Substitute Teacher 2: Showing My Frillies

[Alana]

Well, I'd never worn it before. It was new to me.

"Mrs. Williams, I know I said you could wear whatever dress you wanted to work, but maybe it might be time to wear some longer skirts? Just for variety? I think your slip is even showing a little in that dress."

"Oh, I thought you said you weren't going to stare at my legs any more!"

"I wasn't, I just---look, I just came by to ask if you'd stop by after school. More secretarial work."

"For you, anything."

"And maybe a slightly longer skirt tomorrow?"

"Well, I guess you'll have to get your fill of looking at my legs today, then."

A couple of schoolgirls were giggling as they passed us. Jason left without saying a word.

In class, I waited until it was time to read "Great Expectations" again before presenting the case to the students.

"Ladies, it has come to my attention that some embarrassing photos of me are out there on the internet. Now, I don't mind being embarrassed. I can take a joke as well as the next guy---uh---girl. All I ask is that you take my name down, so it's not searchable. This could have consequences to my career if a prospective employer does a search on my name. So please, just take my name off the photos. They can stay up, just remove my name. I think that's a reasonable request."

The girls looked at each other. Finally, Jane, who seemed to be the leader of the whole classroom as well as the smartest girl there, said, "Mrs. Williams, you can't tell us what to do on social media."

"I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just asking, as a personal favor. Come now, I could understand this if you were a bunch of rowdy boys, but we're all women! Women have to stick together!"

Jane rose from her seat as though she were about to make a speech.

"Mrs. Williams, we're not all women. You're a woman. We're girls. You get to wear sexy dresses to work, and we have to wear these dumb uniforms. You have all this freedom to do stuff that we don't get to do. The only real freedom we have is on the internet, and you want us to give that up. It's not fair. We get that someone has to be in charge of us here. We're not---anarchists," she said, savoring the word and its impressiveness. "We get that someone is in charge. But it's just too good to turn down when we get a chance to make the person in charge look ridiculous. And that's you. Don't take it personal. That's just the way it is. Sorry if the most embarrassing thing you ever did is going to live forever, but, you know, welcome to high school."

"But I don't want you to take the photos down, just take my name off them! Isn't there something I can offer you in exchange? Something you want?"

The girls looked at each other.

"You could give us all A's," one said.

"I can't do that. Something that's not unethical."

There was murmuring.

"You could do it again," said Jane.

"You want me to expose myself again? Intentionally?"

"Yes."

I sighed. Annie, I'm doing this for you.

"Very well."

I moved the chair into place.

[Alana]

"You promise if I humiliate myself for you, you'll take my name off all the photos? And never tell anyone I did this on purpose?"

"Sure," said Jane.

"The rest of you?"

They all murmured that they would, and took out their camera phones.

So I sat down, and did what I had to do. I started with just a glimpse.

[Alana]

"More! More!" they said. So I opened my legs a little wider, wondering where I ever got the idea that girls are nicer than boys.

[Alana]

"Now, do that thing where you discover what you've been doing, and you're all shocked and embarrassed."

I'm not a very good actress, but I tried my best.

[Alana]

"That's it!" I said, standing up and tugging down my skirt. "Now, you keep your promise, all of you."

At three o'clock I went to the principal's office. I got all set up as before.

"Mrs. Williams---"

"Annie. Please call me Annie, Jason. No one's going to think you're unprofessional if you just call me Annie."

"Very well. Annie."

"And as far as I'm concerned, you can look at my legs all you want. Really. I know I said it makes me nervous, but I'm used to it, now."

"Is this because of the job offer?"

"This is because you're a decent guy, and if it makes you happy to look at my legs, what's the harm?"

So he started to dictate a letter. But he kept getting confused, losing his place, fumbling his words.

Finally he said, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm a little distracted."

"No kidding!" I said. "I hardly noticed. I'm starting to realize why you want me to wear a longer skirt."

[Alana]

"I swear, your skirt seems to be getter shorter while you're sitting there. Maybe we should finish this up tomorrow. When you're wearing a dress with a longer skirt."

"Whatever you say, Jason."

"Tell me, Annie, if you don't like Faulkner, who's your favorite author?"

"dic-kens."

"dic-kens! Oh, dic-kens is my man! I love dic-kens! I really thought a girly girl like you would prefer Jane Austen."

"Girly girl? I'm not that girly, you know."

