Author Topic: Promises, Obligations and Consequences (Read 144360 times)

teddi · « **Reply #77 on:** April 07, 2008, 03:44:01 PM »

I find myself standing apart and looking at myself as I lay on the ground. The eagle, which stands besides me tastes a tear from my face and proceeds to move towards my other self. There he again entreats a caress....and in reply softly nudges him upon the cheek.

I walk to the light, which now appears before me, turn and look upon the other me. We both hail each other and with a nod....he leaves ... and as I walk forward...I hear Mama...softly singing to me my favorite night-night song. I turn once more .....and view her cradling my head in her lap ....as the melody and words of Brahms reaches my ears:

Lullaby, and good night,

With pink roses bedight,

With lilies o'erspread,

Is my baby's sweet head.

Lay you down now, and rest,

May your slumber be blessed!

Lay you down now, and rest,

May they slumber be blessed!

Lullaby, and good night

You're your mother's delight,

Shining angels beside

My darling abide.

Soft and warm is your bed,

Close your eyes and rest your head

Soft and warm is your bed,

Close your eyes and rest your head.

Sleepyhead, close your eyes.

Mother's right here beside you.

I'll protect you from harm,

You'll wake in my arms.

Guardian angels are near,

So sleep on, with no fear.

Guardian angels are near,

So sleep on, with no fear.

I walk into the light. I do not hear the last verse...perhaps...some day...I will.

teddi · « **Reply #78 on:** April 07, 2008, 04:29:02 PM »

I don't hear a sound. I know I'm awake. "Oh crap!....this is just ...crap!...what's the use...never believed me before...probably never will.

"Crap!.... must've really srcrewed it big time! I know I told 'em not to say anything....but....how big a dork am I gonna be?" I try to open my eyes, but they're bleary... can't see a friggin thing....they're almost stuck together..... been crying....what else is new?

I try to look down into my lap....Christina's nighty peeks back at me....its soaked....must've really had to go real bad if its wet that much.....then I realize the rest of me is dripping.....damn it!...might as well get this over with...I heave a large sigh....lick my lips, gross! ...drippy boogers....how yucky can ya get.....I pull the nighty up to wipe the boogers off of my upper lip and chin...I can deal with the tears....used to it.

"Christina? Thanks again for the deal you made with 'em...I promise I won't give you any problem....as for them....I don't know....really I don't."

I don't look up...."guess I made a pretty big dork wad out of myself 'cause of what I told you guys. So's if it's all the same to everyone and before you blast me, I gotta lay down....don't feel all that great. 'Scuse me....gonna go upstairs.....but....I....I.....think I need to use the downstairs toilet.....gotta feeling I'm gonna say hello to last nights dinner!

I push away from the table fast...turn and run to the bathroom behind the stairway on the first floor. Damn it!! This is oh so gross! Never thought I'd put my head into one of these things! Glad I don't have to look at what comes out the other end!!! Dinner made its appearance...."...nice to see ya again.!!"

I trudged up to my room...went inside the bathroom...ran some water and then washed my face off. I looked into the mirror....It looked like my sister was staring back at me...."fit in?" Maybe ..maybe not.

I crawled back into bed...I was dreading my meeting with the picture girl. That's the last thing I remember until I woke up....that is until Christina woke me up.

teddi · « **Reply #79 on:** April 07, 2008, 06:03:17 PM »

She nudged me gently and actually talked to me out loud.."C'mon sleepyhead....you need to get up. Wake up....Christopher?....ohhh Chistopher.....please ....just wake up....won't you? Please do."

I'm confused....why are you talking out loud to me?... and....and why so, uh, I guess "gentle" is the word. I turned over to see her...she had a big shit eating grin on her face and music was blasting through her head...from the MP3 player she was wearing... so's I couldn't hear a thing she was thinking.

