Sure," I said. He got down on one knee, and I said, "Don't you be looking up my skirt, you naughty boy!"

He massaged my leg, and it felt much better. He seemed a bit nervous, for some reason.

"That's fine," I said.

He stood up. I thanked him and said I had to get to class. I was late, and I walked as fast as I could, my tight skirt stretched to the limit.

[Alana]

Once again, at class it was amazing how docile the boys were. But it still felt creepy, their eyes on me every second, watching my every move. I reminded the class that there was a test scheduled for tomorrow.

I kept my ruler in my hand almost the whole day, and after class I dropped it and it slid under the desk. I tried to retrieve it. It wasn't easy to bend down in that tight dress. I couldn't reach it, and I didn't want to get down on my knees, wearing pantyhose. I got a little stool and sat down, and tried to reach under the desk.

"Hello, Mrs. Williams!" It was Johnny, as usual. I smiled.

[Alana]

"Hello, Johnny. Could you help me? I dropped my ruler."

Immediately he was down on his knees, retrieving my ruler.

He handed it to me, and I said, "Thank you so much, Johnny. This darn dress is so tight, I couldn't reach under the desk."

"Why did you wear that dress, if you don't like it?"

"Well, it's a long story. My spouse insisted I wear it."

"You shouldn't let your husband tell you what to do."

"Johnny, you're getting a little too personal. I'll tell you what, there's something else you could help me with. I've got a list of school supplies I need to get. Where is that list? Oh, here we go. Oops, butterfingers!" I said, as I dropped the list.

I was tired of being helpless, so I squatted down and picked up the list before Johnny could get it for me. Man, was there anything that wasn't difficult to do in that tight dress?