"Oh come now, Annie! Have you seen you? You are one hundred per cent girly from head to toe. Every inch a lady."

"Oh, there are a few inches that aren't," I said. "Some might say more than a few."

We talked about dic-kens for a while, until I realized it was getting late and I had to be getting on home.

As soon as I got in the door I went right to the computer to take a look at that Facebook page from yesterday. My wife stood behind me with one hand on my shoulder, right on my brastrap. Annie's name was gone. The caption just read, "My teacher accidentally showing her knickers." And new photos were up, the ones from today.

"Congratulations," she said, "every time you put on a dress your entire life seems to be a series of narrowly averted disasters. How did they get those photos from today?"

"That was the price. That was what I had to do for them."

"Wow. You did that for me?"

"We girls have to stick together."

She pulled up a chair and took me by the hand.

"Darling," she said, "don't you think this has gone on long enough? You're getting carried away with this. Look at what's happened already, and it's only been three days. You need to stop wearing dresses. Look at yourself! You look ridiculous! Men don't wear dresses. Men don't wear lipstick."

"And yet here I am wearing a dress and wearing lipstick. So by your own reasoning, I must be a woman."

"Honey, you're really starting to scare me with this stuff. You know you're not really a woman, right? Just because you wear a bra and a girdle and a slip doesn't make you a woman. You know you're really a man. Right?"

"Then why do you keep calling me Miss Girly Girl?"

"Because I'm trying to get you to stop this! Look at those photos! You're making a fool of yourself!"

"Really? Because, you know, Principal Compson was talking about offering me a permanent teaching job at Sapperstein, and I might just take him up on it."

"No! This was only supposed to be for two weeks! What do you intend to do, wear pretty dresses and act girly for the rest of your life? You're not seriously going to spend your entire life in pantyhose, are you?"

"Annie, shouldn't we be more supportive of each other? We're both women."

"We are not! Honey, don't you miss being a man? Isn't your girdle awfully tight? Don't you want to take it off and never put it on again? Aren't your feet killing you from wearing high heels all day? Don't you want to take off that silly dress and go back to wearing pants? They can get another substitute teacher. Wouldn't it be wonderful to go the whole day without once having to worry about your slip showing or getting a run in your nylons? I really envy you, being a man, getting to use the urinal."

"But I'm not a man. I'm a woman. You said it yourself. Men don't wear dresses. Men don't wear lipstick. Obviously I'm a woman. Everyone at Sapperstein Girl's Academy knows I'm a woman. Ask them. You're the only one who thinks I'm a man. If they heard you right now, they'd think you were crazy."

She sighed.

"Yeah. You think you're a woman, and I'm the crazy one."

She let go of my hand and stood up. Then she headed off to the kitchen, pausing at the door to say, "Honey, doesn't that dress fit a little tight in the shoulders?"

"No. It fits me perfectly."

"Really? It always fit me a little tight. Don't you find the skirt rides up if you have to walk too fast? I always have to keep tugging it down."

"Sure, it's a little trouble, but it's worth it to wear a cute little dress like this one. I wish I could wear it again tomorrow." I looked down at the pretty violets covering my bust line, and caressed the material with my fingertips. I loved wearing that dress.

"You know," she said, "I never tried wearing dark nylons with that dress. Maybe I should---oh what am I saying? This is completely crazy! I'm discussing pantyhose with my husband! Get up and give me a hand with dinner, little Miss Girly Girl."

The next day I remembered my promise to wear something longer, so I picked out a nice floral chiffon dress with a handkerchief hem.

It was the wrong day to wear a chiffon dress. The weather had turned unexpectedly warm, and every room had the windows open and electric fans blowing. My skirt kept getting blown about me all day. But it was long enough that it didn't usually reveal anything, expect maybe a little glimpse of my slip, which was nothing scandalous. When it was time to read dic-kens, I insisted that the fan be turned off. So I got through it without showing anyone an upskirt. Finally.

When I went to the principal's office at three o'clock, his office had the window open and a fan on the floor, blowing away. Well, why should he be any different? My full skirt was getting blown around. I tried turning to the side. I was desperately afraid I was going to show him my slip.

"Please turn off the fan," I said.

[Alana]

"Why? It's hot out."

"Please. These fans have been blowing my skirt up all day. I'm afraid you're going to see my slip."

I grabbed my skirt, trying to hold it down.