I shrugged my shoulder, "o.k. I give.....what's up?" I looked down at what I was wearing.....crap!!! I've been changed again!....didn't even know it!.....blue nighty?!....lifting the covers...yeh....blue with bows and stuff....I pulled the collar out.....pink bows laid on white lace edging! "My God! Christina did you ..... do this.....to me....again?!!"

"Well Mom actually helped bunches too and before you say a word I think you gotta see what she has for you!"

"Crap!!! you can't be serious and say that to me with a smile on your face.....what the hell is going on?!!" She shot back..."Quiet little one....they're both standing outside your room...waiting for me to tell them its o.k. for them to come in. But before I do that... YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME....DON'T ASK QUESTIONS....o.k?"

"I have a choice?" I questioned. She giggled..."No. Not really....besides this is gonna be oh so cool! Oh....and if your wondering how I can hear you talking with this on....I can't...just reading your lips!" I returned a sheepish smile and waited to be surprised.

She began. You know how long you've been asleep? Don't answer! Four hours and fifty minutes. Its almost one thirty." I started to shrug like "so what." "No don't even do that! Just take this all in and after you get what she's gonna give you....I gotta see your face!!!

"Anyway, after you went into the bathroom, puked your guts out...and then went up stairs to your room....we didn't know what the hell to say to each other. I was a mess...thinking that you had all that stuff in you for so long and never said a word about it! Dad was white as a sheet....he even lived up to his nick name in school.....couldn't control himself....pretty much wasted.....and cried quite a bit too.

"Mom, well she followed you into the same bathroom as soon as you went up stairs....both Dad and I could hear her heave....she was hurling some major chunks." Christina turned to the empty doorway...."Sorry guys, but I'm not gonna leave a thing out!"

teddi · « **Reply #80 on:** April 07, 2008, 06:06:09 PM »

"When she came back..besides looking like she was trashed, she just sat herself down and cried. Must've been some fifty or so minutes....none of us knew what to say or even begin to talk about what you said you dreamed of every night.

"Damn it! Chris...I knew if I dreamed half the crap you did....I'd be totally mental! And though none of us said it out loud....well we all were thinking the same thing.....past lives....don't think so. So cruel a death in each one....again....sorry don't think so.

"And yea, even I was thinking.....Christ all Mighty Chris! you scared the living hell out of me! You said your dreams were killing you! I...we never thought you meant litterally!

"Not ever grow up to be a man! Again, all of us thought you were so worried about....about your dingus and one nut....that we never would have guessed what you were talking about....or even dreaming about!

"Anyhow, my little brother or "sister" to be, it was about that time that the doorbell rang. Dad went to answer.....there... he saw...waiting in the driveway ....was a delivery truck. The driver, who met Dad at the door... said he had a rather large item addressed to Mom. Of course, Dad was puzzled and said there had to be some mistake....he checked the paper work and sure enough it was addressed to Mom. Right name, right spelling and right address.

The return address read: Silent Auction Plus...."Results Guaranteed"...C/O P. O. Box 1943 - 08...Munich, Germany....00012. Yea I know I'm taking the long way to tell you ...but believe me....your really gonna... Oh damn!....I'm gonna pee my panties!... its too cool cool.

teddi · « **Reply #81 on:** April 08, 2008, 09:36:36 AM »

Over my sister's giggles and almost too happy voice ...Mom called out, "Christopher?....please tell Christina to come see me NOW!" I pointed to the door and mouthed...Mom wants you....now. I mused if someone was gonna drop a house on her! and if they were gonna do it....why wait?!

With a huff and puff Christina left me....returned moments later and promptly said...."Mom told me....if this works one way....might work the other.....so here.....you wear 'em"...then attempted her best terminator impersonation..."Ill be back." I shook my head....damn she's weird sometimes! Hmmm.... AC-DC...not bad...didn't think she was into 'em.

A couple of minutes went by when she came back in.....took the head set off me and quickly wore it again......"Mom said .....its your room....you ask.... It wasn't for me to decide who to let into your room. So you gotta ask. She added I was taking this all the wrong way.....said I'd was pressing to hard ....if I thought all of this way gonna be ....well all to a joy...joy bump for you." I mouthed back..."Whatever."

I wasn't too happy about it so in as flat a voice as I could muster spoke...."Mom...Dad...if you want you can come in." Hell!....I haven't stuttered once yet.....maybe?

Both entered...empty handed....no surprise there. Whatever Christina said they or Mom had for me....guess it wasn't all that big a deal afterall. Dad sorta hung back....like he was waiting for someone to go ballistic...I figured it was gonna be either her or me! WRONG. WRONG. EVER so...wrong.

Mom moved to the side of my bed....and for the first time ever I can remember knelt down beside me. "I know," she said, "that you don't trust me." She looked away...as Christina took off her head set....DON'T YOU DARE READ ME CHRISTOPHER OR YOUR GONNA BE TOAST!!

I gave a little nod...and whispered "yea got ya." Mom looked at me and I looked at Christina.....Mom shook her head from side to side...half grinning whispered...."you two are something else."

She again spoke to me...."Until this morning....I...we... had no idea of .... of how to link all of this....this talk of angels, and nightmares together. And...I certainly, and neither did your father ever consider that you....you could speak one way to us....but have such a totally different meaning to your words....which you so painfully....yet ...as we both think upon them now....in so skilfull a way and so truthfully conveyed.

"I won't insult your intelligence by asking if you remember everything you spoke of ....just hours ago.....no....we both know that you remember in every detail what you went through.

teddi · « **Reply #82 on:** April 08, 2008, 03:33:08 PM »

"But now....we both...your father and I.......wait please.....let me expand on your sisters comments.....about the large package....you were so right to describe all that's happened as a "plate of spaghetti."

"The trunk, which now is in our garage, I bid on. It was called a silent auction. Your father was with me when I submitted the bid....for two hundred and fifty dollars. Neither of us dreamed that the bid would hold. Two weeks later.... I received written notification...that I had won. The strange part of it all was that the letter, which I carry now and will show you....states that mine was the only bid received...and that...by default...the black steamer chest was mine. It would take several weeks...but none-the-less would arrive for me to claim.

"Christopher....my lovely son....I cannot claim what is in this chest.....nor can your father.....it's yours...only you can claim it....you can keep it all or give a portion or even all of it away....but I don't think you'll select that option."

What the hell? Why is it... Mine?!!.....she really has gone off the edge!

Mom stops and brings her hand to my head and strokes my hair.....she continues as she speaks again.

"Before you see what's in the chest and it is most important that you do.......I need to ask you several questions....will you answer and not get mad that I do?" I nod "yes"....what the hell....this is as nice to me as she's been in a long time....what've I got to lose?

"You relayed three terrible dreams....are there more....?

"Couple of more but not any where near as .....as....you know? She nods she understands.

"Are they bad enough to make you cry?

"Don't know.....hadn't really thought of them that way."

"In every dream...is it you....who....

"Yes ma'm...I never get to see me getting older or really having anyone to love or love me back.

"Can any of the boys....I mean can they....do they... know...what you're thinking....like now or at special time when you're awake?

"Can't say....this is the first time I ever talked about this stuff....so's I really don't know much more.......are you gonna ask more questions....I TOLD YOU GUYS.........sorry....honest.....Guess if I heard a horse hockey story like mine... from someone that I didn't believe in.....guess I'd sorta push 'em away as well."

I guess that was a dagger thrust to the heart of the matter....she cried real hard...I turned away and saw Dad do the same. Christina just sat there....blank stare on her face....didn't think a thing...thank God!

Mom took in a deep breath and looked straight at me...."I had that coming...and it wasn't cruel to tell me....just deserts I'd wager."

I thought...."What's desert got to do with this?"

"Please, bare with me....one last question....the names of these children?"

I reply...."Astyanax....Elias.....and Joachem."

She speaks ever so soft ....at me but not really to me....."Joachem? Joachem? Wake up spleepyhead. No more night horrors for you....only gifts...which will make you smile and I fear even cry."

Mom looks at Dad..."Eric....if you please? Dad walks out then re-enters holding a package which looks to be about twenty four inches in height, width and length.

Mom presents the package for me ......or is it Joachem... to open. I pull away the cardboard from the top and look in side.....I stare....dumbfounded...."Is it really...really... mine? I lift it up and out so ginerly and proceed to turn it over to look at the wood bottom of the piece I now hold....the initials I carved are in place and even the unfinished last name...which I refused to etch is still as it was...IT IS MINE!

"My music box carousel of painted ponies which when keyed move round and round as well as up and down....Even....Even the one I had nick-named Walkyria is as she was....a notch upon her rump and still as black as night."

I search for the key....it too is in the box...quickly insert it to its keep...then gently twist it. Click...Click....Click....three turns and I stop...I await what I have longed to hear for so long.....At last the melody comes to me....my most favorite night-night lullaby....it is Brahms ....Lullaby and Good Night.

Mother looks at my trembling lips and weeping eyes....slowly she gets up to sit beside me as I begin to sob....she hold me close and sings me the tune that now plays to my delight....I hear the last verse at last from a Mothers mouth:

Lullabay, and sleep tight.

Hush! My darling is sleeping.

On his sheets white as cream

With his head full of dreams.

When the sky's bright with dawn,

He will wake in the morning.

When noontide warms the world,

He will frolic in the sun.

teddi · « **Reply #83 on:** April 08, 2008, 05:29:17 PM »

Mother holds me closer. She whispers gently, though Father and Sister may hear..."no more night horrors little one...and if by chance you sleep uneasy...come to us....we will listen. Now, look to Father....see what he holds for you...the second gift from your Mother....do you recognize.." She never is allowed to finish speaking....I scream out....THOR....IT IS THORS....I KNOW ...I KNOW...." I whisper the rest..."honestly I do know. Really....."

I extend a shaking hand....my face emplores without a spoken word ......."please?...please?"

Father places it for me to grasp....I move it across my cheek to and fro...I caress myself with the plumage of the one I adored most: second only to Mother. Mother whispers again....you have been thought of and loved for many years....as long as you remain....we accept you into our home.

I fall asleep ...but for a moment...in Mother's arms.....cradled and caressed....I hear her humming once more my favorite sleep lullabye.

My eyes flutter open.....I hang my head and try to pull away from Mom....she won't let me go....she asks "do you remember?" Pausing, I collect my thoughts and try to explain what I have just felt.

"Yes....every bit of it.....Mom ...I...really didn't know how much I loved her....I mean Joachem....I don't know! I 'm confused and ...and I really feel ashamed that ....that....we ....aren't. Know what I mean?

"Yes...I honestly and truly do. So may we have a truce? A deal with no strings or hidden meanings attached. Don't answer now...think about it...and when your ready...you tell me.

"I will give my most sacred promise to you that I can make.....but my little wanderer, you still have much to do today....and there's so much more to tell you that even your sister does not know ...and your "picture girl" will be here in a little more than an hour...we should stop....and pick up again later.

I nod and close my eyes. I know I'm still crying and feel pretty rotten. "Mom....you said that Joachem could stay here....I guess that means me to? Right? " I look to her face...she nods "yes."

But aren't you forgetting...." She cut me short..."no...there's no way I would forget... either of them. Your Father and I will explain later. Now ...Christina....please get him presentable for his ....she pauses and smiles at me...."date" and nothing girly....he's had quite enough for right now.

Come downstairs when your ready....dammit to hell!....there I go sounding like a shrew.....Christopher....when you are able....please come downstairs....after all you cut loose this morning ...you need some food and something to drink...."

w